Wappin' Wharf Part 14

DUKE: And does n't we set around o' nights and swap the sights we seen--mermaids and sea-serpents and such? Did yer jest once ever hear Red Joe tell what he 's seen? Yer can sink me stern up with all lights burnin', if I think the feller 's ever been beyond the Isle o' Dogs.

CAPTAIN: What 's bitin' yer, Duke?

DUKE: It 's jest this. Red Joe ain 't no pirate. He 's a landlubber.

(_He says this as you or I might call a man a snake._)

CAPTAIN: (_And now a great light comes to him. He is proud of his swift perception. He leans across the table to share his secret with Patch._) I seem ter get what Duke means. He 's hintin', Patch, that Red Joe ain 't a pirate.

PATCH: If he ain 't a pirate, what is he? I asks yer that.

DUKE: (_as he brings down his fist for emphasis_). He 's a bloomin'

spy.

CAPTAIN: A spy! (_He gives a long-drawn whistle as the truth breaks on him._)

PATCH: If I thought he was a spy, I 'd ketch him right here with me dirk. I hates spies worse 'n empty bottles.

CAPTAIN: I 'd sc.r.a.pe him with me hook.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "I 'd sc.r.a.pe him with me hook"]

DUKE: I 've been thinkin', Captain, while you and Patch has been amusin' yerselves. Askin' yer pardon, Captain, but cards rots the mind. Did yer ever know a pirate that ain 't drunk at the Port Light on Wappin' wharf?

CAPTAIN: Not as yet I never did. I never knowed a pirate as did n't have a double-barreled nose fer grog.

DUKE: Well, when Red Joe comes in, we 'll jest ask him. And we 'll ask him if he ever played black-ace at the Rusty Anchor.

CAPTAIN: It ain 't no night ter have spies about. With the Royal 'Arry comin' on so pretty.

PATCH: And jest gettin' ready ter smash hisself.

DUKE: That innercent ship will be due in less 'n half an hour.

CAPTAIN: If Red Joe is a spy, by the fiery beard o' Satan, I 'm tellin' yer that dead men tell no tales.

(_He lifts the terrible hook and claws the air._)

DUKE: Askin' yer pardon, Captain, bein' as it was me as smelled him out, won 't yer let me slit his wizen? I does it pretty, without mussin' up the cabin. I ain 't askin' favors often, Captain. And I 've 'ticerler reasons--reasons as touches me heart. (_For a moment he is almost sentimental._) Reasons as touches me heart! Red Joe 's been snoopin'.

CAPTAIN: I loves yer, Duke. There ain 't much as I won 't let yer have. And jest ter show yer that I 'm all cut up by this here snoopin', when I 'm dead I 'll will yer this ol' hook o' mine, as has sc.r.a.ped a hundred men.

DUKE: Yer honors me, Captain. And if I is shoveled in first, me stump is yourn.

CAPTAIN: It 's handsome of yer, Duke. And I 'll not be jolly till a year is up--jest like a widder.

DUKE: Yer touches me. I 'll tie a black ribbon on yer hook.

(_At this pathetic moment Darlin' is heard singing in the kitchen._)

And I fills the cups till mornin' comes, And the Duke, he talks like a loon.

Me Darlin', me life, will yer be me wife, And elope by the light o' the moon?

(_There is a stamping of boots outside. The pirates put their fingers on their lips. They are innocence itself. The Duke scratches the head of the parrot. The strange bird declines to taste his grog. Patch-Eye shuffles the cards. The Captain hooks the mugs toward him one by one for the last drops of their precious liquor. Red Joe enters. Also, Darlin' from the kitchen._)

JOE: h.e.l.lo, mates! Evening, Captain! Are n't you cozy! As peaceful as old ladies with their darning. I 've just come from seeing Petey, up at the lighthouse. Petey says that along in about fifteen minutes the Royal Harry will be showing around the cliff. Is n't it time, Captain, to set up the lantern where 's she 's useful?

DUKE: _Is n't_ it? Did yer hear that, Captain? _Ain 't_ it, is what Red Joe means.

CAPTAIN: Right yer are, Joey. We must be trottin'.

DUKE: What 's the name o' that tavern, Joe, at Wappin' wharf where we gets the uncommon grog?

JOE: Wappin' wharf? I 'm blessed if the name 's not gone from me. The grog 's nothing to Darling's.

DUKE: What does yer call the tavern on the Isle o' Dogs?

JOE: I 'm remembering the rum. What 's the use of looking at the signboard?

DUKE: How does yer sight ter turn the bar at Guinea?

JOE: Sorry, Duke. It was my watch below. I was snoring when we turned.

CAPTAIN: What happened to yer pigtail?

PATCH: Where does we ship the n.i.g.g.e.rs?

DARLIN': Ain 't yer got a mermaid on yer chest?

(_The pirates have risen and come forward. Their questions are put faster and with insolence. Dirk and hook are drawn. Joe stands in an easy, careless att.i.tude. He seems ignorant of danger. He has taken a coal from the fire and slowly, deliberately, with back to the menace, he lights his pipe. Then suddenly he drops it from his teeth. He leaps to action. He draws his knife--two knives, one for each hand. He kicks away a chair, for room. He drives the pirates across the cabin. The candle--all the mugs upon the table--rattle to the stones. He cries out with bravado._)

JOE: Who offers me his carca.s.s first? What! Is pirate blood so thin and white?

(_The pirates stand with knives drawn. It is an awkward moment of social precedence._)

PATCH: (_safe in the farthest corner_). It 's me patch, Captain. It 's fetched loose. I follers yer.

JOE: Come, Duke, and take your answer! Have you no stomach for my message? 'Fore G.o.d, is there no black ram to lead his sheep to the shearing?

(_Joe's is a dangerous gayety. His two knives glisten in the candle light._)

PATCH: Sc.r.a.pe him with yer hook, Captain, I follers yer.

JOE: My knife frets. It is thirsty for thick red wine. Who offers me his cask to tap? I 'll pledge the King, although it is a dirty vintage. Come, Captain, I 'll carve you to a dainty morsel. We 'll have fresh meat for the platter. You 'll not be known from scared rabbit-flesh.

(_He drives them around the table. Patch takes refuge behind the door.

Darlin's red stockings run up the ladder._)

JOE: You bearded hound!