Whose Baby Part 23

When Adam failed to volunteer details about his married life, conversation drifted again. Eugene Warren, the third partner in their brokerage, wanted to complain about his clients' demands for Internet stocks, an old refrain.

"HiTechis the latest." He rubbed the top of his head, already balding though he was only in his mid-thirties. "The P/E stinks!"

The price to earning ratio, a standard for judging whether a stock was overvalued, was lousy for most Internet stocks. Amazon.com stock sold for as much as companies with solid earnings, even though the Internet book mart still wasn't posting a profit.

"You know that's true of all Internet stocks," Ron said mildly.

Warrenstuck like a tick to his grievances. "They're going to crash one of these days. A company like Amazon.com orHiTech has no real a.s.sets. h.e.l.l, a few phones and a warehouse are all that's behind the fancy graphics. What are we valuing?"

"Potential?" Adam suggested.

"All in the eye of the beholder. The projections are pie in the sky! If it looks too good to be true, it is. You know that. Let's have a little healthy cynicism here, can we?"

Desserts arrived, and Ron picked up his fork. "Gene, we've talked about this before. We can't use the same standards for judging these companies. They represent something completely new, a different way of making money. They're breaking pound. Sure, prices will probably shake out at some point. But in the foreseeable future? I don't think so.HiTech has a great website, they're delivering the product fast, and customers are flocking to them. I think their market will grow."

Gene Warrencontinued, his thesis something to the effect that shopping on the Internet was a novelty. People would get tired of waiting for their computers to load web pages, tired of having to return items that didn't look anything like they did in the tiny grainy picture on the computer screen.

Waiting for his wife to return, Adam couldn't keep his mind on an old discussion about business. He hadn't seenLynnin a dress more than a time or two. She was beautiful tonight, in a simple teal-colored sheath of rough silk. That glorious hair was anch.o.r.ed in a French roll on the back of her head, the tiny runaway tendrils appearing intentional.

When she'd twirled for his approval, she'd smiled impishly. "This dress is courtesy of your credit card, I must warn you."

"It's stunning." Her legs went on forever. No, not forever, as her deliciously rounded bottom suggested. " You'restunning," he amended, probably sounding as dazed as he felt. "Worth everypenny, and a h.e.l.l of a lot more."

"Why, thank you."

She sounded the tiniest bit breathless, which made him wonder whether it was so obvious that he would have liked to whip that zipper back down and strip the simple little dress right off. Or maybe just hitch it up to her waist...

d.a.m.n. Sitting here at the table, he was hardening at the idea. Whatever else you could say about their marriage, the s.e.x was good. Better than good. Incredible. No wonder they looked happy.

Theywere happy. He was reasonably sure she felt the same.

Eugene Warren's axiom echoed in his ears.If it looks too good to be true, it is.

d.a.m.n Eugene Warren and his perennially pessimistic outlook, Adam thought in irritation. Just because life was good didn't mean something had to go wrong. His arrangement withLynnwas giving them both what they wanted. How could that go sour?

Sure, you're getting what you want,an inner voice jeered.You're getting everything: a willing, pa.s.sionate s.e.xual partner, both daughters, all the trappings of a happy marriage. In return you're giving ... what?

Knowing he was being defensive, still he fired back,Thesame .Lynnwasn't suffering here.

He wasn't the only one who thought she was happy. Even these old friends had a similar impression. He and Lynn had everything going for them. The only part of a conventional marriage they'd skipped were the wordsI love you , and neither he nor Lynn needed them.

Deep in his brooding, he didn't hear her footsteps. She was already pulling out her chair and saying, "Ooh. Look at that cheesecake," when he caught her scent. Adam stood and pushed in the chair after she'd sat.

"Thank you," she murmured, and began talking to Jillian across the table. Something about an art fair for children that was being held at a school.

"Face painting," Jillian was saying, "you know the girls would love that!Oh, and there's always sand art and finger painting for the little ones, and origami. And swirl art!" She laughed. "Now, there's a mess to clean up! But the kids have a great time. Do bring Sh.e.l.ly and Rose."

Adam wanted to kissLynn's neck, right where those tiny wisps of auburn hair curled like miniature tumbleweeds. She had incredible skin, milky pale with just a hint of peach, like the redhead she wasn't quite. He'd pull out the pins securing her hair one at a time, until the thick ma.s.s of curls tumbled into his hands and over her bare shoulders. Slither that silk sheath down her slender arms, exposing the lacy bra he'd caught a glimpse of as he zipped up the dress for her. Why, he wondered idly, was undressing a woman such a turn-on, even when a man knew what he'd find under the silk?

Because he liked what he would find, he answered himself. From an erotic cloud of hair to her generous b.r.e.a.s.t.s, he loved her body. And it wasn't just that. Her kisses were shy, not provocative. Sweet, as if they meant something beyond the moment. The soundsLynnmade he found especially endearing. It was as if she couldn't help herself. He liked that: knowing she wa.s.shy, and probably blushed the next day at the memory of herself sobbing with pleasure or whimpering at the touch of his hand, but that he moved her beyond inhibitions.

One of the men asked him something about the Trailblazers,Portland's pro basketball team, and Adam answered, but as briefly as possible. Impatience barely in check, he waited forLynnto finish her cheesecake.

As she swallowed the last bite, he tossed some bills onto the table and said abruptly, "We need to get home. Grandma is baby-sitting, you know, and it's after her bedtime."

A wide, devilish smile spread across his buddy Ron's face."Uh-huh. Sure.It's Grandma's bedtime you're worrying about."

"Shut up," Adam said amiably. He tookLynn's hand and tugged her to her feet. "We're newlyweds, aren't we? We're ent.i.tled."

They escaped only after a couple more minutes of razzing. In the lobby,Lynnshrugged into her coat when he held it for her. Neither talking, they went out intoPortland's usual chilly, damp night.

"Areyou concerned about Angela baby-sitting?" she asked, as he unlocked the pa.s.senger car door for her.

He pulled her to him for a quick, hard kiss. "Nope. I got to imagining how much I was going to enjoy unzipping your dress."

"Oh." He could hear her blush, if such a thing were possible.

On the drive home,Lynnagreed that she liked his friends, liked their wives,had indeed made plans to take Rose and Sh.e.l.ly to the art fair at the elementary school where Jillian served as PTA president. Yes, she thought she could be friends with Jillian in particular; did Adam know that she'd written a children's book and was seeking a publisher?

Despite her willingness to answer direct questions,Lynnwas rather quiet. It seemed to Adam that her voice was constrained. Maybe she was tired, he decided. Could be she'd been nervous about meeting his friends and was relieved it was over. Or she was anxious about leaving the girls with Angela. There were any number of reasons she might be a little distracted.

But on top of his earlier brooding, it bothered him that she wasn't as open as usual, that she seemed to be doing some brooding of her own.

If it looks too good to be true...The wail of a distant siren seemed to whisper just to him.

He had too many moments like this, when he felt as if he were balancing a dozen winegla.s.ses on his nose like the Chinese acrobats he'd taken Rose to see last fall. Any misstep and he'd see them teeter, arc in slow motion through the air, shatter on the floor. Maybe it was losing Jennifer the way he had. He knew how quickly the rug could be yanked out from under you.

Especially when the only promises given were "I'll try my best," and a more formal "I do."

At home her smile seemed forced, too, when Angela jabbered about the cute things Sh.e.l.ly said and how smart she was and wasn't it nice that the girls loved each other like sisters?

"Thanks for baby-sitting, Mom." Adam kissed her cheek and managed to get her heading toward the front door. He walked her out to her car, thanked her ten more times, and stood with hands in pockets watching until the brake lights winked once and her BMW disappeared into the trees. Asking her to baby-sit had beenLynn's idea; he had always waited in vain for her to volunteer. She'd agreed with such alacrity, he guessed she hadwanted to be asked. Apparently he and she were two of a kind. Thanks to Lynn, his relationship with Angela and Rob was the best it had ever been.

More surprisingly, he'd realized recently that he was seeing more of his own parents, too. Just today, his mother had called to chat. She'd asked a few probing questions about his marriage, which made Adam wonder ifLynnhadn't been right after all. His mother might care more than he'd suspected. These past weeks, they'd come to dinner several times and had Lynn, Adam and the girls over to their place. h.e.l.l, his mother had even given Sh.e.l.ly and Rose a tour of her studio! Adam was coming to the unwelcome conclusion that he had shut his parents out, not the other way around. He was lucky thatLynnwas around to mend fences he'd evidently damaged in his clumsiness.

Lynn. He locked the front door behind him, antic.i.p.ation quickening in him. He could take his wife to bed. At last. There, at least, they were close, their moods invariably in sync. She wanted him, he had no doubt about that much.

She'd left lights on downstairs but had apparently already gone up. Disquiet touched him. Was something wrong? Had somebody said something tonight that upset her? d.a.m.n it, why wasn't she talking to him?

Irritably he asked himself why he was jumping to conclusions. Maybe she'd slipped upstairs to get ready for him. He might find her lounging in a s.e.xy pose on the bed. He just hoped she hadn't taken the dress off. He wanted to save that pleasure for himself.

Flipping off lights as he went, Adam paused in the upstairs hall, as he knewLynnwould have done a few minutes before, to step into the girls' bedroom and a.s.surehimself they were both safely tucked into bed, healthy, their sleep untroubled. As he stood beside the bed, Rose's eyes opened and she gazed sleepily up at him.

"Daddy," she whispered.

He bent down, cupped her face and kissed her forehead. "Mommy and I are home. You sleep tight, sweetheart."

"'kay, Daddy," she murmured even as her heavy lids sank closed. After a moment of stillness, a small snore escaped her parted lips and she rolled away, nestling closer to Sh.e.l.ly.

Adam's smile died when he reached his bedroom and sawLynn. Her back was to him. She'd already shinnied out of her panty hose, unclipped her earrings and let down her hair. As he watched, she ma.s.saged her scalp, then ran her fingers through the curls and shook them out. At last, she groped behind her neck for the zipper on her silk dress.

He stepped silently behind her and eased the zipper down. She started,then bowed her head to let him work. As the dress parted, he brushed his lips along her nape. The skin was so soft here. With his fingertips Adam traced her spine, ignoring the catch of her bra, slipping inside her panties. She moaned.

"Are you tired?" he asked. "You didn't wait for me."

"I am tired,"Lynnadmitted.

"If you want to go right to sleep..." Hoping like h.e.l.l she'd say no, Adam nuzzled the curve between neck and shoulder.

She sucked in a breath. "I thought I would." Her voice was throaty, not much above a whisper.

Disappointment smacked him in the face, fear in the gut. She might just be tired. But what if it was more?

He straightened away from her. With determined civility, Adam said, "Then you'd better get right to bed. Would you rather I read downstairs for a while?"

"No."Lynnturned suddenly and wrapped her arms around his neck. "No, don't go. I'm not that tired."

"If you want to sleep, it might be best..." The translation, he thought grimly, was,I need to put some distance between us if I can't have you.

Her eyes were huge and dark, and he felt tension quivering through her. "You've changed my mind. If ... if you're still in the mood."

The disappointment evaporated like a cold sweat; the fear lingered. She tugged his head down to hers with a hint of desperation. Her mouth was needy, her fingers on his tie and shirt b.u.t.tons clumsy. She seemed suddenly frantic for him.

He shrugged out of his shirt as she swept it from his shoulders. Her dress pooled at her feet. As he flicked the catch of her bra, she was already unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly, taking him in her hands. She made mewling sounds as he reached inside her panties and found her hot and damp.

"Yes. Right now," shewhispered, an ache in her voice. "I want you."

He stripped the panties from her as he laid her on the bed. The ceiling light was still on. There seemed nothing romantic about what they were doing right now, but he was past caring or remembering the slow seduction he'd planned.

Her urgency had communicated itself to him. He didn't even get his pants off before she tugged him down. Thrusting inside her, he drank in her cries with his mouth. She whimpered when normally she would have sighed softly. Clutching desperately at his back and shoulders, her nails bit into his flesh. When his mouth left hers, she pleaded with him.

"Harder. Faster. Oh, yes. Now! Oh, please, now!"

Ripples traveled through her belly and she cried his name. "Adam!"

Groaning, teeth gritted, he finished with a triumphant shout, emptying himself inside her. He collapsed on top of her, his mind eddying in a dark whirlpool. What in h.e.l.l had happened here? Why had she been too tired one second, then too impatient to wait for him to kick off his trousers the next?

He liked being wanted. He didn't like the fact that she had seemed to need the physical release more than the intimacy of their lovemaking.

He must be crushing her, he realized. It seemed a superhuman effort to roll to one side, but he managed. When he tried to take Lynn with him, keep her wrapped in his arms, she stiffened.

"I'm cold," she said in a small voice. "I think I'll take a shower. If you don't mind."

That brought his eyes open. "Why would I mind?"

"I'll be back to bed in a few minutes." She was definitely beating a retreat. She slipped off the bed and scooped up her dress, holding it in front of her as if to hide her nakedness. A second later the bathroom door shut and he heard the shower start.

He usually felt good in the aftermath of s.e.x. This time he felt ... obscene. Sprawled on his back on the bed, ankles cuffed by his trousers.

Swearing, Adam sat up and finished undressing. He hung up his slacks and tie, draped the shirt over a chair, and pulled on his pajama bottoms. He brushed his teeth and splashed water on his face at one of the two sinks outside the bathroom. Leaving on the lamp at Lynn's side of the bed, he switched off the overhead light and climbed into bed.

Her shower wasn't a quickie. It ran and ran, as if she felt the need to scrub every inch of her body, or simply to let the hot water unknot the tension he'd felt. Guessing that she'd prefer it, Adam pretended to be asleep when she finally, quietly, came out. Water ran briefly in the sink as she too brushed her teeth. A moment later the mattress gave as she sat. The lamp went out, and she slipped in on her side of the bed, seemingly careful not to touch him.

Wide-awake, Adam wondered how Lynn really felt about him. She had entered willingly into their bargain, but he knew d.a.m.n well that was for the sake of the girls. When he screwed her tonight there was no other way to put it did she pretend he was someone else? When she'd pulled his mouth down to his, changing her mind with such odd abruptness, did she hunger for the physical connection without it matteringwho held her?

Did she think about him during the day, or in the night when they were separated? Had her feelings for him grown, or were they still two strangers who happened to share a bed?

Adam hadn't expected to feel so insecure. Not daring to move, he stared into the darkness and knew that something was missing for him in this marriage. He didn't like discovering that he wanted her to love him. She said, "I want you," and it wasn't good enough. The words and everything that went with them counted after all.

What kind of jerk did that make him,considering he didn't, couldn't, return her love ?

Did she wonder if he closed his eyes and imagined he was making love to Jennifer? The idea unexpectedly jolted him. Was that what was wrong?

The possibility was particularly ironic considering his own guilt because he so seldom did think about Jennifer anymore. She was slipping away from him, Lynn's vivid presence routing the ghost. He had trouble seeing Jenny's face anymore, hearing her laugh; she no longer visited his dreams. He sure as h.e.l.l didn't imagine her when he was making love to Lynn.

That guilt crushed him suddenly in its grip. He'd lied to himself, he thought in despair. He'd never intended to hold Jennifer close to his heart once he had remarried. His promises on their wedding day, the vows he'd sworn to G.o.d beside her deathbed, all meant nothing. Out of sight, out of mind.

Muscles rigid, Adam wasn't sure he could keep lying here in this bed next to his too-still wife. He needed to be away from her. Able to pace. Bang his head against a wall. He needed to find Jennifer again, if she was here at all.

Or maybe, just maybe, he needed to find a way to say goodbye. Lynn deserved better than their farce of a marriage. Could he give it to this shy, gentle woman with guts, brains and a heart?

Before he lost her?

Her breathing was regular, soft. His gaze sought the light numbers on the clock. He'd been lying here for twenty minutes now. She must be asleep.

Making slow movements only, he edged his legs over the side of the bed and sat up, then, careful not to tug at the covers, stood. He kept a bathrobe on a hook inside the bathroom door. He'd earlier turned down the thermostat, so he shrugged into the bathrobe. Lynn hadn't moved. She had to be asleep. She wouldn't even notice he was gone.

He didn't turn on a light until he reached his home office downstairs. There, Adam ignored the computer and fax machine. It was the large leather alb.u.m he reached for, the one he kept on a low shelf so Rose could look at photos of her mother whenever she chose.

He sat in the large leather armchair and opened the alb.u.m in his lap. On the first page were pictures taken while they were engaged. G.o.d, she looked young, was his first thought. Not so different from Sh.e.l.ly. A girl. Shesparkled, Jenny did, even in a photograph. He traced the lines of her pixie face, alight with laughter, and remembered the first time they met, when she'd chattered so fast he didn't know half of what she said. She was beautiful, but in a different way with her eyes slanted like a cat's, her high cheekbones and pointy chin. She'd worn her brown hair short, increasing the elfin effect. Next to her, he had always felt stolid, slow moving. Even his thoughts couldn't jump from idea to idea with the lightning speed of hers. He had fallen in love with Jenny McCloskey immediately, and loved her until the day she died. Loved her even afterward, when he had been left to raise their daughter alone.

Slowly he turned the pages and watched her mature from that laughing girl to a stylish, sophisticated woman who never quite lost the mischief in her eyes. In the last photos, Jenny was pregnant, her face slightly rounder, her stomach ripe with their child. Not Rose, but Sh.e.l.ly.

Ah, Jenny, Adam thought,are you really gone?Is it time to say goodbye?

"You still miss her."

His head shot up so fast he bit his tongue.d.a.m.n . Lynn had sneaked up on him. She stood in the doorway, looking small and vulnerable in the thick chenille robe that had been a Christmas gift from her mother. Her eyes were fixed not on him, but on the open alb.u.m.

Adam resisted the temptation to close it. He swallowed. "No. Most of the time, I don't think about her." Because of you. But he didn't say that. It sounded too much like an accusation.

"May I see?"

Wordlessly he turned the photo alb.u.m and held it out. Lynn took it from him and gazed down at his first wife, pregnant with the child she had raised as her own.

With shock he saw her eyes brim with tears. She touched the photo, too. "She your Jennifer would have adored Sh.e.l.ly."

Adam opened his mouth to sayand Rose, but he couldn't. Jenny had been so quick, soimpatient, he thought Rose might have driven her crazy.