A Bayard From Bengal Part 11

"My dears," said the Converted Cannibal reverently to his Wife and Family, as they sat down to their Baked Missionary, "do not let us omit to ask a blessing!"

There is but one Singer whom it is futile to encore--and that is a Dying Swan.

"I am doing a series of 'Notable Nests' for 'Sylvan Society,'" said the insinuating Serpent, on finding the Ringdove at home, "and I should so much like to include _you_." "You are very kind," said the Ringdove, in a flutter, "but I can a.s.sure you that there is no more in my poor little eggs than in any other bird's!" "That may be," replied the Serpent, "but I must live _somehow_!"

"No outsiders there--only just their own particular set!" said the c.o.c.ksparrow, when he came home after having been to tea with the Birds of Paradise.

The Elephant was dying of starvation, and a kind-hearted person presented him with an acidulated drop.

_Note._--It is well-nigh incredible that any Philosopher should be so ignorant of Natural History as to imagine that any Elephant would accept an acid drop, even if it was on its last legs for want of nutrition.

The conclusion of this anecdote would seem to be either lost, or unfit for publication.--H. B. J.

There was once a famous Violinist who serenaded his Mistress every evening, performing the most divine melodies upon his instrument.

But all the while she was straining her ears to listen to a piano-organ round the corner which was playing "Good-bye, Dolly Gray!"

The Performing Lioness kisses her Trainer on the mouth--but only in public.

The Candle complained bitterly of the unpleasantness of seeing so many scorched moths in her vicinity.

"I have taken such a fancy to thee," said the Hawk genially to the Field-Mouse, "that I am going to put thee into a really good thing."

And he opened his beak.

There are persons who have no sense of the fitness of things.

Like the Gra.s.shopper, who insisted on putting the Snail up for the Skipping Club.

The Cat scratched the Dog's nose out of sheer playfulness--but she had no time to explain.

"After all, it _is_ pleasant to be at home again!" said the Eagle's feathers on the shaft that pierced him.

But the Eagle's reply is not recorded.

_Note._--Poet Byron also mentions this incident.--H. B. J.

A certain Painter set himself to depict a lovely landscape. "See!" he cried, as he exhibited his canvas to a Pa.s.sing Stranger, "doth not this my picture resemble the scene with exact.i.tude?"

"Since thou desirest to know," was the reply, "thou seemest to me to have portrayed nothing but a manure heap!"

"And am _I_ to blame," exclaimed the indignant Painter, "if a manure heap chanced to be immediately in front of me?"

Before a Man marrieth a Woman he delighteth to describe unto her all his doings--even the most unimportant.

But, after marriage, he considereth that such talk may savour too much of egotism.

_Note._-This is very very shallow. I have never experienced any such compunctiousness with my own wives.--H. B. J.

"I shouldn't have minded so much," said the Bee, with some bitterness, just before breathing his last in the honey-pot, "only it happens to be my own make!"

"Is the White Rabbit beautiful?" someone inquired of the Albino Rat.

"She might be pa.s.sable enough," replied the Rat, "but for one most distressing deformity. She has pink eyes!"

When the a.s.s was asked about his Cousin the Zebra, he said: "Do not speak about him--for he has disgraced us all. Never before has there been any eccentricity in _our_ family!"

The full-blown Sausage professeth to have forgotten the days of his puppyhood.

"_Will_ you allow me to pa.s.s?" said the courteous Garden Roller to the Snail.