Was It Right to Forgive? Part 23

"None at all, sir! What is temptation for but to resist?"

"I thought I would just take a short drive, and be here to dinner, but I was not very well."

"You mean that you dined and drank wine with Madame Z----, and that you could not come afterwards."

"She would not let me leave her, and so----"

"I thought you would get as far as Adam before you were through with your apology. 'She would not let me!' Just so."

"It is too bad to take me up so quickly, when I am distracted with shame and sorrow. What shall I do?"

"I would advise you to go to Woodsome and tell Yanna so. She may forgive you, but I doubt if she will ever love you again."

"She cannot help loving me. And if she loves, she will forgive."

"Do not be too sure of that. Yanna has the stubbornness of the Dutch moral character, and her conscience is strictly Calvinistic. She finds it very hard to forgive her own little peccadillos."

"Are you also angry, cousin? You have seen life, and you ought to make allowances."

"Right is right, Harry Filmer; and wrong is wrong, even to me; and I am angry and greatly disappointed with you. I have looked forward with so much pleasure to your marriage with Yanna, for you see, sir, it was to me not only a union of hearts and hands, but a union of lands.

Yanna is to have all I possess, and if you inherit your father's land, old Peter Van Hoosen's estate will be nearly intact again. Now that simple, conscientious old Dutchman is my hero. His likeness hangs in my private sitting-room, and I have constantly promised him that I would try and put the land he loved all right before I joined him. You need not look at me, Harry, as if you thought I were crazy. I can tell you that there is a motive in working to please the dead, which working for the living has nothing to match. Anyway, they are not always overturning your best-laid plans."

"I was only astonished, cousin."

"Whenever I manage to buy back an acre, I feel it to be a joy beyond most earthly joys to stand before the mighty-looking old burgomaster and say: 'Another acre put right, Father Peter.' And the canvas speaks to me, and I dream of the old man, and I know that he knows; and that is all about it! So then, you see, I am not the only one you have disappointed. I am sure your ancestor is thoroughly ashamed of you this day."

Miss Alida spoke with a singular calm intensity, and Harry was affected by it. Some one tugged at his heart-strings whom he had never before thought of, and he said humbly: "I am sorry! I am very sorry! I will go and see Yanna to-day."

"Not to-day. Wait a little. Write to her first. She must have time to understand herself. I expect my friend Selina Zabriski to-morrow, and after her arrival I shall not be long in the city. When I return to Woodsome, I will speak to Yanna for you. I do not say she ought to forgive you, but I will ask her to do so. And I do not thank you, Harry Filmer, for making me plead such a case. And you need not thank me, for I am afraid there is more expediency than sympathy in my offer."

Fortunately, a man's own soul is his best oracle, if he will but listen to it; and Harry's inmost feeling was that he ought to go and see Yanna. He went by the first train, the next morning; and walking up to the Van Hoosen house, he came unexpectedly upon Peter, who was standing by a large oval bed of magnificent tulips.

"Sir," said Harry, "I want to speak to you. I must tell you something at once, or perhaps I may not have the courage to tell you at all. I have offended Yanna; and she has a right to be very angry with me. I made an engagement to dine with her on the last evening she was in the city, and instead of keeping it I went driving with another lady, and afterwards dined with her. I have no excuse to offer. I was simply met by a sudden temptation, and conquered by it. But I am sorry. I repent the folly most sincerely; and as far as I can promise for myself, I will never repeat it."

Peter stood looking at the young man. He spoke with a nervous impetuosity, as if he feared he might not say all he wished unless he said it at once. His handsome face was flushed and serious, his voice full of feeling; and the hurry of his journey added to his general air of uncomfortable solicitude. There was something very attractive about the penitent youth; and such anger as Peter had felt melted under the warm, anxious gaze which accompanied his entreaty.

For even while Harry was saying: "I have no excuse to offer. I was met by a sudden temptation and was conquered by it," the voice of the inner man was thus instructing Peter: "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted!"[1] So that, when Harry ceased speaking, Peter put out his hand to him and said:

[1] Galatians 6, 1-2.

"Let us walk down the avenue, Harry. It is evident that while you were going quietly on your way, thinking no evil, temptation, for which you were quite unprepared, presented itself, and before you knew, you were in the dust, fallen. Well, then, you were 'overtaken in a fault,' and the large charity of the Law of Christ tells me that in such case the sinner is to be forgiven. It tells me, also, to forgive in the spirit of meekness; for anger is sin, Harry, and sin cannot drive out sin. I like your confession of fault; it comes from a desire to be true; and I do not think you will find Yanna more unforgiving than you deserve."

"I will try not to err in the same way again, sir."

"Do not; for just as a n.o.ble character is slowly elaborated by a constant repet.i.tion of virtuous acts, so a base character is the result of a perpetual repet.i.tion of unworthy ones. You cannot, therefore, afford to do things which compel you to say frequently: 'I have sinned, and I am sorry.'"

"I trust that I know the value of a good character, sir."

"Indeed, Harry, character pure and high is the best thing a man can have. To have got it is to have got all; to have missed it is to have missed all."

"I had no pleasure in my fault. I should have been infinitely happier with Yanna."

"Pleasure seekers are never pleasure finders. Pleasure seekers are always selfish; and self never yet sufficed for self. The essence of all sin is the making of self the centre, round which we would have everything revolve. To be delivered from this desire is the turning-point in moral progress and in spiritual renewal."

"I will try and do my whole duty in the future. I will, sir!"

"Duty! that is the great law. But it must be an ever-present consciousness. It must lie close to all your thoughts. It must haunt your very being. And I can tell you, Harry, that your sensual nature will shrink from such company. But be not discouraged, for when duty has become an habitual law, then obedience to it will be a choice and a delight."

"Will you say a word to Yanna for me, sir."

"I will walk with you to the door. That will be sufficient. Speak for yourself; you speak to a tender heart."

So they walked together through the garden, Peter delaying a little at the various beds of spring blossoms, for he wished Adriana to see that he had quite forgiven Harry's offence, and taken him into favor again.

And such forgivenesses are better thus understood; nothing is gained by discussing faults which are admitted, and for which there is no apology but the pitiful one of an unconquerable temptation. Peter's talk was of the flowers, and of the fine spring weather, but Harry was hardly conscious of what he said; for he felt that his future had been brought to the fine turning-point of a single word. Would Yanna speak it?

Peter led him into the parlor and called Yanna. Then he said something about the strawberry beds and left the lover to plead his own cause.

There was a few minutes' delay, which Harry employed in walking about the room; then the door opened, and was softly closed, and Yanna stood in his presence, pale as a lily, but lovelier in his sight than she had ever before been.

He held out his hands to her. His eager face was a prayer. And though she stood very still, her heart was stirring and throbbing and sweetly urging: "_Forgive him! Forgive him!_" Then her eyes filled with a soft, blue light; and a smile that you might have felt in the dark spread like sunshine over her white face--and her hand clasped his hands--she was within his arms--something wonderful and instantaneous took place--everything was confessed in a look, and forgiven in a kiss, and love was satisfied without a word.

And the bliss and the strength of the next two hours convinced Harry that he could no longer bear to be separated from a woman so near to his best self, and so necessary to it. He prayed Yanna to marry him at once, that day--well then, that week--or, if not, then certainly that month--when Miss Alida came back to Woodsome, and not a day later. And just how it happened neither knew, but when Harry went back to New York it was with Yanna's promise to make their wedding day at a very early date.

On the journey he naturally thought of his mother, and he resolved to face her anger at once. "The day has been fortunate; I will take all it can give me," he said. And so, as soon as he reached his home, he inquired for Mrs. Filmer. She had been making calls all the afternoon, and the woman who can return from that social duty in a state of serenity has not yet been evolved from nineteenth century conditions.

Mrs. Filmer was not only tired, she was cross. "I feel as if I had been turned into a pincushion," she said. "All the afternoon the wind blew the dust into my face, and the women p.r.i.c.ked me in every place they thought a pin-point could hurt. They have condoled with me about Rose's marriage until I could scarcely keep the tears in my heart, and congratulated me on it until my face burned like a flame. I never before knew that words could be stillettos. But if you had only been with me, Harry, it would have been different. Where have you been all day? I called on Miss Van Hoosen, and she had not seen you."

"I have been to Woodsome."

"It was unnecessary. Your father was there two days ago. All is ready for us."

"I went to see Yanna. I want to induce Yanna to marry me very soon--in fact, this month."

"I must be going crazy. Another marriage this month! Another marriage into that Van Hoosen family! I will not hear of such a thing! I will not listen to you! It is outrageous!"

"I feel that Yanna is necessary to my best interests. She keeps me right. I am ashamed to say that I fell under the Z----'s spell again last Thursday. I lost money, too, after the opera, at cards; I lost far more than money--I lost my veracity, my honor, and my self-respect. Yanna only can keep me out of temptation."

"It seems even she fails."

"You ought to be glad, mother, that Yanna is willing to marry me, and help me to do what is right."

"I am profoundly sorry and angry. Pray, where are you going to live?

That woman shall not enter any house of which I am the mistress. I will have nothing to do with her--nor with you either."

At this point Harry heard his father going through the hall. He called him into the room and re-stated his intentions.

"Well, Harry," answered Mr. Filmer, "if you choose to make your mother ill and miserable, I cannot prevent you doing so. But it does occur to me that we have had quite a surfeit of the Van Hoosens lately."

"You ought not to speak of Antony in that way, sir. You know the circ.u.mstances."