A California Girl Part 17

"I am the wife of a lawyer, and at the age of twenty-two I graduated from college. A year afterwards I married Mr. Horton and have been married seven years.

My tastes have always been intellectual with a strong desire to lead and to be above those around me. I had little sympathy for the poor and ignorant, and those I had little in common with I kept aloof from. My friends looked to me as an authority on most subjects, as I travelled in Europe two years after I was married. It will do me good now to confess to you and tell you, I was cold, vain, self-conceited and my purpose in reading and travelling was not to help those around me, but to add glory and fame to myself, and to be thought a very superior minded person. I carried my head very high and a.s.sociated with but few. After seeing you and listening to your address, I can hardly describe the state of mind it left me in. But it was something like a lady might feel when she is dressed in her best and is very proud of her attire. While she is in that frame of mind she meets some one who has garments much superior to hers, and she sees that the clothes she is wearing are unbecoming and do not fit her, and that she has been under an illusion in thinking they were so rich and fine. For when the other garments are shown her, she feels she had been the most mistaken person in the world and longs to cast off the garments she is wearing, that she may put on these superior ones.

"Now that was my case exactly. I was the woman attached to what I thought were my fine clothes. You were the one with the elegant new gowns, and when you showed me so clearly that my own costume was nothing but filthy rags, I was ready to take the superior garments with which you presented me.

"When I think what a foolish, proud, vain woman I have been, I feel like covering my face with shame; like hiding my head somewhere. I intend that these feelings of remorse shall stimulate me towards manifesting the Divine, in love, in patience, in humility, and in meekness.

"I will go among the poor and ignorant and become one with them, in order to raise them to the realization of their Divine nature.

"May they see in me that love for them which I saw in you for all, and it will give me pleasure to tell those of my own circle how sweet the Divine life has become to me, and may I be a spiritual help to them.

"My husband was touched by your words, I am glad to say, and we are both trying to live the Divine life.

"When you come to Roseland, be sure and come to our home. We shall be very pleased to see you and have you stay with us as long as you can.

"Your friend, "CARRIE HORTON."

Another letter we will copy was from the leading banker of Roseland:

"First National Bank.

"G. Holmes, President. R. Wells, Cashier.

"ROSELAND, Cal.

"DEAR BROTHER PENLOE:

"It gives me great pleasure to address you as such, though I am a perfect stranger to you; but after hearing your address I feel at liberty to call you brother. I felt your great heart of love throbbing through all you said in your lecture. Now I must tell you that a man entered the building to hear you speak just out of curiosity. He would have laughed if any one had told him that he might hear something that he had not heard before or might be impressed by the lecture, for he felt settled, sure and certain in his own mind concerning all subjects of interest to him.

But when he heard your clear and forcible remarks, it knocked him off his feet, taking the last prop away he leaned on, and there was nothing left for him to do but to get on the same foundation that you are on. Bless G.o.d, I have done so, and now I am beginning to live as a new man, the Divine man.

"I used to walk the streets thinking I was a great man, the leading financier in Roseland, and the grand thought I had of myself was that I was a banker, being looked up to by those around me because of my financial standing. But those thoughts are now to me hay and stubble, and I have burned them.

"From this time forth my money and myself will be consecrated to the service of manifesting the Divine, and in helping others to do the same. As a proof of my sincerity I enclose a check for five thousand dollars for you to use as you think best in spreading the grand truth which you presented so clearly in your address.

May you, my dear brother, always realize in the highest degree the presence of your Divine nature.

"Your brother, "GEORGE HOLMES."

The following letter is one that is prized very much by Penloe. It came from the wife of a poor ranchman and bore the marks of its proximity to the wash-tub, the churn, a child's dirty finger marks, and the hot tears of a woman overcome with joy:

"TANGLEWOOD RANCH, ORANGEVILLE ...

"MR. PENLOE:

"DEAR SIR:--O, I have so much to say and don't know where to begin. I don't get any time to write, have been waiting for a spell, but don't get any, for one thing after another keeps crowding me. I have just wiped the suds from my hands, having left the wash-tub for a few minutes, saying I would not put off writing to you any longer.

"Well, we went to your meeting and never heard any one talk like you did before.

"My husband and I have not much learning, but you made it so simple and plain that we could not help understanding what you meant. I want to say how glad we both are that we went, because our lot in life has been dark and hard. I married my husband when a girl of seventeen. I knew so little, was so green, but was full of hope and expectations. What a hard experience I have had, for I have been married ten years and have six small children; so much sickness, so much hard work. O, dear! my life has been so hard. I cannot write any more now, as I must finish getting my washing out.

"Well, my clothes are on the line and I am going to take a few minutes' rest and write a little more. Yes, life has been hard. How little a poor ignorant girl thinks or knows what is before her when she gets married. My husband has felt all discouraged, so many babies, so much hard work, such hard times to get a dollar, always in debt to doctors; it made us both grow cross and cranky and just as soon die as live. Our love for each other grew cold, and the attraction we had for each other died out. I told my husband he must take me out somewhere or else I would go crazy. Every day the same thing over again from morning to night, tending babies, standing over a cook-stove, then over a wash-tub, then churning, no end of dish-washing and washing babies' clothes. I am going to churn now, when I take a rest again I will write more.

"Well, the b.u.t.ter has come, I will rest and write you more.

"I was telling you how dark our married life has been.

We heard there was going to be a big meeting in Roseland, and my husband said he would go and see what it was like. So we went and heard you talk. What you said made us look at the world and ourselves different to what we ever did before. We both liked your talk very much; we talked lots about what you said. When we got home that day after supper my husband said: 'If I am Divine, I don't need to chew tobacco, and I quit right now and will put what tobacco I have got in the stove.' I said, 'O, Charles, how glad I am.' 'Yes, Maud,' said Charles, 'I am going to live the Divine life. Will you help me?' I said, 'Yes, dear Charles, you know I will.' 'Well, Maud,' said he, 'we thought our life hard and bitter, but I see now it was through our not living the Divine life. Maud, I will try and make your life a little better than I have done,' and he kissed me. The children looked at us both with great surprise, for they had never seen my husband kiss me before. It seemed as if the same feelings had come back that we had in our courting days. He said, 'You have the hardest time of it, let me put the children to bed and you rest; for if I am Divine I must live a life of love and show my love in helping you all I can.' I cannot help it, sir, but hot tears are falling fast on this letter, for the light and love have entered our home, where before it was darkness and despair. How sweet it is trying to live the Divine life. I am doing my best to live that life. We are not going to worry any more. My husband now is so bright and hopeful, does all he can to cheer me up, and I am the same for it is catching like a fever.

"Well, my object in writing this to you is to tell you what your talk has done for us. My husband said, 'If ever a man had a heart full of love for all, he knows it is you, and your great heart has touched our hearts.

How can I thank you for what you have done for us? May G.o.d bless you. I shall always pray that you may help others as you have us. My husband said, 'Tell him I am a changed man;' and I know he is, and I am a changed woman.

"Excuse this letter for having dirt marks on it. While I was tending the baby one of the children put its dirty fingers on the letter, but I am going to send it just as it is.

"Your friend, "MAUD NEVE."

Mrs. Marston for several reasons went to hear Penloe deliver his address. One reason was curiosity to hear and see the man that had caused so much talk everywhere, and another one that the newspapers from the Atlantic to the Pacific had printed so much about him. Still another reason was she knew that about all her friends would be there, and they would be talking about him, and she wished to be posted on a subject that her friends would be conversing about and to be able to take her part in the conversation. If there was anything that Mrs. Marston admired and loved, it was a handsome man. She took great pride in the fine appearance of her four Roseland young gentlemen guests. A look of astonishment came over that lady's face when Penloe appeared at the front of the platform, and she turned her eyes for the first time on that fine physique, with its symmetrical form and n.o.ble countenance. She was heard to say, "That is the handsomest man I have ever seen in my life." She thought her favorites could not compare with Penloe. She remarked to a friend of hers: "I was surprised when I saw Penloe, for I thought of him as being a man past middle age, with long hair, unkempt beard and slovenly dress; but when I saw the best looking young man I have ever looked upon in my life, and finely dressed, too, I could not help thinking what a fine society man he would make. I am not surprised that Stella is taken with him. Why, if that man would only put his time into making money, he could have his pick of any of our best society young ladies. What a fine lawyer he would make."

Mrs. Marston thought Penloe a very fine, interesting speaker, but that lady was not prepared, at present, to give up her sense-plane enjoyments, in order to live the Divine life.

CHAPTER XIX.

MRS. WEST RELATES HER DREAM.

Mrs. West, the mother of Ben West, had breakfast ready just as her husband came in from doing the ch.o.r.es about the barn. After Mrs. West had poured out two cups of Mocha and Java for her husband and herself, Mr. West, like a good husband, had his wife help herself first and then himself, after which he began to enjoy the good things she had prepared for their morning meal.

He noticed that Mrs. West only sipped her coffee occasionally and did not touch the food on her plate. Seeing in her face that something was not quite right, he said: "What is the matter, dear, you look as if something troubled you? Have you lost your appet.i.te?"

His wife replied: "No, William, but I had a dream that disturbed me."

"Why, what could it be to affect you in that way?" said her husband.

"Well, I will tell you," said his wife. "I dreamt I saw our colt Prince; he seemed as if he did not eat the grain hay you gave him. Then seeing he did not eat the grain hay, you gave him some alfalfa hay. He did not eat much of that either, so you thought you would give some crushed barley. When you saw that he did not eat that, you turned him out of the barn into your fine alfalfa pasture. He ate a little of the green feed, but was still very restless and discontented. So you turned him out where he could get wild feed and have plenty of chance to run. After you turned him out he just browsed a little, and ran up the road and down the road snorting and arching his neck very prettily; his smooth, sleek, glossy, black coat shining in the sun made him look fine and handsome.

You could not make out what was the matter with him, for he seemed well but was so restless; not contented in any place or liking any kind of feed. So you thought he might be lonesome and you turned out some horses to run with him. But he seemed to pay no attention to them, ate little and was getting more restless and discontented all the time, not even enjoying his freedom nor knowing what to do with it. He would every now and then run up and down the road as if not knowing what to do with himself.

"Once in his restless mood he went down the road, and there was a beautiful young lady sitting near the gate leading to her house. She saw him coming and noticed how handsome he was, and she thought how fine it would be to have that n.o.ble looking horse to ride and keep it for her use. So she opened the gate and came to the road and stood waiting for the colt. When he came to where she was, he looked at her and arched his neck, and she thought he was handsome; and smiling she went up to him and just placed her hand on his neck and patted him: then she talked sweetly to him and pa.s.sed her hand over his face several times, and he seemed so quiet and gentle that you would have thought that it was her he had been wanting, and she seemed to know by intuition that she had got him in her power; so she opened the gate and he followed her in.

Then she knew she had got him sure, and he was just what she had wanted.

She petted him a little more, then put a bridle on him and then a saddle. Then she mounted him and off they went and you could not tell which was the most delighted the colt or the young lady. At first she was very good to him, and only rode him short distances and fed him high. He was perfectly docile and she had full control over him.

Afterwards she exacted more service from him, would ride him longer distances, and later along she not only rode him long distances but rode him hard and fast and fed and petted him less. Sometimes the horse was exhausted and about to give out, but in order to revive him all she had to do was to make a little of him, talk coaxingly and pet him; and instantly his eye would brighten, animation would come back to him, and he would do his best to travel. But this kind of usage was telling on the horse and he was growing poorer all the time. Still she was exacting and demanded as much from him as ever. After awhile, he could not begin to travel as he once did, for he was getting weaker and weaker, and even her pettings were losing power to put life into him, for it seemed at times as if it had all gone out of him.

"One hot day when she was riding him and he seemed very much fatigued, they were going along the road where there was a fine rich pasture well fenced, with some fine young horses feeding in it. When they saw Prince and his mistress they ran round the field, then along the fence where the road was, and every now and then would look at the poor worn-out colt carrying his mistress. Then they would run a piece, throw up their hind legs, toss their heads, showing how much freedom they enjoyed.

Again they would run along the fence and look at him. One of the horses in the field said to the other, "Why, there is our old companion Prince.

I would not have known him, he looks so old and poor. How thin he has become. Why don't he throw that woman off and be free like ourselves?

Don't you see how she is wearing him out by inches?" "Ah!" said another horse, "He was free like ourselves at one time. There is not a horse in this pasture that looks as handsome and fat as he did, but he could not enjoy his freedom. He was restless, till he became a willing slave to that woman's smiles, caresses and pettings. He won't live long; she is too hard and makes too many demands on him. But notice even now his eye will brighten if she pats him on his neck a little and says a few kind sweet words to him, how he tries to go faster, but it is only for a very few yards; then he is back again to his old gait, more tired than before. Do you notice how fresh and fine she looks, but how poor and worn out he is? She knew her power and has used it for her self gratification regardless of what might become of him. Poor fool, he could not see that her kind talk and pettings were only a means employed to gain her end. She cared nothing for him, only as he contributed to her pleasure; _and there are so many many more very green colts just like him_. One day the young lady had been out with Prince on a long hard ride, and they were coming home. Prince could hardly put one foot before the other, so weak and tired was he. At last when she got him to the stable he fell down and seemed to be in much pain. She called in a.s.sistance and men came with medicine and used much of it on him, but it was no good; he gave one look at her and died. She cried over him and put her head on his body and said, "He was the best horse that ever was and I will never have any other horse. I can never love another as I did him." About a month afterwards she was seen riding on a fine young bay colt, and both seemed just as happy as Prince and she did the first time she rode him."

Here Mrs. West stopped.

Her husband said: "That was a very strange dream, but I don't see why that should affect you, for I was out to the barn this morning and Prince was all right, with a big appet.i.te for his breakfast."

No, Mr. West could not see why that dream could make her feel sad, but Mrs. West knew, for there was a portion of the dream she did not relate, and that was, when Prince gave the lady a look just as he was about to expire, that look on his face Mrs. West saw to be the look and face of her son Ben West, and the young lady that rode him was Julia Hammond West, his wife. A short time afterwards Mr. West saw more in his wife's dream, for he received word stating that his son had died from exposure in the Klondike. Mr. West saw the notice in a paper about a month later, of the marriage of their son's wife.