Creative Thinking Is Everything I Have 46 Happy Now? No Going Back.

'I need to stop her before she starts doing something with her hands...' But it was surprisingly difficult to do so; a healthy teenage body filled with hormones was unbelievably sensitive and easy to please. Under Onuki's ardent stream of kisses, Orisa inadvertently bent her back and began to moan.

"Wait..." Her voice was hoa.r.s.e and trembling from excitement. "Stop..."

Remnants of her willpower were all used for one last push. She grabbed Onuki's shoulders and pulled her to the right, topping the girl on the bed. In one seamless motion, Orisa ended on top of hot red Onuki and jumped on her feet in the next moment.

"Please, stop! I'm not joking, Onuki. I'm not playing or provoking you. There is something I need you to know." Orisa spent a few seconds recovering her breath and calming down her mind. In the meantime, Onuki took a sitting position and stared at Orisa with a shock and disbelief in her eyes. "I'm sure you would end up hating me if I were to tell you afterward, that's why I need you to know right now. I didn't want you to stop what you were doing, that's why I need you to know now."

"Really? Of all moments?" Onuki started to get irritated at this whole situation. It was the second time when she made her move, and Orisa pushed her away. "Gosh, spill it already."

"I promise that I will tell you everything, but before that, there is one thing I need to sort out with." The tone of Orisa's voice turned apologetic, and her expression became sad and pleading. "I'm sorry, but I need to know something as well. I have a vague understanding, I guess, but I need to know for sure."

"You sound strange. What do you want?"

"I'm sorry to pry and dig, but I a.s.sume that you don't like men for a good reason, right?"

Onuki's expression became stiff as she pressed her lips in a thin line and nodded.

"Surely you wouldn't want to re-live these memories. But I honestly need to know that part."

"Why?" Onuki could not believe that this conversation was happening.

"It is directly related to what I'm about to tell you. Aside from that, I feel that it is mandatory to understand your situation while three out of five people in our squad are men."

"Isn't it enough to know that I'm having a hard time around them?"

"No, I'm sorry, it is not," she gave Onuki a long look before resolving to say harsh things. "Would you be able to give everything you have to save Kanai? Can you carry Clemen on your back if he is injured? Undressing Iten and cleaning his wounds or bandaging him, is this within your capacity?"

Onuki was silent, but her expression was that of shame and frustration. By the look of things, she was concerned with the same thing.

"As I already said, it is also related to my issue, which I can't disclose unless I can see the whole picture."

"Cut to the chase. You want me to leave, right?" she spat angrily.

"Of course not! I'm afraid that you'd leave after learning the truth..."

"And what if I don't want to tell you?"

"Please, Onuki, I really need to know!" Orisa pleaded but met Onuki's stubborn look. She let out a tired sigh and said with a saddened voice, "I don't know what to do, then. You said it yourself that you owe me..."

"I see, so that's how it is," a short laugh left Onuki's mouth. "Well, what do you want to know?"

"Everything, if possible," she said sheepishly.

Onuki went silent for a few minutes, collecting her thought and gathering her will. Orisa could observe a change in the girl's expression, which turned a little hollow and dejected.

"My mother remarried when I was seven. The first two years were great, but then it all started. At first, it was under the pretense of ma.s.saging after my dance lessons. Then a bold groping began," she paused to let Orisa insert a comment or a question, but her listener was quiet and collected, so she moved on with the story. "Everything went downhill from that point, and it all happened at the same time. Relationship with my mother deteriorated; my grades dropped as well. I tried talking to her, tried to explain the reason behind it, but she accused me of lies instead. She said that I was trying to cover my failures with this nonsensical excuse."

"When I was eleven, he finally took the last step. I have been trying hard to keep up with everything until that moment, but after that, I stopped caring at all. Even now, I still remember the pain I felt, how he was tearing through my body, how much blood there was. How hard it was to walk afterward, too."

Onuki looked at Orisa again and let out a dry, hollow laugh after witnessing her pained expression.

"When I was around thirteen years or so, somehow I ended up dating a girl from an older group in my dancing cla.s.s. Imagine, I was still attending the lessons," she shook her head, thinking how stupid and pointless everything was. "She was seventeen, by the way. It was so nice to find someone who cared about you; she tended to my body well, too. Thanks to her, I found out that s.e.x was, in fact, a pleasant thing."

"And you were only thirteen..." Orisa muttered in shock, but Onuki only shrugged with the same detached expression and continued:

"One way or another, I started going out with her friends, too; threesome, foursome, and so on. Some girls were nice while others were aggressive; among them was one shy girl, I had so much fun with her that you can't even imagine. The weirdest part began when I was somewhere between fourteen and fifteen. Thanks to one of the girls I dropped out of dancing cla.s.s and started singing instead."

"And that's where I met my first client. I don't know how old she was, maybe thirty-five? She attended many open cla.s.ses and local concerts and one day invited me to her private party to sing for them. When the party was over, she made me an offer which was tempting even without a huge pile of cash."

"Then I met her girlfriend and many more women besides them. And I learned a lot of tricks and techniques while pleasing these clients, too."

"So that's where you got these skills. I was thoroughly shocked by how y you handled me, especially during ear piercing. And all your acting skills and these hurt expressions as well?"

"Perhaps?" Onuki was too engrossed in her painful memory to react. "The money flowed like a river. I was drowning myself in everything just to silence and forget the things that were still going on at home. A little of drugs and alcohol..." She was startled by Orisa's expression and quickly retorted, "Oh, don't give me that look! There was nothing serious, d.a.m.n. I just wanted to forget, to distract myself by new feelings, new clothes, new jewelry."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to judge you. It just scared me for a moment..." Orisa said apologetically, and Onuki nodded before moving on:

"I tried to run away from the house, but every time the Police brought me back after checking my ID, so after the twentieth try I gave up. In retrospective, I should have told the Police back then why I was running away from home. I wonder why it never occurred to me."

She paused for a minute, collecting herself. Orisa kept her silence, not wanting to disturb the girl.

"It was a miracle that I lasted that long, honestly. Can't even imagine how lucky I was. But that day has finally come. It was a week prior to the sixteenth birthday that I found out I was pregnant. I felt disgusted, true, but not much more for I was probably broken beyond repair by that time already. The only thing I felt for real was that I was old. I mean, I was f.u.c.king fifteen, but my soul already felt worn-out and tattered. I wanted to do an abortion, obviously, but he somehow found out before I could make an appointment."

"I was taking a shower when the door slammed open, and he rushed inside. The shower curtain was torn down, and I saw his fuming face. He was mad beyond words and kept screaming something. Then he grabbed me; the last thing I remember was his distorted face and his hands on my throat. After that, I woke up in this world. The end."

While the thing Onuki told her was horrible beyond words, it still could have been worse. Orisa thought about it for some time and then said carefully:

"Thank you for telling me everything, Onuki. How do you feel now?"

"Going to play therapist with me?"

"Honestly, I'm just at a loss of words. What can I even say in a situation like that?"

"You forced me to go through this, and now you are all weak and helpless?" Onuki's voice sounded both disappointed and even more lost and dejected than before. She lay her soul bare, re-lived the most painful moments of her life because the girl almost forced her to do so, and for what?

"I was not sure if I should pity or comfort you, or do something entirely different."

"Yeah, whatever..."

While talking a few minutes ago, Onuki began feeling better after sharing her pain. She was hoping that Orisa would say something that would help her break free from these negative memories she dug out of the darkest corner of her mind. But Orisa failed to find the right words, and the giant stinking pile of pain and suffering came crashing down on Onuki and buried her even deeper. She was disappointed, hurt, and lost.

"Are you happy now? Can I go to sleep?" Onuki said with a deeply hurt expression. "Ah, there was something you so wanted to tell me. What is it?"

Orisa let out a heavy sigh and returned to her bed, gesturing Onuki to go back to her own place.

"First of all, please listen until the end. I implore you to give me a chance to explain myself." She paused to collect her thoughts. "I beg you to understand that it was not my intention to end up in the situation I am now. The thing I am going to tell you today, only one person in this world knows about it. And she advised me against disclosing it, so I kept my mouth shut."

"It's a complicated matter, and I saw no good solution at first and later simply went with the flow. When I ended up with you girls in this room, I honestly felt conflicted and even disgusted of myself. But again, I saw no way of resolving this issue. I started noticing things about you at the same time as your true aim towards me became clear. I felt something was wrong in the way you treated men, so I decided to pull away and block any of your attempts."

"Also please note that I could probably arrange for you a transfer to a different squad. Because I'm sure that you would end up hating me for what I'm about to tell you. And I deserved it without a doubt. Also, I'll leave this room for you, so don't worry. Just please, I beg you to understand that everything was not my own choice, and I never asked for this."

"Can you please wrap up this drama and get to the point?" Onuki muttered with a tired and depressed voice.

"Alright," she stood up, grabbed both a pillow and a blanket from her bed, and went to the room's exit. "The thing I told n.o.body about and wanted you to know is that I was a man in my past life. I'm sorry."

"You what... No, that's... How..." Onuki was thunderstruck. "But this all time... And we even..."

"I'm so very sorry, Onuki. I can't express with words how sorry I am. I deserve to be hated and despised. If you need a transfer from our squad, we'll arrange it. And the room is yours, of course. I wish I could have thought of any better way to handle this situation. I won't bother you anymore. I'm so sorry..."

And with that, Orisa left the room and went to the gym, leaving aghast Onuki some s.p.a.ce to think it all through.