Tom, Dick and Harry Part 65

"I tell you I didn't," expostulated Trimble. "Shut up."

"Shut what up?"

"Yourself."

"Come and shut me."

A warm argument ensued, which knocked over the table, and was only composed by my reminding the club that we didn't want to disturb the peace of the new c.o.c.k of the house on his first night.

"All right," said Langrish, "where was I?--'English grammar. Purkis, not having paid his subscription, naturally came out too low to be cla.s.sed, but to give him a lift he was allowed to be stuck in between Trim and c.o.xhead, who being outsiders at the best of times, had plenty of room for another.'"

"All very well--what sort of howler did _you_ come?" asked the outraged Purkis.

"'It being considered well to stick one Selkirker into the list, the hon. secretary made room for Corderoy, and is hereby thanked on his retirement.'"

"Hullo!" said I, "don't say that, Langrish."

"Fact is," said Langrish, dropping the minutes, "I've got to. I've gone down, you see."

"Oh, but you've worked like a cart-horse. I move, Trim seconds, Warminster thirds, c.o.xhead fourths, Purkis fifths, and the paupers sixth, that old Lang be and hereby is perpetual secretary of the Ph.C.C., and that it's all rot his retiring."

"Oh, all serene," said Langrish, evidently pleased. "That's your look- out. Where was I?--'thanked on his retirement, but as n.o.body else can read his writing, he is hereby asked to hang on, which he hereby does.

The meeting then adjourned.'"

We decided to celebrate the evening by a state tea, as which the usual loyal and patriotic toasts were given; of which I will only trouble the reader with one, that delivered by Warminster, the late president.

"It's a sell, of course, getting down; but we all had a good look in, and Sal's come out best man this once. We aren't going to jack it up though, and he'll have to mind his eye (cheers). After all, what with the mess he made over Tempest's bills (loud cheers), and the shindy about the guy, and all that rot about the barge, he's shown he's fit for the job (laughter). But he'll have to make a good show-up for Sharpe's now, or we'll let him know. We've scored a bit of a record, and we don't want to fool it away (loud cheers), and any fellow who doesn't put it on doesn't deserve to be a Ph.C.C. or anything like (prolonged applause). Gentlemen, with these remarks I beg to give the health of 'the army and navy and reserve forces' (loud cheers)."

The "reserve forces" were the most striking feature, after all, about the wind-up of the Conversation Club that night.

Before I went to bed I looked in at Tempest's study, where, to my delight, I found d.i.c.ky Brown.

"Hullo, I was just coming to fetch you," said the new captain. "Don't you think this a pretty good show for old Plummer?"

"Rather," said d.i.c.ky. "I wonder how he's getting on!"

"And I wonder if the pond is full up again yet."

"By the way," said Tempest, "I've never hided you for collaring that pistol of mine. I may as well do it now."

"Fire away," said I; "I don't mind taking a licking from the captain of Low Heath."

"It sounds queer, doesn't it?" said Tempest, disarmed by this compliment. "Between you and me, kids, I think we ought to be able to make the thing work next term."

"Rather," said I, "only we shall have to keep sitting up to do it."

"So much the better," said they.

THE END.