Tricked Part 23

"The bones, maybe. After all the meat's off 'em."

"They're cannibals cannibals?" Granuaile said.

"Aw, I don't know for sure," Frank said. "But cannibalism is part of the Witchery Way that they follow. Besides that, I don't know what else they'd be eatin'. Ain't like the shepherds 'round here been missin' sheep. n.o.body's missin' their veggies or their breakfast cereals. So what are they eatin' up there? It ain't delivery pizza."

"People have been vanishing on the mesa and n.o.body notices?"

"O' course somebody notices. Funny thing is, that only attracts more of 'em, because they think the rock's a challenge. And then o' course you get their relatives comin' out to search for 'em, and they disappear too." a challenge. And then o' course you get their relatives comin' out to search for 'em, and they disappear too."

"Why doesn't the tribe close off the mesa?" Granuaile asked. "They wouldn't have to give any specific reason. Just say it's too dangerous."

Frank shrugged. "Guess they like the revenue that climbers bring in. Hotel taxes, dining, souvenirs, all that. They go up there at their own risk. And most o' the council don't believe in skinwalkers anyway. After last night I think they'll start believin' though."

Sophie chuckled. "I swear we have leaders like everyone else: Some of them are genuinely bright, but some of them aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed."

"The sharpest tools...oh!" I said. "That's it, that will work! Frank, I know how to slow them down."

"What? How?"

"Caltrops. They won't be expecting them after having clear ground for days now. They'll run right into them, and they're barefoot. We've already seen that they're suckers for b.o.o.by traps."

"Psssh. They ain't runnin' at us anymore. Their tactics have changed."

"They will if we lay out some bait."

"Like what? Prime rib?"

"Like me. I'll surround myself with caltrops and ring the dinner bell, and they'll come running."

"That ain't gonna stop 'em. They'll fight through the pain to get to you and then deal with the injuries after you're all tore up. The First World spirit will guarantee that."

"They won't be able to fight through it if the caltrops are poisoned."

Three jaws dropped and three pairs of eyes stared at me, and the waitress appeared with our food. No one said anything until she'd brought back some syrup for Granuaile and refilled our coffee.

"Poisoned?" Frank said. "You gonna dip 'em in bleach or something?"

"Or something, if you get me to a drugstore. I can whip up something pretty good."

"A geologist who can mix poisons?" Sophie said.

"He's a Renaissance man," Granuaile explained as she poured syrup on her pancakes, and I shot her an amused glance. Yes, I was a Renaissance man. And a man of the Enlightenment, a Victorian man, a Postmodern man...

Frank squinted at me doubtfully and wagged his head back and forth slowly. "I don't think that's gonna work," he said.

"Why not?"

He sighed and took a stab at his omelet. "I don't care what kind o' poison you got, they ain't gonna step on one and keel over dead. They're gonna keep going based on momentum if nothing else. And skinwalkers have a h.e.l.l of a lot o' momentum. They're gonna get a shot at you, and one shot's probably all they're gonna need. Poison might get to them eventually, but not before they get to you."

"Maybe. I'm betting that anything traveling that fast is going to fall down and go boom boom as soon as it runs into an obstacle. They'll not only get one in their feet, you see, they'll fall down and get punctured multiple times. Once they're down with that much poison in them, they won't be getting up. But even if they don't fall down, Frank, they're going to be stepping mighty ginger right away; they'll slow down to manageable speeds, enough for us to get a shot at them." as soon as it runs into an obstacle. They'll not only get one in their feet, you see, they'll fall down and get punctured multiple times. Once they're down with that much poison in them, they won't be getting up. But even if they don't fall down, Frank, they're going to be stepping mighty ginger right away; they'll slow down to manageable speeds, enough for us to get a shot at them."

Frank wasn't convinced. "I don't know. I can still see 'em dodging around 'em or something like that. What about trying a net?"

"They'll see it coming and dodge. Or they'll tear through it. Come on, they were chucking trucks around last night. Caltrops are easy to make and tough to avoid. We could finish this up tonight." last night. Caltrops are easy to make and tough to avoid. We could finish this up tonight."

Sophie was chewing on a piece of toast and nearly choked. Frank pounded her on the back to help her out. She took a drink to clear her throat and then she said to me, "You just got done reminding us that they were throwing trucks around, and now you think you can finish them tonight with caltrops?"

"The poisoned caltrops only slow them down so we can pop 'em with a gun. Or my sword."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that," she said, "so thanks for bringing it up. Why do you have a sword?"

"In case of the zombie apocalypse. You never run out of ammo with a sword."

Granuaile snorted in amus.e.m.e.nt, and Sophie flicked her eyes at her in annoyance before returning to me. "Look, I don't know what you are, but you're more than a geologist, if you are one at all. I've met lots of geologists on different projects like this, and they're all tiny sunburned men with fetishes for geodes. They wear floppy hats and carry baggies for soil samples around with them. You don't look or behave like a geologist, and Frank doesn't treat you as one. Neither does Mr. Benally. And geologists don't make rocks disappear like you did the other night. They keep them and build little shrines to them. So stop patronizing me and tell me what you really are."

Since she was already in a state of disbelief, it was difficult to think of something she would accept. She wouldn't buy the truth, and I didn't want to give it to her anyway. I wanted to say, "I'm the Doctor and this is my companion," but I doubted Sophie was a fan of the long-running BBC series. Forget the TARDIS and the sonic screwdriver, the Doctor's best gadget was the psychic paper. I can't tell you how many times I wished I had some. In absence of that, one of my favorite strategies to deflect attention from the fact that I'm a lying b.a.s.t.a.r.d is to accuse someone else of being a bigger one. had some. In absence of that, one of my favorite strategies to deflect attention from the fact that I'm a lying b.a.s.t.a.r.d is to accuse someone else of being a bigger one.

"Sophie, you may have noticed by now that Mr. Benally is full of s.h.i.t," I said.

In a voice as dry as the mesa, she said, "Yeah, I noticed that." Frank's shoulders jiggled up and down as he laughed silently.

"Well, he never should have introduced me as a geologist. I'm more of a project troubleshooter."

"No kidding?" That earned me a wry twist to her mouth. "I'd say the project is in some pretty deep trouble at this point."

"Hence the reason Mr. Benally has left everything up to me. Since your part of the project cannot continue until we get the area stabilized, I suggest you enjoy a day or two off. That is, if you can help me get this straightened out tonight, Frank?"

Frank looked up from his omelet, surprised. "Who, me?"

"First, we need to get a b.u.t.tload of nails."

"A b.u.t.tload? How much is that?"

"Uh..."

Granuaile rescued me with her superior knowledge of indefinite units of measurement. "I believe that's slightly more than a s.h.i.tload but much less than a f.u.c.kton."

"Precisely, thank you."

"What?" Frank put down his fork, lost.

"Then I'll need you to take me to a drugstore to pick up the poison."

"What are you gonna use, rat poison or something?"

"No, nothing like that. I can combine several pharmaceuticals to make what we need. We don't have time to go out and gather the proper plants to do it from scratch."

"I wouldn't think so. But ain't you gonna need a prescription?"

"Nah, I just need a getaway car. Can you lay hold of a ride for us?"

Frank smiled and rediscovered his appet.i.te. "Sure, I got a nephew in town. He's sittin' over there on his a.s.s," he pointed with his fork across the dining room to a table full of middle-aged men, "because the coal mine's shut down."

"Oh. Has he seen you sitting here?"

"Yeah, he's seen me."

"Why hasn't he come over to say hi?"

"He's bein' polite. Sees his uncle talkin' to a stranger, probably thinks we're doin' business."

"And so we are. Don't let him get away, though."

"I won't," Frank a.s.sured me. Filled with a new sense of purpose, I downed half my coffee at one draught. It was good, strong stuff, the kind that Louis L'Amour used to say could float a horseshoe. n.o.body ever drank weak coffee in his books. It was probably why they were so anxious to shoot people at high noon. Which reminded me...

"Think you can get hold of a gun, Frank? Might come in handy."

He studied me and took his time chewing. "Yeah, I have an old six-shooter tucked away somewhere."

"Attaboy."

"I think it'll give you all the chances of a mouse against a sidewinder," he said, "but you're welcome to it. I think some antipersonnel mines would work better."

"Or h.o.r.n.y toads with frickin' lasers strapped to their backs," Sophie suggested, and I smiled. No wonder Oberon liked her.

Frank called over his nephew after we finished eating and introduced him to us as Albert. He had his hair cropped short in a crew cut and wore a blue-and-gray flannel shirt tucked into his jeans. cropped short in a crew cut and wore a blue-and-gray flannel shirt tucked into his jeans.

"Say, their car is in the shop," Frank said, pointing a finger at us and admirably skipping the details. "Wouldja mind drivin' us around a bit?"

Albert shrugged a shoulder. "Sure, I don't have nothin' else to do." He flashed a grin past Frank. "Hey, Sophie."

"Hey, Albert."

"You out of work too?"

"Yep. For the day, anyway," she said.

"Aw, that sucks. Man," Albert shook his head and held his hands half clenched in front of him, picturing someone he'd like to strangle, "if they catch the d.a.m.n hippie who gunked up all the engines, I hope they haul his nuts backward and yank 'em out of his-" He stopped midsentence as he saw Granuaile clutch at my arm and heard her make a tiny noise. "Oh. Sorry, miss." He took in my tattoos and his eyes lingered on the triskele on the back of my hand. Then he spied my necklace and noticed my hair, which admittedly can look a bit unkempt at times. "Are you a d.a.m.n-I mean, are you guys hippies?" Granuaile's fingernails dug painfully into my arm at his question.

"No," I a.s.sured him. "But we are frequently mistaken for hippies. No worries, happens all the time." Granuaile was now pounding at me with her fist. I glanced at her and beheld an expression of barely restrained mirth. Her face was blushing red because she neither dared take a breath nor release one, convinced she would laugh inappropriately and embarra.s.s Albert. I rose from the table to make way for her to get by. "Will you excuse my sister? She really needs to go to the restroom."

Granuaile nodded somewhat manically, her lips pressed tightly together and a tear welling up in her left eye as she stood.

"Oh, sure." Albert scooted over to stand next to Frank, and Granuaile hurried away toward the rest-rooms, hand over her mouth and making wee whimpering noises. "Is she going to be okay?" he asked. Frank, and Granuaile hurried away toward the rest-rooms, hand over her mouth and making wee whimpering noises. "Is she going to be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, she'll be fine," I said, brushing away his concern with a wave. "These episodes just happen sometimes."

The entire restaurant heard her when she closed the door-a long, sustained high note followed by a gasp and another long note.

Albert made a face. "Man, are you sure?"

Chapter 27

I've often been flabbergasted by modern pharmaceutical ads on television. The list of side effects for some maladies often sounds worse than the condition they're supposed to treat. Once I even heard "heart failure" listed as a side effect, and I wondered how that happened. Heart failure sounds like a pretty major event to me, and if you're willing to risk heart failure in order to avoid the mild discomfort of some other condition, then may the G.o.ds shield you from harm, since you're obviously seeking it out.

I sought out a drugstore because most every medicine is actually a poison: The dosage is simply much lower. I prefer working directly from plants, of course, but scooping up a few bottles of pills will work when I'm in a hurry, and in this case I was in quite a hurry indeed.

"Sensei," Granuaile whispered to me on the way out of the Blue Coffee Pot to Albert's truck. "I heard you say you don't have a prescription for all these drugs you need, right?"

"Right."

"That means you're going to steal them, aren't you?"

"Yep."

She sighed in exasperation. "Things like that don't matter to you, do they?"

We paused to climb into the back of Albert's truck.

Frank rode shotgun and told him where to go. Once we were on our way, I picked up where we'd left off. "Not when people's lives are at stake, no. I never steal for mere personal gain, if that makes a difference. Well, I take that back. There was that one time in Egypt. And a few years ago I stole some art and precious gems from a businessman in Hong Kong just so he would have a really bad day, and that gained me quite a bit of satisfaction. But I called the cops after a couple of days and told them where to find everything, along with a note telling him not to be such a vag badger. He got most of it back." Frank rode shotgun and told him where to go. Once we were on our way, I picked up where we'd left off. "Not when people's lives are at stake, no. I never steal for mere personal gain, if that makes a difference. Well, I take that back. There was that one time in Egypt. And a few years ago I stole some art and precious gems from a businessman in Hong Kong just so he would have a really bad day, and that gained me quite a bit of satisfaction. But I called the cops after a couple of days and told them where to find everything, along with a note telling him not to be such a vag badger. He got most of it back."

"What? Why didn't he get all of it?"

"The cops kept some and told him that was all they found."

"No!"

"Yes. I had to steal the stuff again and give all the crooked cops wedgies. Look, if it makes you feel better, we can make a list of what I pull out of this place, look up the costs elsewhere, and then reimburse them with an anonymous envelope of cash later."

"That would make me feel better."

"Okay, that's what we'll do."

"Thank you." She gave me a couple of patronizing pats on the shoulder. "You're a very considerate sensei."

"I'll say. I haven't done half the things I'm supposed to yet. Usually there's a ritualistic leeching after the second week, and here we are three months or so along."

She squinted at me doubtfully. "You're kidding, right?"