Wayfarer - Satori Part 17

That dwelling is silent. No Seeker of the Way speaks of the stillness any more than those who divide the world into the knowable and the irrelevant rest. But the silence of the Way is not an attempt to ignore or deny what cannot be spoken of. It is a finger, pointing, pointing, mutely focusing attention.

But how is it possible to dwell where nothing is? What can possess a person to take the endless leap into the unknown darkness?

Can knowledge, a sense of sureness based on even the most profound understanding, provide the confidence necessary to take that final step over the edge and into the abyss? No, for as we approach the abyss, all our knowledge is proven merely conditional, a fragile tissue of sense perceptions and our need to be in the world. We can comprehend, in a limited sense, what the world is. But the fact that the world is remains beyond us in the shadows of the unspeakable. To enter these shadows we must leave knowledge behind and step naked into the dark.

If knowledge isn't sufficient, can faith provide the motive force? No, for if one has dwelt in the light, one's faith can only be founded in the light. And no matter how firmly based in intellectual certainty or emotional conviction, its foundations shift and dissolve in the darkness. The abyss is endless, bottomless.

The black stillness shatters the fight and the things of the light. Faith becomes hollow, hopeless, useless in the face of eternal nothingness.

What, then, is left? Stripped of knowledge and faith, even hope cannot survive. Utter despair towers over us like a threatening wave. It breaks, beating us down, shattering us against the emptiness of an indifferent, entropic universe. The inarticulate sound we utter in the presence of the unspeakable becomes more than a mere grunt of acceptance. It becomes a cry torn in unspeakable anguish from the very essence of dissolving being.

This is the end, the last death, the final defeat.

And it is here the journey begins.

Here, to the abyss one can only say, "I believe." Not "I believe in" or "I believe because," but simply"I believe." Believing in or because implies something outside, something beyond the act of belief toward which it turns for justification. In the stillness there is no beyond.

"I believe" simply is. It depends on nothing outside itself. It is not subject to the unexpected twists of fate. It demands nothing, expects nothing, hopes nothing, knows nothing. A world can be built on it. If that world is swept away in an instant, it remains, as firm and solid as ever.

"I believe" does not create the world, does not change the world, does not make any demands on the world. It does not deny the stillness, nor does it transform it. It makes no difference in anything. Yet it makes all the difference in everything. It dwells in the stillness and is the stillness. It dwells in the world and is the world. It exists in both and is neither, in neither and is both. It does not question what the world is. It is content with the wonder that the world is.

Myali reached that place where everything ends. Stripped of knowledge, her faith shattered, hopeless and helpless before the power of the machine, she despaired. And in despair found that final ounce of strength that knowledge, faith, and hope had always failed to provide. With a cry of utter anguish, she flung herself over me edge, denying the bishop victory even as she accepted defeat.

She fell.

Falling.

No, not falling. Falling indicates motion, and here there is no motion. Here there is only stillness.

Can one imagine total, utter stillness? Not the restful stillness of a late-summer afternoon when the day ...

"I believe." It had always been there, inside her, covered by layers of doubt and hope. Despair stripped her clean and let it free.

She waited.

Bishop Thwait glanced from the monitors to the figure of the young woman, quiet now, behind the isolation shield. At first the anomalies had appeared as before. Those queer spikes in the readouts, unexpected flatnesses where peaks should have been. It had worried him, made him begin to doubt the ability of the machine to subdue this strange being from the planet down below. But doubt was impossible. The machine was all-powerful. And eventually it seemed that indeed his faith was borne out.

The monitors were all normal now. As expected. Smooth, straight response curves, flattening out to neutrality. No more flickers. No more unpredictable b.u.mps. Victory. The machine had won again.

He looked over at the admiral and nodded. "Finished. Her defenses have been overwhelmed. The machine has destroyed the structure of her mind, making everything in it accessible." He pointed to the master screen. "See how me response curve has flattened out? It is nearly neutral, indicating no remnant of conscious organization or will. Personality is gone, the ability to resist outside suggestion shattered. The mind is totally malleable. We need only drain it of its memories, correlate the data, and we have anything we need." Smugly, he smiled at Yamada. "The Power is in control, Admiral, as always."

Thomas turned his glance from the monitor to Thwait. The man's entirely too sure of himself, he thought. I don't like it. There's something up here, something that goes beyond this d.a.m.n show with the girl and the machine. Andrew has something up his sleeve.

Casually, he stood and walked over to the chair. "Can you let the shield down now?" he asked.

"When can we start with the questioning? I 'd like to get on with it. Enough time's been wasted."

Thwait smiled again. "Everything is under control. Everything. There is nothing to worry about, Admiral. Absolutely nothing. I..."

The door slid open to reveal a very nervous Kohlsky. "Worship... I..." he stammered as Thwait swept him with a cold, silent glare. "I... wouldn't bother you but it's important."

"I would hope so, my child. The interruption is most untimely."

Kohlsky swallowed unhappily. "I... that is, we have lost contact with the spy, Worship."

" 'Lost contact'? What do you mean, 'lost'?"

"Worship, all communication ceased abruptly."

"All? Was there no report?""Nothing final, Worship. The running report simply ended suddenly, without warning."

"Have you reviewed the tapes? When did it end?"

"As the spy was about to strike at the Way-Farer, Worship."

"There was no report of success or failure? No summary on the defense capabilities of the planet?

No findings or recommendations?" The bishop's voice rose on each sentence until he was almost shouting. "None? Nothing?"

"N-n-nothing, Worship." Kohlsky's voice was a frightened whisper.

The bishop looked grimly at Yamada. "He must have been destroyed in the act of a.s.sa.s.sinating the Way-Farer."

Thomas returned his look. "He had a laser wand, if I remember correctly." Andrew nodded confirmation. "Then they must have something more powerful than swords and bows and arrows. d.a.m.n!

No report at all? " he asked Kohlsky. "Did you belly bomb him?"

"Yes, sir."

"Immediately?"

"N-no, sir. We spent a little time trying to reestablish communication. It was so sudden and we wanted a report. So we-"

"How long?"

"Uh, about an hour," Kohlsky said weakly.

The admiral turned to the bishop, registering his disapproval with a silent, frigid stare. Andrew WM angry, both at Kohlsky for his incompetence and at the spy for the failure of the mission. d.a.m.n you, Dunn, he cursed, even now you cause problems. Well, he sighed internally, at least the mission bought some time. Now I have the woman in my power and can get the information I need from her. Dunn is no major loss. Good riddance, actually. Hope the belly bombs did a thorough job of it.

He was about to turn back to the young woman in the chair, when he noticed that Kohlsky was still standing there, fidgeting. "Yes, my child, is there something else?" The tone of his voice was almost a threat.

Kohlsky's face drained of all its color. His hands began to shake ever so slightly. Several times he tried to open his mouth to speak, but no words came. Finally, making a terrible effort, he managed to croak out, "Worship, I ... there is ... something ... uh ...else... . I ..."

"Out with it, man!" Yamada demanded harshly.

The man in the door began to shake. "A-about ten m-minutes ago w-w-we got a message f-from the s-spy," he stammered in a near whisper.

As soft and uncertain as the voice was, it fell into an absolute silence that made it ring and crash around the room. The admiral and the bishop turned to stare at each other, dismay and astonishment openly displayed on their faces. Yamada was the first to recover from his surprise. "A message? But you said he was bombed. What the f.u.c.k are you talking about? A message from a dead man?"

The security man nearly dissolved in fright. But from some hidden source, he managed to gather enough strength to answer. "Yes, sir. A m-message."

"You checked voice patterns to make sure it was the spy and not someone else?" demanded the bishop.

"Yes, Worship. There is no question. It was me spy."

"The message?"

"I-it said, 'Reporting mission accomplished. Reporting mission accomplished. Way-Farer a.s.sa.s.sinated. Have further discovered planetary defenses are excellent. Some kind of exotic energy-beam emplacements in small, rounded hills scattered seemingly at random over the planet's surface. Pa.s.sive until activated by attack. They're almost here. Too many to fight. Detonate bombs, imperative. Detonate before they capture me. Detonate. Detonate. Deton-' Transmission ends." He looked up from the small piece of paper that he was holding with both hands to keep it from shaking too much.

The admiral exploded. "G.o.d d.a.m.n it! This is just too f.u.c.king much. Exotic energy beams. Dead men talking. What kind of s.h.i.t is this? What the h.e.l.l are you trying to pull, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d?" He rounded onAndrew, his face red in fury, his fists bunched, his body taut, leaning slightly forward on the b.a.l.l.s of his feet, ready to attack. "I don't believe a f.u.c.king word of it. Not one f.u.c.king word!"

Thwait took one involuntary step backward, then held his ground, glaring savagely at the furious admiral. "How in the holy name of Kuvaz do I know what's going on? I'm as surprised as you are.

Kohlsky, you idiot, have you triple-checked all this? Yes? d.a.m.n it, I don't believe a word of it either.

Energy beams! What kind of nonsense is that? We have checked and re-checked every conceivable wave length, every possible source. Nothing!"

"Andrew," the admiral cut in, his voice hard and tight with control. "I'm not waiting any longer. I'm ordering an immediate a.s.sault on the planet. We're going in shooting. And I don't give a s.h.i.t what you or the Power minks. I've had enough of your interference."

"Kohlsky," the bishop commanded.

The security guard reacted as he had been trained, but his recent fear had weakened and slowed his reflexes. His laser pistol cleared its holster about a tenth of a second later than the admiral's; Yamada's beam hit him full in the chest and spun him into the door frame.

The two security guards outside the door were too stunned to move quickly, and the marines were equally slow to react. It was all too sudden, too unexpected. Thomas, however, kept firing as he dove for the floor and the door. One of the guards went down, his face a smoking ruin.

Bishop Thwait's laser wand cut a hissing path through the air just a second after Thomas's head left the spot. He shot again at the rolling body and missed a second time. There was no chance for a third shot, for the man was out of the door and pounding down the corridor before he could even take aim.

The surviving marine ran with him.

Andrew ran to the comm panel and punched the general circuit. At the same time he palmed the door to the room shut. "Condition Kuvaz!" he screamed into the comm. "Attack!" Trembling, he turned to look at the unconscious Myali. "You," he muttered, "you will have to wait a while. I must take care of the admiral first. Then we will have our little talk and find out if this rubbish of exotic energy beams is true or not. That and a lot more. Yes."

He walked over the Kohlsky's body and looked down at the man. Chandra never would have been outdrawn, he thought. Right now I would have been looking down at Thomas's corpse if Chandra were still my chief of security. d.a.m.n the man! I could use his ability right now.

I must get to my quarters, he realized. That's the only place I can monitor the action and give orders from. With Kohlsky dead, I'll have to do it all myself. He leaned over and took Kohlsky's pistol from the stiffening grasp of the man's hand. He checked it: full charge, power on. Good.

Cautiously he palmed the door open, standing to one side so anyone outside wouldn't have a clear shot. There was no one. Carefully he peered around the door into the corridor. Empty. In the distance, he could hear the hiss and crackle of energy guns, but right here it was quiet.

He slipped out and palmed the door shut again, locking it to his own thumbprint. Then he walked swiftly off toward his quarters.

Behind him, as the door closed, Myali opened her eyes and smiled.

XVII.

h.e.l.lo, Josh.

Hi, little sister. Got time to talk?

Time enough. Might as well spend it talking to you since there isn't much else I can do right now. I'm strapped into a chair in a room. Until someone comes along and un-straps me, I can't do much more than wiggle my fingers.

Myali, Dunn's here and he's all excited. Says it sounds like they've got you wired up to the same machine that scrambled his mind. You okay?

Fine, Josh, fine. Tell Dunn not to worry.

You sure you're all right? You sound... different.Different? Yes, I suppose so. But only in the sense that difference makes me more the same than ever. I'm me, Josh, in a way I've never been before.

Ah. The trees are trees, the streams, streams ...

And the mountains, mountains again, Myali finished. I'm not a Wanderer anymore, Josh.

Huh, he snorted in reply, about time you stopped running long enough to catch yourself. But don't you think getting yourself strapped into a chair was a rather extreme way of going about it?

She laughed. Oh, before I forget, tell Dunn his little trick on the bishop and the admiral worked like a charm. I wish you could have seen the looks on their faces when they heard that last message from a man they'd been told was dead! They thought I was still unconscious and I didn't want them to realize I wasn't. But I had all I could do to hold back the laughter.

Sounds like you're having a real fun time up there, sis. Aside from the jokes and gags, is anything of interest going on? You know, anything that might decide the fate of Kensho?

Well, the situation's deteriorated pretty badly. I've been using my Mind Brothers to prod both Thwait and Yamada whenever the opportunity occurs. Didn't take much. The two of them hate each other like poison. Things were already building toward a crisis, but Dunn's little message seems to have blown the whole thing wide open. The admiral killed Kohlsky, the bishop's man, and then burned his way out of this room. He took a couple of my Mind Brothers with him and I let the rest loose for a white to help stir things up a bit. From the sound of it, fighting must have broken out all over the ship. In any case, the Brothers had a real feast and are back, peacefully resting right now.

Fighting among themselves? Josh chortled. Wonderful!

Yes and no. Whoever wins will probably attack Kensho. The only difference is that the admiral will come in with guns blazing at any and everything that moves while the bishop will be far more selective in whom he kills.

There was a moment of silence. Then Josh said, Dunn thinks that if enough men are killed, neither one will attack. He says that if losses are more than about twenty-five per cent, the winner will probably go back to fleet headquarters for help.

How long before they'd return to Kensho?

Dunn estimates about five of our years, two and a half each way, given the time paradox of the Sarfatti-Aspect drive.

Five years. That might be enough. Is there any way to make it take longer?

Well, our expert says that if you can knock out the comm before they call ahead, it'll add a year for mobilization of me invasion task force. And if a drive tube can be knocked out, another two. Total of eight, max.

Good. If I can get out of this chair, I'll take care of the comm. Can you activate the flagship?

Just one of the laser cannons to knock out the tube?

Father Kadir says yes. But that puts you in a lot of danger, sis. I'd like to get you out of there before we start any shooting.

She laughed grimly. I've been in a lot of danger for some time now, big brother. Don't be overly protective. We're trying to save Kensho, not Myali.

I'm working on both.

First things first. Besides, there's no way to get me out of here. I knew and accepted that when I came.

Maybe, maybe not. Like I said, I'm working on it.