When Do Fish Sleep? Part 17

Why Are Barns Red?

We first encountered this Imponderable when a listener of Jim Eason's marvelous KGO-San Francisco radio show posed it. "Ummmmm," we stuttered.

Soon we were bombarded with theories. One caller insisted that red absorbed heat well, certainly an advantage when barns had no heating system. Talk-show host and guest agreed it made some sense, but didn't quite buy it. Wouldn't other colors absorb more heat? Why didn't they paint barns black instead?

Then letters from the Bay area started coming in. Donna Nadimi theorized that cows had trouble discriminating between different colors and just as a bull notices the matador's cape, so a red barn attracts the notice of cows. She added: "I come from West Virginia and once asked a farmer this question. He told me that cows aren't very smart, and because the color red stands out to them, it helps them find their way home." The problem with this theory is that bulls are color-blind. It is the movement of the cape, not the color, that provokes them.

Another writer suggested that red would be more visible to owners, as well as animals, in a snowstorm. Plausible, but a stretch.

Another Jim Eason fan, Kemper "K.C." Stone, had some "suspicions" about an answer. Actually, he was right on the mark: The fact is that red pigment is cheap and readily available from natural sources. Iron oxide-rust-is what makes brick clay the color that it is. That's the shade of red that we westerners are accustomed to-the rusty red we use to stain our redwood decks. It's obviously fairly stable too, since rust can't rust and ain't likely to fade.

The combination of cheapness and easy availability made red an almost inevitable choice. Shari Hiller, a color specialist at the Sherwin-Williams Company, says that many modern barns are painted a brighter red than in earlier times for aesthetic reasons. But aesthetics was not the first thing on the mind of farmers painting barns, as Ms. Hiller explains: You may have noticed that older barns are the true "barn red." It is a very earthy brownish-red color. Unlike some of the more vibrant reds of today that are chosen for their decorative value, true barn red was selected for cost and protection. When a barn was built, it was built to last. The time and expense of it was monumental to a farmer. This huge wooden structure needed to be protected as economically as possible. The least expensive paint pigments were those that came from the earth.

Farmers mixed their own paint from ingredients that were readily available, combining iron oxide with skim milk-did they call the shade "2% red"?-linseed oil and lime. Jerry Rafats, reference librarian at the National Agricultural Library, adds that white and colored hiding pigments are usually the most costly ingredients in paints.

K.C. speculated that white, the most popular color for buildings in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries (see Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise? and Other Imponderables for more than you want to know about why most homes are and always have been painted white), was unacceptable to farmers because it required constant cleaning and touching up to retain its charm. And we'd like to think that just maybe the farmers got a kick out of having a red barn. As K.C. said, "Red is eye-catching and looks good, whether it's on a barn, a fire truck, or a Corvette."

Submitted by Kemper "K.C." Stone of Sacramento, California. Thanks also to Donna Nadimi of El Sobrante, California; Jim Eason of San Francisco, California; Raymond Gohring of Pepper Pike, Ohio; Stephanie Snow of Webster, New York; and Bettina Nyman of Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Why Are Manhole Covers Round?

On one momentous day we were sitting at home, pondering the imponderable, when the phone rang.

"h.e.l.lo," we said wittily.

"Hi. Are you the guy who answers stupid questions for a living?" asked the penetrating voice of a woman who later introduced herself as Helen Schwager, a friend of a friend.

"That's our business, all right."

"Then I have a stupid question for you. Why are manhole covers round?"

Much to Helen's surprise, the issue of round manhole covers had never been important to us.

"Dunno."

"Guess!" she challenged.

So we guessed. Our first theory was that a round shape roughly approximated the human form. And a circle big enough to allow a worker would take up less s.p.a.ce than a rectangle.

"Nope," said Helen, friend of our soon-to-be ex-friend. "Try again."

Brainstorming, a second brilliant speculation pa.s.sed our lips. "It's round so they can roll the manhole cover. Try rolling a heavy rectangular or trapezoidal manhole cover on the street."

"Be serious," Helen insisted.

"O.K., we give up. Tell us, O brilliant Helen. Why are manhole covers round?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" gloated Helen, virtually flooding with condescension. "If a manhole were a square or a rectangle, the cover could fall into the hole when turned diagonally on its edge."

Helen, who was starting to get on our nerves just a tad, went on to regale us with the story of how she was presented with this Imponderable at a business meeting and came up with the answer on the spot. With tail between our legs, we got off the phone, mumbling something about maybe this Imponderable getting in the next book. First we get humiliated by this woman; then we have to give her a free book. Isn't there any justice?

Of course, after disconnecting with Helen we did what any self-respecting American would do: We tortured our friends with this Imponderable, making them feel like pieces of dogmeat if they didn't get the correct answer. And very few did.

Of course, we can't rely on an answer provided by the supplier of an Imponderable, even one so intelligent as Helen, so we contacted many manufacturers of manhole covers, as well as city sewer departments.

Guess what? The manufacturers of manhole covers can't agree on why manhole covers are round. Some, such as the Vulcan Foundry of Denham Springs, Louisiana, immediately confirmed Helen's answer but couldn't resist throwing a plug in as well ("Then, again, maybe manhole covers are round to facilitate the use of the Vulcan Cla.s.sic Cover Collection").

But the majority of the companies we spoke to said not only do manhole covers not have to be round but many aren't. Manhole covers sit inside a frame or a ring that is laid into the concrete. Many of these frames cover the hole completely and are not hollow, so there is no way that a cover any shape could fall into the hole.

Most important, as Eric b.u.t.terfield, of Emhart Corporation, told Imponderables, manhole covers have a lip. Usually the man hole cover is at least one inch longer in diameter for each foot of the diameter of the hole.

Round manholes are more convenient in other ways. Lathe workers find circular products easier to manufacture. Seals tend to be tighter on round covers. And Lois Hertzman, of OPW, a division of Dover Corporation, adds that round manholes are easier to install because there are no edges to square off.

Everyone we spoke to mentioned that many manholes are not round. Many older manhole covers are rectangular. The American Petroleum Inst.i.tute wants oil covers to be the shape of equilateral triangles (impractical on roadways, where this shape could lead to covers flipping over like tiddlywinks).

Engineers at the New York City Sewer Design Department could find no technical reason for round manhole covers. They a.s.sumed, like most of the fall-through theory dissenters, that the round shape is the result of custom and standardization rather than necessity.

So, Helen, we have wreaked our revenge. Perhaps your answer is correct. But then, maybe it is wrong. Maybe the real reason manholes are round is so that they can facilitate the use of the Vulcan Cla.s.sic Cover Collection.

Submitted by Helen Schwager of New York, New York. Thanks also to Tracie Ramsey of Portsmouth, Virginia; and Charles Kluepfel of Bloomfield, New Jersey.

10 New Frustables

In Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?, we broke down and admitted we were haunted and rendered sleepless by our inability to answer some Imponderables that were sent to us. Often we found fascinating explanations, tantalizing theories, or partial proof. But burdened by the strict ethical codes that the custody of the body Imponderability places upon us, we can't rest until we positively nail the answers to these suckers.

So we asked our readers for help with the ten most Frustrating Imponderables (or Frustables, for short). The fruits of your labors are contained in the following pages. But before you get totally smug about your accomplishments, may we lay ten more on you?

These are ten Imponderables for which we don't yet have a conclusive answer. Can you help? A reward of a free, autographed copy of the next volume of Imponderables, as well as an acknowledgment in the book, will be given to the first reader who can lead to the proof that solves any of these Frustables.

FRUSTABLE 1:Why is Legal Paper 8 14?

We have located the first company to manufacture a legal-sized pad. We've also contacted the largest manufacturers of paper and stationery and many legal sources. But no one seems to know the reasons for lengthening regular paper and dubbing it "legal size." And yes, we know that many courts have abandoned legal-sized paper and now use 8 11.

FRUSTABLE 2: Why Do Americans, Unlike Europeans, Switch Forks to the Right Hand After Cutting Meat?

Did someone give the Pilgrims radical etiquette lessons on the Mayflower? Is there any sense to the American method?

FRUSTABLE 3: How, When, and Why Did the Banana Peel Become the Universal Slipping Agent in Vaudeville and Movies?

Vegetable oil would work better, no?

FRUSTABLE 4: Why did the Grade E Disappear from Grading Scales in Most Schools?

An F makes sense as the lowest mark (F="failure);" but why did the E get lost?

FRUSTABLE 5: How Did They Lock Saloon Doors in the Old West?

Were saloons in the old West open 24 hours? If they weren't, a couple of swinging doors three feet off the ground wouldn't provide a heckuva lot of security. Were there barriers that covered the entrance, or are swinging saloon doors a figment of movemakers' imaginations?

FRUSTABLE 6: Why Do So Many People Save National Geographics and Then Never Look at Them Again?

A visit to just about any garage sale will confirm that most people save National Geographics. An unscientific poll confirms that n.o.body ever looks at the issues they've saved. What gives?

FRUSTABLE 7: Why Do People, Especially Kids, Tend to Stick Their Tongues Out When Concentrating?

Theories abound, but no one we contacted had any confidence about their conjectures.

FRUSTABLE 8: Why Do Kids Tend to Like Meat Well Done (and Then Prefer It Rarer and Rarer as They Get Older)?

Are kids repelled by the sight of blood in rare meat? Do they dislike the texture? The purer taste of meat? What accounts for the change as they get older?

FRUSTABLE 9: Why Does Whistling at an American Sporting Event Mean "Yay!" When Whistling Means "Boo!" in Most Other Countries?

FRUSTABLE 10: Why Are So Many Restaurants, Especially Diners and Coffee Shops, Obsessed with Mating Ketchup Bottles at the End of the Day?

We have been in sleazy diners where we couldn't hail a waitress if our lives depended on it and were lucky if our table was cleaned off. Where was the waitress? She was grabbing all the ketchup bottles and stacking them so that the remains of one bottle flowed into a second bottle.

Who cares whether the ketchup bottle on the table is one third filled or completely full? Doesn't the ketchup flow more easily out of a less than full bottle? Do restaurateurs mate ketchup bottles to please patrons, or do they have other, perhaps nefarious, reasons?

Frustables Update

Captured!!! The Ten Frustables from Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?

FRUSTABLE 1:Why Do You So Often See One Shoe Lying on the Side of the Road?

They say that every parent has a favorite. In this case, we'll admit it. This isn't only our favorite Frustable, it's probably our favorite Imponderable ever, partly because it has been a difficult "child." We spoke to endless officials at the Department of Transportation and the Federal Highway Safety Traffic Administration. All of them were aware of the phenomenon; none had a compelling explanation.

In Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise? we talked about some of the theories proffered by readers of Elaine Viets, columnist for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: They are tossed out of cars during fights among kids.

They fall out of garbage trucks.

Both shoes are abandoned at the same time, but one rolls away.

They are disentangled, discarded newlywed shoes.

They are thrown out of school buses and cars as practical jokes.

We asked if our readers could come up with anything better.

We needn't have worried. You guys came through in spades. Your answers fell into three general categories: theoretical, empirical, and confessional. So profound were your insights into this important subject that we have given thirteen of them official Imponderables Awards of Merit.

Award-Winning Theoretical Explanations Best Supply-Side Argument by a Noneconomist. Provided by Stefan Habsburg of Farmington Hills, Michigan: "Because if there were a pair, someone would pick them up!"

Best Conspiracy Theory. Provided by Morry Markovitz of Croton Falls, New York: If a lost pair of shoes were found intact, the shoe industry might lose a sale as these old shoes were pressed into service by a new owner. Has the shoe industry secretly hired "road agents" to scour the country-side, picking up one of each pair they find?

Best Explanation Involving Eastern European Influence Upon the One-Shoe Problem. Provided by Rick La Komp of Livermore, California: "Barefoot field-goal kickers decided they didn't need more than one shoe and threw the other away."

Best Explanation by an Obnoxious Anthropomorphic Cartoon Animal. Provided by David Selzler of Loveland, Colorado. David sent us a "Garfield" cartoon in which the cat muses, "Why do you find only one shoe in the trash? One shoe on a sidewalk? One shoe in the street?" He wonders about why people don't throw things away in pairs. So Garfield sees one shoe in a trash can and knocks on the door of the adjacent house. Guess who answers? A pirate with a peg leg.

Most Logical Theory. Provided by Russ Tremayne of Auburn, Washington, and Maria N. Benninghoven of Kensington, Maryland. Both of these readers a.s.sume that most shoes found on the side of the road are thrown out of moving cars. They also a.s.sume that most people toss both shoes out one at a time. Russ a.s.sumes it would be most natural to throw out the shoes with one dominant hand: Most people's hands aren't large enough to comfortably grasp a pair of shoes, even if the laces are tied. Therefore, one shoe gets thrown at a time as the vehicle continues to travel. Perhaps one shoe, thrown weakly, lands on the edge of the highway, while the other, thrown with more force, lands off the road to lie invisibly among tall gra.s.s or brush.

Empirical Theories Best Exploitation for Personal Profit of the One-Shoe Phenomenon. Provided by R.E. Holtslander of Lake Wales, Florida.

About 20 years ago when I lived in Missouri and was coming home from California on a windy day, I noticed a large cardboard box on the highway in New Mexico. Papers were flying from it. Shortly after that, I saw an almost new broom, so I pulled off the road and picked it up.

Soon other things appeared by the road. I saw a shoe for the right foot. As I had a sore toe at the time and thought the shoe was big enough to give my foot comfort, I picked it up, too.

I saw a man in a pickup truck at the side of the road. He too had stopped to retrieve something. From then on it was like a treasure hunt. I picked up several things and then he would pa.s.s us and then we would pa.s.s him. Soon we pa.s.sed into Texas, and there I found the mate to the shoe I had picked up in New Mexico!

I kept the shoes for several years and showed my guests a pair of shoes, one of which I got in New Mexico and the other in Texas...

Best Explanation for the Unsalutary Effect of Poor Nutrition and Sleeping Habits Upon the Retention of Shoes. Provided by Dave Sodovy of Hamilton, New York: Dave recounts the story that a few summers ago he had a job with two other kids who were the sons of the boss. Father and sons lived an hour's drive away from work, necessitating leaving their house at 7:15 because the boss wanted to get coffee and doughnuts to fortify him for the road. The sons retaliated for having to get up at this barbaric hour by sleeping through the trip.

From this evolved a routine in which the time between waking up and later falling asleep in the car was spent in "semi-sleep."

One morning, the two boys and their dad arrived as usual, but the younger son was wearing only one shoe! A few questions revealed the reason. In his state of semi-sleep, with one shoe on, one shoe in one hand, and a bag lunch in the other hand, he set the shoe on the roof of the car to open the car door.