Woman's Endurance Part 16

Six coffins this afternoon; "Heere, maak mij bekend mijne einde" (Lord, make me to know mine end); great crowd; painful delay; one grave too short; had to sing three long verses while it was being lengthened.

Talk of day-Doctor got knocked down in camp this afternoon. Have not seen him whole afternoon; offending party marched to gaol; wonder what the issue will be!

Sunday, October 13.-Glorious eventide. What grander than to sit still at perfect rest after burden of a long and heavy day! What a day to look back upon! I tremble when I think of what I am compelled out of sheer compulsion to venture. Service this morning; "Deze zijn het die uit de groote verdrukking komen" (These are they which come out of great tribulation). This afternoon, "Hoe zou ik u overgeven, O Efraim? U overleveren, O Israel?" (How shall I give thee up, Ephraim. How shall I deliver thee, Israel?)

"Scant and small the booty proved"-more's the pity!

When will I find time to prepare myself decently?

Anyhow, comfort myself with thought that if hearers knew (and no doubt they do) how pressed I am for time, they will deal gently with my scanty productions. For myself, whole subject very unsatisfactory and unsatisfying.

Immediately after service; funerals; Mr. Becker unable; seven or eight, all children; huge crowd; splendid opportunity; "Gij dwaas hetgeen gij zaait wordt niet levend tenzij dat het gestorven is" (Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened except it die).

There is a Reaper whose name is Death, Who with his sickle keen, Cuts the bearded grain at a breath, And the flowers that grow between.

After funerals, girls' prayer meeting.

Last and best of all-Service of Song, evening. Now what on earth can be more beautiful than our meeting this evening? Such a crowd, and such singing! Ten minutes, John iii., 16. And now the day is over.

And the sick? And the hospital? All neglected; too pitiable to contemplate. And Mrs. Grobelaar dying; when, two days ago, visited her, said as I drew napkin from face, "Ach Minheer L., het min. dan vir mij vergeet?" (O, Mr. L., have you then forgotten me?); she was delirious most of day, but when I spoke to her she was quite conscious. And how inwardly thankful when I prayed with her; poor mother; her days on earth are numbered; both lungs gone.

Little babe, Van Huyssteen, also dead this morning (mother shot on their flight by English; babe pined away out of sheer lack of nourishment).

Wednesday, October 16.-Getting lazy with diary; mindful of old Mark Twain.

Hear woman's voice calling "Ambulance! Ambulance! Ambulance! in 172 moet een meisje weggedra wordt" (Ambulance! in 172 a little girl has to be removed). Here go the bearers!

172 is just thirty yards from 177, where I take meals, and next to 171 old Mrs. Van Straten, whom I regularly visit, and yet I know absolutely nothing of this girl's sickness nor her death till this very minute. Enough to make one discouraged.

Of Monday's work can't remember much except that I found the "summum" of misery and distress in 678, Pelser's; whole family down measles; poverty; filth; baby ill at breast (died yesterday, buried this afternoon); sent food, but made her promise faithfully that children would be washed to-day.

What horrible thing is dirt! Surely one of greatest gifts is to be able to appreciate the "clean."

Funerals again Monday; "Zalig zijn de dooden die in den Heere sterven" (Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord); so many children again.

Visit old Mr. Du Toit on way home.

Now am I positively dead![66] "Mijnheer, min. moet mij tog een ding beloove; om als de oorlog verbij is, die preek van min. te laat druk enz enz, Om te doen gedenken" (Sir, you must promise me one thing, to publish your sermon on 'To bring to remembrance' when the war is over).

"Kan jij nou meer!"[67] Really now, after all there is nothing like a good, long, square ear-to-ear grin in this world!

Shall I deny, though, that there is just a wee drop of cheer and comfort, huge as the joke is!

Yesterday fellow who knocked down doctor returned; fined 5; and since Sat.u.r.day no one to do his lines[68].

Found 597 very bad; young girl (Kruger); wants to die.

245, Mrs. Du Preez; great pain; died last night, buried this afternoon.

Two little children remain behind; saddening.

Buried six this afternoon; "Ik ben verstomd, ik deed mynen mond niet open, want Gij hebt het gedaan" (I was dumb. I opened not my mouth because Thou didst it). Saw motherless boy and girl weeping at grave (Mrs. Oliver, 107, 62, 50).

In 62 the thinnest, skeletonest babe ever seen. How old and withered up these little mites become!

Asked Dr. M. visit 262, and try and get her admitted to hospital.

Next morning actually-I repeat actually[69]-I found her there. Am wonderfully thankful; now the old grandmother can take her rest; poor old soul; so faithful; so willing, and so gentle always. One can understand better such sayings as "Faithful unto Death" when you watch those around sickbeds here in camp.

Found in 167 young mother (babe); arm very bad; no friends; alone; Mrs. Van Staden took mercy on her when she arrived ten days ago; all relatives in Norval's Pont Camp. How could she get well here!

Got doctor yesterday to give her note to headquarters, and this afternoon, after repeated visits, at length succeeded in getting her off to Norval's Pont; poor little soul; may she now find rest for her weary, fainting heart. (Feel rather satisfied with myself when I think of her (Mrs. Van Wyk) and Mrs. Grobbelaar!)

Saw this afternoon most marvellous "en aandoenlijk" (touching) thing in camp.

Mrs. Jacobs, 721; little daughter was shot through stomach on their flight from English, some three weeks ago, and the child lay 'twixt life and death for days; now she is quite well again; too wonderful for words; "Minheer, kijk hier!" (Sir, look here), and the mother unrolled a little flannel vest before my eyes. The front part had two cruel, ugly holes, one an inch, other almost two in length; the whole was as though dipped in blood. Let me be dumb-words would be wicked!

"Ja, minheer, die hempie zal ik bewaar als die grootste schat op aarde, en aan mij kinders en kinds-kinders vermaak" (Yes, sir, this little vest I shall cherish as the greatest treasure I have on earth, and shall bequeath it to my children and children's children).

Splendid meeting this evening; hearty singing; Joh. iii., 16, last Sunday; to-night "Een iegelijk" (Whosoever).

Service this afternoon; "De Heere is mijn herder" (The Lord is my shepherd).

Glad to be able to go through hospital again.

Good news; quant.i.ty of things arrived this afternoon. At last!

Friday Night.-"Joy cometh in the morning," so it is written, and yet it was grief and disappointment which came yesterday morning. One case goods missing; and the very one which belongs to me personally. After all these weeks of waiting-hard, hard luck! Never mind! Read few days ago of remedy for "lowness of spirit," "neerslagtigheid" (down-heartedness), "Think of the burdens of some individual you know." Excellent! Now let me think of the sorrows of that unhappy little mother, Mrs. Van Wyk, 167. When last wrote, she had left; but yesterday morning she was sent back; papers not in order; and on inquiries at office to-day was told point-blank (with a snub in the bargain) that she could no more think of going. Such a life; had not the heart to bear the news, for I heard she has been crying all day-poor little castaway. Is there no pity? Feel like Kit Kennedy. Would there were a bag of chaff somewhere near which I could pummel soundly for half an hour, just to let off steam; just to pummel something, seeing one cannot pummel somebody; it might ease the strain.

Why, this innocent creature, with bandaged arm and suckling at breast, she couldn't hurt a fly if she tried; and yet, and yet all this worry, all this endless trouble and disappointment, just to get her from here to her mother in Norval's Pont-and now? Let me not think on it! She will eat her heart away in sorrow, and no doubt soon will be at rest in a bit room six feet by three.

In hospital yesterday, found young girl (20), Henning's, dying; enteric; so young; so strong; in flower of life; it seems too awful, too contrary, "Levend zij den dood in" (Living they enter eternity); and others again, little infants, will struggle and battle for life for weeks and weeks, regular "Kannie doods" (Cannot dies, literally). Great mystery!

Mother at bedside; told me she said she was going to Jesus; "Ma, jij het nou ver mij twintig jaar ge had en nou wil die Heere vir mij he" (Mother, you have had me twenty years, and now the Lord wants me); quite unconscious when we prayed; poor mother, the helplessness, utter helplessness of Love!

In other ward Mrs. Du Toit and Mrs. Grobbelaar very, very bad; saw the worst, and prayed for them-and the end? End is this:-that this afternoon we buried these three, and sang over open graves, "Ik geloof een eeuw'ge leven" (I believe in life everlasting), "Ik ga heen om u plaats te bereiden" (I go to prepare a place for you).

I often marvel that never yet been at loss for suitable text to talk about at graves. In beginning I used to have half-hour's quiet before funerals to meditate; now my meditation comes off as we slowly wind to the sacred acre; and yet there has always been "sufficient" and "according to the need."

Visited old Mrs. Dussels, mother of Mrs. Grobelaar-"zoo tevreden, zoo stil, zoo olijmoedig, door G.o.d's genade" (So content, so quiet, so glad, through G.o.d's grace).

Village to-day; jam; autoharp tuned; roses; treat for supper; "rooster koek (scones) and grape jam.

After supper called to sick old man; old Mr. Hennings very, very weak; words of cheer; prayer; wonder if I shall ever see him alive again; don't think it; tent 8.

N.B.-So all my brag of last day "nul en van geene waarde" (null and void).

Mrs. Grobelaar, dead and buried.