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Chapter 4
Chapter 4: True Thoughts Everyone has thoughts they keep hidden. Everyone has things they don’t want to talk about. Everyone has things they want to say, but can’t. There are some who can steel their resolve and let their thoughts be known. Some, who end up conveying their true thoughts in the spur of the moment.
Some, who are unable to make the decision to share their true thoughts. And finally, some who can’t say anything until the very end. Which group do I belong to? Where do my true thoughts lie? …I still don’t know. I don’t know if these are my real feelings. And I don’t know if I have thoughts that I ought to share. ◆ “How did things end up like this?” I asked myself as I stood under the clock tower in front of the station where we agreed to meet up. It was Sunday. Normally I’d be at work at this time. I was given the day off work today. Me, of all people. But there was nothing I could do since Towako-san was the one who ordered it. If the shop owner asked me to take a break, then I had to obey. As an employee, the manager’s word—regardless of whether Towako-san actually deserved the t.i.tle—was the law. That’s why I took the day off work. It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to. That’s why I had no choice but to stand here waiting under the clock tower in front of the station. And I wasn’t waiting here just because I felt like it. That’s right, I was waiting for someone. On a Sunday, just before noon. Standing under the clock tower. Feeling a little nervous. Waiting for him. …Right. Even I get nervous sometimes. But it’s only when I’m waiting like this to go somewhere with him. ◆ “How did things end up like this?” I asked myself as I walked towards the clock tower in front of the station where we had agreed to meet up. It was Sunday. I’d normally be at work around now. I got the day off today. …I felt like I had thoughts like this before…but that meeting had been earlier in the day, and was with someone different… Anyway, Towako-san asked me to take the day off so there was nothing I could do. If the owner was asking me to take a break, then I should obey. As an employee, the manager’s word—regardless of whether Towako-san actually deserved the t.i.tle—was the law. That’s why I took the day off work. It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to. And that’s why I had no choice but to go to the clock tower in front of the station. I wasn’t going because I felt like it. And by the way, unlike the last meeting, Saki knew about this one. Meaning, Towako-san told Saki the same thing she told me. In other words, the person I was meeting was Saki. “Really, how did things end up like this?” ◆ It all started yesterday. As usual, Towako-san was telling us about some item she went out and bought. She said this particular Relic was called Kotonoha. It was apparently a Relic that anyone could use to hold their thoughts and memories at any time. The thoughts poured into the leaf could be sent to whoever the user desired whenever they wanted even after, for example, their own death. It was oddly harmless for a Relic and even seemed kind of useful. Towako-san then pulled off two rainbow-colored leaves from the potted Kotonoha plant, “The two of you get one each.” And gave them to us. Tokiya and I took the leaves she gave us and looked at each other. “Well that’s unusual. Towako-san’s giving us a Relic.” It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but that didn’t make it any less strange. Towako-san hated giving Relics to people. It wasn’t just because she was a Relic collector, but also because Relics often brought misfortune to those who came to use them. “Well, this probably won’t get you in trouble no matter what happens.” “Huh?” “And you two have things you want to convey but can’t say, right?” Tokiya and I looked at each other at the same time. “I don’t really have anything to convey to Tokiya that I can’t put into words.” “I don’t really have anything to convey to Saki that I can’t put into words.” We both denied it at the same time, but… “Not once did I say it was things you can’t convey to anyone in particular.” Towako-san had an extremely unpleasant smile on her face now. I looked at Tokiya again. “The way you said it made it sound like that, don’t overthink it.” “The way you said it made it sound like that, don’t overthink it.” We answered the same way again. “Hahaha. Well, I guess that’s fine. I want you to hold onto them anyway.” Towako-san paid us no mind at all, laughing loudly as she forced Kotonoha onto us. “I don’t really need it.” “Yeah, me neither. If there was something I wanted to say, I’d just say it.” But Towako-san didn’t let us return the leaves and forced them into our hands. “It’s fine, just keep them. You’ll need them someday.” Since Towako-san insisted on giving them to us, Tokiya and I looked at each other one more time and decided to accept the Kotonoha leaves. But I really didn’t have anything I wanted to convey so badly that I’d use Kotonoha. Not to steal Tokiya’s words, but if there was something I wanted to say, I would say it myself. In fact, I didn’t really have anything special I wanted to tell Tokiya, like Towako-san was insinuating. There wasn’t anything I was having trouble putting into words. There really wasn’t. …Probably. “Well, it’s not like I can’t say it, but I guess I have something.” But Tokiya was different. He had something to say. “Huh?” “Mm?” I looked at Tokiya without thinking, and he looked at me as if nothing at all were amiss. “And is this about me?” “Yeah, I guess it is.” I stared at Tokiya. What was it? Did he have something he wanted to convey but couldn’t put into words?” “So…what is it?” I asked. It’s wasn’t like I was that interested. I wasn’t desperate to know or anything. But I was curious. Just a little bit curious. It looked like this was something difficult for Tokiya to say, or maybe he was thinking about how to phrase it. After spending some time putting his thoughts in order, he finally looked at me. I stared back, waiting for his words. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and…” “…Uh huh.” “and I’ll get right to the point but…” “…Uh huh.” “Wearing nothing but black is pretty weird.” “…………Excuse me?” I froze for a full 20 seconds before sputtering out a reply. “I mean, it’s just…I get liking black, but I was wondering what it would be like if you wore something different every once in a while. Wearing all black all the time is weird, right?” Did he really have to say that? “I mean, I know you have lots of similar looking clothes. I do understand that you’re not actually wearing the same thing all the time, of course.” This was what he always wanted to tell me? My feelings had now withered into cold disappointment. “I also have something I’ve been thinking about for a while, but haven’t told you…” I continued, my voice quieter than it usually was. “I don’t want to hear you say anything about my clothes when everything you wear is cheap.” “Wha—!” “I’ll acknowledge that your style has a little variation, just a little. However, everything you wear is still cheap. And it’s not like you have good clothing that happens to be inexpensive either, it’s all just cheap. The best thing you own is your school uniform, isn’t it? Just look at the shirt you wore to work today. Look at how the collar’s all worn out. Didn’t you buy it recently? I wonder how it ended up looking like that after a single wash?” “You didn’t have to go that far!” “Oh, but I’m not done. You know the clothes you wore last weekend? Well, they didn’t match at all. And not only that, the colors were already fading too. My guess is because it was so cheap.” “All you say is cheap, cheap, cheap, But I can’t do anything about that, okay! My salary here sucks!” “Well, my salary’s low too, and I make do with what I have to buy good things. Of course, the things I buy cost more.” “But you don’t have living expenses, right? I don’t have any money to spend on clothes thanks to mine.” “Just how low do you think my living expenses are? I also have my own things to pay for, you know. Even if my income is low, and the number of sales is abysmal, and my personal finances look depressing, I can still buy nice things even without spending money on clothes. It’s just a matter of sense.” “You say that, but you get paid more than me don’t you?” “Naturally. I spend more time at work after all.” “Cause I have to go to school. And I doubt you even have much to do since we never get any customers during the day.” “Certainly, customers are few and far between, but dealing with them is only one part of my job. I also manage inventory, so the work I do is worth much more than the paltry salary I get.” Suddenly— “…Cut it out, you two.” Towako-san cut us off in a menacing voice. She seemed angry for some reason. I wonder why…were we being too loud? How careless. I got riled up by Tokiya’s mean words and was being louder than usual. “I’m sorry, Towako-san. I shouldn’t have shouted.” “I lost my cool after what Saki said to me.” We both apologized for being loud, but Towako-san’s anger didn’t subside. “Since you’ve said all that, the two of you will go shopping and pick clothes for each other. I’ll be the one to judge who can buy better clothes with their awful salaries!” And that’s the gist of it. After that, Tokiya and I agreed to meet up the next day, Sunday, and go shopping to choose clothes for each other. We were both agitated at the time and quickly agreed on a time and place to meet up. But now that things had settled down, this was starting to feel like, how to say it… “…A date.” I furiously shook my head. T-this was just a shopping trip. It wasn’t anything special like a date or anything. And Towako-san told us to do this in the first place, so it’s not like I had any say in the matter. “Ah, I shouldn’t do that.” My hair was a mess now because I shook my head too hard. I took out a pocket mirror and start combing through it with my fingers. My hat also happened to be lopsided so I readjusted that too. “Yep, perfect.” …I wasn’t dressing up more than I had to, nor was I trying to be especially fashionable. I was just taking care of my appearance. This was something I always did. “Did you wait?” A voice suddenly called out, and I turned around, startled. But the person they were calling out to wasn’t me, but another girl waiting at the same meeting spot. I checked the time again…it was now almost noon. It seemed a lot of other people had also agreed to meet up at this time. I heard similar things from other couples around me like “Did you wait long?” “Not at all.” and “Did I make you wait?” “You’re late.” and “Who is it?” “Darling!” and “I’m back.” “Welcome back, master.” It was about time Tokiya showed up too. I didn’t have to greet him… But still, what would be the best thing to say here? Not to brag, but this was my first time meeting up with someone. Of course, I have met up normally with people before. I’m just saying that I haven’t waited for someone like this. Well, I say like this, but even this is a normal meeting. I’m just meeting up with him to go on a simple shopping trip is all. …It’s just special because I’m going with Tokiya. And by special, I don’t mean anything weird. It’s just that I’ve never gone anywhere with him before. Wait, was that true? Well, I’ve never gone out with him for something like this before anyway. And when I say like this, I mean that it’s just a little different from usual. Tokiya and I agreed to meet up here today to go shopping. It was nothing more than that. …I got a little carried away there. Rather than thinking about that, I had to come up with a plan soon. Going by the clock, there were only 10 seconds left until noon. How should I greet Tokiya when he finally gets here? If the people I observed around me were anything to go by, there was a high chance that he’ll start with, “Did you wait long?” In that case, should I respond with, “Not at all”? Or should I be direct and tell him I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes? I’m really precise about the time and didn’t want to be late today, so I got here half an hour early. But that time pa.s.sed by in the blink of an eye; it didn’t feel like I waited long. And more than anything, just because I was half an hour early didn’t mean that Tokiya was late. In the first place, if I told him I came 30 minutes early, he might misunderstand and think I was really looking forward to this. Really, the reason I arrived early was because I was a careful about being on time. In that case, maybe saying “I just got here.” Would be the better option. But then I’d feel like I was lying to him. Was it really fine to lie like that? According to the book I read, With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! (I ran out to buy it in a panic last night), there was no problem with that kind of lie since it was only to show consideration for your partner. I guess that’s what I’ll go with after all. The clock struck 12 as I was lost in my thoughts. It was now time. Wait a second. If Tokiya came now and said, “Did you wait long?” and I responded with, “I just got here”, wouldn’t that mean that I was also late? It wouldn’t look good if he thought I was late for our first meeting, right? But Tokiya himself was also late… I remembered reading something about this last night in With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! Don’t get angry even if your partner is late for the first date. It was most likely because they were too nervous to sleep the night before and overslept. They might have also got spent too much time thinking about what to wear and kept uneasily changing their clothes, or maybe the hairstyle they had didn’t look quite right and they changed it at the last second. If you want to have an enjoyable date, don’t fret if your partner is a little late! But since Tokiya might not have read With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! I doubted he’d know that. Saying that I just got here was too risky after all. So, should I go back to my first idea and say “Not at all,” or “I’ve been waiting here for over 35 minutes now?” Ahh, I wanted to go back to my first idea, but there were actually two options here. I was careless. I actually had three options to choose from and now I had to choose between the first and second. I didn’t have the time to waste thinking about something like that. Which of the two options should I choose? I need to hurry up and decide. Tokiya was going to be here any minute now. “Ah, so you were here?” “!” I heard Tokiya’s voice behind me. “There were a lot of people here, so it took a bit to find you. Did you wait long?” W-wait a minute. This was outside of my predictions. I did expect Tokiya to ask me if I waited long, but I didn’t plan for a scenario where he came to the meeting place on time, but got unexpectedly delayed looking for me. Should I tell him I was waiting for over 30 minutes, or should I play it safe and say I didn’t wait at all? Or should I go in another direction altogether and say I just got here? But then that would imply that I was five minutes late since Tokiya couldn’t find me. What do I do… “Saki?” “W-welcome!” In my confusion, the first thing that came out of my mouth were the words I was used to saying the most. My true vocation is in customer service after all. ◆ “W-welcome!” “………huh?” Saki’s reply made no sense. Maybe she was still half asleep. I didn’t get much sleep myself and worried that my eyes were red. Saki’s eyes looked okay, but she did seem a little tired. She wasn’t the type to stand in crowds on Sundays, so I supposed she would find waiting here for me exhausting. But despite looking tired, Saki also seemed fired up today. This could be just me making a.s.sumptions, but she was clearly more excited than usual. Her outfit was black as always, but today she wore a small hat on her head, not to protect her from the sunlight, but as an accessory. Her blouse was narrower than usual, and with it, she wore a long, tight skirt with a slit going up to the knee. He knee-high socks were partially visible under her skirt. That wasn’t all though. Saki was also wearing leather shoes with small high heels along with a leather bag that she held in her hand. She also had a black leather watch on her left wrist. Lastly, she had changed her usual hairstyle and was wearing twin tails. Seeing her made me remember what happened yesterday. I must have hit a nerve for the Saki I knew to lose her cool like that. That was probably reflected in the clothes she wore today. Saki was particular when it came to clothes…or maybe I should say when it came to the color black. Either way, I said more than I should have. Had I not brought the subject up, things wouldn’t have ended up like this. Saki and I wouldn’t be going on this da—no, this shopping trip together. …Oh well. To be honest, since Towako-san approved of us taking the day off, I didn’t think this was a bad thing at all, but I somehow got the feeling it would have been better for things not to have developed as they did. “What is it?” “Nah, it’s nothing. Why don’t we get going?” Saki and I went into the train station building where we met up. I had actually been here before, and if you wanted to go shopping in the area, this was the place. “There are a lot of clothing stores here, and also lots of restaurants. Do you want to check out this new pasta place since it’s already lunchtime? It’s pretty popular. Oh, there’s also a great teashop nearby. It’s a bit expensive, would that be alright with you? But as far as cakes go, the shop right next to it is actually much better.” “You know…quite a lot.” “Do I? I figured it was normal.” Like water, I dispensed the knowledge I gleaned from the magazine I bought at the convenience store and from my cla.s.smate Shinjou, and casually downplayed it. By the way, I had never gone to any of the shops I just listed, so my recommendations were all from the magazine and Shinjou—or to be more accurate, his girlfriend. In other words, this was why I didn’t get enough sleep. I had been here with my friends before, but I didn’t really pay attention then. They already knew their way around the place anyway. But I didn’t think Saki would have the same knowledge. Clothes and shopping were one thing, but this wasn’t the sort of place where one could have meals alone. That’s why it was no surprise that Saki didn’t know about the food options. It would have been awkward to have us both standing around wondering what to do. That’s why I had no choice but to do some research. …It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to look good. I didn’t want to show off about having done research beforehand either. That’s why I didn’t say I learned this information from reading magazines and talking to friends. …It definitely wasn’t because desperate, last minute research was uncool. Really. So where would Saki want to go? I already decided if she let me choose, I’d suggest going to the pasta place. By the way, the recommended pasta was lasagna. Not gratin or risotto, but lasagna. “I had a late breakfast so I’m not really hungry. Let go look at clothes instead.” “T-that so?” …I hadn’t expected that development. Oh well. Considering how this would save me some money, it wasn’t so bad. “Let’s go to this store I frequent first. Fortunately it’s in this building, so I’ll choose clothes for you there, Tokiya.” Saki briskly started walking. ◆ “You know…quite a lot.” I found myself saying to Tokiya. He hadn’t said anything special, but something bothered me about how excited he was. It felt a little disconcerting that Tokiya knew so much about this place. If I had to say, I expected him to look annoyed and say it didn’t matter which store we went to, or that he would just go with whatever I chose. He must come here often with his friends. Right. It must have been…with his friends. …I had an uncomfortable feeling in my chest for some reason. Perhaps it was heartburn. I hadn’t eaten anything especially heavy for breakfast though. But it was true that I wasn’t hungry. Maybe it was because waiting in a crowd and being in a situation I wasn’t used to tired me out. That’s why I quickly walked away from Tokiya to cut the conversation short. “Do you go to this store often?” “Yeah.” We were at a store that I frequented, and my feelings had calmed down a little now. Clothing stores were usually on the upper floor, but this was one of the few that was underground. It didn’t deal in clothes that were currently in fashion, and as a result, there were fewer customers. I enjoyed the store’s relaxed atmosphere. That said, the clothes this store sold were not bad by any means. The also sold men’s clothes in addition to women’s clothes, of course. “Good afternoon, Maino-san.” A familiar employee greeted me. She was a little younger than Towako-san, but the atmosphere around her was gentler and more mature. But now she had an expression of surprise on her face. Probably because I brought Tokiya with me. “I came to find clothes for him today.” “I see. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help with.” She said that and went back to the register. They didn’t use any shady high-pressure sales tactics here so I could take my time to find something good. That was one of the reasons I liked this place. “Over here.” I called Tokiya over. I was already thinking of what kind of clothes I should get him to wear. He usually preferred “rough” or “fun” clothing, so I was thinking of having him try something a little more stylish. I saw him wear a suit before, and it wasn’t bad at all. But since getting him a suit was overkill… “How about this?” I picked out a tie-dye t-shirt, collared jacket, and leather pants for him. “The fitting room’s over there.” Tokiya took the clothes with him to the fitting room, and came out wearing them after a short while. Yeah, not bad…it really suited him. I was really happy with it. “That looks good. Tokiya, what do you think?” “Yeah, I think it’s fine.” “Really? Alright, you want to go with that? Or do you want to try something else?” For me, this was the best outfit in terms of style and price. “Let’s see. I think I’ll go with this. Saki, I’ll go change while you pay for it.” “Huh?” “It’s fair because I’m going to pay for your clothes, right? Or were you trying to get me to pay for both?” “I had no such plans.” “Alright, I’ll leave it to you then.” Tokiya went back into the fitting room. I had forgotten. We weren’t just choosing clothes for each other today. …I was worried about his wallet too. I would have gotten him something more expensive had I remembered. I walked over to the register to pay. “Is this a present?” The store clerk asked me as she rang up the total. “…Something like that.” I supposed this would be a present. I unconsciously touched the pendant under my blouse. This kind of reminded me of my feelings back then. It was a nostalgic memory now, but still a very important one. “Did something good happen?” The store clerk asked me, but I responded with a startled “Huh?” “You’ve got that look on your face.” “Oh…nothing really happened.” As expected of a fellow member of the service industry. I didn’t let it show on my face, but she could still guess how I was feeling. …Wait. Did something good actually happen? Still, it was true that the uneasy feeling I had in my chest was completely gone now. “I see. By the way, this is pretty unusual…I’ve never seen you come here with someone else before. What kind of relationship do you have?” “We work at the same place.” “Ah, so you get along well then.” “Um, not really. We don’t have that kind of relationshi—more importantly, do you have that dress you told me about last time?” I dodged her question and changed the topic. “Oh I’m sorry. We’re all sold out here. It’s actually sold out everywhere except the main store. I’ll let you know as soon as we have more in stock, okay?” “No, that’s alright. I’ll come back another day.” The store clerk finished putting the clothes that I got for Tokiya in a bag, and said one more thing. “But it seems like you two have a really good relationship. How to say this, Maino-san, it feels like you’re a lot gentler than usual. Like you’ve let your guard down.” I let my guard down… Maybe that was it. Tokiya was the only person I could open my heart to… I felt my earlier irritation being flooded over by a gentle warmth. ◆ The clothes I tried on at Saki’s recommendation felt two levels higher than what I was used. It didn’t cost that much more either. Well, it was far more expensive than what I usually bought, but not enough to make my eyes pop out. And most importantly, Saki found clothes I really liked in one shot. …That Saki, she’s serious. She wants to show me what she can really do. I was naïve, thinking about what we were going to have for lunch. That’s not what we were here for. This was a match to decide which one of had better fashion sense. Alright. I’d have to show her how serious I was too. I psyched myself up and stepped out of the fitting room. Saki was standing outside holding a bag with my new clothes. “Okay, it’s my turn now.” I said as we waited for the elevator. However, Saki unexpectedly pulled on my sleeve. “I’m actually feeling hungry now. Do you think we can go to the pasta restaurant you talked about before?” “Wha-?” I could only respond stupidly as she poured cold water on my excitement. “We can’t?” “N-no, I don’t mind.” So she had time to spare now that her turn was over… Well, it wasn’t so bad if I could use that time to get my thoughts in order. And more importantly, I couldn’t let all the research I did last night go to waste. Saki and I went to the pasta restaurant that was also said to have good lasagna. The restaurant was crowded for lunch when we came in, but fortunately, we were able to secure a pair of open seats right away. I waited for Saki to open the menu before casually speaking up. “You know, this is a pasta restaurant, but the lasagna’s highly recommended.” “Oh really? I suppose I’ll get that then.” “What kind of pasta should I order then?” “How big is the lasagna?” “How big?” “Yeah. Won’t there be too much food if we order pasta too?” …I had no idea. My hasty preparation had been met with an unexpected obstacle. I never expected her to be concerned about the lasagna’s size. “N-no, I don’t thi—it’s not that big.” “I see…” She still seemed concerned about it. “Even if it ends up being too much, I’ll eat it.” “Alright then. Why don’t you get the carbonara?” “There’s squid ink pasta too. That’s black.” “I have no interest in blackening my teeth.” “Of course. Are you okay with black tea for your drink?” “Yeah. I’ll order it after the meal.” I called the server over, and made my order. “I’d like one carbonara with eggplant and meat sauce.” “Understood.” “And then one plate of lasagna.” “Oh—I’m very sorry. We don’t serve lasagna here.” “Huh?” What the h.e.l.l? This isn’t what you told me, Shinjou! You recommended the lasagna here, didn’t you? I glanced at Saki. She was looking at me with her usual poker face. “Well t-that’s odd…I definitely saw it before. The menu must have changed since I was last here.” “Not at all. This restaurant has not served lasagna since it first opened.” You don’t have to say that much! I shouted internally. “While we don’t have lasagna, there is ravioli on the menu, if you’d like that.” “Alright. Okay, I’ll order that then.” Shinjou…only the first syllable kind of sounds the same! And what the h.e.l.l is ravioli anyway? I came back to my senses and looked at Saki’s reaction. Her face was blank as always, and I had no idea what she was thinking. “M-my bad.” “It’s alright. Ravioli sounds tasty too.” “Now that I think about it, it was a different restaurant that had lasagna. There are a lot of similar restaurants and I mixed them up.” I tried to explain away my misunderstanding (really, it was a mistake), and feigned a laugh. Saki stared at me with probing eyes. Not good. Was Saki starting to notice my hasty preparations falling apart? ◆ The pasta and ravioli were both delicious. It was unfortunate that I wasn’t able to eat the lasagna that Tokiya recommended though. I’d like to try that if the opportunity came up next time. …Not to say I was hoping for another opportunity. I realized that we forgot to order tea after the meal, so we went to the other teashop that Tokiya recommended earlier. However, our timing was bad and that shop was in the middle of being covered for a TV program. We tried waiting for a little, but it seemed filming was going to continue for longer than we expected. The shop probably wouldn’t open again until evening. I guess I’d also have to come back for this another day. …Not necessarily together with Tokiya though. But besides that, I always thought Tokiya was someone who would be most knowledgeable about convenience store bento boxes; I didn’t expect him to know about restaurants like that. It wasn’t just that he knew about them, he apparently went to restaurants like that often. I always thought Tokiya had his hands full with his daily life, but apparently he had enough free time to go hang out with his friends all the time. Of course, that was it. He was cutting down on his living expenses to save money to have fun. The ones he spent time with were probably his cla.s.smates at school. “Alright, how about we get back to buying clothes.” “Since we’re already here, why don’t we take a look around the shops?” “Hm?” “You don’t want to?” “No, I don’t mind.” The pasta and ravioli were both delicious, but it was a little too much for me. It was careless of me to keep eating until my stomach was completely full while we were out to buy clothes. …It probably wouldn’t have any effect on my waist size, but still… I wouldn’t mind if I were alone, but not being able to fit into the clothes Tokiya chose for me would be way too embarra.s.sing. I’d have to walk around to calm my stomach down. “Alright, let’s take a walk.” “Yeah.” Tokiya and I went downstairs from the restaurant area to wander and look around stores. It would be an exaggeration to call it a shopping mall, but there were lots of things like home décor and imported goods stores, electronics stores, and CD shops. Just walking around would take at least ten minutes. This was a popular date spot. The number of couples I saw around us outnumbered the families. …Do Tokiya and I look like that too? When I thought that, walking together side by side with Tokiya suddenly felt embarra.s.sing. The people around us were probably not looking at us like that though. “Ah, come to think of it, last time I saw there was a special for the books you like.” “The books I like?” “Yeah, it was a special for know-how and self-help books like With This, You Too Can Become XX.” I didn’t especially like those books though. I only read them because they contained necessary information. Leaving aside Tokiya’s misunderstanding about my favorite books, I decided to go along with his kind suggestion and went into the bookstore. “Huh?” Tokiya was looking around restlessly. “What’s wrong?” The specials corner had romance novels in it now. Well, I didn’t particularly hate novels either. I looked over the books on the on the shelf. Tokiya, who had gone to ask a shop employee, sounded disappointed when he returned. “Apparently it’s over.” “Is it?” “Sorry.” “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” There wasn’t anything I wanted to know right now, so I didn’t want to buy them anyway. “I definitely saw them the last time I came here though.” “Hmm. With your friends?” “Huh? Uhh no…I came here on my way home from school to buy reference books.” That was a lie. There’s no way Tokiya would go out of his way to buy reference books. By why would he lie about that? Ah, did that also mean that perhaps what he said about coming alone was also… “Anyway, why don’t we go to that store over there? They sell a bunch of things.” Tokiya sneakily changed the subject and the two of us left the store. I wanted to look at the new releases a little longer, but gave up on that and followed Tokiya out. “So what kind of store is it?” “It sells accessories for girls.” “Oh does it now—” I followed after Tokiya, and he stood in front of a store that sold cute accessories that were marketed to middle and high school girls. I didn’t have any interest in the gaudy sort of things they sold here. Moreover, this wasn’t the type of store Tokiya would have gone to alone. I stared fixedly at Tokiya. “Ah, I know you don’t like the way it looks, but they also have things you might enjoy.” Tokiya misunderstood my problem and went into the store, signaling for me to come in too. I reluctantly walked into the store. The items lined up on display were the type that middle and high school girls would casually buy. There wasn’t anything that I liked though. “Huh? I could swear it was around here…” Tokiya was looking at a display with pendants arranged on it. He was trying to buy me a pendant? Did he forget about the pendant he already gave me? Or was he going to insist on buying a second one? Even though the pendant I had wasn’t something that could just be replaced. “Enough already.” I walked out of the accessory shop and left Tokiya behind. “H-hey.” Tokiya panicked and followed after me. “Listen, it really was there the last time I was here.” “With your friends from school?” “Huh? Oh…uhh…yeah. With Shinjou.” “Is that so. This Shinjou-kun sure has cute taste, doesn’t he?” “Huh? Oh, that’s not it. We came together to pick out a present for his girlfriend. I even told him he should pick out the present himself.” “I see. Why don’t we go shopping for clothes now?” “S-sure. Shall we go?” Tokiya said and headed to the escalator going upstairs. As I followed after him, I looked back. I knew it, this wasn’t the sort of place Tokiya would visit alone. It wasn’t a store he’d go to with a male friend either. That story about choosing a present was doubtful too. In that case, who did he go with? Come to think of it, there was I time I saw Tokiya out with a girl before, and it was definitely in this building. I hadn’t been tailing him or anything…I just happened to see it. How careless of me to have forgotten. “Unbelievable.” Was I supposed to be upset that he was taking me along the same route as that other girl? Or was I supposed to feel happy that he was thinking of me at the time? “…What a complicated feeling.”
Chapter 4: True Thoughts Everyone has thoughts they keep hidden. Everyone has things they don’t want to talk about. Everyone has things they want to say, but can’t. There are some who can steel their resolve and let their thoughts be known. Some, who end up conveying their true thoughts in the spur of the moment.
Some, who are unable to make the decision to share their true thoughts. And finally, some who can’t say anything until the very end. Which group do I belong to? Where do my true thoughts lie? …I still don’t know. I don’t know if these are my real feelings. And I don’t know if I have thoughts that I ought to share. ◆ “How did things end up like this?” I asked myself as I stood under the clock tower in front of the station where we agreed to meet up. It was Sunday. Normally I’d be at work at this time. I was given the day off work today. Me, of all people. But there was nothing I could do since Towako-san was the one who ordered it. If the shop owner asked me to take a break, then I had to obey. As an employee, the manager’s word—regardless of whether Towako-san actually deserved the t.i.tle—was the law. That’s why I took the day off work. It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to. That’s why I had no choice but to stand here waiting under the clock tower in front of the station. And I wasn’t waiting here just because I felt like it. That’s right, I was waiting for someone. On a Sunday, just before noon. Standing under the clock tower. Feeling a little nervous. Waiting for him. …Right. Even I get nervous sometimes. But it’s only when I’m waiting like this to go somewhere with him. ◆ “How did things end up like this?” I asked myself as I walked towards the clock tower in front of the station where we had agreed to meet up. It was Sunday. I’d normally be at work around now. I got the day off today. …I felt like I had thoughts like this before…but that meeting had been earlier in the day, and was with someone different… Anyway, Towako-san asked me to take the day off so there was nothing I could do. If the owner was asking me to take a break, then I should obey. As an employee, the manager’s word—regardless of whether Towako-san actually deserved the t.i.tle—was the law. That’s why I took the day off work. It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to. And that’s why I had no choice but to go to the clock tower in front of the station. I wasn’t going because I felt like it. And by the way, unlike the last meeting, Saki knew about this one. Meaning, Towako-san told Saki the same thing she told me. In other words, the person I was meeting was Saki. “Really, how did things end up like this?” ◆ It all started yesterday. As usual, Towako-san was telling us about some item she went out and bought. She said this particular Relic was called Kotonoha. It was apparently a Relic that anyone could use to hold their thoughts and memories at any time. The thoughts poured into the leaf could be sent to whoever the user desired whenever they wanted even after, for example, their own death. It was oddly harmless for a Relic and even seemed kind of useful. Towako-san then pulled off two rainbow-colored leaves from the potted Kotonoha plant, “The two of you get one each.” And gave them to us. Tokiya and I took the leaves she gave us and looked at each other. “Well that’s unusual. Towako-san’s giving us a Relic.” It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but that didn’t make it any less strange. Towako-san hated giving Relics to people. It wasn’t just because she was a Relic collector, but also because Relics often brought misfortune to those who came to use them. “Well, this probably won’t get you in trouble no matter what happens.” “Huh?” “And you two have things you want to convey but can’t say, right?” Tokiya and I looked at each other at the same time. “I don’t really have anything to convey to Tokiya that I can’t put into words.” “I don’t really have anything to convey to Saki that I can’t put into words.” We both denied it at the same time, but… “Not once did I say it was things you can’t convey to anyone in particular.” Towako-san had an extremely unpleasant smile on her face now. I looked at Tokiya again. “The way you said it made it sound like that, don’t overthink it.” “The way you said it made it sound like that, don’t overthink it.” We answered the same way again. “Hahaha. Well, I guess that’s fine. I want you to hold onto them anyway.” Towako-san paid us no mind at all, laughing loudly as she forced Kotonoha onto us. “I don’t really need it.” “Yeah, me neither. If there was something I wanted to say, I’d just say it.” But Towako-san didn’t let us return the leaves and forced them into our hands. “It’s fine, just keep them. You’ll need them someday.” Since Towako-san insisted on giving them to us, Tokiya and I looked at each other one more time and decided to accept the Kotonoha leaves. But I really didn’t have anything I wanted to convey so badly that I’d use Kotonoha. Not to steal Tokiya’s words, but if there was something I wanted to say, I would say it myself. In fact, I didn’t really have anything special I wanted to tell Tokiya, like Towako-san was insinuating. There wasn’t anything I was having trouble putting into words. There really wasn’t. …Probably. “Well, it’s not like I can’t say it, but I guess I have something.” But Tokiya was different. He had something to say. “Huh?” “Mm?” I looked at Tokiya without thinking, and he looked at me as if nothing at all were amiss. “And is this about me?” “Yeah, I guess it is.” I stared at Tokiya. What was it? Did he have something he wanted to convey but couldn’t put into words?” “So…what is it?” I asked. It’s wasn’t like I was that interested. I wasn’t desperate to know or anything. But I was curious. Just a little bit curious. It looked like this was something difficult for Tokiya to say, or maybe he was thinking about how to phrase it. After spending some time putting his thoughts in order, he finally looked at me. I stared back, waiting for his words. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while and…” “…Uh huh.” “and I’ll get right to the point but…” “…Uh huh.” “Wearing nothing but black is pretty weird.” “…………Excuse me?” I froze for a full 20 seconds before sputtering out a reply. “I mean, it’s just…I get liking black, but I was wondering what it would be like if you wore something different every once in a while. Wearing all black all the time is weird, right?” Did he really have to say that? “I mean, I know you have lots of similar looking clothes. I do understand that you’re not actually wearing the same thing all the time, of course.” This was what he always wanted to tell me? My feelings had now withered into cold disappointment. “I also have something I’ve been thinking about for a while, but haven’t told you…” I continued, my voice quieter than it usually was. “I don’t want to hear you say anything about my clothes when everything you wear is cheap.” “Wha—!” “I’ll acknowledge that your style has a little variation, just a little. However, everything you wear is still cheap. And it’s not like you have good clothing that happens to be inexpensive either, it’s all just cheap. The best thing you own is your school uniform, isn’t it? Just look at the shirt you wore to work today. Look at how the collar’s all worn out. Didn’t you buy it recently? I wonder how it ended up looking like that after a single wash?” “You didn’t have to go that far!” “Oh, but I’m not done. You know the clothes you wore last weekend? Well, they didn’t match at all. And not only that, the colors were already fading too. My guess is because it was so cheap.” “All you say is cheap, cheap, cheap, But I can’t do anything about that, okay! My salary here sucks!” “Well, my salary’s low too, and I make do with what I have to buy good things. Of course, the things I buy cost more.” “But you don’t have living expenses, right? I don’t have any money to spend on clothes thanks to mine.” “Just how low do you think my living expenses are? I also have my own things to pay for, you know. Even if my income is low, and the number of sales is abysmal, and my personal finances look depressing, I can still buy nice things even without spending money on clothes. It’s just a matter of sense.” “You say that, but you get paid more than me don’t you?” “Naturally. I spend more time at work after all.” “Cause I have to go to school. And I doubt you even have much to do since we never get any customers during the day.” “Certainly, customers are few and far between, but dealing with them is only one part of my job. I also manage inventory, so the work I do is worth much more than the paltry salary I get.” Suddenly— “…Cut it out, you two.” Towako-san cut us off in a menacing voice. She seemed angry for some reason. I wonder why…were we being too loud? How careless. I got riled up by Tokiya’s mean words and was being louder than usual. “I’m sorry, Towako-san. I shouldn’t have shouted.” “I lost my cool after what Saki said to me.” We both apologized for being loud, but Towako-san’s anger didn’t subside. “Since you’ve said all that, the two of you will go shopping and pick clothes for each other. I’ll be the one to judge who can buy better clothes with their awful salaries!” And that’s the gist of it. After that, Tokiya and I agreed to meet up the next day, Sunday, and go shopping to choose clothes for each other. We were both agitated at the time and quickly agreed on a time and place to meet up. But now that things had settled down, this was starting to feel like, how to say it… “…A date.” I furiously shook my head. T-this was just a shopping trip. It wasn’t anything special like a date or anything. And Towako-san told us to do this in the first place, so it’s not like I had any say in the matter. “Ah, I shouldn’t do that.” My hair was a mess now because I shook my head too hard. I took out a pocket mirror and start combing through it with my fingers. My hat also happened to be lopsided so I readjusted that too. “Yep, perfect.” …I wasn’t dressing up more than I had to, nor was I trying to be especially fashionable. I was just taking care of my appearance. This was something I always did. “Did you wait?” A voice suddenly called out, and I turned around, startled. But the person they were calling out to wasn’t me, but another girl waiting at the same meeting spot. I checked the time again…it was now almost noon. It seemed a lot of other people had also agreed to meet up at this time. I heard similar things from other couples around me like “Did you wait long?” “Not at all.” and “Did I make you wait?” “You’re late.” and “Who is it?” “Darling!” and “I’m back.” “Welcome back, master.” It was about time Tokiya showed up too. I didn’t have to greet him… But still, what would be the best thing to say here? Not to brag, but this was my first time meeting up with someone. Of course, I have met up normally with people before. I’m just saying that I haven’t waited for someone like this. Well, I say like this, but even this is a normal meeting. I’m just meeting up with him to go on a simple shopping trip is all. …It’s just special because I’m going with Tokiya. And by special, I don’t mean anything weird. It’s just that I’ve never gone anywhere with him before. Wait, was that true? Well, I’ve never gone out with him for something like this before anyway. And when I say like this, I mean that it’s just a little different from usual. Tokiya and I agreed to meet up here today to go shopping. It was nothing more than that. …I got a little carried away there. Rather than thinking about that, I had to come up with a plan soon. Going by the clock, there were only 10 seconds left until noon. How should I greet Tokiya when he finally gets here? If the people I observed around me were anything to go by, there was a high chance that he’ll start with, “Did you wait long?” In that case, should I respond with, “Not at all”? Or should I be direct and tell him I’ve been waiting for 30 minutes? I’m really precise about the time and didn’t want to be late today, so I got here half an hour early. But that time pa.s.sed by in the blink of an eye; it didn’t feel like I waited long. And more than anything, just because I was half an hour early didn’t mean that Tokiya was late. In the first place, if I told him I came 30 minutes early, he might misunderstand and think I was really looking forward to this. Really, the reason I arrived early was because I was a careful about being on time. In that case, maybe saying “I just got here.” Would be the better option. But then I’d feel like I was lying to him. Was it really fine to lie like that? According to the book I read, With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! (I ran out to buy it in a panic last night), there was no problem with that kind of lie since it was only to show consideration for your partner. I guess that’s what I’ll go with after all. The clock struck 12 as I was lost in my thoughts. It was now time. Wait a second. If Tokiya came now and said, “Did you wait long?” and I responded with, “I just got here”, wouldn’t that mean that I was also late? It wouldn’t look good if he thought I was late for our first meeting, right? But Tokiya himself was also late… I remembered reading something about this last night in With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! Don’t get angry even if your partner is late for the first date. It was most likely because they were too nervous to sleep the night before and overslept. They might have also got spent too much time thinking about what to wear and kept uneasily changing their clothes, or maybe the hairstyle they had didn’t look quite right and they changed it at the last second. If you want to have an enjoyable date, don’t fret if your partner is a little late! But since Tokiya might not have read With This, You Too Can Become a Dating Master! I doubted he’d know that. Saying that I just got here was too risky after all. So, should I go back to my first idea and say “Not at all,” or “I’ve been waiting here for over 35 minutes now?” Ahh, I wanted to go back to my first idea, but there were actually two options here. I was careless. I actually had three options to choose from and now I had to choose between the first and second. I didn’t have the time to waste thinking about something like that. Which of the two options should I choose? I need to hurry up and decide. Tokiya was going to be here any minute now. “Ah, so you were here?” “!” I heard Tokiya’s voice behind me. “There were a lot of people here, so it took a bit to find you. Did you wait long?” W-wait a minute. This was outside of my predictions. I did expect Tokiya to ask me if I waited long, but I didn’t plan for a scenario where he came to the meeting place on time, but got unexpectedly delayed looking for me. Should I tell him I was waiting for over 30 minutes, or should I play it safe and say I didn’t wait at all? Or should I go in another direction altogether and say I just got here? But then that would imply that I was five minutes late since Tokiya couldn’t find me. What do I do… “Saki?” “W-welcome!” In my confusion, the first thing that came out of my mouth were the words I was used to saying the most. My true vocation is in customer service after all. ◆ “W-welcome!” “………huh?” Saki’s reply made no sense. Maybe she was still half asleep. I didn’t get much sleep myself and worried that my eyes were red. Saki’s eyes looked okay, but she did seem a little tired. She wasn’t the type to stand in crowds on Sundays, so I supposed she would find waiting here for me exhausting. But despite looking tired, Saki also seemed fired up today. This could be just me making a.s.sumptions, but she was clearly more excited than usual. Her outfit was black as always, but today she wore a small hat on her head, not to protect her from the sunlight, but as an accessory. Her blouse was narrower than usual, and with it, she wore a long, tight skirt with a slit going up to the knee. He knee-high socks were partially visible under her skirt. That wasn’t all though. Saki was also wearing leather shoes with small high heels along with a leather bag that she held in her hand. She also had a black leather watch on her left wrist. Lastly, she had changed her usual hairstyle and was wearing twin tails. Seeing her made me remember what happened yesterday. I must have hit a nerve for the Saki I knew to lose her cool like that. That was probably reflected in the clothes she wore today. Saki was particular when it came to clothes…or maybe I should say when it came to the color black. Either way, I said more than I should have. Had I not brought the subject up, things wouldn’t have ended up like this. Saki and I wouldn’t be going on this da—no, this shopping trip together. …Oh well. To be honest, since Towako-san approved of us taking the day off, I didn’t think this was a bad thing at all, but I somehow got the feeling it would have been better for things not to have developed as they did. “What is it?” “Nah, it’s nothing. Why don’t we get going?” Saki and I went into the train station building where we met up. I had actually been here before, and if you wanted to go shopping in the area, this was the place. “There are a lot of clothing stores here, and also lots of restaurants. Do you want to check out this new pasta place since it’s already lunchtime? It’s pretty popular. Oh, there’s also a great teashop nearby. It’s a bit expensive, would that be alright with you? But as far as cakes go, the shop right next to it is actually much better.” “You know…quite a lot.” “Do I? I figured it was normal.” Like water, I dispensed the knowledge I gleaned from the magazine I bought at the convenience store and from my cla.s.smate Shinjou, and casually downplayed it. By the way, I had never gone to any of the shops I just listed, so my recommendations were all from the magazine and Shinjou—or to be more accurate, his girlfriend. In other words, this was why I didn’t get enough sleep. I had been here with my friends before, but I didn’t really pay attention then. They already knew their way around the place anyway. But I didn’t think Saki would have the same knowledge. Clothes and shopping were one thing, but this wasn’t the sort of place where one could have meals alone. That’s why it was no surprise that Saki didn’t know about the food options. It would have been awkward to have us both standing around wondering what to do. That’s why I had no choice but to do some research. …It definitely wasn’t because I wanted to look good. I didn’t want to show off about having done research beforehand either. That’s why I didn’t say I learned this information from reading magazines and talking to friends. …It definitely wasn’t because desperate, last minute research was uncool. Really. So where would Saki want to go? I already decided if she let me choose, I’d suggest going to the pasta place. By the way, the recommended pasta was lasagna. Not gratin or risotto, but lasagna. “I had a late breakfast so I’m not really hungry. Let go look at clothes instead.” “T-that so?” …I hadn’t expected that development. Oh well. Considering how this would save me some money, it wasn’t so bad. “Let’s go to this store I frequent first. Fortunately it’s in this building, so I’ll choose clothes for you there, Tokiya.” Saki briskly started walking. ◆ “You know…quite a lot.” I found myself saying to Tokiya. He hadn’t said anything special, but something bothered me about how excited he was. It felt a little disconcerting that Tokiya knew so much about this place. If I had to say, I expected him to look annoyed and say it didn’t matter which store we went to, or that he would just go with whatever I chose. He must come here often with his friends. Right. It must have been…with his friends. …I had an uncomfortable feeling in my chest for some reason. Perhaps it was heartburn. I hadn’t eaten anything especially heavy for breakfast though. But it was true that I wasn’t hungry. Maybe it was because waiting in a crowd and being in a situation I wasn’t used to tired me out. That’s why I quickly walked away from Tokiya to cut the conversation short. “Do you go to this store often?” “Yeah.” We were at a store that I frequented, and my feelings had calmed down a little now. Clothing stores were usually on the upper floor, but this was one of the few that was underground. It didn’t deal in clothes that were currently in fashion, and as a result, there were fewer customers. I enjoyed the store’s relaxed atmosphere. That said, the clothes this store sold were not bad by any means. The also sold men’s clothes in addition to women’s clothes, of course. “Good afternoon, Maino-san.” A familiar employee greeted me. She was a little younger than Towako-san, but the atmosphere around her was gentler and more mature. But now she had an expression of surprise on her face. Probably because I brought Tokiya with me. “I came to find clothes for him today.” “I see. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help with.” She said that and went back to the register. They didn’t use any shady high-pressure sales tactics here so I could take my time to find something good. That was one of the reasons I liked this place. “Over here.” I called Tokiya over. I was already thinking of what kind of clothes I should get him to wear. He usually preferred “rough” or “fun” clothing, so I was thinking of having him try something a little more stylish. I saw him wear a suit before, and it wasn’t bad at all. But since getting him a suit was overkill… “How about this?” I picked out a tie-dye t-shirt, collared jacket, and leather pants for him. “The fitting room’s over there.” Tokiya took the clothes with him to the fitting room, and came out wearing them after a short while. Yeah, not bad…it really suited him. I was really happy with it. “That looks good. Tokiya, what do you think?” “Yeah, I think it’s fine.” “Really? Alright, you want to go with that? Or do you want to try something else?” For me, this was the best outfit in terms of style and price. “Let’s see. I think I’ll go with this. Saki, I’ll go change while you pay for it.” “Huh?” “It’s fair because I’m going to pay for your clothes, right? Or were you trying to get me to pay for both?” “I had no such plans.” “Alright, I’ll leave it to you then.” Tokiya went back into the fitting room. I had forgotten. We weren’t just choosing clothes for each other today. …I was worried about his wallet too. I would have gotten him something more expensive had I remembered. I walked over to the register to pay. “Is this a present?” The store clerk asked me as she rang up the total. “…Something like that.” I supposed this would be a present. I unconsciously touched the pendant under my blouse. This kind of reminded me of my feelings back then. It was a nostalgic memory now, but still a very important one. “Did something good happen?” The store clerk asked me, but I responded with a startled “Huh?” “You’ve got that look on your face.” “Oh…nothing really happened.” As expected of a fellow member of the service industry. I didn’t let it show on my face, but she could still guess how I was feeling. …Wait. Did something good actually happen? Still, it was true that the uneasy feeling I had in my chest was completely gone now. “I see. By the way, this is pretty unusual…I’ve never seen you come here with someone else before. What kind of relationship do you have?” “We work at the same place.” “Ah, so you get along well then.” “Um, not really. We don’t have that kind of relationshi—more importantly, do you have that dress you told me about last time?” I dodged her question and changed the topic. “Oh I’m sorry. We’re all sold out here. It’s actually sold out everywhere except the main store. I’ll let you know as soon as we have more in stock, okay?” “No, that’s alright. I’ll come back another day.” The store clerk finished putting the clothes that I got for Tokiya in a bag, and said one more thing. “But it seems like you two have a really good relationship. How to say this, Maino-san, it feels like you’re a lot gentler than usual. Like you’ve let your guard down.” I let my guard down… Maybe that was it. Tokiya was the only person I could open my heart to… I felt my earlier irritation being flooded over by a gentle warmth. ◆ The clothes I tried on at Saki’s recommendation felt two levels higher than what I was used. It didn’t cost that much more either. Well, it was far more expensive than what I usually bought, but not enough to make my eyes pop out. And most importantly, Saki found clothes I really liked in one shot. …That Saki, she’s serious. She wants to show me what she can really do. I was naïve, thinking about what we were going to have for lunch. That’s not what we were here for. This was a match to decide which one of had better fashion sense. Alright. I’d have to show her how serious I was too. I psyched myself up and stepped out of the fitting room. Saki was standing outside holding a bag with my new clothes. “Okay, it’s my turn now.” I said as we waited for the elevator. However, Saki unexpectedly pulled on my sleeve. “I’m actually feeling hungry now. Do you think we can go to the pasta restaurant you talked about before?” “Wha-?” I could only respond stupidly as she poured cold water on my excitement. “We can’t?” “N-no, I don’t mind.” So she had time to spare now that her turn was over… Well, it wasn’t so bad if I could use that time to get my thoughts in order. And more importantly, I couldn’t let all the research I did last night go to waste. Saki and I went to the pasta restaurant that was also said to have good lasagna. The restaurant was crowded for lunch when we came in, but fortunately, we were able to secure a pair of open seats right away. I waited for Saki to open the menu before casually speaking up. “You know, this is a pasta restaurant, but the lasagna’s highly recommended.” “Oh really? I suppose I’ll get that then.” “What kind of pasta should I order then?” “How big is the lasagna?” “How big?” “Yeah. Won’t there be too much food if we order pasta too?” …I had no idea. My hasty preparation had been met with an unexpected obstacle. I never expected her to be concerned about the lasagna’s size. “N-no, I don’t thi—it’s not that big.” “I see…” She still seemed concerned about it. “Even if it ends up being too much, I’ll eat it.” “Alright then. Why don’t you get the carbonara?” “There’s squid ink pasta too. That’s black.” “I have no interest in blackening my teeth.” “Of course. Are you okay with black tea for your drink?” “Yeah. I’ll order it after the meal.” I called the server over, and made my order. “I’d like one carbonara with eggplant and meat sauce.” “Understood.” “And then one plate of lasagna.” “Oh—I’m very sorry. We don’t serve lasagna here.” “Huh?” What the h.e.l.l? This isn’t what you told me, Shinjou! You recommended the lasagna here, didn’t you? I glanced at Saki. She was looking at me with her usual poker face. “Well t-that’s odd…I definitely saw it before. The menu must have changed since I was last here.” “Not at all. This restaurant has not served lasagna since it first opened.” You don’t have to say that much! I shouted internally. “While we don’t have lasagna, there is ravioli on the menu, if you’d like that.” “Alright. Okay, I’ll order that then.” Shinjou…only the first syllable kind of sounds the same! And what the h.e.l.l is ravioli anyway? I came back to my senses and looked at Saki’s reaction. Her face was blank as always, and I had no idea what she was thinking. “M-my bad.” “It’s alright. Ravioli sounds tasty too.” “Now that I think about it, it was a different restaurant that had lasagna. There are a lot of similar restaurants and I mixed them up.” I tried to explain away my misunderstanding (really, it was a mistake), and feigned a laugh. Saki stared at me with probing eyes. Not good. Was Saki starting to notice my hasty preparations falling apart? ◆ The pasta and ravioli were both delicious. It was unfortunate that I wasn’t able to eat the lasagna that Tokiya recommended though. I’d like to try that if the opportunity came up next time. …Not to say I was hoping for another opportunity. I realized that we forgot to order tea after the meal, so we went to the other teashop that Tokiya recommended earlier. However, our timing was bad and that shop was in the middle of being covered for a TV program. We tried waiting for a little, but it seemed filming was going to continue for longer than we expected. The shop probably wouldn’t open again until evening. I guess I’d also have to come back for this another day. …Not necessarily together with Tokiya though. But besides that, I always thought Tokiya was someone who would be most knowledgeable about convenience store bento boxes; I didn’t expect him to know about restaurants like that. It wasn’t just that he knew about them, he apparently went to restaurants like that often. I always thought Tokiya had his hands full with his daily life, but apparently he had enough free time to go hang out with his friends all the time. Of course, that was it. He was cutting down on his living expenses to save money to have fun. The ones he spent time with were probably his cla.s.smates at school. “Alright, how about we get back to buying clothes.” “Since we’re already here, why don’t we take a look around the shops?” “Hm?” “You don’t want to?” “No, I don’t mind.” The pasta and ravioli were both delicious, but it was a little too much for me. It was careless of me to keep eating until my stomach was completely full while we were out to buy clothes. …It probably wouldn’t have any effect on my waist size, but still… I wouldn’t mind if I were alone, but not being able to fit into the clothes Tokiya chose for me would be way too embarra.s.sing. I’d have to walk around to calm my stomach down. “Alright, let’s take a walk.” “Yeah.” Tokiya and I went downstairs from the restaurant area to wander and look around stores. It would be an exaggeration to call it a shopping mall, but there were lots of things like home décor and imported goods stores, electronics stores, and CD shops. Just walking around would take at least ten minutes. This was a popular date spot. The number of couples I saw around us outnumbered the families. …Do Tokiya and I look like that too? When I thought that, walking together side by side with Tokiya suddenly felt embarra.s.sing. The people around us were probably not looking at us like that though. “Ah, come to think of it, last time I saw there was a special for the books you like.” “The books I like?” “Yeah, it was a special for know-how and self-help books like With This, You Too Can Become XX.” I didn’t especially like those books though. I only read them because they contained necessary information. Leaving aside Tokiya’s misunderstanding about my favorite books, I decided to go along with his kind suggestion and went into the bookstore. “Huh?” Tokiya was looking around restlessly. “What’s wrong?” The specials corner had romance novels in it now. Well, I didn’t particularly hate novels either. I looked over the books on the on the shelf. Tokiya, who had gone to ask a shop employee, sounded disappointed when he returned. “Apparently it’s over.” “Is it?” “Sorry.” “It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” There wasn’t anything I wanted to know right now, so I didn’t want to buy them anyway. “I definitely saw them the last time I came here though.” “Hmm. With your friends?” “Huh? Uhh no…I came here on my way home from school to buy reference books.” That was a lie. There’s no way Tokiya would go out of his way to buy reference books. By why would he lie about that? Ah, did that also mean that perhaps what he said about coming alone was also… “Anyway, why don’t we go to that store over there? They sell a bunch of things.” Tokiya sneakily changed the subject and the two of us left the store. I wanted to look at the new releases a little longer, but gave up on that and followed Tokiya out. “So what kind of store is it?” “It sells accessories for girls.” “Oh does it now—” I followed after Tokiya, and he stood in front of a store that sold cute accessories that were marketed to middle and high school girls. I didn’t have any interest in the gaudy sort of things they sold here. Moreover, this wasn’t the type of store Tokiya would have gone to alone. I stared fixedly at Tokiya. “Ah, I know you don’t like the way it looks, but they also have things you might enjoy.” Tokiya misunderstood my problem and went into the store, signaling for me to come in too. I reluctantly walked into the store. The items lined up on display were the type that middle and high school girls would casually buy. There wasn’t anything that I liked though. “Huh? I could swear it was around here…” Tokiya was looking at a display with pendants arranged on it. He was trying to buy me a pendant? Did he forget about the pendant he already gave me? Or was he going to insist on buying a second one? Even though the pendant I had wasn’t something that could just be replaced. “Enough already.” I walked out of the accessory shop and left Tokiya behind. “H-hey.” Tokiya panicked and followed after me. “Listen, it really was there the last time I was here.” “With your friends from school?” “Huh? Oh…uhh…yeah. With Shinjou.” “Is that so. This Shinjou-kun sure has cute taste, doesn’t he?” “Huh? Oh, that’s not it. We came together to pick out a present for his girlfriend. I even told him he should pick out the present himself.” “I see. Why don’t we go shopping for clothes now?” “S-sure. Shall we go?” Tokiya said and headed to the escalator going upstairs. As I followed after him, I looked back. I knew it, this wasn’t the sort of place Tokiya would visit alone. It wasn’t a store he’d go to with a male friend either. That story about choosing a present was doubtful too. In that case, who did he go with? Come to think of it, there was I time I saw Tokiya out with a girl before, and it was definitely in this building. I hadn’t been tailing him or anything…I just happened to see it. How careless of me to have forgotten. “Unbelievable.” Was I supposed to be upset that he was taking me along the same route as that other girl? Or was I supposed to feel happy that he was thinking of me at the time? “…What a complicated feeling.”
