TEARS OF A WOMAN 6 Chapter Six

After the death of Lois, Susan decided to go back to the city; there was no longer reason to stay home. If she stayed, things would remind her about the death of her mother. The sight of her grave was also a torment. As she was leaving, she knew that nothing would bring her home any time soon. The mother who supposed to call her attention toward home was no more. She had some far distant relatives but they would not be a good enough reason for her to come home. She had to go and face life.

When she got to the city, she remembered the first day she had come to the city. She sighted the house of the man who raped her, who she thought initially was a Good Samaritan because of the way he welcomed a stranger into his home. His apartment was not far from the bus station. She remembered everything that had happened that night. The memory was still fresh and the pain was still there.

As Susan tried to board a taxi to her apartment, somebody called to her. When she turned, she saw the same man who had raped her.

Susan was filled with anger and rage. Seeing him added insult to her injury. She felt like killing him. The man humbly knelt before her and started asking for forgiveness, saying that he did not know what came over him that night. He told Susan that he never wanted to **** her, but he ended up not being able to stop himself doing it. He was pleading and crying, but no amount of tears could compare to Susan's on the day he raped her.

The scene the man created was attracting the attention of pa.s.sersby. Susan was so embarra.s.sed and quickly jumped into the taxi and asked the driver to zoom off. The cab driver was looking at her through the mirror. When he noticed she was wiping away tears, he asked her if she knew the man.

Susan tried to look strong, but was emotionally down. The more she tried to hide her tears, the harder they came, especially when the thought of her dead mother surfaced, Susan remembered it was because running away was thought to have saved her mother from pain. It was then she thought her leaving brought about Lois' sudden death. She knew if she had not traveled to the city, such would not happen. Who knows, her mother might not have died.

When the driver kept asking her why she was crying, she only told him that she had lost her mother and was just returning from her funeral. The driver was so sorry. Later, he asked her if the man in the bus station caused the death. Susan scratched her hair, adjusted herself, and took a deep breath, because she was not sure how to answer. She couldn't answer the question.

They got to her apartment, and she told him to stop. When she handed money to the taxi driver, he refused to take it and asked her to keep it, out of pity. He helped her get her luggage down and left. His kind att.i.tude made her believe there were still a few good ones, although the bad ones had given her the impression that all men were the same.

As soon as Susan opened the gate, she saw Teresa, who was very happy to see her back. When Teresa asked about her mother, Susan could not talk. Teresa was observant in noticing her silence; as an elder, she read the meaning behind the silence. She persuaded Susan to talk to her to justify her curiosity.

Susan told her that she lost her mother. Teresa's joy turned to sadness, and when she recovered from the shock, she started consoling Susan. Susan believed Teresa knew what it meant to lose a loved one, because she had been in that position several times.

As they ware going inside, Susan started feeling dizzy and quickly collapsed. Teresa rushed her to hospital.

When they got in to see the doctor, he told them he would do a pregnancy test. When he said it, it dawned on Susan that the guy who had raped her had not used any protection. Fear gripped her. She was thinking not only about the test being positive, but also about if the man might have infected her. The doctor collected the specimen. After a short while, he came back with a smile on his face and congratulated Susan on being three months and two weeks pregnant. Susan pretended as if all was well, but deep down in her heart, she felt like killing herself. She used the opportunity to also get other tests, including HIV. They were all negative. She was glad she was not infected.

On their way home, Susan did not talk to Madam Teresa. Teresa knew her heart was bitter and heavy, so she did not talk to her either, but did take a short look at her. When they got home, Teresa sat her down and consoled her. Teresa told her she knew how she was feeling. She also spoke of the importance of forgiving the offenders.

It took Teresa days to convince Susan to forgive the man who raped her. It was not easy to forgive, and even if she did, she would never forget it. The scar was there. Susan wanted to abort the child, but Teresa kept preaching to her. She told her that abortion was a great sin before G.o.d and killing an innocent child would not solve the conundrum, just make her the mother of a dead child.

It seemed Teresa did not understand what Susan was pa.s.sing through. Teresa knew what it took her to convince Susan to leave the child because the child could be her source of joy tomorrow. For weeks, Susan battled with the issue of forgiving the man who raped her until Teresa told her how she lost her husband. Her husband was killed by his business a.s.sociate after executing a contract that worth a fortune because the other man did not want to share the fortune with anybody.

Susan became sober because she was touched by the story. "What about your two sons?" Susan managed to ask. Teresa burst into tears and that was when Susan knew she was hurting her by reminding her about the past; Susan decided to swipe the conversation under the carpet.

She would never forget Teresa's advice when Teresa called her one certain night after their night prayer; Susan looked vaguely around the room, as if lost when Teresa held her on the shoulder and said, "Susan, my daughter, keeping malice and grudges is like drinking an acid and expecting the person who sold it to you to die. Forgiving someone does not mean you are weak, or you have finally realized you were the wrong one.

Forgiving our offenders means helping your heart to reduce its burden as the heart was not designed to bear grudges but to pump blood." Susan conscience used to p.r.i.c.k her whenever she said, "The Lord's Prayers," especially the part that says, "Forgive us our sin as we forgive those who sin against us."

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She knew she had someone to forgive and until she forgives, G.o.d will not forgive her, and that was when she asked G.o.d the grace to forgive because it was not easy to forgive especially when it's not one's fault.

After she had forgiven the guy who raped her, she had the peace of mind, but each time she remembered she was pregnant, it quickly reminded her of the past. Madam Teresa was there for her throughout the pregnancy period.

Most time in Teresa's absence, Susan would feel like killing herself. Although Teresa did not allow her to do stressful work, but she was purposely doing it to hurt the child in her womb, probably it might result to miscarriage, but things never worked that way. She knew Teresa would feel hurt if she had aborted the baby after pleading with her to keep the pregnancy.

Susan gave birth to a set of twins. She named the male child Kelvin, and the female child Susanna.