White Gold Wielder Part 31

For a moment, the Graveler and Covenant glared at each other; and Linden held her breath. But then Hollian broke the intensity. Leaning close to Sunder, grinning as if she meant to bite his ear, she breathed, "Son of Na.s.sic, you have fallen far into folly if you credit that I will be divided from you in the name of simple safety."

Covenant threw up his hands. "Oh, h.e.l.l," he muttered.

"G.o.d preserve me from stubborn people." He sounded vexed; but his frown had lost its seriousness.

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Linden gave a sigh of relief. She caught Hollian's glance, and a secret gleam pa.s.sed between them. With feigned brusqueness, she said, "We're going to leave at noon. You might as well go get ready. We'll meet you in the forehall."

Allowing Covenant no opportunity to demur, she drew him into Mhoram's quarters and closed the door.

But later even through Revelstone's vital rock she felt the midday of the desert sun approaching; and her heart shrank from it. Sunder was right: the Sunbane had not been diminished. And she did not know bow much more of it she 293 could bear. She had stood up to it across the expanse of the North Plains. She had faced Gibbon-Raver, although his mere proximity had made the darkness in her writhe for release. But those exertions bad pushed her to her limits. And she had had no sleep. The comfort of Covenant's love did many things for her, but it could not make her immune to weariness. In spite of the shielding Keep, a visceral dread seeped slowly into her.

Covenant himself was not impervious to apprehension. The mood in which he hugged her was complicated by a tension that felt like grief. When Call called them to the forehall, Covenant did not hesitate. But his eyes seemed to avoid hers, and his hands fumbled as he buckled his belt, laced up his boots.

For a moment, she did not join him. She sat naked on Mhoram's bed and watched him, unwilling to cover his place against her b.r.e.a.s.t.s with the less intimate touch of her shirt Yet she knew that she had to go with him, that everything she had striven for would be wasted if she faltered now. She said his name to make him look at her; and when he did so, she faced her fear as directly as she could.

"I don't really understand what you think you're going to do*but I suppose that doesn't matter. Not right now, anyway.

I'll go with you*anywhere. But Instill haven't answered my own question. Why me?" Perhaps what she meant was. Why do you love me? What am I, that you should love me? But she knew that if she asked her question in those terms she might not comprehend the reply. "Why was I chosen? Why did Gibbon keep insisting I'm the one*?" She swallowed a lump of darkness. "The one who's going to desecrate the Earth." Even if I give in*even if I go crazy and decide I want to be like him after all. Where would I get that kind of power?

Covenant met her gaze through the dim lantern-light. He stood straight and dear before her, a figure of dread and love and contradiction; and he seemed to know what she sought.

Yet the timbre of his voice told her he was not certain of it.

"Questions like that are hard. You have to create your own answer. The last time I was here, I didn't know I was going to beat Foul until I did it. Then I could look back and say that was the reason. I was chosen because I had the capacity to do what I did*even though I didn't know it" He spoke (239 of 399) [1/19/03 11:38:43 PM]

294 quietly, but his manner could not conceal the implications of severity and hope which ran through his words. "I Ihink you were chosen because you're like me. We're the kind of people who just naturally feel responsible for each other.

Foul thinks he can use that to manipulate us. And the Creator*" For an instant, he reminded her strangely of the old man who had said to her, You will not fail, however he may a.s.sail you. There is also love in the world. "He hopes that together we'll become something greater than we would alone."

Severity and hope. Hope and despair. She did not know what would happen*but she knew how important it had become. Arising from the bed, she went to Covenant and kissed him hard. Then she donned her clothes quickly so that she would be ready to accompany him wherever he wanted to go.

In the name of his smile, she accepted everything.

While she hurried, Cail repeated his announcement that the Giants, Haruchai, and Stonedownors were waiting in the forehall. "We're coming!" Covenant responded. When she nodded, he opened the door and ushered her outward with a half humorous flourish, as if she were regal in his eyes.

Cail bowed to them, looking as much as his dispa.s.sion allowed like a man who wanted to say something and had almost made up his mind to say it. But Linden saw at a glance that he still had not found the right moment. She returned his bow because he, too, had become someone she could trust.

She had never doubted his fidelity, but the native extravagance of his judgment had always made him appear dangerous and unpredictable. Now, however, she saw him as a man who had pa.s.sed through repudiation and unworth to reach a crucial decision*a decision she hoped she would be able to comprehend.

Together, Covenant, Cail, and Linden left behind the bright silver aftermath of the Unbeliever's first encounter with the Clave. That radiance shining against her back gave her a pang of regret; it represented a part of him which had been lost. But he was frowning to himself as he strode forward, concentrating on what lay ahead. That was his answer to loss. And he did not need Call's guidance to find his way through the involute Keep. For a sharp moment, she let the 293 rue wash through her, experiencing it for both of them. Then she shrugged her attention back to his side and tried to brace herself for the Sunbane.

The forehall hardly resembled her memory of it. Its floor remained permanently peeked and gouged, awkward to walk; but the s.p.a.ce was bright with torches, and sunlight reflected through the broken gates. The bodies of the dead had been cleared away; the blood of battle had been sluiced (240 of 399) [1/19/03 11:38:43 PM]

from the stone. And the wounded had been moved to more- comfortable quarters. The improvement suggested that Revelstone might yet become habitable again.

Near the gates were gathered the people who had accompanied or fought for the Unbeliever and survived: the First of the Search with Pitchwife and Mistweave; Sunder and Hollian; Durris and Fole, Ham, Stell, and the rest of the Haruchai; the black Denaondim-sp.a.w.n; Findail the Appointed.

Pitchwife hailed Covenant and Linden as if the prospect of leaving Revelstone had restored some portion of his good cheer; but the rest of the company stood silent. They seemed to wait for Covenant as if he were the turning point of their lives. Even the Haruchai, Linden sensed with a touch of quiet wonder. In spite of their mountain-bred intransigence, they were balanced on a personal cusp and could be swayed. As Covenant drew near, each of them dropped to one knee in mute homage.

The others had fewer questions to ask. Neither Vain nor Findail had any use for questions. And Covenant had already accepted the companionship of the First and Pitchwife, Hollian and Sunder. They only needed to know where they were going. The issues which had yet to be resolved belonged to the Haruchai.

But when Covenant had urged Cail's people back to their feet, it was the First who addressed him. In spite of battle and grief, she looked refreshed. Unlike her husband, she had found exigencies and purposes she understood, was trained for, in the test of combat. "Earthfriend," she said formally, a gleam in her hair and her voice, "you are well come. The quenching of Clave and Banefire and the freeing of Revelstone merit high pride, and they will be honored in song from Sea to Sea wherever our people still hold music in their hearts. None would gainsay you, should you choose to bide 296.

White Gold Wielder here in rest and restoration. It is fitting that the craft and vision of this Giant-wrought bourne should serve as accolade to that which you and the Chosen have accomplished.

"Yet," she went on without pausing, "I applaud the purpose which draws you away. From peril to loss across the world I have followed in your wake, and at last have been granted to strike a blow against evil. But our losses have been dire and sore, and one blow does not suffice. I desire to strike again, if I am able. And (he Stonedownors have shown to us that the Sunbane remains, seeking the rapine of the Earth.

The Search has not reached its end. Earthfriend, where do you go?"

Linden looked at Covenant. He was an upright self-contradiction, at once fearful and intrepid. He held his head high as if he knew that he was worthy of the Giants and Haruchai, the Graveler and the eh-Brand; and sunlight reflecting from the washed stone lit his clean face, so that he looked like the pure bone of the Earth. And yet his shoulders were rigid, knotted in the act of strangling his own weakness, (241 of 399) [1/19/03 11:38:43 PM]

his desire to be spared. Too much depended on him, and he had no health-sense for guidance.

Frail, invincible, and human, he met the First's gaze, looked past her to Cail and Durris and the injured Haruchai.

Then he answered.

"When I was in Andelain, I met some of my old friends*

the people who had faith in me, took care of me, loved me long before I could do any of those things for myself.

Mhoram reminded me of a few lessons I should've already learned. Foamfollower gave me Vain. Banner promised his people would serve me. And Elena," Elena his daughter, who had loved him in the same unbalanced way that she bad hated Lord Foul, "told me what I'd have to do in the end.

She said, 'When the time is upon you, and you must confront the Despiser, he is to be found in Mount Thunder*in KJril Threndor, where he has taken up his abode.' " He swallowed thickly. "That's where I'm going. One way or another, I'm going to put an end to it."

Though he spoke quietly, his words seemed to ring and echo in the high hall- The First gave a nod of grim, eager approval.

She started to ask him where Mount Thunder was, then 297 stopped. Durris had taken a step forward. He faced Covenant with an unwonted intensity gleaming from his flat eyes.

"Ur-Lord, we will accompany you."

Covenant did not hesitate. In a voice as unshakable as the HaruchaCs, he said, "No, you won't."

Durris lifted an eyebrow, but permitted himself no other sign of surprise. For an instant, his attention shifted as he conferred silently with his people. Then he said, "It is as you have claimed. A promise of service was given to you by Banner of the Bloodguard among the Dead. And that service you have earned in our redemption from the compulsion and sacrifice of the Clave. Ur-Lord, we will accompany you to the last."

Pain twisted Covenant's mouth. But he did not waver. His hands were closed into fists, pressed against his thighs. "I said, no."

Again, Durris paused. The air was tight with suspense; issues Linden did not know how to estimate had come to a crisis. She did not truly comprehend Covenant's intent. The First moved as though she wanted to interpose some appeal or protest. But the Haruchai did not need her to speak for them. Durris leaned slightly closer to Covenant, and his look took on a hint of urgency. His people knew better than anyone else what was at stake. ^ "Thomas Covenant, bethink you." Obliquely, Linden wondered why it was Durris who spoke and not Cail. "The (242 of 399) [1/19/03 11:38:43 PM]

Haruchai are known to you. The tale of the Bloodguard is known to you. You have witnessed that proud, deathless Vow*and you have beheld its ending. Do not believe that we forget. In all the ages of that service, it was the grief of the Bloodguard that they gave no direct battle to Corruption.

And yet when the chance came to Banner*when he stood at your side upon Landsdrop with Saltheart Foamfollower and knew your purpose*he turned aside from it. You bad need Of him, and he turned aside.

"We do not judge him. The Vow was broken. But I say to you that we have tasted failure, and it is not to our liking.

We must restore our faith. We will not turn aside again."

Shifting still closer to Covenant, he went on as if he wanted no one else to hear him, "Ur-Lord, has it become with you as it was with Kevin Landwaster? Is it your intent to 298.

White Gold Wielder be parted from those who would prevent you from the Ritual of Desecration?"

At that. Linden expected Covenant to flare out. She wanted to protest herself, deny hotly Durris' unwarranted accusation.

But Covenant did not raise his voice. Instead, he lifted his half-hand between himself and Durris, turned it palm outward, spread his fingers. His ring clung like a manacle to what had once been his middle finger.

"You remember," he said, allowing himself neither sarcasm nor bitterness. "Have you forgotten why the Vow was broken?

"I'll tell you why. Three Bloodguard got their hands on a piece of the Illearth Stone, and they thought that made them powerful enough to do what they always wanted. So they went to Foul's Creche, challenged Corruption. But they were wrong. No flesh and blood is immune. Foul mastered them*

the same way he mastered Kevin when Elena broke the Law of Death-He maimed them to look like me*like this"*he waved his half-hand stiffly*"and sent them back to Revelstone to mock the Bloodguard."

An outcry rose in him; but he held it down. "Are you surprised the Vow was broken? I thought it was going to break their hearts.

"Banner didn't turn aside. He gave me exactly what I needed. He showed me it was still possible to go on living."

He paused to steady himself; and now Linden felt the meld of his certainty and power growing, felt him become palpably stronger.

"The fact is," he said without accusation, "you've been wrong all along. You've misunderstood your own doubt from the beginning. What it means. Why it matters. First Kevin, then the other Lords, then me*ever since your people first came to the Land, you've been swearing yourselves in service to ordinary men and women who simply can't be worthy of (243 of 399) [1/19/03 11:38:43 PM]

what you offer. Kevin was a good man who broke down when the pressure got to be worse than he could stand*and the Bloodguard were never able to forgive him because they pinned their faith on him and when he failed they thought it was their fault for not making him worthy, not prevent- ing him from being human. Over and over again, you put yourselves in the position of serving someone who has to fail Those Who Part 299.

you for the mere reason that he's human and all humans fail at one time or another*and then you can't forgive him because his failure casts doubt on your service. And you can't forgive yourselves either. You want to serve perfectly, and that means you're responsible for everything. And whenever something comes along to remind you you're mortal*like the merewives*that's unforgivable too, and you decide you aren't worthy to go on serving. Or else you want to do something crazy, like fighting Foul in person."

Slowly, he lowered his hand; but the gaze he fixed on Dun-is did not falter, and his clarify burned from his eyes.

"You can do better than that. n.o.body questions your worth.

You've demonstrated it a thousand times. And if that's not enough for you, remember Brinn faced the Guardian of the One Tree and won. Ak-Haru Kenaustin Ardenol. Any one of you would've done the same in his place. You don't need to serve me anymore.

"And," he added carefully, "I don't need you. Not in the way you think. I don't want you to come with me."

Durris did not retreat. But Linden sensed that he wished to draw back, that Covenant's certain strength abashed him.

He seemed unable to deny the image Covenant painted*and unwilling to accept its implications.

"Ur-Lord, what would you have us do?" he asked as if he felt no distress. "You have given our lives to us. We must make recompense. That is necessary.'1 In spite of its in- flexibility, his voice put the weight of Haruchai history into the word, necessary. The extravagance and loyalty of his people required an outlet. "The Vow of the Bloodguard was swom to meet the bounty and grandeur of High Lord Kevin and Revelstone. It was not regretted. Do you ask such an oath from us again, that we may preserve the meaning of our lives?"

"No." Covenant's eyes softened and blurred, and he put his hand on Durris' shoulder as if he wanted to hug the Haruchai. Linden felt pouring from him the ache of his appreciation. Bloodguard and Haruchai had given themselves to him without question; and he had never believed that he deserved them. "There's something else I want you to do."

At that, Durris' stance sharpened. He stood before the Unbeliever like a salute.

"I want you to stay here. In Revelstone. With as many of 300.

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White Gold Wielder your people as you can get. For two reasons. To take care of the wounded. The Land's going to need them. It's going to need every man or woman who can possibly be persuaded to face the future. And to protect the city. This is Revelstone, Lord's Keep. It belongs to the Land*not to Corruption or Ravers. I want it safe. So the future will have a place to center.

A place where people can come to learn about the past*

and see what the Land means*and make plans. A place of defense. A place of hope. You've already given me everything Banner promised and more. But I want you to do this, too. For me. And for yourselves. Here you can serve something that isn't going to fail you.'*

For a long moment. Dun-is was silent while his mind addressed his people. Then he spoke, and his dispa.s.sionate voice thrilled Linden's hearing like a distant tantara of horns.

"Ur-Lord, we will do it."

In response, Covenant squeezed Durris* shoulder and tried to blink the grat.i.tude out of his eyes. Instinctively, Linden put her arms around him, marveling at what he had become.

But when Durris withdrew to stand among the other Haruchai, Cail came forward. His old scar showed plainly on one arm; but he bore other hurts as well. With Brinn, he had once demanded retribution against Linden, believing her a servant of Corruption. And with Brinn, he had succ.u.mbed to the song of the merewives. But Brinn had gone alone to meet the Guardian of the One Tree; Cail had been left behind to pay the price of memory and loss.

'Thomas Covenant," he said softly. "Earthfriend. Permit me."

Covenant stared at him. A strange bleakness showed in Cail's eyes.

"I have heard your words," said the Haruchai, "but they are not mine to acknowledge or eschew. Since that time when the white beauty and delusion of the merewives took me from myself, I have not stood in your service. Rather have I followed the command placed upon me by ak-Haru Kenaustin Ardenol-You have not forgotten." Covenant nodded, wary of grief; but still Cail quoted, " 'Cail will accept my place at your side until the word of the BIoodguard Bannor has been carried to its end.' " Then he went on, "That I have done.

But it was not I who was proven against the Guardian of the 301 One Tree. In the stead of victory, I have met only the deaths of Giants and the doubt of my people. And this I have done.

not solely because I was commanded, but also because I was promised. It was given to me that when the word of Banner was fulfilled I would be permitted to follow my heart.

"Earthfriend, you have proclaimed that fulfillment. And I have served you to my best strength. I ask now that you permit me.

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"Permit me to depart."

"Depart?" Covenant breathed. His open face showed that this was not what he had expected. He made an effort to pull himself out of his surprise. "Of course you can go. You can do whatever you want. I wouldn't stop you if I could.

You've earned*" Swallowing roughly, he changed direction.

"But you're needed here. Are you going home*back to your family?"

Without expression, Cail replied, "I will return to the merewives."

Covenant and the First reacted in simultaneous protest, but her hard voice covered his. "That is madness* Have you forgotten that you were scant moments from death? Almost Galewrath and I failed of your rescue, I will not see the life which I brought up from the deep cast awayl"

But surprise and apprehension seemed to tighten Linden's percipience to a higher pitch, a keener penetration; and she saw Cail with sudden acuity, felt parts of him which had been hidden until now. She knew with the instantaneous certainty of vision that he did not intend to throw his life away, did not want death from the Dancers of the Sea: he wanted a different kind of life. A resolution for the inextricable desire and bereavement of his extreme nature.

She cut Covenant off, stopped the First. They glared at her; but she ignored their vehemence. They did not understand. Brinn had said. The limbs of our women are brown from sun and birth. But there is also a whiteness as acute as the ice which bleeds from the rock of mountains, and it burns as the purest snow burns in the most high tor, the most wind- flogged col. And from it grew a yearning which Cail could no longer bear to deny. Panting with the force of her wish to support him, give him something in return for his faithfulness, she rushed to utter the first words that came to her.302 "Brinn gave his permission. Don't you see that? He knew what he was saying*he knew what Cail would want to do.

He heard the same song himself. Call isn't going to die."

But then she had to halt She did not know how to explain her conviction that Brinn and Cail could be trusted.

"Thomas Covenant," Cail said, 'I comprehend the value of that which you have granted to the Haruchai*a service of purity and worth. And I have witnessed Brinn's encounter with ak-Haru Kenaustin Ardenol, the great victory of our people. But the cost of that victory was the life of Cable 'I comprehend the value of that which you have granted to the Haruchai*a service of purity and worth. And I have witnessed Brinn's encounter with ak-Haru Kenaustin Ardenol, the great victory of our people. But the cost of that victory was the life of Cable Seadreamer. For myself I do not desire such worth.

"The song of the merewives has been named delusion. But is not all life a manner of dreaming? Have you not said that the Land itself is a dream? Dream or delusion, the music I have heard has altered me. But I have not learned the meaning of this change. Ur-Lord, I wish to prove what I have dreamed to its heart. Permit me."