Woman's Endurance Part 3

Wednesday, August 28.-Now if there is anything that rubs me up the wrong way, it is to see a crowd around a tent doorway, watching the end. Yesterday I lost my temper at 35, and gave it hot all round. Such barefaced curiosity is revolting; I hate it.

Yes, 35 (21 years) pa.s.sed away last night, and so did 415 (Mrs. Meintjes), whom I visited late last evening.

This morning the black list was laid on my table; twelve[17] in the night-339, 415, 125, 253, 180, 526, 419, 35, 353, 450, I didn't expect 415 to live long.

The night has been a most restless one; "Ja, minheer, ons het vannacht nie rust gehad nie" ("Yes, sir, we had no rest last night") (morgue tents men).

I woke at 2 a.m. with the tramp of these bearers removing corpses[18].

One longs for day, and the night seems never to end.

Twice funerals-morning at 11 a.m. (six), "Leer ons alzoo onze dagen tellen" ("So teach us to number our days"); afternoon, 4 p.m. (six), "En de dooden werden geoordeeld uit hetgeen in de boeken geschreven was, naar hunne werken" ("And the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works").

Our wood has given in, and we are forced to bury in blankets. But let me not think on it! It is painful to remember, and our people feel very deeply.

The Van der Walts managed to put together an apology for a coffin, and there was something pathetically comic about that production. I think it was made of candle and milk boxes.

That reminds me, what queer pastimes some folks can have. One man casually informed me that he attends all the funerals! But some folks unconsciously delight to wander in the sombre shadows of life. A funeral to me is a most fatiguing duty; more so when one has to give an address at the graves, and there is no time for preparation except on the march to the burying ground. I am getting reckless, for I am forced absolutely to rely on impromptu grace. I tremble, when I think what I risk each day.

Visits only a dozen, owing to funerals.

Sad about 91; very bad.

599, 602, 606, 16, 238, 327, all new tents, with great affliction; must go soon again.

Called to 117; Nel; young wife; just received tidings of her husband's death in Ceylon; desperately stricken; hard, hard case.

Called to hospital; Annie Bothma[19]; strong young girl (twenty); very bad; just struggling to live; mother holding hand. Foeitog! (alas!) So well and strong; horrid pneumonia; have visited her again, and cannot get reconciled that she should die. And yet she yearns to be "ontbonden" (loosed), and begs of me to pray to that effect. Now, G.o.d forgive me, but this dying girl's request I cannot, cannot accede to. Humanly speaking, she simply cannot live; it is only her abnormally strong const.i.tution that fights so grimly. I have wrestled with G.o.d for her life. Oh, she must not, may not, die! Think of the weak, frail mother-of the father far, far away in Ceylon! "O ye of little faith"; and yet I firmly believe G.o.d can still spare her life.

Yesterday, row about the miserable meat[20]. Some women rather violent and loose with tongue; to-day committed to imprisonment. Yesterday my letters were returned by the Censor. I boiled over for some time; such a little sn.o.b, who is too big for his boots! Pinp.r.i.c.ks; will fight it out to-morrow.

Thursday, August 29.-Went back to hospital after writing above, and then I did indeed pray as the sick girl desired. G.o.d took her home at about two this morning. Poor child! she did suffer so very much, and yet withal so patiently; "Die doctor het mij gif ingespuyt en gif ingege daarom lei ik zoo zwaar" ("The doctor injected poison into me, and gave me to take poison; that is why I suffer so bitterly"); very likely morphia had to be injected. Whenever I repeated a verse to her she would say the lines in advance.

After breakfast I went to village for first time; saw Magistrate; obtained residential pa.s.s; hunted high and low for boards for coffin for Annie Bothma. At last, after despairing search, succeeded in getting six boards and two boxes; hope they will be enough wherewith to fashion some sort of a coffin.

Dined with the Beckers.

Deaths last night-8, 129, 401, 52, 427, 213, 239, and one in hospital.

Very trying afternoon among the dying.

One woman just giving her last breath when I entered to pray for her; lamentation. Roaring lion, because of the crowd of inquisitives; stood at doorway and addressed them; said I was ashamed of their conduct; boiled over. Simply will not stand such things; and yet such things are inevitable with a camp of 650[21] tents all crowded together; with hundreds swarming all over, and countless children. Am going to put a stop to children visiting morgue tents[22]; should not be allowed; will see Superintendent to-morrow.

91 very bad.

I usually make a last round after the day's work to take Benger's Food and beef tea, etc., to urgent cases. When I got to 268, found she had died soon after my visit.

Have written to Issie and Mr. Robertson.

Wonder how long my things will last, and what I shall do after that.

Dead tired.

Friday, August 30.-Village; morning visits.

Found 91 died in night.

Dropped in to speak few words to old woman in 25; don't think she will last very long.

79; boy sick; relapse; Van der Berg; baby died yesterday

Mrs. Castelan lies sick in 76; husband Bloemfontein Camp; three children sick; also daughter just out of hospital (1-1/4 months).

Called in at 217; Du Preez; very nice, clean people; daughter very sick; pneumonia; found her very much distressed, and that because the thought of being buried without coffin was so repulsive; "Net sous een beest" (just like an animal). We must not antic.i.p.ate G.o.d!

Am much distressed that 383, who was getting well so nicely, and who smiled when I looked in yesterday, has died.

Mother died few weeks ago, and sister few days ago.

Near the coalfields[23] I was called to see Mrs. Van der Walt; 191; heart bad; most desperately anxious to be taken "home," and quite ready too; wonder if she will live through the night!

When a person decides and is determined to die, the chances at recovery are very poor indeed.

Mr. Otto called and asked me to take prayer meeting 2 p.m. "En Samuel bad den Heere" (And Samuel prayed unto the Lord).

Then came the inevitable funerals, ten, among others Annie Botha. Oh, the sorrow of it! the sorrow of it! Nothing is more regular than that dreary procession every afternoon at four o'clock.

Several in blankets; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet open, want gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb, I opened not my mouth because thou didst it).

Met old Tollie's[24] brother; rejoiced.

Found sick orphan girl I visited first day; much better.

Nice dinner; nice supper; "vet schaapie en vet ou bokkie" (fat lamb, fat little goat), which we bought.

Wonder what I would have done were the Van As's not here; so happy with them; everyone always so cheerful[25].

At tea called to pray with dying little girl; went immediately, and found tent full of weeping and wailing women; the little girl was in death's throes; short prayer, and when I finished her spirit had fled; mother frantic; hard, very hard to know how best to comfort. A woman is a wonderful network of cross-wires, and when these wires get unstrung or entangled, the result is most distressing. In presence of such, one feels hopelessly lost, and all one can do is to-walk away. And yet, for downright, dogged perseverance-for silent, struggling endurance-for quiet, patient suffering-commend me to a woman. What would become of Man without the Woman!

Sat.u.r.day, August 31.-Glum; just returned from dying boy, Herklaas; young, strong; father Ceylon; visited him yesterday; said he did not want to die because his father was away, and he had to care for the mother. Touched late last night, and found him very bad; went down again with doctor[26]; this morning he was better, but this afternoon worse, and now (10 p.m.) I find him dying. I am very, very down-hearted to-night, and am tempted to think that, after all, G.o.d-No! I won't write it, because I believe this is a temptation of Satan! But oh! we did pray so fervently that G.o.d should spare his life; he is still so young and so strong. Found some more inquisitive onlookers. Some folks will put themselves to endless inconvenience to be able to witness a deathbed. They revel in it. I am vexed in my soul, and feel as though I could knock down everyone of them.

Funerals twice to-day.

This morning I buried seven; "Het wordt snellijk afgesneden" (For it is soon cut off).

This afternoon Mr. Becker buried six.

There were twenty corpses in morgue tents this morning.