Wild Oats Part 14

_Lady Am._ But, Harry, do your people of fashion act these follies themselves.

_Rover._ Ay, and scramble for the top parts as eager as for star, ribband, place, or pension. Lamp, decorate the seats out smart and theatrical, and drill the servants that I've given the small parts to--[_Exit_ LAMP.

_Lady Am._ I wished for some entertainment, (in which gay people now take delight,) to please those I have invited; but we'll convert these follies into a charitable purpose. Tickets for this day shall be delivered unto my friends gratis; but money to their amount, I will, from my own purse (after rewarding our a.s.sistants) distribute amongst the indigent of the village. Thus, whilst we please ourselves, and perhaps amuse our friends, we shall make the poor happy. [_Exit._

_Rover._ An angel! If Sir George doesn't soon arrive, to blow me, I may, I think, marry her angelic ladyship; but will that be honest?

She's n.o.bly born, though I suspect I had ancestors too, if I knew who they were. I certainly entered this house the poorest wight in England, and what must she imagine when I am discovered? That I am a scoundrel; and, consequently, though I should possess her hand and fortune, instead of loving, she'll despise me----[_Sits down._] I want a friend now, to consult--deceive her I will not. Poor d.i.c.k Buskin wants money more than myself, yet this is a measure I'm sure he'd scorn. No, no, I must not.--

_Enter_ HARRY.

_Harry._ Now I hope my pa.s.sionate father will be convinced that this is the first time I ever was under this roof. Eh, what beau is here?

Astonishing! My old strolling friend! [_Unperceived, sits by_ ROVER.

_Rover._ Heigho! I don't know what to do.

_Harry._ [_In the same tone._] "Nor what to say."

_Rover._ [_Turns_] d.i.c.k Buskin! My dear fellow! Ha! ha! ha! Talk of the devil, and--I was just thinking of you--'Pon my soul, d.i.c.k, I'm so happy to see you! [_Shakes hands cordially._

_Harry._ But, Jack, eh, perhaps you found me out?

_Rover._ Found you! I'm sure I wonder how the deuce you found me out.

Ah, the news of my intended play has brought you.

_Harry._ He does'nt know as yet who I am; so I'll carry it on.

[_Aside._] Then you too have broke your engagement with Truncheon, at Winchester; figuring it away in your stage clothes too. Really, tell us what you are at here, Jack?

_Rover._ Will you be quiet with your Jacking? I'm now 'Squire Harry.

_Harry._ What?

_Rover._ I've been pressed into this service by an old man of war, who found me at the inn, and, insisting I am son to a Sir George Thunder, here, in that character, I flatter myself I have won the heart of the charming lady of this house.

_Harry._ Now the mystery's out. Then it's my friend Jack has been brought here for me! [_Aside._] Do you know the young gentleman they take you for?

_Rover._ No: but I flatter myself he is honoured in his representative.

_Harry._ Upon my soul, Jack, you're a very high fellow.

_Rover._ I am, now I can put some pounds in your pockets; you shall be employed--we're getting up "_As you like it._" Let's see, in the cast have I a part for you?--I'll take Touchstone from Lamp, you shall have it, my boy; I'd resign Orlando to you with any other Rosalind; but the lady of the mansion plays it herself, you rogue.

_Harry._ The very lady my father intended for me. [_Aside._] Do you love her, Jack?

_Rover._ To distraction; but I'll not have her.

_Harry._ No! Why?

_Rover._ She thinks me a gentleman, and I'll not convince her I am a rascal. I'll go on with our play, as the produce is appropriated to a good purpose, and then lay down my 'squireship, bid adieu to my heavenly Rosalind, and exit for ever from her house, poor Jack Rover.

_Harry._ The generous fellow I ever thought him! and he sha'n't lose by it. If I could make him believe--[_Aside._] Well, this is the most whimsical affair! You've antic.i.p.ated, superseded me, ha! ha! ha! You'll scarce believe that I'm come here too (purposely though) to pa.s.s myself for this young Henry.

_Rover._ No!

_Harry._ I am.

_Sir Geo._ [_Without._] Harry, where are you?

_Rover._ Eh! who's that?

_Harry._ Ah! ah! ah! I'll try it; my father will be cursedly vexed; but no other way. [_Aside._

_Rover._ Somebody called Harry--Zounds! "if the real Simon Pure"

should be arrived, I'm in a fine way!

_Harry._ Be quiet--that's my confederate.

_Rover._ Eh!

_Harry._ He's to personate the father, Sir George. He started the scheme, having heard that a union was intended, and Sir George not immediately expected--our plan is, if I can, before his arrival, flourish myself into the lady's good graces, and whip her up, as she's an heiress.

_Rover._ But who is this comrade?

_Harry._ One of our company, a devilish good actor in the old man.

_Rover._ So you're turned fortune-hunter! Oh, oh! then 'twas on this plan that you parted with me on the road, standing like a finger post, "you walk up that way, and I must walk down this." [_Mimicks._] Why, d.i.c.k, I did'nt know you were half so capital a rogue.

_Harry._ I did'nt know my forte lay that way, till persuaded by this experienced stager.

_Rover._ He must be an impudent old scoundrel; who is he? Do I not know him?

_Harry._ Why, no--I hope not. [_Aside._

_Rover._ I'll step down stairs, and have the honour of--I'll kick him.

_Harry._ Stop! No, I wou'dn't have him hurt neither.

_Rover._ What's his name?

_Harry._ His name is--is--Abraw.a.n.g.

_Rover._ Abraw.a.n.g! Abraw.a.n.g! I never heard of him; but, d.i.c.k, why would you let him persuade you to such a scandalous affair?

_Harry._ Why faith, I would have been off it; but when once he takes a project into his head, the devil himself can't drive him out of it.

_Rover._ Yes; but the constable may drive him into Winchester gaol.

_Harry._ Eh! your opinion of our intended exploit has made me ashamed of myself--Ha! ha! ha! Harkey, Jack, to frighten and punish my adviser, do you still keep on your character of young 'Squire Thunder--you can easily do that, as he, no more than myself, has ever seen the young gentleman.