Voyages and Travels of Count Funnibos and Baron Stilkin Part 1

Voyages and Travels of Count Funnibos and Baron Stilkin.

by William H. G. Kingston.

CHAPTER ONE.

"What shall we do with ourselves, my dear Stilkin?" exclaimed Count Funnibos, yawning and stretching out his legs and arms, which were of the longest.

"Do! why, travel," answered Baron Stilkin, with a smile on his genial countenance.

"Travel! what for?" asked the Count, yawning again.

"To see the world, to be sure," answered the Baron.

"The world! why, don't we see it by looking out of the window?" asked the Count.

"That's what many people say, and fancy they know the world when they have looked out of their own windows," observed the Baron.

"Ah, yes, perhaps you are right: you always are when I happen to be wrong, and you differ from me--unless you are wrong also," replied the Count. "But where shall we go?"

"Why, round the world if we want to see it;--or as far round as we can get," said the Baron, correcting himself; "and then we shall not have seen it all."

"When shall we start?" asked the Count, brightening up; "next year?"

"Next fiddlesticks! this afternoon, to be sure. Don't put off till to-morrow what can be done to-day, still less till next year. What's to hinder us? We have no ties."

"Yes, there are my neck-ties to come from the laundress," said the Count, who was addicted to taking things literally; "and I must procure some new shoe-ties."

"Never mind, I'll get them for you in good time," said the Baron. "You have plenty of money, so you can pay for both of us, which will simplify accounts."

"Yes, to be sure, I hate complicated accounts," remarked the Count, who thought the Baron the essence of wisdom, and that this was an especially bright idea. "And what luggage shall we require?"

"Let me see: you have two valises--one will do for you and the other for me," said the Baron, putting his fore-finger on his brow in a thoughtful manner. "All, yes; besides the ties you will require a shirt-collar or two, a comb to unravel those hyacinthine locks of yours, a pair of spectacles, and a toothpick. It might be as well also to take an umbrella, in case we should be caught out in the rainy season."

"But shouldn't I take my slippers?" asked the Count.

"What a brilliant idea!" exclaimed the Baron. "And that reminds me that you must of course take your seven-league boots."

"But I have only one pair, and if I put them on I shall be unable to help running away from you, and we could no longer be called travelling companions."

"Ah, yes, I foresaw that difficulty from the first," observed the Baron.

"But, my dear Funnibos, I never allow difficulties to stand in my way.

I've thought of a plan to overcome that one. You shall wear one boot and I'll wear the other, then hand in hand we'll go along across the country almost as fast as you would alone."

"Much faster--for I should to a certainty lose my way, or stick in a quagmire," observed the Count.

"Then all our arrangements are made," said the Baron. "I'll see about any other trifles we may require. Now let us pack up."

"You have forgotten my ties," observed the Count.

"Ah, yes, so I had," observed the Baron, and he hurried off to the laundress for them. He soon returned, and the valises being filled and strapped up, the Baron tucked one under each arm.

"Stop," said the Count, "I must give directions to my housekeeper about the management of my castle and estates during my absence."

"Tell her to bolt the windows and lock all the doors of the castle, so that no one can get in; and as for the estates, they won't run away,"

said the Baron.

"Thank you for the bright idea; I'll act upon it," answered the Count.

"Still, people do lose their estates in some way or other. How is that?"

"Because they do not look properly after them," answered the Baron.

"But mine are secured to my heirs," said the Count.

"Then they cannot run away unless your heirs run also, therefore pray set your mind at rest on that score; and now come along." The Baron as he spoke took up the two portmanteaus, which were patent Lilliputians, warranted to carry any amount of clothing their owners could put into them, and they set off on their travels.

"In what direction shall we go?" asked the Count.

"That must depend upon circ.u.mstances," answered the Baron. "Wherever the wind blows us."

"But suppose it should blow one day in one direction and another in the opposite, how shall we ever get to the end of our voyage?" inquired the Count, stopping, and looking his companion in the face.

"That puzzles me, but let us get on board first, and see how things turn out," observed the Baron. "Ships do go round the world somehow or other, and I suppose if they do not find a fair wind in one place they find it another."

"But how are they to get to that other place?" asked the Count, who was in an inquisitive mood.

"That's what we are going to find out," observed the Baron.

"But must we go by sea?" asked the Count. "Could not we keep on the land, and then we shall be independent of the wind?"

"My dear Count, don't you know that we cannot possibly get round the world unless we go by sea?" exclaimed the Baron. "I thought that you had received a better education than to be ignorant of that fact."

"Ah, yes, to be sure, when I have condescended to look at a map, I have observed that there are two great oceans, dividing the continent of America from Europe on one side, and Asia on the other, but I had forgotten it at the moment. However, is it absolutely necessary to go all the way round the world? Could we not on this excursion just see a part of it, and then, if we like our expedition, we can conclude it on another occasion."

"But how are we to see the world unless we go round it?" exclaimed the Baron, with some asperity in his tone. "That is what I thought we set out to do."

"Ah, yes, my dear Baron, but, to tell you the truth, I do not feel quite comfortable at the thoughts of going so far," said the Count, in a hesitating tone. "Could not we just see one country first, then another, and another, and so on? We shall know far more about them than if we ran round the globe as fast as the lightning flashes, or bullet or arrow flies, or a fish swims; or you may choose any other simile you like to denote speed," observed the Count. "In that case we should only see things on our right hand, and on our left, and I do not think we should know much about the countries towards either of the Poles."

"Your remark exhibits a sagacity for which I always gave you credit,"

observed the Baron, making a bow to his friend. "But I tell you what, if we stop talking here we shall never make any progress on our journey.

Let us go down to the quay and ascertain what vessels are about to sail, and we can accordingly take a pa.s.sage on board one of them."

"We could not well take a pa.s.sage on board two," observed the Count.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed the Baron; "very good, very good; but come along, my dear fellow; stir your stumps, as the English vulgarly express it; let us be moving; _Allons donc_, as a Frenchman would say." And arm in arm the two travellers proceeded to the quay. On reaching it they observed an individual of rotund proportions, with a big ap.r.o.n fastened up to his chin, seated on the end of a wall smoking a long clay pipe, and surrounded by chests, bales, casks, and packages of all descriptions. He looked as if he was lord of all he surveyed: indeed there was no other individual in sight except a person coming up some steps from the river and bringing several buckets suspended from a stick over his shoulders, but he was evidently a hewer of wood and a drawer of water, and therefore of no account in the eyes of the burly gentleman.

"Friend," said the Baron, making a bow to the latter individual, "can you inform me where we shall find a vessel about to sail round the world, and when she is likely to proceed on her voyage?"