Yesterday c24

昨天 by 風弄 Chapter 24

Yesterday by Feng Nong

The next day, I don't know what strings ShuTing pulled, but he comes to see me. We sit separated by gla.s.s. ShuTing face is at once worried, wan, sallow, and also pained. Once he sees me come out, he hurriedly presses his hand on the gla.s.s calling me through the microphone:

"ShengSheng, ShengSheng." I calmly sit down. Yesterday's tears have already been swallowed down, leaving me at ease and unconcerned. ShuTing says: "Don't worry, I have already begged my older sister to use her high level connections. You have been wrongly accused, I will definitely save you." I smile indifferently:

"ShuTing, you have already saved me." Saved me from the tangled spider web that could not be unravelled. No more worrying over losing and winning, no more tossing and turning, only leaving memories and heartache. ShuTing is surprised, he doesn't understand. How could he understand? I say: "ShuTing, don't rush about for my sake. I owe you too much, I've wronged you, I feel very guilty." Baffled, ShuTing says:

"ShengSheng, I will definitely save you." I shake my head, unable to raise my spirits. But his concern and worry really lets me feel touched.

While waiting for my trial date, the second person that comes to see me, is YuJiang. He sits behind the gla.s.s, in a calm and refined manner. Handsome face, tender expression, not one change in his demeanor, still wearing his mask of a million years and one day. The moment I saw him, I was a little entranced. Didn't he already give up on me? Don't tell me he needed to come over look at my hopeless situation with is own eyes before being content and satisfied, able to arrange his pillow without worries. YuJiang, you don't have to be so cruel.

YuJiang looks at me for a moment before saying softly:

"You've lost weight." Again the same old words, again such tenderness and sincerity. I returned his gentle smile:

"Receiving your attention, how can I not lose weight?"

"ShengSheng, do you suspect me?"

"No, I don't suspect." I say resolutely and decisively: "I am certain." I can't explain it, I'm a hundred percent certain, but still hope with all my heart that he would deny it. YuJiang, YuJiang, you are my weak spot, do you know that? So, towards me, you can hurt me over and over again, and repeat it ten million times? Yesterday, I told myself in that small tiny cell that I have already decided, that I have already given up all hope, that I have already come out of the sea of bitterness. Today, I still ache dully because of you. Could it be that I can't even resolve to cut myself off from someone as cruel as you? That tender and sincere look gently caresses my lips and forehead through the gla.s.s, just like his large broad hands. YuJiang sighs:

"You won't believe me no matter what I say." He smiles bitterly: "It would have been wrong to not let you go, and also wrong to let you go. I have exhausted all the ways, yet I can't ease the pain in your heart." I smile coldly:

"Why would you need to concern yourself with the pain in my heart? You shouldn't spend so much effort worrying about things that don't belong to you." Words that cut like a knife. YuJiang pales when he hears these words, even seeming to have a little quiver in his lips for a split second. I am also a little shocked, I never knew that my words could actually break his gold mask.

"ShengSheng, the trust between us is already smashed and scattered." YuJiang sits on the chair, proper and upright, extremely sincere, extremely sad: "The trust I have in you, the trust you have in me ............ are both smashed and shattered." He is referring to me following ShuTing, leaving him behind. In his eyes, this is the utmost betrayal. YuJiang, you love after all, is that right? YuJiang's sadness, YuJiang's disappointment, leaves me in a daze. My dead heart sends out a dying struggle. I quickly lower my head:

"That's right, we never did have trust between us. Even if this situation is not related to you, I will still put it on your head." I see his body freeze up, I can feel the cold current in his heart, flowing all over, gobbling up his nerves, tearing open his heart. I place both my hands on my lap and look quietly at YuJiang's suffering. The satisfaction from having taken my revenge mixes with the anguish that rips my marrow, forming a huge pulling force, wanting to tear me into a million pieces.

"ShengSheng, no matter what, I will save you." His voice is firm and composed, confident and resolute. Even if it is a false display of affection, how can I endure this? Without a word, I get up and walk towards my cell. On my back, YuJiang's intense gaze follows me. Once I turn the corner, I collapse weakly by the door. I burst out crying wildly. It's not dead! It's not dead! My heart, it's not yet dead.

Such irony in this world, in prison, I've become like an important person specializing in receiving visitors. But one day, someone comes to visit. Dressed in prison garb, once I see who came, I'm stunned on the spot. The feel of remorse and uneasiness rises up from the bottom of my feet, welling up to the highest point, the weight of which is too much for me to bear, leaving me only able to lower my head. I sit down, having no strength to raise my head.

"Pa ........ " This person without any good points, the son that can only cause disgrace, what need is there to come visit? Dad is very calm, he speaks unhurriedly:

"ShengSheng, raise your head." I can't refuse, I raise my head to look at my dad. He carefully looks me up and and down, just like he used to when I misbehaved as a small child, calm and composed, as if the situation I'm in today is of no concern. "ShengSheng, I thought you would have learned a few things. It's too bad you didn't learn anything." Dad doesn't sigh, he only states: "You're still young, so young that that I can't be at ease." My throat is choked with sobs.

Dad says: "Do you know why you have fallen to such an extent?" I nod. Because I'm too stupid, too foolish, too naive, too simple ............ "No, you don't know." Dad shakes his head. He gives me the answer: "It's because you're a man." This answer is really something no one expected. I raise my head in surprise. "Against this man of the same s.e.x, YuJiang, you are too vulnerable, that's why you are so uneasy and suffering such that you completely lack the power to strike back." Dad points out this key point in this one sentence: "Stubbornly, is your only way in life." I am completely shocked and distracted for a long time. As if having an epiphany.

This one sentence evokes a wave of a thousand floors. Churning surging emotions. Because towards YuJiang, I have always been uneasy and suffering, losing my head in fear? Worried that I wouldn't be able to endure, worried that I would be unable to take the loss, worried that I wouldn't be able to escape, all this worry, on and on without end. My suffering, is caused by me being deeply in love with him but not believing in his deep love for me. The uneven degree of love caused me to lose hope. It's all because I didn't try hard enough to let myself earn the confidence that I will have YuJiang's unwavering love for the rest of my life. It's all because I didn't consider myself on par with him. Demanding day and night for YuJiang to give me the magic mirror, forgetting that it was always in my hand. Deliberately putting myself in a small and weak position, forgetting that I have the right to fight. Only waiting to see if YuJiang is genuine, if he would abandon me, if he would let me go. What about me? What about what I want? Suppressing my own feelings, persistently entangling myself endlessly, how foolish. Like hearing the morning bell and evening drum, my heart shakes from a divine touch. My head swims, my vision blurs, earth and sky spinning. After having completely lost my way, I regain my clear-headedness, my whole body covered in cold sweat. Dad says:

"Yesterday, Rong enterprise quietly moved the Huang enterprise shares under your name. ShengSheng, you're now the rightful president of Huang enterprise." I look at dad, not knowing what to say. "This matter, I will try my best to deal with it, you don't have to worry." Dad suddenly says earnestly: "ShengSheng, YuJiang has gone through considerable difficulties for you." Shocked, I lower my head.

The following days I am constantly in deep thought. The prison is actually a good place for contemplation. Thinking over the events between YuJiang and me, from the beginning to the end, turning it over and over. Why did I surrender body and mind, suffering crushing defeat over and over, beyond redemption, such a dismal fate? The cause of that lies largely with me. Only placing my scrutiny on YuJiang, never turning back to look at myself, at the flaws all over my body. I laugh bitterly, shaking my head. Increasing regret with each laugh, increasing remorse with each laugh. Wasted opportunity ............ Not admitting any guilt over and over. I was never guilty, so how could I admit it?

I know that outside there are many troops currently struggling hard, fighting for me. Blood flowing like rivers. Among them, is YuJiang. He that hates me to no end, loves me to no end, the man that can never cut me off heart and soul. I swear that I will change myself. I will no longer let YuJiang imprison me, pin me down. I will imprison him, pin him down, proudly revealing my own power. Let him pursue me until he loses sense of direction, unable to take his eyes off me for even a moment. No matter if it is for revenge, or for the sake of love. I will act according to my own wishes, like a soaring eagle. The sole place in YuJiang's heart, I will no longer ask for. I will take by force.

ShuTing comes to see me a few times, across the gla.s.s, anxious like ants on a hot pan. Unable to hide his anxiousness, he a.s.sures me:

"ShengSheng, it will definitely be alright. Trust me, you must trust me." The reason he is insisting that others trust him is only because he himself is uncertain. I'm definitely not going to point it out bluntly, nodding my head softly: "Alright, I trust you."

Waiting for judgement day, I undergo interrogation over and over again. Even YuJiang comes to see me once more. I see his jet black eyes the instant I step into the reception room. His imposing figure, sitting completely at ease on the other side. He stares at me just like I'm staring at him. Step by step getting closer, like the lens of a camera, slowly pulling in, letting me look clearly at his face. Dressed in prison garb, I sit down. I'm absolutely not dejected, not agitated, I'm calm and composed, in the gloomy prison, waiting to become a soaring eagle. I absolutely will never again appear weak and incompetent in front of YuJiang. Not waiting for him to open his mouth, I say indifferently:

"You've lost weight." Just like clear skies and light breeze, I give him back his often said phrase. YuJiang is stunned, his eyes showing surprise which he immediately tries to hide. He lowers his head and looks at himself, smiling:

"That's right, I've lost a little weight." He also asks: "ShengSheng, are you still alright?" His tender smile almost made me do something foolish, and ask him earnestly: YuJiang, it's really not you? It's really not you that did it? Luckily I stopped myself, merely replying with a faint smile:

"I'm doing well." YuJiang observes me for a long time, before saying:

"ShengSheng, you've changed."

"Have I?" I ask: "Change for the better, or change for the worse?" YuJiang changes the topic:

"I will get you out of here."

"You should prepare a little more weapons to coerce the court." I say indifferently: "Transporting drugs in Malaysia is a capital offense." That's why ShuTing is worried to such an extent. Even such an influential family, facing the country's justice system, may not hold sufficient influence. YuJiang looks at me intently and says softly:

"ShengSheng, I really miss you." His soft tone, flat without any emotion. My heart starts to burn. I recall everything that happened in YuJiang's embrace. I reply softly:

"YuJiang, I miss you too." I take all the tender feelings twisting in my heart and pour them into those words. Maybe he is too surprised with my sudden change that he doesn't dare to believe, YuJiang is speechless for a long time. His reaction, compared to that when I told him: I won't regret, smooth and unhesitating, is really too different. Seeing his once in a lifetime slip-up, I strike while the iron is hot. I take my hands and press them on the gla.s.s that separates us: "YuJiang, the trust between us, is already smashed and scattered, what about ................ our love?"

Yesterday, I was afraid of letting any declaration of love slip from my mouth, fearing that it would only become a magic weapon for YuJiang against me. Today, I no longer fear. YuJiang is once again shocked but calms down very quickly, giving me a composed smile. Polished and refined, very much a n.o.ble man.

"ShengSheng, I have always loved you." I smile gleefully:

"Me too." How interesting, like a fascinating game. Using love to trap the other side in my palm, and watch him go crazy for me, shed tears for me. Seven emotions and six desires, all in the palm of my hand. Turning into the one that is loved. Before, I was the loser, what about now? Under YuJiang's gaze, I casually leave the reception room. Out the door, I flip my hair and smile. This time crossing swords, I leave satisfied. Very satisfied.

Calmly I wait for the impending trial, although it is clear that I will definitely be sentenced to death. Because someone will save me. He can't let me go, so he can only save me. Therefore the one that is troubled is not me, but him. Worry and worry, feel hurt, cry bitterly and blame yourself all for me. I love you this much, YuJiang. Thank you dad, with his one sentence, he brought back my will to fight, my desire to win. It turns out the realm of love is also a battlefield.

Finally, it's almost judgement day. I'm not clear of what is happening outside, but I'm a little uneasy. If something goes wrong, am I really going to my death in here?

At night, sleeping on the crude and simple bed, I toss and turn, thinking of YuJiang knitting his brows in worry working all avenues. Suddenly I hear the sound of the steel door opening. I quickly sit up and watch the door vigilantly. A sliver of light appears at the crack of the door. In the middle of the darkness, a figure flashes in. I stay silent, waiting for things to develop. That person draws nearer. It's coming too close, I'm suddenly get nervous, my brain goes into overdrive, considering if I should shout out loudly. I do not. I have a faint feeling that this is someone sent to save me. At this point, it is hard to stop my heart from thumping faster. Even my breaths start to become ragged.

In the middle of my doubts, I suddenly hear a loud voice from outside, practically scaring me out of my skin. It's the familiar voice of the guard.

"ChenPing, come out!" As if summoning a prisoner, shouting out like that. After hearing that, I calm down a little. But that person that I don't know suddenly stretches out his hand and pulls me up and pushes me out of the cell. I'm shocked. If he was sent to save me, the guard is outside, how could I not be found out? After having been pushed from the pitch black little cell to the wide brightly lit corridor, I look blankly at the guard, only able to give him a bitter smile. What I didn't expect was that the guard dressed in uniform just took one look at me, without a shred of surprise, and actually toss his head at me: "ChenPing, follow me, someone has paid your fine, you can leave after signing your name." ChenPing? I'm surprised but immediately understand. This guard has also been paid off. Presumably YuJiang was unable to find a legal way to save me and has resorted to buying people over and exchanging prisoners. Unexpectedly this unlawful rescue is taking place with the bright court just above, developing below under the lamplight. The person that just came in, is he my replacement? I have adjusted my way of thinking, thinking things through quickly, no longer wasting time on insoluble problems. I obediently cooperate fully with the guard, leaving the prison by means that I have never heard of.

All the way along the long corridor, Malaysian police officers are everywhere moving around. Throughout the entire process I'm trembling in fear, trying my best to hide my trembling limbs. After all, this is my life. My fingers shake while signing my name, causing the officer in front of me to raise his eyes to look at me. At a point between life and death, my heart crumples into a ball. I see the officer take back the pen and say to me languidly:

"You're all set." It's like hearing an official pardon, I heave a huge sigh, and immediately restrain myself to not attract any suspicion, raising my leg to get out of here. It's really simple, sign your name and you're let go. But I know that someone has spent a lot of money and called in many favors to make this move possible. I walk out of prison under the curtain of night, onto a deserted sidewalk. Before I would have been afraid of this situation. The circ.u.mstances evoke mixed feelings, now I only feel relaxed and carefree, starting my time on the run.

A luxury car is sitting quietly at the street corner, outside the detention center, I can only make out the front portion. I understand immediately in my heart, stepping towards the luxury car. I open the door smoothly, enter, and calmly sit down. Next to me, is my faintly smiling father.

"Pa, I've been released." Dad nods his head happily, saying words with double meaning:

"That's right, you've been released. Just by lifting a finger, that's just like my son." I ask in reply:

"Don't tell me I wasn't your son before?"

"ShengSheng, you've matured." Dad sighs: "I'm gratified." Tears are threatening to surge from my eyes. I restrain myself. I have already decided, not to use tears again to show my weakness. What I want to do, is to spread my wings, to fly.

"Where are we going?"

"France." Dad pauses and asks: "YuJiang has gone back to HongKong. Are you not going to see him?" I shake my head. The freedom to come and go, not accepting any fetters. YuJiang, who would be more carefree and unrestrained? Who would be the more enticing? The car starts to move, galloping into the night. The vast night sky. My heart no longer hesitates. That day of extreme frivolity, the HuangSheng that opened wide his chest, lying in the car smiling sweetly at YuJiang, is no longer. The tears that fell those days no longer have value, I'll store them up, just like red wine, and many years later, I will pour it out and savor the fine taste with a smile. I have been reborn. What ShuTing said is right, Malaysia is indeed a wonderful place.

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That person left in the cell, perhaps for money, or for some object, will replace the originally innocent me, becoming an even more innocent scapegoat, going to his death. For now, this confidential matter is not connected to YuTing. If he were also to die in prison because of me, this plan would be even more perfect. But the fact is, the person that was arrested ---- He ShuXian, was never me. It's really a complete mess. I immediately take that whole affair in Malaysia, and throw it to the back of my mind. Just hovering in the past is the reason why I couldn't pull myself together before.

We took an overnight flight and arrive in France. Mom is still the same, in our house in France. That day when I got a superficial wound on my forehead, she wept and wailed unceasingly, this time I escape from the gates of h.e.l.l, and she actually just brushes my hair with her fingers before turning around to call the servant:

"Help young master bring his luggage upstairs, also, prepare the bath water." She kisses me on my forehead. I am impressed. Looks like I've learned a lot today. My mom knows how to use different methods to handle different situations. When I needed someone to cry for me, she cried for me, when I need a peaceful family atmosphere, she calmly gives a warm welcome. It's time for me to move forward, I need to pick myself up!

The first step is to take over the running of Huang enterprise. Not how I was previously, like a puppet, simply signing without looking, but truly taking over. Huang enterprise is now rightfully mine, why should I care who gave it to me?

I reach the company in high spirits, and the first thing I see is actually ZhouHeng. Using his position as my a.s.sistant to lead everyone downstairs to welcome me. This time he no longer has the privilege of the fox exploiting the tiger. I only need to utter one sentence to sweep him out the door. But I don't. If I don't generously rise above and forgive even the small shrimps and crabs of the past, how I will get YuJiang's respect, and let him once and for all be driven crazy because of me?

"YuJiang is very generous, actually lending his general to me for my use." I walk forward, saying smilingly to ZhouHeng: "From today on, I want to forge ahead. ZhouHeng, are you willing to lend me a helping hand?" ZhouHeng's reply is very respectful. He says:

"Mr. Huang, I have always been your a.s.sistant." I nod, take his hand and enter Huang enterprise.

Nominally, the president of Huang enterprise has always been me. But this time returning to the company, the feeling is clearly different, not just for me, but even the people in the company sense it clearly. There is a new master at the helm.

The one that most welcomes this change, is Uncle Chen. Feeling indebted to my desperate fight on that day, refusing to sign that doc.u.ment of personnel transfer, his smile is especially brilliant, his gray moustache twitching:

"ShengSheng, all along taking charge of Huang enterprise remotely from HongKong, finally you've decided that it's better to come back and handle things personally? Ai, it's good that you've returned. When you're not here, there are quite a lot of evil spirits, leaving me very troubled." I wave my hand:

"It's all the same whether I return or not. One wave of the peach wood sword from you old man, and those evil spirits would have leapt into oblivion." We stopped speaking, look at each other and burst out laughing. I added: "Uncle Chen, you're a founding member of Huang enterprise, regarding administrative issues, I will be needing a lot of advice from you." I have experienced repeatedly how there is always someone better than me, so I say each word sincerely. Uncle Chen nods:

"Of course, it's my duty, how can I dare to not do my best?" The administrative issue is the first one settled. Now the real work starts. A thousand directions, ten thousand tasks, extremely laborious. I work from morning to night but the doc.u.ments are neverending, from one day to the next. It must have been tough on YuJiang, taking charge of Rong enterprise and Huang enterprise, where did he find so much energy?

ZhouHeng knocks on the door, placing yet another pile of doc.u.ments in front of me. This person's work ethic is really commendable.

"I have a.s.sembled all the data from the j.a.panese project. Mr. Huang, do you really want to look through all these yourself? I can summarize it for you. If you go into too much detail, you'll easily get overworked." Hearing ZhouHeng say these words, I put down the doc.u.ments in my hand and look him up and down. ZhouHeng is not at all uncomfortable, this bit I really admire about him. If it was someone else, he would probably nervously antic.i.p.ate that this proud and incredulous president is thinking up a way of punishing him. Looking at him standing calmly over there, I ask:

"ZhouHeng, are you familiar with the particulars of the j.a.panese project?" ZhouHeng replies:

"For the most part. Before, when I was with the DongChen branch, I was in charge of the j.a.panese accounts." I lean back on the leather chair and knead my temples.

"This collaboration with the j.a.panese is very significant. It's launching Huang enterprise's big punch into the IT industry." ZhouHeng nods:

"I know."

"If I were to give you full responsibility, do you have the confidence to accept?" ZhouHeng is stunned. This gift presented to him, is nothing short of a giant promotion, from an a.s.sistant to the president, leaping to become a general with personal responsibilities.

Actually, I have already checked up on ZhouHeng's background. ZhouHeng was already a brave general in DongChen. YuJiang used a thousand ways and a hundred plans, to take him from DongChen, giving him a high salary, just to have him deal with me. It's really like taking a great resource for a minor use. Even now, he must have been entrusted by YuJiang, to stay in Huang enterprise and look after me, forced to accept the position as my a.s.sistant, just like asking a whale to swim in a bathtub. How can I not put him to good use to repay YuJiang's troubles?

"Mr. Huang," ZhouHeng is like a tiger that had been pinned down for a long time, suddenly seeing wide open plains, with a big herd of antelopes leisurely chewing on the gra.s.s. He hesitates a little: "You trust me?" I firmly say:

"ZhouHeng, I asking you to work for me so I won't doubt you." These words are partly true, partly false, I am really confident that he won't harm me. But I also know that it is because of YuJiang that ZhouHeng is willing to work for me. ZhouHeng asks:

"Why?" I reply frankly with emphasis:

"It's because in order to deal with the crafty j.a.panese people, you are definitely the best candidate. This is from my firsthand experience." He actually blushes, lowering his head before quickly raising his head to answer in glowing spirits:

"I can do it, and I also have the confidence to accept full responsibility for this project. I only need Mr. Huang to believe in me."

"This project, I'm handing it over to you fully, standing by your ability a hundred percent." I smile slightly.

"Thank you, Mr. Huang." ZhouHeng says a matter of factly. I know that in his heart, he is very excited. YuJiang, even though you have ZhouHeng's loyalty, you yet chose to put him in a limited position. YuJiang also makes mistakes, he is not G.o.d.

Everyday is extremely busy, mom silently uses her chopsticks to place food into my bowl at the dining table. I cherish it in my mouth, feeling blissfully happy. Enjoying such happiness, I've actually experienced this for many many years. I'm really lucky. How foolish was I, because of YuJiang, because of a knot in my heart, I let go of this happiness, only thinking of destroying myself. Not understanding that the more I struggle weakly, the more I lose control over any advantage I have over YuJiang in the matters of love. Dad asks me:

"ShengSheng, the person that framed you in Malaysia, are you going to just let it go?" I've tried to guess many times who framed me. YuJiang? I really hope it wasn't him, it doesn't matter who it was, as long as it wasn't him. Then who could it be? I say:

"Pa, I have been wronged, I will definitely take revenge. But someone capable of such an act must definitely have strong backing. In order to withstand aggression from outside, we must first be strong inside, if we wait for Huang enterprise to stabilize a little more, it still won't be too late." Actually I have already hired someone to investigate but I'm not at all in a hurry to hear the results. I have already learned to keep things in my heart. To restrain myself, and wait for a suitable time to launch an attack, only then showing my strength. All this, I learned from YuJiang.