What a Young Husband Ought to Know Part 9

THE EXPECTANT MOTHER.

A husband, whether young or old, should treat his wife with great consideration at all times, but if at any time she deserves more thoughtful consideration and more tender ministry than at any other, it is during the period of her pregnancy. The young husband should remember that oftentimes the mother-nature of the young wife is not yet aroused, but is measurably dormant. G.o.d has intended that wifehood should precede motherhood. Where the longing for children is present, the young wife intelligent, and where she has been physically fitted for the office of motherhood upon which she has now entered, her equipment is exceptional, her mind complacent, and she may reasonably be expected to go forward in a spirit which will secure for her in the coming months the largest blessing and reward.

But with most young wives it is not so. The knowledge which would have been most important for them has been withheld by silent mothers. They may have received a liberal education, but in the study of physiology, the special parts, concerning which she needed most to know, have been excluded from the text-books, and she knows no more concerning her own special physiology than she does about the physiology of the male. Books which would have rendered her intelligent have been studiously kept out of her sight, and perhaps during her girlhood she has been encouraged in compressing her waist, displacing the vital organs which G.o.d has placed in the abdomen, and through a period of years gone on, ignorantly or wilfully, unfitting herself for the main duties of maternity. Perhaps she has entered upon marriage, as so many do, with an undefined dread of some impending evil attending conception and childbearing, which she has desired and hoped to escape in some inscrutable manner. The discovery of the fact that she is to become a mother fills her mind with dread and alarm. In her ignorance she gropes her way in darkness, not knowing whither to turn and with no one to guide her to the light. She naturally turns to married women and to mothers, and instead of receiving encouragement and the proper kind of sympathy, they most likely exclaim: "I am sorry for you! Now your trouble begins. If I were in your place I should feel like jumping into the river." In nine cases out of ten, with the darkness intensified and her mind more alarmed than ever, apprehension turns to fear, and fear into alarm and dread. The young husband should remember that this is about the usual experience of most young wives, and intelligently arrange to correct the evil.

If you are acquainted with some intelligent, sympathetic and judicious woman, who will know how to take your young wife into her arms, allay her fears, comfort and instruct her, you will be most fortunate. She should be able to point out to the troubled wife the fact that intelligence and care will greatly mitigate, and indeed enable her largely to avoid all physical suffering; to explain to her how, as the months go by, the mother-love will spring up in her heart as the time approaches for the happiest hour in her life, when for the first time her own infant child shall lie in her arms or by her side; to picture the joy of her husband and the gladness which will come into the hearts of all who know her and who will come to rejoice over her newborn child; to picture what her home will be as contrasted with those who, dejected and lonely, sit in desolate homes where no little prattler breaks the stillness of the hours and no footfalls are heard in the hallway. This judicious friend will need to know how to impress upon her that her mental condition during the period which precedes the advent of the little stranger will mold and fashion its character, and how, if she desires a loving child, she must herself love the child before it is born; if she desires in her child a quiet and happy disposition she must herself determine that result by her own even temper, and be warned that her worry and repining will render her child nervous and fretful; if she desires her child to be cheery and bright and happy she should enact in her own thought and life what she desires her child to be; that now for a brief period she is molding not simply its physical frame, but its character and disposition, and giving bent and expression to the entire future of the human life that is being formed within her.

It will not do, when the husband finds his wife despondent, that he should be annoyed by expressions which are quite natural to one in her condition. No young husband can enter sufficiently into the sufferings and feelings of his wife in these earliest days and weeks of apprehension and dread. She needs to be comforted with words of greatest tenderness. Your heart should go out toward her in sincere sympathy. Put away from your heart such feelings as, "Foolish girl! What did she get married for? Did she not know that she was expected to bear children, like other women? She is not suffering more than other women have suffered. All this is only in the course of nature. What use is there of making a fuss? She should submit to it in the proper spirit." If you harbor such thoughts, whether properly or improperly, they will nevertheless unfit you for that degree of sympathy which you should feel and not feign.

The months of pregnancy with most women are months of discomfort. Some women are in better health, more cheery and hopeful during the period of gestation than at any other period in their lives. But this is not generally the case; rather the reverse. During gestation some women are a terror to their husbands, and render themselves miserable, and all about them uncomfortable and unhappy. During this period the wife ceases to be physically attractive, and for her own protection and the protection of the embryo, nature makes the wife s.e.xually repellant. Soon the morning sickness is likely to begin, and when she rises in the morning she will likely feel sick and nauseated, and vomiting will frequently ensue. Relief cannot always be afforded, and this condition may continue for weeks, or even for months. The young wife soon becomes the target for all kinds of injudicious advice. She is told to eat heartily of strong food, to "keep up her strength," and "to furnish nourishment for two." Her natural modes of life are oftentimes unnecessarily restricted, and after a period, with a sense of false modesty, she often shuts herself out from fresh air and exercise, and becomes a prisoner in her own home, or possibly in her own room.

While the pains and perils of maternity can be greatly mitigated, yet the young husband should be moved to tenderest consideration because of the discomforts which the wife suffers; the apprehensions with which she looks forward to the hour of her delivery, the responsibilities of caring for and rearing a child for usefulness in this world and happiness in the next; the apprehensions which she may have, not only in regard to her own life, but in bringing into the world a creature who shall be dependent for many years upon her and her husband; and in the days of her nervous anxiety she is likely to think of the possibility of the death of her husband, or, of what might be even more terrible to her thought, her sickness or disability through a period of years, when the breadwinner himself might become dependent upon his wife and children for his own support.

Newly-married persons should look forward to this period, and, before conception takes place, make themselves the possessors of such information as would render them intelligent and qualify them to meet the conditions with the best physical and intellectual equipment. When the wife has once become pregnant, it is then too late for her properly to take up the study of this subject. Instead of permitting her mind to dwell upon these matters, her attention should be turned to other considerations. If she or her husband have not read upon these subjects until the event takes place, then the husband should devote himself to the reading, and be to his wife a wise counsellor in the experiences through which she is pa.s.sing. He should carefully study the book ent.i.tled "What a Young Wife Ought to Know," and possibly other well-chosen books. Where the husband has the time and the technical knowledge, he might find it very helpful to consult the physician whose services they expect to have at the time of confinement, and borrow from him a medical work upon the subject. Such books are always expensive, and, although written in technical terms, may yet prove interesting and suggestive. The greatest danger, however, in this course is, that medical books deal not so much with the _normal_ conditions which characterize the vast majority of confinements, but with the abnormal and exceptional, which are only occasionally met, and these exceptions, abnormal conditions and hideous monstrosities, are likely to fill the mind with unnecessary apprehension. Under no circ.u.mstances should a pregnant wife be permitted to fill her mind with apprehension and alarm by reading of this character.

If the wife is to follow the most beneficial rules of exercise, diet and mental condition, she will need to be encouraged and a.s.sisted by the judicious counsel and tenderest sympathies of her husband. If she is allowed to seclude herself and become inactive, she will not only suffer the severest experiences at the time of delivery, but her child will be likely to be indifferent to physical and intellectual activity; while, upon the other hand, if her life is filled with a round of perpetual duties, perplexities and worries which consume her time, leave her depleted, and allow her no time for rest, she is likely to be the mother of a restless, nervous and irritable child. The young husband should remember that what his home is to be in the days to come will depend upon the intelligence and wisdom of himself and wife while they stand at the sources of destiny in the early period of their married life. Their health, their wisdom, their judicious direction is to determine not only their own present happiness but the character of their children, the condition of their home, and measurably even the destinies of generations yet unborn.

It is not within our province, when writing to young husbands, to lay down rules and to give full directions which are fitted for a book of instruction to young wives and expectant mothers. But as something might be properly expected upon this phase of the subject, we append from "Trained Motherhood" a suggestive article on "Diet and Hygiene for Expectant Mothers," by a writer who signs herself "K. L.":

"From the very moment of consciousness of the conception of a new life every effort should be made for the welfare of both mother and child.

"With the majority of women pregnancy is a condition to be dreaded, since it brings with it so much care, pain and all sorts of trials, ending with intense suffering.

"The greater part of these troubles are caused by the violation of the laws of nature; and by following a few simple rules much, if not all, of the suffering and worry women undergo may be avoided.

"Having received many requests for advice, the writer gives, for the benefit of sister women, as the result of personal experience and experiments, the directions and hints that follow:

"One of the chief causes of trouble is improper diet. Another is improper dress. A third, lack of exercise.

"But to deal with one at a time, we will place diet first. It is necessary that a pregnant woman should have food that is nourishing but not heating for the blood. It should be eaten at regular hours and in moderate quant.i.ties. Very few people can successfully eat and drink at one time, so it will be much better to drink some time before or after meals. It is desired to avoid development of bone and muscle, as it is this growth that renders the labor so hard. By choosing food that lacks these qualities much trouble may be avoided. All the vegetables and all the fruits are beneficial, but all animal food is injurious, in my opinion.

"All rich food, such as pastry, cakes, confectioneries, gravies and fat meats should be avoided. Tea and coffee are nerve and brain stimulants, therefore injurious to both mother and child. Wines or liquors of any sort are very much to be condemned. All cereals may be used freely, though the oat products are not to be so well recommended as the wheaten grains, since oats are more heating. Eat very freely of all fruits, particularly the acid sort. Oranges and lemons stand first, then apples, peaches and plums. Bananas are very good, especially when eaten in the morning before taking other food. Be sure and not eat too much of anything. It is better to feel a little hungry than to eat an ounce too much. Those who desire a warm drink may find some cereal coffee palatable and beneficial. Whole wheat or brown breads are more desirable than white breads, as they contain less starch properties.

"The 'morning sickness' may be done away with by eating several plain crackers--soda or graham--before rising. Eat them while lying down, and lie still for five minutes. Then get up slowly and gently. The juice of a lemon or a banana will often do the same towards removing this weakening annoyance. Generally if fruit is eaten just before going to bed, no nausea is felt in the morning.

"As to dress: No garment should be worn that throws any weight or pressure anywhere. Hang all from the shoulders. A corded waist with shoulder-straps, and b.u.t.tons for the skirts, will be comfortable. By all means have everything as light in weight as possible. Dress warmly, but let nothing be tight or heavy. Wear low-heeled, broad-soled shoes, so as to keep the legs and feet from swelling under the strain of the extra weight they must carry.

"Plenty of judicious exercise is necessary. Housework and light gardening are unequaled, though the heavier work, such as washing, scrubbing or lifting, reaching up, pulling, or any kind of strain, is dangerous. Climbing stairs and hills is one of the best exercises.

Breathe deeply and fully, filling the lungs all the way down. The majority of women only breathe with the upper part of their lungs, and have no chest expansion. A healthy woman ought to be able to increase her chest measure at least two inches by a full inhalation. Deep breathing not only gives the mother more strength, but it gives the unborn child a gentle exercise by means of the motion of the mother's body at each breath, and renders its whole system purer and stronger.

Keep the mouth closed, and this forces deep breathing. Climb hills and stairs with mouth shut, head well up, shoulders back, and breathe as fully as possible while climbing.

"Exercise freely, but do not overdo it. Any fatigue drains from the fetus its vitality and development, which is its birthright, and which is the duty of every woman to give her child.

"A tepid sitz bath, taken for fifteen minutes just before going to bed, will induce sound, refreshing sleep, and at the same time keep the parts pliable and soften the muscles. Dry thoroughly and cover warmly, to avoid risk of chill. Frequent bathing in cold water will keep the circulation good, and should always be followed by gentle rubbing with a rough towel. Ma.s.sage with olive oil will remove any tendency to a tension of the skin as it is distended.

"A strong solution of alum applied to the nipples each night, and allowed to dry on, will harden the skin and prevent soreness from nursing.

"Maintain as erect a position at all work as possible, as stooping brings pressure where it will do the most harm.

"It is best to wait until the third day at least after the child is born before changing the diet, and then the mother should eat freely of all that she has avoided during pregnancy, in order to give her milk the qualities the child now needs.

"As it is the duty of all parents to give to their children the very best of themselves, the only way to do this is to give them the care before their birth that they intend giving them after birth.

"In evidence of the benefits of this diet, compare these two experiences of the same mother:

"_Mixed diet_, rich foods of all kinds, poor hygiene, incorrect exercise. Result, ten-pound child; fifteen hours labor, very severe; mother sat up for the first time on tenth day.

"_Fruit diet_, all the preceding rules followed. Result, seven and one-half-pound child; labor one hour, not at all severe; mother sat up eight hours after; up and dressed on the sixth day. Perfect health after, for both mother and child."

We can heartily endorse the directions of the writer in every particular, but think it important to suggest that some of the greatest mistakes made after confinement are by impatience to have the mother enjoy the privilege of sitting up, going to the table for her meals, and returning to the ordinary duties of daily life. We have elsewhere indicated the changes which take place at this period, and which call for an entire revolution in the physical condition of the mother. This cannot be accomplished in a few days, or even in a couple of weeks. In most instances it is safe for the young mother to expect to remain at least six weeks in her room before thinking of being a guest at the family table. A mistake at this time may eventuate in permanent results which will render the mother an invalid for all the rest of her life.

But there is another side to this question which cannot be pa.s.sed over at this point without great injustice to the sacredness and importance of the subject. The self-denials and trials during the period of gestation do not all fall to the lot of the wife. With her the s.e.xual sense has been satisfied and has become quiescent, while in the husband it continues active, and sometimes even seems imperious. If he is to treat his wife with proper consideration he should allow nothing to stimulate or excite his s.e.xual pa.s.sion, but should be able to hold himself in the best physical poise and under the wisest s.e.xual self-control.

Any one who has observed the life of birds and animals, and indeed of all animate life, cannot have been blind to the fact that after impregnation the female never receives the male, and the male, neither of beast or bird or reptile, never forces himself upon the female; while the young life is being developed in the body of the female the s.e.xes remain absolutely apart. If we are to learn anything from universal nature in this particular, we would seem to be taught that the same should be true with husband and wife.

It is a notable fact that among the heathen in polygamous countries the husband always remains apart from a wife in whom life has already been begun. Strange to say, in civilized and Christian countries medical writers and intelligent people are not always in accord. That the reader may understand something of the positions which are taken, we quote from a few well-known writers:

In his book ent.i.tled "The Physical Life of Woman," Dr. George H. Napheys says: "During those days when the wife, if she were not pregnant, would have been 'unwell,' marital intercourse should be abstained from. It is then injurious to the mother and dangerous to the life of the child, as it is liable to excite miscarriage. But if this habitual epoch of the monthly sickness be avoided, there is no reason why pa.s.sion should not be gratified in moderation and with caution during the whole period of pregnancy. There is one exception to be made to this general course of conduct. In those cases in which a miscarriage has occurred in the first pregnancy, every precaution should be employed to prevent its happening again after a second conception. Under such exceptional circ.u.mstances, therefore, the husband and wife should sleep apart during the first five months of pregnancy. After that period their ordinary relations may be resumed. When a miscarriage has taken place, intercourse should not be permitted within a month of the accident. The observance of this direction is of the utmost importance. Its neglect is the frequent cause of severe and intractable diseases of the womb."

Another, when speaking of the effects of coition during this period, says: "The organ of amativeness is frequently too largely developed in the embryonic offspring by the excessive indulgence of parents in s.e.xual pleasures during the period of gestation. After the birth of the child, he is usually fed on meat, tea and coffee, and other stimulating food and drink, fit only for persons of adult age, by which s.e.xual precocity is produced."

Dr. John Cowan, in "The Science of a New Life," says, with emphasis: "I will again repeat that during this full period of gestative influence, as well as during the period of nursing, _s.e.xual congress should not be had between husband and wife_. This is the law of Nature, the law of G.o.d, and outside of Christendom it is never violated. Animals will not permit it--savages will not permit it, and over three-quarters of the world it is looked upon as infamous by our own species. A man acting out the licentiousness of his nature with his wife during gestation is worse than a brute--in fact, there is no species of the animal to which he can be compared, unless it be to the tobacco, whiskey-soaked hanger-on to a rum-shop--whose life is an epitome of tobacco, whiskey and licentiousness. Do not, I pray you, oh, parents, do this unclean thing.

Do not taint your clean bodies, do not foul your pure souls with the l.u.s.tful of your natures, while a new body is being developed, a new soul being organized; but by sweet words, loving caresses, endearing action and warm kisses cultivate within you the love element that, in its pure exercise, joins together two souls, and brings in its path such a measure of peace and happiness as must be realized ere it can be appreciated."

Writing of the physical needs of the mother during the period of gestation, Dr. Napheys says: "During this period the whole force of the economy at these times is taken up with providing sustenance for the new being, and there is no nervous power left to be wasted in barren pleasures. In those exceptionable cases where this does not hold, every excitement is visited upon the child, and it has to suffer in health and growth for the unnatural appet.i.te of the mother."

Dr. J. R. Black says: "Coition during pregnancy is one of the ways in which the predisposition is made for that terrible disease in children, epilepsy. The natural excitement of the nervous system in the mother by such a cause cannot operate otherwise than inflicting injury upon the tender germ in the womb."

Dr. J. H. Kellogg says: "Indulgence during pregnancy is followed by the worst results of any form of marital excess. The mother suffers doubly, because laden with the burden of supporting two lives instead of one.

But the results upon the child are especially disastrous. During the time when it is receiving its stock of vitality, while its plastic form is being molded, and its various organs are acquiring that integrity of structure which makes up what is called const.i.tutional vigor--during this most critical of all periods in the life of the new being, its forces are exhausted and its structure is depraved, and thus const.i.tutional tendencies to disease are produced by the unnatural demands made upon the mother."

The same author adds: "Still another terrible consequence results from this practice so contrary to nature. The delicate brain, which is being molded with the other organs of the body, receives its cast largely from those mental and nervous sensations and actions of the mother which are the most intense. One of the most certain effects of s.e.xual indulgence at this time is to develop abnormally the s.e.xual instinct in the child.

Here is the key to the origin of much of the s.e.xual precocity and depravity which curse humanity. s.e.xuality is born in the soul of a large share of the rising generation."

In her book, ent.i.tled "Tokology," Dr. Alice B. Stockham says: "If the law of continence is not the law to govern one's entire life, it is natural and reasonable that the mother should be exempt from the s.e.xual relation during gestation."

In an excellent little book, ent.i.tled "Approaching Maternity," a physician of experience says: "A man once told me that the easiest delivery his wife had ever had took place two days sooner than expected, and one day after he had had connection with her! Thank heaven, there are not many such brutes as this! What really took place was a miscarriage, in my opinion, superinduced by coition. That it was not troublesome was a piece of good luck, and must have been the result of the woman's excellent condition. It is better that during the entire pregnancy s.e.xual intercourse should be abstained from. During coition the uterus is subjected to great disturbance; congestion of many of the parts follows, and the effect upon the nerves is of a harmful nature.

The entire vital energy of the woman is needed and should be saved for the coming event, and the husband should practice self-control and forego selfish indulgence at this time. Strive rather to elevate and develop the intellectual side of the woman, and if her mind is kept occupied upon helpful, entertaining subjects, a good result will show later on."

When we remember that in procreation G.o.d has endowed us with the power to continue his work of creation and realize the sacred responsibilities in calling a new life into being, we cannot but feel that from the very hour of conception the mother is overshadowed by the Most High. In the fulfillment of her sacred office she should surely be delivered from all polluting intrusions, and be permitted to live a life of spotless purity. To say the very least, there surely is something very suggestive in the statement of the first chapter of Matthew concerning the parents of the child Jesus. When he had been begotten of the Holy Ghost, Mary was not to be deprived of the companionship, love and sympathy of Joseph, and therefore when he thought to put her away privily, he was told "fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph being raised from sleep did as the angel of the Lord had bidden him, and took unto him his wife, _and knew her not till she had brought forth her first-born son_."

While it was essential that the fatherhood of the Messiah should be above all question, yet may it not be true that the development and bringing forth of a child which shall be most like unto this Prince of Peace always demands an undisturbed maternity?

We would not like to take an extreme position upon this subject, but we are persuaded that what we have presented here is worthy of the thoughtful consideration of all husbands and wives who seek their own highest good and the greatest blessing and well-being of the children which are to be.

It is well for young husbands and wives to know that by incautiousness in their relations during this period miscarriage is often easily and actually produced, and unsuspecting parents have oftentimes been the authors, not only of the death of their own child, but the consequences have entailed permanent injuries upon the young wife, and oftentimes resulted in death itself.