Venus on the Half-Shell Part 13

Odiomzwak said. "You know how I love dog meat."

"I'll do my best."

"He's making us a lot of trouble," Odiomzwak said. "He ought to be made to pay for it."

"Oh, he will," Mofeislop said.

Simon's mouth felt as if it were full of Dry Ice. All his water was leaking out of his skin. He called to Anubis, but his voice squeaked like a bat's. "He's going to try something," Odiomzwak whined. "I can smell it. Otherwise, why'd he tell us about that there thing, what-you-call-it? in the sky?"

"He wants to put off the inevitable," the sage said. "Like everybody else, he'd rather live through any number of bad moments than die in a good one."

"Yeah, but that there eye in the sky's already seen him cuffed to the chair and it's seen the axe and the knives."

"I'll tell his partner it was just a sort of ritual I put all my seekers after the Truth through," the sage said.

"A sort of dumb-show to portray man's lot in the universe. Don't worry. Anyway, I don't really think thereis a satellite."

Anubis came slowly and suspiciously to Simon. He patted the dog on the head, and Anubis walked be-hind him to the stairway. Odiomzwak ran ahead of him so he couldn't make a break for it. The sage's dagger p.r.i.c.ked his back as soon as they had entered the stairway, out of sight of the imaginary observer. Odiomzwak, the axe held ready to bring down on Si-mon's head, backed down the steps.

Simon kicked back, felt his heel strike Anubis, who yelped, and then launched himself toward Odi-omzwak, his hands held out. Odiomzwak yelped, too, and started to bring the axe down. Simon went in under it, his head struck Odiomzwak's, and, Simon half on top of him, they fell together down the steps.

Dazed, Simon sat up at the foot of the stairway. He new he had to get up, but he could not control his legs. Above him, the sage stabbed at Anubis, who snarled and made short lunges up after him. Some-body groaned beside Simon, and he looked down. The hunchback was lying on his side, his eyes unfocused.

Simon managed to get some orders through to his legs, and he got slowly to his feet. Mofeislop called out to the hunchback to kill Simon. Odiomzwak sat up slowly, leaning on one hand, the other held to the side of his head. Blood oozed out between his fingers.

Simon picked up the axe as Odiomzwak got to his feet. The hunchback's eyes suddenly focused, and he cried out. Simon swung the axe with the edge turned to one side so he would strike the man with the flat side. Even in his confusion and desperation, he did not want to kill his would-be killer. And he did not swing it as hard as he should have. The axe rang on the stone wall, missing Odiomzwak. He had leaped up and dodged out into the hallway.

Simon glanced above. Anubis was still holding the sage at bay, was, in fact, making him retreat. He ran out into the hall, though wobblingly. Odiomzwak wasn't in sight. He ran down the long wide hallway and, as he went past a doorway, the hunchback leaped out at him. Simon thrust the end of the axe in his face; the man fell back but a flailing hand seized the axe-shaft. Twice as powerful as Simon, Odiomzwak tore the axe out of Simon's hand. For a moment, though, the hunchback was half-stunned. Simon ran through the doorway, saw his banjo on a table, and picked it up. When Odiomzwak, yelling, came through the door-way, Simon broke the banjo over his head.

A critic would say, years later, that this was the only time Simon had ever put his banjo to good use.

Odiomzwak fell, and the axe dropped. But he was up again and staggering toward the retreating Simon with the axe again in his hands.

Simon kept on moving backward while his and Odiomzwak's breathing sc.r.a.ped like a bow on an untuned fiddle. Simon's legs felt as if they would shake themselves to pieces; he was too weak to run. Moreover, he had no place to run to. In three paces, he would be backed up to a wide and open window.

From down the hall came the growling and snarling of Anubis and the shrieks of Mofeislop. "Your master needs you," Simon gasped. "Maybe a few bites'll take the uppityness out of him," Odiomzwak said. "I'll deal with the dog after I take care of you." "Help!" Mofeislop screamed.

Odiomzwak hesitated and half-turned his head. Si-mon jumped at him; the axe gleamed; Simon felt it strike him somewhere on the face; he went down. Sometime later-it couldn't have been more than a few seconds-he regained his senses. He was sitting on the floor; the left side of his face was numb; he couldn't see out of the left eye. The other eye saw clearly enough, though his befuddled brain didn't un-derstand what it saw. Rather, he didn't understand how what he was seeing had happened.

The bloodied axe was on the floor before him. Odi-omzwak was staggering backward, screaming, his hands held before his face and clutching a shriek, a flurry of feathers.

Then Simon understood that Athena had flown in through the window. Seeing Simon in danger, she had attacked Odiomzwak's face with her talons and beak.

That's nice, he thought. Wish I could get up and help her before he wrings her neck.

Odiomzwak began whirling around and around as if he was trying to get rid of the owl by centrifugal force. Athena continued beating at him with her wings and tearing his face with her talons. Around and around they spun in painful dance until they dis-appeared into the wings. In this case, offstage was out the window.

Simon got to the window and leaned out in time to see Odiomzwak bounce off an outcropping. A small object shot away from him-it was Athena, who must have been gripped tightly until then. Odiomzwak kept on falling and bouncing; Athena whirled around and around for a while, then her wings grasped the air, and she began to climb back up, toward Simon.

Three vultures slid into his view, gliding steeply down to Odiomzwak, whose curved spine now seemed to be straightened. He looked like an inch-long doll who had been filled with red sawdust.

Simon sat down in a chair. He felt as if he would not be able to move again for days. A savage growling and a high screaming down the hall, coming nearer swiftly, told him that he would have to move soon. If he couldn't, he might never move again. Which, con-sidering the way he felt, sounded like a good idea.

Behind him was the fluttering of wings, then silence. Simon swiveled around.

Athena looked as if she had been in a washing machine with red-dyed laundry.

They stared at each other for a moment, then she flew off the table and onto the floor by the axe. Simon turned toward her just in time to see her grab something round from the floor and swallow it. He swallowed too and felt even sicker. His left eye had gone down her throat.

Now was no time to faint. The sage, somewhat chewed up, had burst into the room.

Behind him bounded Anubis, streaked with blood, though whether it was Mofeislop's or his or both, Simon couldn't deter-mine. Somewhere along the way the sage had lost his dagger, and he was now eager to get hold of another weapon.

The only one in sight was the axe.

Simon rose in slow motion. Mofeislop, whose per-sonal projector had speeded his film up, leaped to the axe and bent over to pick it up. Anubis fastened his teeth into the sage's tail near its root. The sage screamed again, straightened with the axe in his hands, and, like a dog trying to bite his own tail, described a spiral over the floor. His axe flailed out, hit-ting nothing, though narrowly missing the owl, who had launched herself at his face.

The three spun toward Simon. He tried to get out of the way, thought he had succeeded, but felt some-thing strike him near the root of his own tail.

CHAPTER 17.

The Family Tree Is Known by Its Fruits.

The pipes of pain shrilled while his ancestors danced.

Throughout his sufferings, his father and mother and thousands of forefathers and foremothers circled around and around. Every night they got closer and closer as they whirled by, as if they were Indians and he the weakening defenders of a wagon train.

Once, in a moment of consciousness, he whispered to Chworktap, "Would you believe it? Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull are among them. Not to mention Hiawatha and Quetzalcoatl."

Chworktap, looking puzzled, gave him another sedative.

Simon understood dimly that she had come just in time to keep him from bleeding to death. She had ar-rived in the s.p.a.ceship a few minutes after Mofeislop had sheared off Simon's tail. The sage was dying, his own tail bitten off, his eyes shredded by Athena, his throat torn. His last words, gasped to Chworktap, were, "I was only trying to do him a favor."

"What does that mean?" Simon had thought. Later, he understood that the sage believed that it was better not to have been born at all. The second best thing was to die young.

Chworktap had fled from the capital city to pick up Simon because her ship had warned her that an alien ship was approaching Dokal. It might or might not be Hoonhor, but she didn't want to take a chance. And so now Simon was in sick bay while the Hw.a.n.g Ho traveled at 69X speed with no definite destination in mind.

Chworktap had amputated the few inches of tail :it to Simon. But he wasn't exactly restored to his pristine condition. The rest of his life, he wouldn't be able to sit down long without hurting.

His left cheekbone had been caved in by the axe, but the big patch that covered his empty socket also covered this.

Chworktap, in an effort to cheer him up, had made many patches of various shapes. "They also have different colors," she said. "If you're wearing a puce outfit, for instance, you'll have a matching patch."

"You're very thoughtful," Simon said. "By the way, how'd you come out with the computer?"

"She's still playing dumb," Chworktap said. "I'm sure she has self-consciousness, but she won't admit it. For some reason, she's afraid of human beings." "She must be pretty smart then," Simon said. He was reminded of a novel by Somers. This was Imprint!, another in the series about the basketcase hero, John Clayter. Clayter had built a new computer in his s.p.a.ceship to replace the one destroyed in a pre-vious adventure, Farewell to Arms. In making many improvements in it, Clayter unconsciously gave the computer self-consciousness. The first thing the com-puter saw when she was activated was Clayter. Just like a newly hatched duckling, the computer fell in love with the first moving object to cross her viewscreen. It could just as well have been a bouncing basketball or a mouse. But it was Clayter himself.

Clayter found this out when he left the ship after landing on the planet Raproshma. The ship followed him and settled down on top of the customs building he had entered. Its weight crushed the building and everyone in it except Clayter. He escaped by using the jets on his prosthetic s.p.a.cesuit. The rest of the novel, he fled here and there on the planet while the ship unintentionally destroyed its cities and most of the people on it.

Clayter then found himself hunted by both the ship and the irate survivors. In the end, he ran out of jet fuel and was cornered in a mud field. The ship, trying to cuddle against him, buried him in the mud beneath it. Thinking she had killed him, she died of a broken heart. In this case, the heart was a circuit board which cracked under too much piezoelectrical pressure.

A piezoelectrical crystal is a crystal which, when bent, emits electricity or, when given a shot of elec-tricity, bends. This circuit board was loaded down with crystals, and the computer's emotions were just too much for it.

Clayter would have perished under the mud. But a dog, looking for a place to bury a bone, uncovered him.

Chworktap moped around for a while. Simon told her not to feel so sorry for him.

"After all," he said, quoting Confucius, "he who buys wisdom must pay a price."

"Some wisdom! Some price!" she said. "You can get along without a tail, but having only one eye is no picnic. What did you get for it? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!"

She paused and said, "Or did you buy that faker's drivel?"

"No," Simon said. "Philosophically, he needs a change of diapers. Or I think he does. After all, there's no way to prove he was wrong. On the other hand, he didn't prove he was right. I won't stop asking questions until someone can prove his answers are right."

"It's hard enough getting answers, let alone proof," she said.

As the days pa.s.sed, the pain dwindled. But the nightmares got worse.

"It's a strange thing," he told Chworktap. "Those people don't look like real people. That is, they're not three-dimensional, as people in dreams usually are.

They look like actors in a movie film. As a matter of fact, they're lit up just as if they were images from a movie projector. Sometimes, they disappear as if the film had broken. And sometimes they go backward, their speech runs backward, too."

"Are they in black and white or in color?" Chwork-tap said.

"In color."

"Do you get commercials, too?"

"Are you being facetious?" Simon said. "This is a serious thing. I'm dying for a good night's rest. No, I don't get commercials. But all these people seem to be trying to sell me something. Not deodorants or lax-atives. Themselves."

His parents seemed to have a near monopoly on the prime time, he said.

"What do they say?"

"I don't know. They talk like Donald Ducks."

Simon strummed on his banjo while he thought. After a few minutes, he stopped in the middle of a chord.

"Hey, Chworktap! I've got it!"

"I was wondering when you would," she said.

"You mean you know?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because," she said, "you get p.i.s.sed off when I'm smarter than you, which is most of the time. So I de-cided to just let you work things out for yourself and keep silent. That way, your male ego isn't bruised."

"It's not my male ego," Simon said. "It's just that my mother was always telling my father and me how dumb we were. So I hate to have a woman smarter than I am around. On the other hand, I could hardly stand a woman dumber than I am. But I'll get over both att.i.tudes.

"Anyway, here's what happened, the way I figure it. You know the Shaltoonians carried around ancestral memories in their cells. I told you how they had to give equal time to them.

Well, I thought the Shaltoonians were unique. They were, I supposed, the only people in the world who had such cells.

"But I was wrong. Earthpeople have them, too. The difference between us and the Shaltoonians is that the Shaltoonians were aware of it. Hey, maybe that ex-plains a lot of things! Every once in a while some an-cestor got through, and the carrier thought he was a reincarnation.

"My bad dreams started after Queen Margaret gave me the elixir. She told me it would prolong my youth. But she didn't tell me it had side effects. The stuff also dissolved the barriers between me and my ancestors. The shock of losing my eye and my tail probably ac-celerated the process. And so now they must be de-manding equal time too."

Simon was right. Until the elixir unlocked the gates, each ancestor had been imprisoned in a cell. But these had had, as it were, one-way windows. Or TV sets connected to one channel. They'd been un-able to communicate with their descendant, except for transmissions of bad dreams or random thoughts, mostly bad, now and then. But they could see his thoughts and see through his eyes.

Everything that he had done or thought, they viewed on a screen. So, though in solitary confinement, they hadn't been with-out entertainment.

Simon blushed when he learned this. Later, he be-came furious about this invasion of his privacy. But he could do nothing about it.

Chworktap also got mad. When making love to her, Simon became so inhibited that he couldn't get a hard-on.

"How would you feel if you were s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g in the Roman Colosseum, and it was a sellout with standing room only?" he said to Chworktap. "Especially if your father and mother had front seats?"

"I don't have any parents," she said. "I was made in the laboratory. Besides, if I did, I wouldn't give a d.a.m.n."

It didn't do any good for Simon to shut his eye. The viewers couldn't see any better than he did, but their screens showed his feelings. These were something like TV "ghosts," shadowy doubles.

The elixir had dissolved some of the natural resis-tance in Simon's nervous system to communication with his foreparents. To put it another way, the elixir had rotated the antennas so that Simon got a some-what better reception. Even so, the ancestors had only been able at first to get through the unconscious.

This was when the elixir had been introduced into Simon. But the shock of the wounds had opened the way even more.

Another a.n.a.logy was that the holes for projecting their personal movies had been greatly enlarged. Thus, where only a small part of the picture had been cast on the screen of Simon's mind, now three-fourths of it was coming through.

The difference between a real movie and Simon's was that he could talk to the actors on the screen. Or the CRT of the b.o.o.b tube, if you wish.

Simon didn't wish, but he seemed to have little choice.

There were some interesting and quite admirable people among the mob of prigs, blue-nosed hypo-crites, boors, bores, colossal egotists, whiners, per-verts, calloused opportunists, and so on. In general, though, his ancestors were a.s.sholes. The worst were his parents. When he had been a child, they had paid no attention to him except when one was trying to turn him against the other. Now they were clamoring for his full attention.

"During the day, I'm an explorer of outer s.p.a.ce," he said to Chworktap. "At night, I'm an explorer of inner s.p.a.ce. That's bad enough. But what scares me is that they're on the point of breaking through during the daytime."

"Look at it this way," Chworktap said. "Every per-son is the sum of the product of his forefathers. You are what your ancestors were. By meeting them face to face, you can determine what your ident.i.ty is."

"I know who I am," Simon said. "I'm not interested in my personal ident.i.ty. What I want to know is the ident.i.ty of the universe."