Yandai Xie Jie No. 10 Chapter 1

Act 01: Mr. Nice Guy and the Imbecile Author

I'm Handsome: My chinchilla is pregnant!!

Love 123: Congratulations ^_^

I'm Handsome: What should I do?

Love 123: What color?

I'm Handsome: Standard Gray color, there are two!

Love 123: When did you buy them from me?

I'm Handsome: Huh? I didn't buy them from you.

Chinchilla: Gray Color

Hang Hang stared at the screen as large beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.

The person with the "I'm Handsome" nickname was still bombarding on TaoBao messenger.

What's with this person? He didn't buy from me, yet he wants me to solve his problem?

Since he had been talking with him and was able to understand the condition those chinchillas were in, Hang Hang thought he should just go ahead and give a helping hand. It must be due to fate for the guy to be able to find him; plus, he personally really does love chinchillas. Seeing that this person is quite sloppy, he was afraid this person might not be able to handle the chinchilla's first pregnancy. It was his misfortune to meet with this customer, it would be ok if he did not know about it; since he did, it only made him feel even more uneasy. Moreover, it was just another customer that coming to his store, he would be able to make profit out of him with just the purchase of pet food, snacks, and other trivial supplies. I don't have to worry that you won't look for me later to buy those things, right?

The other person asked for the address, and kept on applauding after knowing the store is at No. 10 on Yan Dai Xie Street; the person also mentioned that he lives at Imperial College, which is really close by.

Hang Hang watched as that imbecile person logged off, and sat in front of his laptop for a few more minutes; it seemed like business on Taobao is pretty slow today.

The wind chime hanging by the door was making sounds throughout the store, Hang Hang looked up and it really was Miss Zhu with her Bobtail "Superman"

Bobtail Breed

"Hi… I'm here."

"You're early today, please have a seat, let us arrange some preparations right away," Hang Hang poured a gla.s.s of ice water and handed it to to Miss Zhu, the Bobtail obediently sat next to her.

"I tend to have the habit to come here first," Miss Zhu took out a magazine from her bag and also took out Superman's portable bowl to give him some treats.

"h.e.l.lo?" The wind chime sounded again, this time a girl around eighteen years old or so came in.

"h.e.l.lo? May I help you?"

"Ah, I'm looking for dog food."

"Sure, do you know what brand?"

"How much is a pound of Pedigree?"

"The fill with stuffing one or the regular one?"

"The stuffing one."

"8 Yuan."

"Ah! That's cheap."

"Yes. How much you want?"

"Hm… get me four pounds, I cannot carry more than that."

"Alright, please wait for a second. Do you want water? There is cold water in that dispenser, the cups are next to it."

"That's really nice. I've just moved here, and it's quite convenience to have a pet store near by." The girl took a cup and dispensed some water, "It's really hot today."

"Yeah, it's summer now. Where do you live?"

"At Zhong Xi*."

Zhong Xi – nickname for “Central Academy of Drama” – a drama school in Beijing, some famous actors graduated from there are: Zhang Ziyi, Tiffany Tang, Zhang Han, Chen Xiao

"Oh, that's very near."

"Yeah, I'll come here often."

Hang Hang brought out two bags of four pounds worth of dog food: "Here's the dog food."

"Great. Let me pay you." The girl went up to the cashier, "How much is for pet grooming here?"

"Which breed?"

"Schnauzer!"

Schnauzer

"If only tr.i.m.m.i.n.g is 40, the full package is 120."

"It's not bad, how about bathing?"

"50."

"Ok."

"Here is your change. Let me give you our business card, you can call in for consultation."

"Thank you!"

The girl left the store in an uplifting mood; this pet store is not just close by, the owner is handsome, and the price is reasonable; for sure she would come here often…

When Miss Zhu finished an article in her magazine, Hai Hong came out from the preparation room, "Sis Zhu, you're early again."

"Please take care of my Superman, hm?"

"Ok. Come here, Superman, let's go! Wash up with me…"

Miss Zhu watched as Superman was being escorted inside, and then turned back to her magazine.

Hang Hang stretched his shoulders a bit and then got back in front of his computer. This was just another day in his dull life. That was right, Hang Hang's daily routine was that ordinary,  he had a medium-size pet shop that provides a variety of materials and services to the pet lovers; two employees: Lin Hai Hong and Cui Ying Ying, who are lovely girls that carry veterinary licenses, and also love animals. Hang Hang's pet shop is located at No. 10 of Yan Dai Xie Street, it is a private single yard, a big two-story house in old Western-style; the first floor and the yard are being turned into the pet shop, while the second floor is his private residence. This courtyard was bought by his father a long time ago, aside from that, they also have another residence in Tiananmen Square; unfortunately, it is vacant because his parents are diplomats and often stay abroad.

Tiananmen Square

Everyday, Hang Hang wakes up at ten o'clock, and opens the shop at exactly ten-thirty, the shop stays open from ten-thirty in the morning to ten-thirty at night. Hai Hong and Ying Ying change shift at four o'clock everyday. They both have been working here for two years; therefore, they have a really good relationship with the customers' pets.

Hang Hang does not have any special hobbies, only pets and traveling. His most beloved pet is his chinchilla, Long Long*, male, who is about to turn four years old this year, and they have a very close relationship. Logically speaking, Hang Hang's life is really fulfilling, except that he is in need of a companion, a human being; most importantly, it has to be male ^_^
[T/N: Long Long – the name of his pet]

***

"Yes, going from Tiananmen Square to this store here, just follow that." Liang Ze sat in the backseat of the taxi, next to him were his two gray chinchillas, right now these two are being isolated — because during pregnancy period, the female would reject the mating of the male, so there is no choice but to put them in isolation.

Liang Ze looked at his two beloved babies with anxiety and fear something bad might happen.

Before leaving the house, Liang Ze had double checked that he had more than 700 Yuan on him, and that should be enough to solve the problem. Of course, he was a bit upset when he found out he only had a bit more than 700 Yuan in his wallet this morning; last night, he went out to have a grand celebration, it was inevitable that his wallet is almost empty. Liang Ze's pack of rogue friends really like to go out drinking with him, the more he drinks, the happier they get, because once he is drunk, he would definitely say this sentence: "Whoever tries to pay for this, I won't let them off!" For Liang Ze at that time, he would definitely want to pay for everyone, but once he gets sober he would start to hate himself. Liang Ze thought he must have been possessed by an unwritten rule that has been stuck with him: Must take everyone out drinking once he receives royalty payment; moreover, each time he will spend all the money in the wallet =.=

Liang Ze works as a freelance journalist, making money through his writing, his fixed monthly income is from his column in P magazine, the revenue is only 1500 Yuan, the rest is based on his contribution to the magazine, so it is somewhat stable; besides, he also writes fictions, last year he got to publish a novella "Moe"[1] on "Gu Shi"[2] which had won an honorable literary award; right now, he has just signed with a publishing house and has been working hard to publish his first novel "Huakai Bu Bai" (Undefeated Bloom), the story is about the three different women in three different eras, who have witnessed the rise and fall of the society and their family throughout their lives. That is right, Liang Ze does not look like a literary novelist, yet he is actually a novelist.
[T/N: [1] – Name of the novel means "Adorable" – a slang word; [2] Name of the magazine, literal translation is "Story" or "Tale"]

Why should we say that he does not look like one? According to his friends' words — Liang Ze's sharp-witted thinking is only limited within the confinement of his literary works.

Ah, those words are true. He is a very sloppy, foolish, and stupid person. Let's elaborate it.

Being sloppy.

Liang Ze has been living by himself in two-bedroom apartment at Imperial College, because his parents have pa.s.sed away in an accidental death when he was young, and his only older brother is married and has kid; therefore, he ends up living alone in this apartment. The small bedroom is being turned into a study room, that is the only somewhat tidy room in this whole place. The large bedroom is a messy state of quilt and pillow throughout the year, old clothes mixing with new clothes on the floor, and novels from other countries stacking up into a mess and so on. The living room is even worse, it is filled with a variety of expensive unnecessities. They really are just useless stuffs, for example, he has a mirror called Socrates Mirror that Liang Ze spent 7000 Yuan on; in fact, that mirror is nothing magical, and not even an antique one, it was someone named Pan tricking him into buying it; another example, displaying on top of the shelf is a vase from the Tang Dynasty and is said to be taken out from the Qing Palace, Liang Ze bought it for 9000 Yuan, and then had it evaluated by an expert: it is produced in 1999 at Jingdezhen City*. Another one is a half-size human Teddy bear, it is said to be the first Teddy bear in the world, Liang Ze spent 5000 Yuan, but it is an imitation from Slovakia in 1995…
[T/N: Jingdezhen City – most being well-known for the highest quality porcelain in China]

An example of Jingdezhen Vase

Being foolish.

Liang Ze has done so many foolish things, that even his close friends call him stupid. Examples. First, the chinchillas. The first time Liang Ze encountered chinchillas was when he accompanied his sister-in-law to a pet shop, at that time, his sister-in-law took her Pekingese for a trim, among the countless animals, Liang Ze's attention was on the chinchillas. Liang Ze really did not know what a chinchilla looks like, he only saw a chubby lump that resembling a rabbit squatting down with its back to him. Liang Ze fidgety reached into the cage, and within seconds, the chinchilla bit on his finger.

Pekingese

Liang Ze shouted, "What is this?"

The owner said, "A chinchilla."

"Why did it bite me?" Liang Ze asked.

The owner said, "Because it's eating."

Liang Ze asked, "When it will stop eating?"

The owner said, "It's always eating."

At this time, the chinchilla turned around, Liang Ze immediately fell in love. Finally, both sides negotiated the price of 5000 Yuan for two chinchillas. The sister-in-law exited the store with her Pekingese in resentment, thinking of wanting to choke the owner to death. In fact, those two chinchillas are only worth 2000 Yuan, yet that is still an expensive price for them.

Second, the award. After his novella "Moe" won the award, the editor of "Gu Shi" gave him a call to notify the news; at the time, Liang Ze was still asleep when answering the call, upon hearing such news he said, "Ah, an award? Awesome, told you I'm a genius!" Not even a slightest bit of modesty was present in his words, the old editor held onto his phone so tightly, as if he was strangling Liang Ze's neck with his hands.

Third, the girlfriends. Liang Ze only has one close relative, that is his older brother; therefore, it is normal to have older brother pouring all his love on the younger brother; but with such a foolish younger brother, his older brother has to advice, "Little bro, don't have girlfriend, just don't ever get one!"

Why? Uh, in fact it is not really a big matter, let's just take it as minor matter… His first girlfriend cheated Liang Ze out of his money; his second girlfriend used out-of-wedlock pregnancy to force him into marrying her, it turned out the baby was not his; and his third girlfriend, well, she was ok, but unfortunately she unkindly eloped with someone else…

Being stupid.

Just with those two points above, it has proven that he is the most stupid person ever.

Liang Ze is a very lonely person, he only does not feel lonely when he is writing; but, throughout his life, he does not have that many chances to spend on writing. Only they can relieve him of his loneliness — the chinchillas. This is the reason why he has determined to rampage through all the trouble to run to No. 10 Yan Dai Xie Street. They must be ok, if something happen to them, then his life will never be ok.

Talking about his encounter with Hang Hang's shop was just by coincidence; due to an unusual war breaking out last night, the male chinchilla got bitten pretty bad, so Liang Ze immediately went up to Baidu* and found out that maybe the female is pregnant. This is such great news, a new friend will be coming! Then, he hurriedly contacted the pet shop that he got them from, but only to put the phone down. He felt his blood boiling so early in the morning, and it turned out the shop had changed into a restaurant. Liang Ze was having a panic attack, how could he deliver a baby for chinchilla? Under such emergency, he quickly thought of Taobao, and just randomly clicked on any pet shop there, and that turned out to be Hang Hang's shop.
[T/N: Baidu – popular Chinese search engine, just like Google to all of us]

***

The wind chime sounded again, Hang Hang turned to look, seeing a tall guy that looks around his age, he was holding a big cage with the chinchillas inside as he used his whole body to push the door open just like a pig. Needless to say, this must be the one with the nickname "I'm Handsome". Hang Hang began to evaluate the person with great interest; usually, there are two types of people who dare to have the nickname "I'm Handsome": a fat and ugly type, or narcissistic neuropath type. This person has a good-looking face, a pretty good build, obviously belonging to the latter type.

"I'm Handsome?" Hang Hang stood up and smiled.

Liang Ze was taken aback for a moment, he quietly asked himself, What's wrong with this person? You’re handsome, very handsome; even though I'm a man, I have to admit that you are really handsome, but can you not make me say that you’re handsome?

Even though he thought so, he would not dare to say it out loud; well, he would not want to offend people like Hang Hang, for his chinchillas and for the unborn baby chinchilla… Suck it up!

"Handsome, you're really handsome!" Liang Ze sincerely nodded his head.

"Ah?" Hang Hang almost fell off his chair. I know that I'm handsome, and the address of No. 10 Yan Dai Xie Street could be easily misunderstood, but…Ehem! Hang Hang's mind took a double take, and he realized that this person must have misunderstood his question whether he is "I'm Handsome" or not.  

"You're extremely handsome, even Brad Pitt can't be compared to you, really. Take a look at my chinchillas for me, handsome bro!" Liang Ze placed the heavy cage onto the cashier counter, sincerely praising Hang Hang.

"Hey bro," Hang Hang heaved out a sigh, "You don't need to keep on praising me and calling me "handsome", I just want to confirm something with you, are you "I'm Handsome" on Taobao?"

"Ah! Oh! d.a.m.n! Yes." It was just a name he randomly picked, it could not be helped, he had to register and did not think much of it, but he did not think he would become a target of hatred on Taobao. Liang Ze had a very personal principle — to really cherish his life, he must stay away from Taobao =.=" "It's me, can you help me take a look to see how long has it been pregnant?"

"Let me take a look, okay?"

"Pulse reading?"

Hang Hang felt like his nose got crooked to the side, he had heard of traditional Chinese medicine doctors reading pulse for women, but he had never heard of veterinarians reading pulse for chinchillas.

"When did you find out she is pregnant?" Hang Hang still maintained his professional smile.  

"Last night!"

"…" Hang Hang was completely speechless.

"Did you see them mating?"

"No!"

"Then… How did you come to such conclusion?"

"Eh, you’re being really unprofessional, I could already notice it, yet you still haven't noticed it?"

"I'm sorry for being stupid, can you give me some points?"

"Look at the two chinchillas I brought in! The male got bitten so badly by the female."

Hang Hang did not want to listen to any more of Liang Ze's bulls.h.i.t, so he just opened the cage, and used a piece of potato chip to trick one of them to coming to him.

"That's the male!"

"Uhm, let me take a look at his ears."

Hang Hang held the chinchilla in his hands, and took a close look at the minor injury. Since the chinchilla was not familiar with him, after it finished eating, it turned around and began to head back to the cage, in that short moment, he took a peek at its belly, Hang Hang confirmed that it is the female.

"This is the female!"

"Impossible!"

Hang Hang let go of that one, and picked the other one up, after a careful look — a female.

"Your chinchillas are positively not pregnant," Hang Hang looked happily at Liang Ze.

"How can that be? Isn't it that the female bit the male?"

"These two chinchillas—are female."

"Huh?"

"Yes."

"It can't be, the seller told me this is a pair, a male and a female."

Tss! This person is too stupid.

Hang Hang did not get angry, but turned the chinchilla's belly to Liang Ze and said, "See that?"

"Mhm."

Then picked up the other one, "See that?"

"Mhm."

"Do you see any differences?"

"This… They don't look that much different."

"OK!" If you are not met with a dead end, you will not return*. "Come with me," Hang Hang said as he went to Long Long, "Long Long, come here!"
[T/N: Lit. If one does not hit the brick wall, would not go back – meaning a persistent person would not stop to go his own way until he realizes he picked the wrong path – in a sense, saying that Liang Ze is too stubborn until proving he is at wrong.]

Liang Ze watched as Hang Hang picked up a different chinchilla and turned its belly around, "This time it's not the same."

Poof… Liang Ze spat out a mouthful of ice-cold water, "This this this…"

"Therefore, you can rest a.s.sured that it is not pregnant. However, I recommend that you should put them in separate cage; if they are both male, they would have already bitten each other to death."

"Mhm…"

After talking with Hang Hang for a while, Liang Ze had accepted the cruel truth. He proposed that he wanted to get them a new cage, and Hang Hang showed him a few. Liang Ze could see that Hang Hang's cage was much better than the one he has; if he were to buy one for one chinchilla, then the other one would have an old one… Gritting his teeth, he decided to buy two! "No discrimination" he said.

Finally, the deal was sealed — two new cages with luxurious interior, with two bags of potato chips as a gift, two packets of sand bath, and two bags of pet food, 750 Yuan total.

Liang Ze handed Hang Hang all the money he had =.=

Hang Hang really liked this customer, very generous!

Before Liang Ze left the store, they both exchanged phone numbers, Hang Hang told him to call if he needs anything; if he was busy, they could do delivery. Right at that moment, a little girl came in to deliver two set of meals, and conveniently placed them at the cashier counter.

"It's time for lunch?" Liang Ze smiled innocently.

"Yeah."

"Lunch box?"

"Mhm." Hang Hang nodded.

"Smells really good…"

"Are you hungry?"

"Ah, yes, I drank too much last night so I spewed out everything."

"If so… Do you want some? It might be traffic at this hour…" Hang Hang saw that Liang Ze had been very virtuous, thinking that if he did not saying anything, then it was flippant of him, the other person obviously had been drooling at his food =.=

"Awesome, it's so nice of you!"

"…" Well, he did scratch at the right spot, this person is quite blunt.

Proofread: Chi