With the Battle Fleet Part 8

Flip and Flap received them. Elaborate examinations were made of their condition.

"My, my, sire!" Dr. Flip would shout. "'E's got valvular contraction of the eyelids!"

"What is the remedy?" Neptune would ask.

"My usual treatment, sire," would be the response.

Then would come a dose of dope, a rub of hair oil, a shave and a toss over into the tank to the hungry bears. Souse, souse, souse again would follow, and when the victim came to the surface each time he would send up a stream of water from his mouth that resembled the spouting of a whale. Those who were waiting for their duckings would shout with the members of Neptune's party. Officers crowded to the front of the bridge and the midshipman who was using the stadimeter to get the proper distance in formation had the hardest day of his life trying to keep his eye on the flagship.

"Pa.s.s 'em up quick!" shouted Neptune.

Dr. Flip would diagnose a case as "Fatty degeneration of the shinbone, sire," and the usual remedy would be prescribed. Over the victim went into the tank. Dr. Flip would then announce a case:

"Palpitation of the hair, sire. You can see for yourself how it is shaking."

"Let him have the prescribed treatment," was the order.

Dr. Flip then announced a case of "folderols in the right ear, sire."

"Soak it to him good!" was the command.

Dr. Flip then had a case of "tickdullerous." Similar treatment. All diseases looked alike to Neptune.

"Bunions!" was the next report of Dr. Flip.

"Poultice his hair good. It draws 'em up. Then saw off his leg at the knee," was the remedy prescribed for the bunion ailment. Dr. Flip brought out the saws with vile looking teeth. The two doctors sawed away.

"By cracky! sire, I can't cut it off," reported Dr. Flip.

"Give him an extra dousing!" ordered his Majesty.

Dr. Flip next reported a case of toothache.

"What do the Revised Statutes say?" asked Neptune.

"Beg pardon," said Dr. Flip, "that is in the pharmacopoeia."

"Well, what does the farm--whatever it is--say?" roared Neptune.

"Gargle, sire," said Dr. Flip; "the fumes kill the pain." The victim got the gargle treatment.

"Mullygrubs in his back, sire," was the next from Dr. Flip. A lambasting with stuffed clubs was the extra treatment for that, in addition to the ducking.

Then came a strange case, that of a youngster who spends his spare time on board studying mathematics in the hope of getting higher in the service. Dr. Flip went over him with great care. He got out bottles and pills and saws and bandages and plasters. The crowd could see that it was a most serious case.

Dr. Flap was called in consultation. The books were produced and the symptoms were pondered over with many grave shakes of the head. At last Dr. Flip made the right diagnosis.

"'E's got the hypotenuse rampant," he shouted. "My, my! I am astonished that a surgeon of the established reputation of Dr. Wentworth of the United States Navy, sire, should let all these ailments that we have here to-day escape 'im, sire," shouted Dr. Flip.

"Send for Dr. Wentworth!" roared Neptune. Dr. Wentworth came. He told Neptune that he had been a royal subject of his for more than twenty years. Nep softened a bit at that, and then said he was glad to see him again, but how about these strange ailments? Why had he not cured them?

Dr. Wentworth is a man of tact, great tact, and he explained that the ailments occurred nowhere else than in Neptune's domain and, therefore, he thought it was best to have them treated by Neptune's own specialists who were familiar with the newest developments and the best treatment.

While the initiations were going on Neptune ordered this message semaph.o.r.ed to Admiral Evans, the Commander in Chief:

_Admiral R. D. Evans, U. S. Atlantic Fleet._

I am happy to inform you that your son and the son of the captain of your n.o.ble flagship have this day declared their allegiance as my loyal subjects.

NEPTUNE REX.

Lieuts. F. T. Evans and H. W. Osterhaus are attached to the Louisiana and occasionally they have to take a good deal of chaffing and no favors when an "unofficial message" from "father" comes over the signals. This was the reply that Neptune received from the flagship:

_Neptune Rex:_

We are delighted that our sons are at last real sailors. They have served a long time. Soak 'em, boys!

EVANS and OSTERHAUS.

Young Evans and young Osterhaus were soaked all right.

The initiation ceremonies were kept boiling all the time. Occasionally a sea lawyer, one with an established reputation as such among the crew, would come up. He was asked if he wanted to argue his case. Not one of them did.

"Give it to him good," Neptune would shout. And they did. The rest of the crew understood the significance of the extra ducking and howls of glee resulted. The sea lawyers usually had to be helped out of the tank.

Now and then a man would lose his temper when he got into the tank.

Small mercy for him! He would drag a bear under the water with him.

Forthwith half a dozen bears would go to the rescue of their companion, and in the rescue that man who had dragged the bear under would think he was going to kingdom come before he got a breath of air. Oh, it didn't pay to be fresh in that salt water!

The ceremonies were half over when there came the unforeseen. A victim came up with a peculiar glitter in his eye. Dr. Flip saw it and diagnosed the case as "extremis mortuis of the right optic." The diagnosis was correct, for, catching Dr. Flip in a favorable position, the victim toppled Dr. Flip over into the tank himself.

"Flip is taking a flap!" shouted the crowd. The bears fell on Dr. Flip, thinking he was a new arrival, and he got such a sousing as few who preceded him had received. He lost his gla.s.ses, but when he clambered back upon the platform he called out: "Next case!" as if nothing unusual had happened.

Long before the initiation was over the policemen had roused the excitement of Sally Ann, who was perched in the rigging over the bridge, watching the strange performance, as they ran about the ship chasing culprits who tried to escape. Each succeeding arrest stirred her up more and more, and she shrieked out her grief in unearthly yells. One of the bluejackets had to gather her in his arms and stroke her head and talk soothingly to her before she would be comforted.

Another thing that pleased Neptune and the bluejackets was the appearance of an enormous gull, a "goney bird," they called it, that hovered over the initiation ceremonies for more than an hour, turning and twisting its head and giving out strange calls. Where the bird came from no one saw. The ship was 300 miles out to sea. No other bird of the kind was in sight. It was the sailor's omen of good luck. When the bird alighted in the rigging a cheer went up. That sealed the matter of good luck and then the bird flew off to the other ships and watched the ceremonies there.

So hour after hour the initiation went on until the last man had been rounded up and Neptune p.r.o.nounced the day's work well done. He sent this signal to Admiral Evans:

_The Commander-in-Chief, U. S. Atlantic Fleet._

I have to inform the Commander-in-Chief that I have completed the ceremonies on board the good ship Louisiana, will haul down my standard and take my departure. The Commander-in-Chief will accept my best wishes for himself, officers and men of the United States Atlantic fleet for a most pleasant voyage, and may all the royal subjects meet again.

NEPTUNUS REX, Ruler of the Royal Domain.

Neptune then retreated into the fo'c'sle for refreshment and remained there until darkness came. Then a barrel filled with oak.u.m and oil and tar was set on fire and put afloat. It sailed away in the night. It was "Neptune's boat," and he was going back to his royal domains.

After he had gone certificates duly signed and embellished with mermaids and sea urchins and starfish and ropes, with an octopus for a background and a picture of Neptune rising from the sea at the top and with the ship's seal affixed to bits of red, white and blue ribbon, were presented to all hands. Never again will a man who can show one of them have to take a dousing and barbering with suitable medical treatment on crossing the line.

The certificates read: