Yorksher Puddin Part 37

'Gooan for a doctor; he thinks tha'rt killed, an' he's terrified aght ov his wits.'

'Well, if my heead worn't pratty thick, aw should ha done sellin puttates. But, Bessy, if aw come raand all reight will ta be mi wife?

Tell me that?'

'Hold thi noise; tha munnot talk--sithee ha thi heead's bleedin.'

'Neer heed it! My heart'll bleed too if tha willn't ha me;--nah, la.s.s, what says ta?'

'Tha knows mi fayther'll niver agree to it, soa what's th' use o'

talkin.'

'But will ta agree to it if he does? That's what aw want to know?'

'If tha'll n.o.bbut hold thi noise aw'll agree to owt;--tha luks moor like burryin nor weddin.'

'Well, that's settled, an' aw'll tell thi ha aw con get top-side o'th'

old man. Dunnot say a word abaat me havin come raand, an' when th'

doctor comes aw'll put him up to a thing.'

Just then th' door oppen'd, an' Stooans.n.a.t.c.h an' th' doctor coom in. Joa shut his een an' tried to luk as deead as he could. Th' doctor felt his pulse, an' luk'd at his heead, an' sed, 'we must get this man to bed, it seems to me that his skull is fractured.'

'Do yo think he's likely to dee?' axed Stooans.n.a.t.c.h.

'Well, it's very doubtful; it's a bad case, but we must make the best of it, so help me to get him to bed.'

They all three tuk hold on him, an' wi' a deeal o' trouble managed to get him into Bessy's room, an' to bed. 'Now then, get some brandy an'

some stickin plaister,--Bessy can fetch it.'

'Na, aw'll fotch it; aw con get it cheaper,' sed Stooans.n.a.t.c.h. An' off he went, wonderin ha mich he could save aght o'th' hauf craan Joa'd gien him.

As sooin as he'd gooan, Joa oppened his een, an' raisin hissen up on his elbow an' winkin at th' doctor, he sed, 'doctor, con yo keep a saycret?'

Th' doctor wor soa capt wol he ommost fell into th' a.s.snuck, an' withaat waitin for him to spaik, Joa sed, 'yo see aw've had a nasty knock, an aw mean to mak owd Stooans.n.a.t.c.h pay for it.'

'Certainly! Quite proper! Sue him for 100 damages. I'll attend as a witness.'

'But that isn't th' way aw want to mak him pay for it. Aw dooan't want his bra.s.s, aw want his dowter, an' it's becoss aw axed him for her 'at he crack'd mi heead. Nah, if yo can n.o.bbut mak him believe 'at this is a varry bad case, an' freeten him wi' makkin him believe 'at aw shall niver get better, aw think we can manage it.'

'Capital! capital!' sed th' doctor, rubbin his hands wi' glee (for he wor noa fonder o' Stooans.n.a.t.c.h nor th' rest o' fowk) 'th' very thing!

You can depend on me. Ah! here he comes.'

Joa shut his een, an th' doctor lained ovver him as if he wor examinin his heead, an' Bessy stood wi' her ap.r.o.n up to her face as if shoo wor cryin, but shoo wor laughin fit to split, for shoo could enjoy a joke at th' owd man's expense as weel as onybody.

Owd Stooans.n.a.t.c.h coom in traidin of his tip tooas, holdin a roll o'

plaister i' one hand an' sixpenoth o' brandy i'th' tother.

Th' doctor luk'd at him an' pool'd a long face an' sed, 'I'm afraid its of no use, Mr. Stooans.n.a.t.c.h; this is a bad case, and had better be taken to the hospital.'

'Will it be cheaper to have him thear nor at home?' sed Stooans.n.a.t.c.h.

'That I can't tell, but I shall be compelled to give you into custody.

Murder is a sad thing, Mr. Stooans.n.a.t.c.h--a terrible thing, sir; and the hanging of an old man is an awful thing to contemplate.'

'Murder? hanging? Aw didn't do it! They'll niver hang me for it, will they? A'a dear, what'll come o' Bessy an' all my bit o' bra.s.s? Keep him here, doctor, an' try to cure him; aw dooant care if it costs a paand,'

an th' old man trembled wol he had to steady hissen agean th' bed pooast.

Joa had kept quiet as long as he could, an for fear o' spoilin it all wi' laffin, he set up a groan laad enuff to wakken a deead en.

'Poor fellow,' sed th' doctor, givin him a drop o' brandy, 'that's a fearful groan.' He then cut a lot o' hair, an' put on abaat six inch square o' plaister, an' leavin him, went into th' next room wi' owd Stooans.n.a.t.c.h, leavin Bessy an' Joa together, an' yo may bet Joa made gooid use of his time, for he'd begun his cooartin i' hard earnest, an'

he meant to goa throo wi' it. What they sed to one another aw dooant know, but aw suppoas they talk'd th' same sooart o' fooilery as other fowk, an' believed it. Haiver, ther's one thing sartin, they coom to understand one another varry weel, or if they didn't, they thowt they did.

When th' doctor an' th' owd man wor i'th' next room, an' th' door shut, th' doctor sed, 'Tell me all about this affair,--how it happened, and tell me the truth, for if he dies, the law will require me to state all I know, and perhaps it might be possible to have the sentence commuted to transportation for life instead of hanging.'

'Oh, doctor, do get me aght o' this sc.r.a.pe if yo can. Aw'll tell yo all abaat it, an' yo tell me what to do.'

Soa he tell'd him all just as it happened, an' when he'd finished th'

doctor luk'd wise for a minit or two, an' then he sed, varry slowly an'

solemnly, 'so you spilt a fellow creature's blood because he wanted to marry your daughter. The case looks very bad--very bad.'

'What mun aw do, doctor? Connot you tell me what to do?'

'I can only see one way, and that is, if we could bring him to consciousness, and get a minister to marry them before he dies, then you see he would be your son-in-law, and his mother would never like to have it said that her daughter-in-law's father had been hanged, and the thing might be hushed up; the only difference would be that your daughter would be a widow.'

'A widow! an' then shoo could claim his donkey, an puttates, an' all his clooas, couldn't shoo?' 'Yes, certainly.'

'Well, they'll be worth summat, for he's some varry gooid clooas, an'

they'd just abaat fit me. Aw think that's th' best way to do.'

'Well if it has to be done it must be done quickly. If you will get a marriage license and a minister, I will endeavour to restore him to consciousness, so you had better be off.'

Off went old Stooans.n.a.t.c.h, tho' it wor n.o.bbut four o'clock i'th' mornin.

When he'd gooan, th' doctor tell'd all 'at had happened. Bessy begged hard to have it put off for a wick, but Joa tawk'd soa weel, an' th'

doctor backed him i' all he sed, wol at last shoo consented.

In abaat two haars, th' old man coom back, an browt th' license an' th'

parson wi' him.

'Is he livin yet?' he axed in a whisper.

'Hush! yes, he still survives and is quite conscious,' an' withaat any moor to do he led' em into th' room an' motioned th' parson to waste noa time; an' he walked up to th' bedside an' takkin hold o' one o' each o'

ther hands began his nomony, an' wor varry sooin throo wi' it, an'

p.r.o.nounced 'em man an' wife.

It wor a gooid job at Stooans.n.a.t.c.h turned his back wol it wor gooin on, for if he hadn't he mud ha smell'd a rat, an' a big en too.

As sooin as it wor ovver th' doctor went to Joa an' axed him ha he felt.

'Aw think awm gettin on gradely thank yo; ha's mi fayther gettin on?' he sed, in a voice as laad as if he wor hawkin his greens.