Why Harem Intrigue When You Can Just Raise A Dog Instead Chapter 28

Chapter 28: Imperial Women (御女)

After the Gracious Consort served the Emperor that night, he seemed to have taken a liking to her, favouring her [1] for several days in a row. During this period, the Emperor also visited other concubines, spending half the night here, half the night there, he busily travelled from palace to palace. At most, he slept with nine women in one night, deserving praise for being outstandingly vigorous. His strong and energetic actions shattered the rumor that he ‘couldn’t perform’.

The concubines who received favour either had an ill.u.s.trious family background, birthed a prince, or had distinctly beautiful features. All together, these women caused n.o.ble Consort Li no end of trouble.

Previously, the Emperor did not show much interest in women, but to reap the benefits, everyday there was pa.s.sionate lovemaking [2] without fail. Never before had the Emperor frequented the Inner Palace for several months in a row. Thus, n.o.ble Consort Li was sure that he had damaged his core essence and had begun to move against him. But in light of the present situation, she became a target for all the women of the Inner Palace, a stepping stone blocking their rise to power, the greatest obstacle for their sons to obtain the position of Crown Prince.

The feeling of having everyone turn against her was really not easy to bear. Even if n.o.ble Consort Li’s tricks succeeded, there was still the matter of being unable to hold her ground. Complicating matters, the Emperor would check the princes’ homework each day in the Imperial Study. No matter how well the Second Prince performed, no matter how outstanding he was, he was bound to be scolded. In a measly eight or nine days under these conditions, the Second Prince’s self-esteem and self-confidence already took a ma.s.sive hit. He became more and more gloomy, his temperament more and more disagreeable.

For her son’s sake, n.o.ble Consort Li finally gave in, running to Qian’qing Palace to kneel and ask for punishment. After kneeling for half a day, she finally obtained the Emperor’s forgiveness and he visited Feng’luan Palace that very night. As usual, the Emperor spent the second half of the night visiting the various palaces, literally bestowing everyone with favour equally, to their delight [3]. In this struggle for imperial favour, the Gracious Consort, who had been called upon every night, emerged as a new force to be reckoned with, becoming the most favoured concubine after the Virtuous Consort. Lower-ranked concubines could only be regulated to the ma.s.ses.

In Bi’xiao Palace, Meng Sangyu hugged A’Bao and read a book while listening to Nurse Feng’s report on the palace’s state of affairs wearing a strange expression on her face.

Emperor Zhou’wu who was snuggled in her embrace had a wooden expression. Having endured Nurse Feng’s provocation for ten days, he lost the ability to change his facial features, resulting in facial paralysis with an irritable expression. His heart that was originally as strong as steel was now getting an upgrade, being refined by blood and fire into a diamond. The blood naturally came from his bleeding heart while the fire was his towering flames of fury.

“To sleep with nine women, I always thought that was just a myth.” Meng Sangyu lowered the book in her hand. Her face had a complicated expression while she calculated how many green hats [4] the real Emperor Zhou’wu would have to wear if things continued to progress at this pace. With recent events, he has already successfully ascended to the top position of Great Zhou’s Green Hat King! The Emperor was the Emperor after all – even wearing green hats was done on such a spectacular scale!

“Sleeping with nine women in one night is considered small. The great Founder of our dynasty once slept with 17 women, Ming Wu’zong [5] slept with 12, and the previous dynasty’s Song [6] ancestors slept with 30 or more women at once (Author’s Note: these two occurred for real in history). Previously, the Emperor would only visit one palace per night and was considered extremely restrained.” Nurse Feng explained in detail.

“If I had to comment, with the Emperor indulging himself in pa.s.sion every night, yet obtaining a reputation for being disinterested in women, it’s actually because of such a contrast in behaviour. Going against convention and indulging in women by night while managing government affairs by day, straining the mind and body, how could his body not suffer? Therefore, those who have the talent to be an emperor always have such short-lived lives. Carefully count Great Zhou’s past emperors. those that could live until age 50 are less than one, if not zero.” Meng Sangyu rubbed her fingers through A’Bao’s newly grown fur along his back, sighing with emotion.

Emperor Zhou’wu was stunned. After carefully thinking it over, he found there was some truth to her words. He had received an emperor’s education from a young age. Regarding women in the harem, the Late Emperor had instructed him: The former Yellow Emperor [7] slept with 1,200 women before ascending to immortality [8]…… To be able to bed 12 women before needing to recharge keeps one young and attractive. If one can sleep with 93 women and still stay hard, then one can live for 10, 000 years.”

The Late Emperor himself could sleep with 12 women without c.u.mming, but he still died all the same. He had just turned 30 years-old when he had urinary and defecation problems and left the mortal world. It proves that these words are not credible.

While he was lost in his thoughts, Meng Sangyu continued to sigh deeply, her tone rather resentful, “Thankfully, the real Emperor only visits one palace per night, or else I would have to find a rope to hang myself. Just thinking of him putting his cuc.u.mber inside me when it has recently been inside other women makes me want to vomit. Every emperor is the world’s greatest sc.u.mbag!”

What cuc.u.mber? What sc.u.mbag? Emperor Zhou’wu briefly thought about it before understanding what she was saying, his face turning black, but then he secretly congratulated himself. Thankfully he wasn’t so unrestrained, never having done anything that would cause Sangyu to detest him even more. Otherwise, once his soul returned to his body, he didn’t know if he would be able to win her heart. Since she already dislikes the fact that he visits other palaces, then he just won’t visit them. That way he would still appear moral and upright, killing two birds with one stone.

Nurse Feng saw that her master’s thoughts had wandered off, and couldn’t help but direct her back to the topic at hand, “Your Ladyship, with that imposter being so active in the Imperial Harem, when the Emperor wakes up, what will happen to those concubines?”

“Nurse, these things are not matters we should worry over. The fact that we can manage to protect ourselves is already pretty good. How can we spare the energy to meddle in other people’s affairs? So long as we spread one word of the matter concerning the Fake Emperor, the only path that awaits us will be death. Before Father sends back any news, we can only feign ignorance, do you understand?” Meng Sangyu warned sternly.

Emperor Zhou’wu hmphed twice, his little paws batting at the back of Meng Sangyu’s hands that were clenched tight.

“Yes, this servant understands, this servant only could not bring herself to watch the current situation, but for the sake of Your Ladyship’s safety, this servant definitely won’t spill one word. If the Emperor knew of this matter, who knows whether he would wake from his coma out of anger.” Nurse Feng sighed deeply.

“Even he wakes up from anger, I’m afraid he might pa.s.s out again from anger. With so many green hats to wear, even if he wore a new one every day for a year, he still wouldn’t be able to wear them all. It is enough punishment for any emperor.” Meng Sangyu was enjoying herself, seeing that sc.u.mbag’s misfortune, she was delighted.

Emperor Zhou’wu’s little paws stiffened, his warm expression changing once again into a wooden one for a while. We did not awake out of rage, nor will We pa.s.s out from anger, We are already accustomed to it! The little person in his heart faced the wind shedding tears, his throat blocked by a mouthful of old blood, unable to swallow.

“Your Ladyship, the Imperial Household Department’s [9] workshop just delivered A’Bao’s dog tag. Would Your Ladyship like to see?” Bi’shui held a brocade box in her hands, walking over to the divan’s side to first pay respects to her master. Yin’cui followed close behind her holding a pot of tea.

“Bring it over and let me see.” Meng Sangyu’s eyes immediately brightened.

Bi’shui opened the brocade box in her hands.

The dog tag was carved into the shape of auspicious clouds, about the size of a jade pendant. Taking A’Bao’s small body into account, it was made to be as light as possible so that when A’Bao wears it, he can feel comfortable. Meng Sangyu especially instructed the craftsmen to use a hollowing technique, and the five big gold plated words also used a fine gold powder, appearing expensive and eye catching. The weight was extremely light.

The skill of the craftsmen from the Imperial Household Department goes without saying. Meng Sangyu inspected the piece for a while without finding any faults. Only then did she give it to A’Bao, putting it around his neck.

The colour of the red sandalwood was very similar to the brown colour of A’Bao’s newly grown fur. Once he put it on, the dog tag and his fur merged together, the five big gold-plated words shimmering on his neck. On A’Bao’s neck, it looked dazzling and special.

What Meng Sangyu wanted was just this kind of result, picking up A’Bao from the ground by her feet, she held him close so that their noses touched each other, smiling warmly, “Our A’Bao has an imperially bestowed dog tag now, and is officially a doggy with status and position, let’s see who dares to bully you in the future! If there are still people with no eyes, we’ll just use this dog tag to slap their face! And slap them soundly at that!” Finished speaking, she wrinkled her nose and made a devilish expression. Looks like she still held a grudge over the fact that A’Bao was injured last time.

Without Sangyu there, how many days could he survive in this palace alone? Emperor Zhou’wu’s heart weakened, his eyes dampened. He whined wuu~ wuu~, carefully licking the woman’s plump, exquisite lips bit by bit with his tongue, thinking that her every expression was beautiful. Even if she purposely made herself ugly, her ugliness was also cute.

Meng Sangyu also giggled, returning his kisses every time, the master and pet pair fooled around on the divan, blind to their surroundings.

After another few days pa.s.sed, A’Bao’s body that was covered with injuries finally seemed to just about recover. Imperial Doctor Wen was long summoned to Bi’xiao Palace by the Virtuous Consort to change A’Bao’s dressings.

“How is his condition?” she couldn’t stand waiting and asked.

“He’s recovering well, A’Bao seems to have gotten fatter, and grown stronger too. Your Ladyship is very meticulous in your care.” Imperial Doctor Wen said full of smiles. He was originally a person who also adored small animals.

“That’s great. Is there any area that needs particular care?” Meng Sangyu sighed with relief.

“His throat still needs to recover for a few more days. Please try to make sure that he does not howl or bark loudly.” Explaining simply, Imperial Doctor Wen picked up his medicine case and paid his respects before leaving.

Heavily rewarding Imperial Doctor Wen, then seeing him off, Meng Sangyu held A’Bao’s little paws and carefully examined them. His nails were newly grown, translucent and white, his badly mangled paw pads were now pink and tender, extremely soft to the touch. Meng Sangyu was struck by an irresistible urge, unable to stop herself from bringing A’Bao’s cute little paws to her lips and giving them a kiss, a clever smile on her lips.

The soft and gentle sensation similar to b.u.t.terfly wings caused Emperor Zhou’wu’s whole body to go limp, a scorching warmth spread from his palms (TL: or paws?) towards his heart, the pu-tong pu-tong sound [10] was so fierce, as if the whole world could hear. If he didn’t have his fur to cover him, his bright red face and excitement would be thoroughly exposed by the surging love in his heart.

His heart had never been so moved by a woman before, as if having her would be like obtaining the world. All of the colours paled in comparison, leaving only her vivacious and striking presence. In such a large palace, there’s no need to look very hard, just a scent, an instinct, allows him to accurately locate her whereabouts. This is an intimate, near-instinctual kind of love. (Author’s Note: You’re the real thing! Isn’t it instinct for dogs to love their owners!)

Emperor Zhou’wu moaned in the woman’s warm embrace. Suddenly between them was a feeling of dropping towards a bottomless chasm, but he was most willing to.

The woman’s sweet and agreeable voice bore into his ears, “A’Bao, wag your tail for me! Let me see whether or not you hurt the nerves on your tail.”

Since his surging emotions of love had not calmed down yet, Emperor Zhou’wu started to subconsciously cheerfully wag his tail while staying in her arms.

The woman hugged him and giggled. In Emperor Zhou’wu’s heart, he groaned: We can’t be saved! Stinking woman, look what you did! We really turned into your pet!

After groaning, he once again became fascinated by the woman’s bright and charming smile, the love in his pitch black eyes as deep as the sea. It is a pity that the object of his love and his current form as a dog automatically translated his deep love into the attachment a pet feels for their master instead* (TL: Took some liberties with the translation here so that it makes more sense in English).

The dog Emperor’s pursuit of his wife had a long road ahead.

TL Notes:

[1] Literally “flipping her nameplate”. In ancient times, the Emperor would choose who to sleep with by flipping over a plaque/tablet with the desired consort’s palace name. The plaque’s material may differ depending on the consort’s rank.

[2] 春宵 – literally “spring night”. It refers to a night of s.e.xual bliss – love blossoming like the flowers in spring~

[3] The original phrase was, “真正做到了雨露均沾，皆大欢喜.” 雨露 = to favour or grace sb with sth; 均沾 = to share equally.

[4] 戴绿帽子 Dai Lv Mao Zi is an expression in Chinese implying that one’s wife or girlfriend is having an affair a.k.a. that person is a cuckold. Supposedly in the Ming and Yuan dynasties, men whose female relatives were prost.i.tutes would have to wear green head coverings.

[5] Official name of the eleventh Ming Emperor, Emperor Zheng’de

[6] I’m a.s.suming that this is set in the Ming Dynasty since they refer to a Ming Emperor above. FYI: Ming Dynasty (1368 – 1644 A.D.) ‘Song’ here could refer to the Song Dynasty (960 – 1279 A.D.) or the Southern and Northern Dynasties (420 – 589 A.D.). Song was also a va.s.sal state of the Zhou dynasty in 1046-256 B.C..

[7] The Yellow Emperor was the legendary ruler of China and the ancestor of the Chinese people.

[8] Ascending to immortality = dying (Emperor level)

[9] 内务府 Imperial Household Department that looks after all the internal matters of the Imperial family

[10] 扑通 Chinese onomatopoeia for heart beats; Chinese equivalent of doki doki in j.a.panese

TL Thoughts:

Ahaha so much talk about the bedroom here… what did I expect… it’s a harem after all. Happy that ZW has his shiny new dog tag now :3 I’m looking forward to MSY’s reaction if someone messes with him… The end of the chapter was so cute ❤