Twins Under His Tree Part 19

"Why didn't you?" he probed.

Because you were on my mind, she thought. "Because you left and I didn't know why."

"I only went as far as the kitchen."

Maybe that was true, but it hadn't felt that way at the time.

"I need to go," she whispered. More than anything, she needed to hold Sophie and Grace. To kiss them. To feel the bond she had with them.

Seeming to understand that, Mitch nodded. "Okay. I'll help you carry your things to the car."

Lily felt sh.e.l.l-shocked...as if her whole world had just crashed in. Mitch had turned the tables so effectively she didn't know who was more conflicted...or which one of them could figure out where they could go from here.

On Tuesday evening Lily sat at the kitchen table with evergreen boughs, ribbon and gold bells spread across newspaper. She was making a wreath for the front door while Angie and Ellie added more Christmas touches to the rest of the house. The last time she'd looked they were arranging a nativity set on the table by the sofa.

When the phone rang, she called into them, "I'll get it," went to the counter and picked up the cordless. The caller ID simply read Out of Area without a number.

"h.e.l.lo," she answered, afraid to hope the caller was Mitch. Yesterday he'd been busy at the office tying up loose ends, cramming appointments together, going over histories of his patients with Jon and Hillary in case he got tied up in Houston. When she'd asked him about the brunch, he'd said everyone hated to leave the bed-and-breakfast, but they all had to get back to their lives. He'd given her one of those "Mitch" looks that was intense and full of meaning.

But then Jon had buzzed him and he'd rushed off. He didn't seem to be shutting her out, yet he didn't seem to be waiting for anything from her, either.

Before she'd left for the day, she'd placed a note on his desk, wishing him luck.

"Lily, it's Mitch. Are you tied up?"

She wanted to say, Yes, my stomach's tied in knots and I'm worried about you. Instead, she replied, "Sophie and Grace are sleeping. Ellie, Angie and I are decorating."

"I wanted to let you know Dr. Dolman believes I'm a good candidate for surgery. He has a slot open on Friday afternoon, so I'm going to stay, have some tests and then let him operate."

"That soon?" she murmured.

"I had to make a decision, Lily. This surgery will either work or it won't. One way or another, I'll know, and I'll adjust my life accordingly."

That's what Mitch did. He adjusted his life to fit whatever happened to him. His history had shown her that. He was a decisive, confident man who didn't stall or procrastinate or wait...unless waiting fit into the big picture. How long would he wait for her? Maybe his patience had already come to an end.

"Anyway, I'm staying at the Longhorn Inn. Matt said I could crash at his place, but he's starting a three-day rotation and will be tied up. I wanted to give you the number where I'll be in case my cell is out of reach. Got a pen and paper?"

She grabbed a pen and tablet from the counter. "Go ahead." She jotted down the number he gave her. "How long will you be in Houston after your surgery?"

"I'll be discharged the next day, but Matt wants me to give it forty-eight hours until I fly. If all goes well, I'll be back Monday. I can do physical therapy in Lubbock."

If all goes well.

"What about after you're discharged? Doesn't someone have to be with you?"

"I'll be fine, Lily. Matt said he'll have one of his doc friends check on me."

She hated the fact Mitch was going through this practically alone. Like most men, he probably didn't want anyone to see him when he wasn't at his best. But she didn't like the idea he'd be alone after surgery. She didn't like the idea that he was in Houston alone now.

After a long silence, Mitch asked, "So, did you put up a Christmas tree?"

"Yes, we did. Complete with a lighted star on top. Sophie and Grace haven't seen it yet, though. When they wake up they won't know what to think."

"You're lucky they're not walking yet. You can still keep most things out of their reach."

"Except for the tree. Angie hung ornaments that wouldn't break on the bottom. I have a feeling they'll have a few tantrums until they realize they can't touch it."

"They have to learn boundaries."

There was a commotion on Mitch's end. "Someone's at my door, Lily. It's probably room service."

"You're just having dinner?"

"After the consultation, I talked to Matt and then drove around for a while. I needed to...think. I wasn't hungry then. But after I got back and showered, the idea of food sounded good."

"I won't keep you then."

"I'm sorry you're going to have a heavier load this week because of my being away."

"Don't be concerned about that, Mitch. Hillary and Jon and I will be fine."

"Okay, then. If you need anything, or have any questions about my patients, just call."

"I will. And Mitch, I'll be praying for you...that everything goes well."

"Thanks, Lily."

When his phone clicked off, she set down hers, the hollow feeling inside her seeming to echo with Mitch's voice.

Angie came into the kitchen and saw Lily standing there, staring at the phone. "What's going on?"

Lily told her about Mitch's consultation and surgery. "He shouldn't be there alone," Lily murmured when she was finished.

"Who should be with him?" Angie asked.

Lily knew what Angie was suggesting. "I have Grace and Sophie to think about. And the practice."

"Take them with you."

Suddenly Lily heard a cry from the baby monitor. "That's Grace," she said. "I'll find out what's wrong." On her way out of the kitchen, she glanced back at Angie. "I feel pulled in so many directions. I can't think about going to Houston. At least not tonight."

"Tomorrow will come soon enough," her housemate suggested.

Lily knew she was right.

On the way home from the office on Wednesday, Lily took a detour. After arriving at the outskirts of Sagebrush, she turned down a road where she hadn't driven for over a year...almost sixteen months. Mid-December darkness had already fallen and she glimpsed farms along the road with Christmas decorations and lights twinkling from eaves, gables and shrubs in front yards.

Eventually Lily reached an illuminated lane where a security guard was housed in a cupola before a high fence. She presented ID to him and a key. After a few taps into his computer, he okayed her, opened the gate and let her drive inside.

She pa.s.sed row upon row of storage compartments, some looking more like closets, some the size of a garage. The area was well lit and there were no other cars around. It didn't take her long to find the row, and then the storage compartment that she was looking for. She didn't think as she parked in front of it. She tried not to feel. If she let herself feel now, what would happen after she went inside?

She did check her watch and knew she couldn't spend a whole lot of time here. Not today anyway. Sophie and Grace were waiting for her.

After she unlocked the combination, she inserted the key into the padlock. Two levels of security. Now both were just barriers, locking her out of memories that she'd stored because they were too painful to see, listen to or handle.

The roll-up door stuck and she wondered if she'd have to call the security guard to help her heave it up. But then it gave way and rolled open, revealing the remnants of her marriage. At least the physical ones.

Stepping into the past, she looked around and her eyes burned. It was the cold, the staleness of the compartment, the boxes upon boxes that almost sixteen months ago she couldn't bear to donate or toss away. Moving to the Victorian had accomplished more than giving her an economical place to live, friends to support her, room for her twins to grow. Moving there so quickly after Troy had died had removed her from a good dose of the pain of losing him. She'd been nearly numb when she'd packed up her belongings and his. She'd sent a lot of Troy's things home to his mother, knowing she'd treasure them. But the rest was here in front of her, making her eyes go misty with the remembrance of what was inside the boxes.

She could sit here and go through them one by one. They were labeled and she knew what she'd find. But she hadn't come here to open a box with souvenirs from her Caribbean honeymoon with Troy or CDs they'd once listened to together. She'd come here to find something that would tell her whether she could meld the past with the present...if she could really move on. Besides cartons, she had to step over and around Troy's saws and metal boxes that held sets of chisels or a Dremel tool. Finally, after she'd moved a circular saw housed on its own table, she found what she was looking for in the corner.

She had asked Troy to make this for her. It was a multi-tiered plant stand fashioned in oak. Almost finished, it simply needed a last smoothing with fine sandpaper, polishing and then a coat of acrylic.

At least three feet high, the plant stand was bulky as she pushed it from its protected place to the front of the storage compartment and ran her hands over it, imagining Troy doing the same. Now tears really pressed against her eyelids. Giving in, she let them come and didn't even try to brush them away.

When she heard a sound, she realized an airplane was buzzing overhead. At the edge of the compartment, she lifted her gaze to the sky. The moon was bright, almost full, and brought back the memory of standing at the fire pit on Mitch's patio singing "Silent Night." Her nose was numb. Her fingers were stiff. Her feet were cold in her high-heeled pumps. But the cold didn't matter now as she stood still, just letting every feeling in her life wash over her.

Her gaze lifted to the moon and she suddenly saw something to the east of it-a shooting star. It glowed, streaked, then vanished.

Like Troy?

Turning away from the sky, she ran her hands over the solid wood again. She heard the question in her head as if someone were standing in the compartment speaking to her. Do you love Mitch?

Searching for the answer here, in the midst of her past life, she knew she did.

Why? that little voice asked again. Because I asked him to look out for you?

Reverently she slid her hands over the oak grain, straight and crooked, with imperfections and beauty despite that. She and Troy and Mitch had imperfections and beauty, too. No, she didn't love Mitch because Troy had asked him to watch over her. She loved Mitch because of who he was, and who she was when she was with him. She loved him because he was pa.s.sionate and intense, and tender and caring. She loved him differently than she'd loved Troy. Whether or not that was because of Sophie and Grace, she didn't know. All of a sudden she just knew her love for Mitch was right.

Yes, it had come along at a time when she was still grieving. And maybe she'd miss Troy for the rest of her life. Loss wouldn't go away merely because she wanted it to. But Troy had so often told her, There are no coincidences. On and off, over the past nine months, she'd tested what she'd felt for Mitch. And every time, the desire, the aching to be with him, the dreams that appeared when she let herself think about the future couldn't be denied.

With one hand on the plant stand, she looked down at her other hand, where her wedding ring gleamed in the white moonlight. She slipped it off her finger and set it on the top shelf of the stand.

It was then that she felt warmth seeping into her body, as if someone had given her a giant hug. The sensation only lasted a matter of moments. Then once again she felt her cold nose, her stiff fingers, her numbing feet. She picked up the ring and slipped it into a zippered pocket in her purse. Then she pushed the plant stand out of the storage compartment, determined to fit it into her car.

She had to get home to Sophie and Grace and make an airline reservation to Houston.

Chapter Thirteen.

The nurse ran the IV and Mitch watched the drip. This surgery was really going to happen.

Although Matt had stopped in a little while before, the one person Mitch wanted to talk to was Lily. But she was back in Sagebrush.

When the nurse left Mitch's cubicle, he flexed both hands, staring at his right one. Someday in the future, if not able to perform surgery, he might have fuller use of his fingers. Would he feel whole if he did?

He doubted it. Because he realized now he didn't need the use of his fingers to feel whole. He needed Lily. That need had been supremely evident the night of the reunion when they'd made love. Somehow, on that night, attraction and chemistry had transformed into something else entirely.

It had transformed into love.

He hadn't had the courage to admit it or the courage to feel it until he'd awakened the following morning holding her. Yet at that same moment he'd had doubts about Lily's ability to love again...doubts about her ability to freely make any kind of commitment to him. If he pushed her, he'd lose her.

He'd almost lost her when his ego had slid between them in June and his pride had convinced him to put time and distance between them. He'd almost lost her again when he'd prodded her about her wedding ring on Sunday morning.

Would she cut and run? Would she decide loving Troy for the rest of her life was enough? Were her feelings not deep enough to allow a future to develop between them?

He wanted her here to talk about all of it-his past mistakes, his future possibilities, her independence, their pa.s.sionate hunger that went deeper than pheromones. He hadn't asked her to come, because she had Sophie and Grace to consider first. He hadn't asked her to come, because he knew if he pushed too hard she'd slip away entirely.

Turning away from the IV stand, he closed his eyes and tried to blank his mind.

Lily rushed down the hospital corridor hoping she wasn't too late. She had to see Mitch before he went into surgery. She had to.

The past three days had felt like a global marathon.

When she'd returned from the storage unit, Ellie had helped her carry in the plant stand. She'd also noticed the absent wedding ring. When Lily had explained what she wanted to do, Ellie had offered to take care of Sophie and Grace while she went to Houston. Angie had been at home, too, and when Lily couldn't find available seating on a flight, she'd called her brother-in-law, billionaire Logan Barnes. He'd booked Lily first-cla.s.s seats. Both Angie and Ellie convinced her the twins would be well taken care of. Lily didn't have to worry about anything...except what Mitch was going to say and do.

Now as Lily headed for the information desk in the surgical wing, she was afraid. She loved Mitch Cortega with all her heart. But what if he'd lost patience with her? What if she was too late? What if he rejected her and she'd made a fool of herself?

She kept going anyway, almost at a jog. If she made a fool of herself, so be it.

When she reached the desk and inquired about Mitch's whereabouts, the woman asked, "Are you family?"

Lily said blithely, "I'm his fiancee."

Narrowing her eyes, the clerk asked if Lily knew his date of birth.

"I do. It's January twenty-first."

A tad less warily, the gatekeeper of this surgical unit next asked for his home address and telephone number.

Resigned to this delay, Lily rattled them off.

Finally the clerk pointed her in the direction she should go, advising, "Follow the yellow floor line."

Doing so, Lily almost ran toward the surgical waiting area, found cubicle number six and peeked around the curtain.

There Mitch was, lying on a gurney, an IV line attached to the hand that wouldn't be undergoing surgery.

She wondered if he'd already been given medication to relax, if he'd even be aware that she was here.

Crossing to the bed, she stood beside it and asked softly, "Mitch?"

His eyes opened. They were clear, alert and totally flabbergasted. "Lily? What are you doing here? My surgery was delayed an hour and they haven't given me anything yet. So I know you can't be a hallucination." He sat up and looked ready to climb out of the bed.