Tramping on Life Part 119

"Tell me, was he ... was Mubby.. back there, in our former life?"

"O yes, he was there."

"And Darrie, too?"

"Yes, Darrie, too!"

"If my name was Naa and your name was Kaa, what were their names?"

"Mubby was named Baa and Darrie was Blaa!"

This convulsed Hildreth.

"You great, big, sweet fool of a poet, I do love you, I really do!"

"We were made for each other in every way ... my head just fits your shoulder," she observed quaintly.

"Mubby came down to me this morning," said Hildreth one evening, "and pleaded to be taken back again ... as husband...."

"And what?--"

"What did I do?... when I love you?... the mere idea made me sick to think of. I couldn't endure him again."

One afternoon Penton and Hildreth were closeted together from lunch to dark. It was my turn to cry out in my heart, and suffer agonies of imagination.

The next morning Hildreth began packing up, with the aid of Mrs. Jones.

I came upon her, in the library, where I had gone to get a book. My face fell dismally.

"I can't endure it any longer, Johnnie, I'm going back home, to New York ... my father will take me in."

"And how about me?"

"--wait patiently a few days then, if you still feel the same about me, follow me!... and, until you come to join me, write me at least three times a day."

"I'll do it ..." then I couldn't help being playful again, "I'll write you entirely in cave-fashion."

"I am taking a big step, Johnnie, I'm through with Penton Baxter forever--but I wonder if my new life is to be with you ... you are such an irresponsible, delightful madman at times....

"You're wonderful as a lover ... but as a man with a woman to take care of--!"

"Don't worry about that! just give me a chance, and I'll show you I can be practical too."

Hildreth had gone. With her going the bottom seemed to drop out of my existence, leaving a black hole where it had fallen through. I walked about, looking so truly miserable, that even Baxter spoke with gentle consideration to me.

"Poor Johnnie, to think you'd run into a proposition like this, the first pop out of the box."

"No, it isn't what you think ... I'm getting malaria, I believe."

But to be deprived of her, my first love. No longer to be in her presence, no longer to watch her quiet smile, the lovely droop of her mouth's corner ... to feed on the kisses no more that had become as necessary as daily bread itself to me--

I began to lose weight ... to start up in the night, after a brief fit of false slumber, hearing myself, as if it were an alien voice, crying her name aloud....

I whispered and talked tender, whimsical, silly things to my pillow, holding it in my arms, as if it were she....

Each day I sent her four, five letters ... letters full of madness, absurdity, love, despair, wild expressions of intimacy that I would Have died to know anybody else ever saw.

Her first letter in return burned me alive with happiness....

"--you know why she went to the city," Penton teased, "it's because 'Gene Mallows, the California poet, is up there. He and she got on pretty well when we were on the coast."

"You lie!" I bellowed, beside myself, "Hildreth will be faithful to me ... she has promised."

Penton Baxter looked me up and down, courageously, coolly, for a long time. Slowly I realised what I had just said.

"That's all I wanted to know, John Gregory! I've got it out of you at last!"

He turned on his heel.

Changing his mind, he faced me again. This time there was a despairful agony of kindness in his face.

"Dear boy, I'm sorry for all this thing that has come between us. But there is yet time for you to keep out of it. Hildreth and I are done with each other forever ... but you needn't be mixed up in this affair....

"Johnnie, let her stay in New York, and, no matter how much she wants you, don't go up there to join her."

"I love her. I adore her. I want to be where she is. Now the whole truth is out."

"My poor friend!"

"Don't call me your friend--you--"

He tightened his lips....