A Fool's Paradise Part 4

PHIL. (_goes to LORD NORMANTOWER_) You have been engaged to be married! I never heard of it.

NOR. No, I kept it quiet. So did she. (_BEATRICE enters, C., from R., pausing to look in at window, R.C., and comes down behind chair, R.C._) At the time, there was not the remotest likelihood of my ever succeeding to the t.i.tle, and of course I was hard up. I always was. A gilded calf appeared upon the scene; and the charming woman wrote me a charming letter, protesting eternal fidelity, and announcing her approaching marriage.

PHIL. To the calf?

NOR. To the gilt.

PHIL. You had a lucky escape.

NOR. Luckier than I thought: for I discovered afterwards that the charming creature was a regular adventuress--a garrison hack--a boarding-house belle--the sole support of an aged father--a venerable old gentleman, with the manners of a patriarch and the morals of a welsher! She was a charming woman, for all that.

PHIL. I congratulate you on your escape. But who was the unfortunate calf?

NOR. I never took the trouble to inquire.

BEA. (_advancing--all start slightly as before_) And the charming creature? Pray, who was she? (_C.R. of PHILIP_)

NOR. (_rises_) Miss Challoner!

PHIL. (_proudly--introducing BEATRICE_) My wife. (_NORMANTOWER bows_) You know one another.

BEA. (_with perfect self-possession_) I believe, now that I see Lord Normantower, I once had the pleasure of meeting him. (_crosses to NORMANTOWER_) Let me see--where was it?

NOR. It sounds ungallant to say so, but I really forget for the moment.

BEA. Well, never mind that now. Tell us who was the lady who used you so shamefully. I am dying to know. (_looking him straight in the face_)

NOR. You must excuse me. Though I am ungallant enough to forget where I met Mrs. Selwyn, I am not so unchivalrous as to betray a lady's secret. (_moves away to L.C. in front of sofa_)

BEA. (_goes to PHILIP, R.C._) Phil, dear, your friend is quite a hero of romance. If you have any more such friends, please lose no time in introducing them.

PHIL. My love, don't make me jealous. (_BEATRICE goes to NORMANTOWER.

PHILIP turns and speaks to SIR PETER_)

BEA. (_giving her hand frankly to NORMANTOWER_) Thank you, Lord Normantower.

NOR. (_taking her hand, rather disconcerted_) For what, Mrs. Selwyn?

BEA. For your loyalty--to my s.e.x. (_turns off up stage to back of table, calling SIR PETER, who rises and joins her. She shows him a book, which she takes from table_)

PHIL. (_crosses to NORMANTOWER, takes his arm, and draws him back to sofa_) You've had a narrow escape, evidently; but don't make the mistake of letting the unworthiness of one woman blind you to the merits of the rest. Believe me, there is no happiness like that of married love. (_sits on sofa. SIR PETER is looking at book; BEATRICE listening to conversation_)

NOR. (_sits L. of PHILIP_) Love! there is no such thing. We think we are in love, but we aren't. What is called love is an affliction of the brain, not an affection of the heart. Luckily, we soon get over it.

BEA. Men may--but women, never. Do they, Sir Peter?

SIR P. I never offer an opinion on matters I don't understand--(_lifting his forefinger_)--unless, mark, they are strictly medical. Love has no place in the British pharmacopaea. (_goes down R. of table, BEATRICE L. of it. She shows him some photographic views_)

PHIL. Yet it exists. I have even known cases of love at sight.

NOR. Love at sight! Now you're going too far for anything. I can imagine an enthusiast believing even in love, but love at sight!

(_rises_) No, my dear Phil, that's too ridicu---- (_a tennis ball comes flying in from the grounds, rolling down to L. corner; NORMANTOWER picks it up and gets L.C._)

_KATE runs in after the ball, C. from R., she has a tennis bat in her hand, and comes down C._

KATE. (_speaking off, as she enters_) Stay where you are! I'll get it for you, children! (_stops_) Has anybody seen---- Oh! there it is!

(_seeing it in NORMANTOWER'S hand_)

NOR. Allow me---- (_goes to C. and gives it to KATE_)

KATE. Thank you, very much. (_running out_) Here you are! Catch!

(_throwing ball off R. Exit KATE; NORMANTOWER turns up C., and stands gazing after her; pause. PHILIP rises and goes L._)

NOR. (_to PHILIP_) Who is that lady? (_comes down C. to sofa_)

PHIL. (L.) That's Miss Derwent.

NOR. And who is Miss Derwent?

BEA. (R.C.) Only a companion. (_coldly_)

PHIL. You'll be delighted with her, when you know her, as of course you will, if you stay with us for a week or two.

NOR. I'll stop for a month. (_sits on sofa_)

SIR P. (_watch_) Well, my ten minutes are up. (_crosses to C._) Before I go I'd like to see you alone. (_to PHILIP_)

PHIL. (_turns up L. behind sofa_) Come to my room. (_to NORMANTOWER, over back of sofa_) We shan't be very long. Meanwhile, I leave you in good company. (_goes to foot of stairs L., followed by SIR PETER_)

BEA. (_goes up C. to SIR PETER_) Good-bye, Sir Peter--if I don't see you again.

SIR P. You will see me again. I'll stay to lunch after all. (_follows PHILIP_)

PHIL. (_going upstairs_) That's right, doctor. Give yourself a holiday for once. (_exit L._)

BEA. (_following SIR PETER to foot of stairs_) But your patients? What will they do without you? (_smiling sweetly_)

SIR P. (_on stairs_) What will they do? Recover. (_exit L._)

_BEATRICE stands at the foot of the stairs, watching them off.

NORMANTOWER is sitting with his back to staircase. He rises and crosses thoughtfully to R.C. corner of table. BEATRICE advances and stands looking at him._

NOR. Are they gone?

BEA. (C.) Yes. Oh, Ned, can you ever forgive me? (_L. of NORMANTOWER_)

NOR. Forgive you? I forgave you long ago. Indeed I am grateful to you for teaching me a lesson which I shall never forget.