How To Be A Good Mortal Father To Your Demon Kids 8 Miracles Are Gross

The miracle of birth is disgusting.

I do not know if I am allowed to say that as a father but dear G.o.d, it is not a beautiful thing. In fact, I might go as far as call it downright terrifying, let the world hate me but someone has to say it.

then again my situation is rather different from most new fathers, there was no screaming wife cursing me out long nails dug into my arms as she shared her agony with me rather, I was wrapped up in two shaking tentacles of an undead mermaid while Lucifer, the lord of h.e.l.l himself had a nervous breakdown,

"Baaaa! It's happening! everyone calm down!" he yelled grabbing both of us, screaming into my ear and manhandling us like some irritated police officer, I was beginning to think this shaking thing was becoming a habit of his.

Nurse Chu was beside herself with anxiety she didn't even notice we were being shaken like a rattle, so it was up to me to save us from becoming a James Bond c.o.c.ktail.

"Lucifer sir calm down!" I yelled

"You calm down!" He yelled

"I am calm!" I yelled again

"Well, I'm calmer!" he yelled back and shook us harder, "I'm the calmest I've ever been! Don't you dare tell me to calm down I am the lord of h.e.l.l!"

My brain felt like it was going through a blender.

Well it was to be expected as soon as we left the store Nurse Chu had called Lucifer via crow to tell him that Li Weizhi was just about to hatch, the speed at which we returned to the garden nursery in the fiery pits of h.e.l.l can only be described as supernatural.

The wonky weather and apocalyptic signs should have been a dead give away in hindsight but I had dismissed those as Lucifer's doing, turns out My little Li WeiZhi had weather control attributes and if the strong winds that were currently ravaging the garden were anything to go by my son was a pretty powerful half demon, I was both proud and terrified but I had to be the sane member of the group and calm everyone down.

It was not easy.

I was already getting motion sickness from all the shaking.

"Master, we'll miss the hatching if you don't put us down!" Nurse Chu yelped, finally and of course, he listened to her.

I was dropped flat on my b.u.t.t as nurse chu floated over to the crackling egg,

"My Lord, look at it, it's beautiful,"

We all huddled in front of the egg eyes wide watching not to miss a second, it did not occur to me to film the moment but frankly if the video was ever discovered I'm pretty sure the government would take me away for questioning.

And so with wide eyes we watched as the little egg shook and more and more tiny cracks appeared on its surface it was a moment of incredible suspense lighting flashed in the red sky as thunder rumbled in the distance, the winds were wailing in our ears and the fires of h.e.l.l crackling in the background added an odd but pleasant cacophony of music as we waited with baited breath

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any second now...

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any moment...

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Any minute now...?

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"Nurse Chu is it supposed to take this long?" Lucifer asked concerned his ears were drooping, I was really scared already fearing the worst

"Hmm...not really usually they just burst out of their sh.e.l.ls like-"

BANG!

eggsh.e.l.ls and cytoplasm scattered like some tiny egg bomb, a slimy fluid struck my face and the sheer force of the explosion knocked us over.

"Holy s.h.i.t is that normal!" I asked rushing up

"Yes yes that's all very much expected, Dark Lord you have a very healthy grandson," she sighed in relief

we all stared at the little kid before us, I wasn't the only one with hearts in their eyes

Seated half covered in egg slime with big eyes staring up at us was the cutest child I had ever seen!

I know I take pride in my genes but clearly, this was proof that my genes were perfect

That little b.u.t.ton nose, those chubby cheeks those big red eyes that oddly resembled a snake's... okay he got those eyes from his mother but everything else was one hundred percent me.

"Dear G.o.ds you really are the father..." Nurse Chu said mildly shocked as she bundled him up in a light red towel before handing him to me, I refused to get offended this was a joyous day and the scathing remarks of some undead mermaid would not dampen my mood, Lucifer was grinning like a maniac.

"I haven't seen a hatching that powerful since Diablo! Weizhi you nearly knocked the wind out of your old Yéyé, such a good boy!"

Li Weizhi was incredibly warm, this tiny little being was something I had made, I was a parent the realization nearly floored me, I felt the sting of tears of joy burn my eyes and the waterworks began when my adorable child laughed.

it must have been quite a sight, Lucifer the lord of h.e.l.l in his more human than goat form, an undead mermaid ghost with tentacles for hands and a grown man wailing around an adorable little baby who was laughing his little head off.

"Dear G.o.d, I need to call my mother, shes got to know about this!"

"I must announce this to the underworld, no all the worlds must know this!" Lucifer skipped grabbing a startled Nurse Chu and twirling her around

I was so excited and to think this would happen six more times! The thought brought both unimaginable terror and infinite joy,

So this was fatherhood!

It felt awesome.

So very Awesome!