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That man killed me. I knew it. I knew it as surely as I had known those other things.
I am Tessa. I am strong. I do not cry.
And I am dead.
I looked at my reflection in the glinting metal of the school gates. My eyes were huge. Long sharp canines protruded over my bottom lip. My nose had flattened, the nostrils turned up. I felt unbearably hot so, without a thought of dignity or proper behaviour, I flung my blouse to the ground. Underneath, I was Thyla. Powerful, beautiful Thyla striped and strong. I shivered not from the cold, but from exhilaration. I was wondrous. I looked back at the wall.
'Well,' I whispered to myself, 'if I am dead, then what do I have to lose?'
I began to run.
Once you have flown, there is nothing else.
I only flew for a moment soaring high and mighty above the wall surrounding Cascade Falls but it was extraordinary.
I conquered the wall.
I was free. And I was changed.
Inside the walls of Cascade Falls, I was Tessa. I was a human girl. I made friends. I wore a uniform. I ate waffles. I went to science cla.s.s.
Outside of Cascade Falls, I was ...
Well, I was still not entirely sure what I was. But perhaps human was the first thing I wasn't.
After all, humans cannot fly.
There was no time to think about the wonder of it all, though.
I could still hear their footsteps, cracking through the bracken. I could still hear their voices, low and rumbling and sodden with solemnity. I knew innately, through some new sense of time and s.p.a.ce I seemed to possess along with my new, more powerful body, that they were close. And I knew now they were not on any ordinary bushwalk. I knew that their walks were part of all of this Sarcos and Thyla and Cha.s.sebury and Cat.
And so I stalked them. I padded silently, growing more confident in my new gait. It was as though I had once known how to ride a horse, and then had not done so for many years, but was beginning again. My muscles knew how to do it. My brain just needed to catch up.
The forest was full and loud and br.i.m.m.i.n.g with the lives of the night creatures. Possums larked above me in the eucalypts. Quolls, pademelons and bettongs hopped and skittered through the brush. Above me, a masked owl whooshed through the leaves, hunting, and I could hear the terrified beating of tiny marsupial hearts.
'I can do that, too,' I whispered to the owl.
The pademelons had nothing to fear from me me, though. There was only one group of beasts I was tracking. And I was closing in. I could hear their words clearly now.
'So you're sure the Diemens are on the hunt tonight?' came Rhiannah's voice.
My heart sped as I heard Perrin's voice come next. 'The Diemens are always on the hunt. That's why we're here. To stop them. And do you really think Lord donated that telescope out of the goodness of his heart? The more girls outside, the more vulnerable prey around, ripe for the picking.'
'I wonder what it's like in other places,' asked another voice. Sara. I knew she didn't need gla.s.ses in her new form. I wondered if she still wore her curls tied back with white ribbons. 'I mean, do you think there's anybody like us back in England? Is there anybody to stop them, or do they just run rampant?'
'I don't know,' said Perrin, and his voice sounded heavy and exhausted. 'I haven't heard heard of any other clans over there. Rha says that back in the convict days he heard about a tribe ' of any other clans over there. Rha says that back in the convict days he heard about a tribe '
'Perrin, we know this,' Rhiannah groaned. 'Honestly, sometimes you act like you're the only one who's been a Sarco all this time. Have you seen our hair? And our skin? We're starting to get the Sarco colouring. That means we've been doing this for a while. We're not clueless, you know. We know about the Vulpis.'
Vulpis.
The word s.n.a.t.c.hed me from the present, from the bush, and dragged me back inside my head, where there was another memory waiting for me; another voice waiting to speak.
A man's voice, gruff and low.
'I do not know if we're the only ones, Tessa,' he said. 'There are rumours some of the older Thylas talk of a master race back in England. They call them the Vulpis. "Victoria's foxes". They say that they are like us. They are an ancient race, as we are older probably and they, like we, now devote their lives to fighting the Diemens. To protecting the innocent.'
'Why are they called Victoria's foxes?' I asked.
'Queen Victoria, of course,' the man growled. 'She was the first monarch to attempt to combat the Diemens. Before Victoria, they ran rampant. They had free rein over the prisoners and street people. n.o.body stopped them. Then Victoria started helping the poor and sending convicts to Tasmania, and the Diemens thought their days were numbered. That's why so many of them moved out here. Can you imagine? A whole island br.i.m.m.i.n.g with convicts. A captive colony of vulnerable, reviled wretches sent thousands of miles from their families. To the Diemens, it must have seemed that Tasmania was a table, laid out for a banquet feast. I have heard no estimates of how many Diemens remain in the motherland, Tessa. I do not know if any of our brother Vulpis are keeping them controlled. Some say that the Vulpis have changed sides; that they are fighting for for the Diemens now. Whatever the case, while Victoria reigns, the Diemens are weakened. When she dies, who knows?' the Diemens now. Whatever the case, while Victoria reigns, the Diemens are weakened. When she dies, who knows?'
'Why did they not just kill Victoria?' I asked. 'They are powerful, are they not? And they do not seem to think murdering women is wrong. Would it not have been easier for them?'
'Perhaps. Perhaps Victoria is stronger than we imagine stronger even than they. I have heard tell that they offered her immortality in return for turning a blind eye to their activities, and she refused. She is a formidable foe. A woman to be truly admired.'
'I will be formidable also,' I replied. 'I will be a foe to be reckoned with.'
'Do you regret your change?' asked the man, his voice even more rough now.
'No. Never. I am like Queen Victoria. I am like this for a reason. I know my duty. I will never surrender.'
Sara's voice pulled me away from the voices inside my head, and seemed, strangely, to echo them. 'Do you regret what you've become? Would you go back and refuse it? If you could? If it meant you got a normal life a family maybe? I mean, we've nearly finished school and when we do ... years years after we've finished, we'll still look the same age. What will we do then? It scares me. We'll look sixteen forever, but we can't keep going to school and ' after we've finished, we'll still look the same age. What will we do then? It scares me. We'll look sixteen forever, but we can't keep going to school and '
'Sara, shush,' said Harriet. 'Now isn't the time for worrying about that stuff.'
'When is is the time, then?' asked Sara. 'I get that I have maybe hundreds of years ahead of me, but sometimes I just want to know stuff the time, then?' asked Sara. 'I get that I have maybe hundreds of years ahead of me, but sometimes I just want to know stuff now.' now.'
I was very close to the Sarcos now. I walked more quietly, crouched low in the scrub. I hid behind trees. I knew how to stalk. I had done it before.
'Maybe none of us really have the answers, Sara,' said Perrin slowly, his voice gentle. 'Maybe even Rha doesn't have the answers. You know he's had to spend years in hiding to keep his secret. Maybe that's what we do we just emerge into human society every once in a while ...'
Perrin trailed off. From my hiding place, I saw his eyes swing around. I crouched lower. His nose twitched.
Oh, h.e.l.l.
'What is it, Perrin?' asked Rhiannah. 'If you're worried about that Thyla smell, don't be. It's always like that around here.'
Perrin froze. He flicked his eyes away from my direction, back towards his sister. 'The Thyla smell lingers,' he said, simply, but I could hear the tremble of his voice. He knew I was there. Why wasn't he saying anything?
'Why do we have to do it at all?' asked Rhiannah, going back to their previous conversation. 'I mean, couldn't we just stay out here? In the wild?'
'Some Sarcos do. And ... Thylas.' Again, his eyes flicked in my direction, and away. 'But we're all half-human. We're still connected to the human world. I know I would miss it.'
Perrin went silent for a moment, before continuing, 'To answer your question, Sara: No. I wouldn't go back. Not knowing what I do about the Diemens. I could probably try to fight them as a mortal, but they're just so powerful and the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds are getting more more powerful as if I'd have a chance! We're meant to do this. Maybe it's what we were always meant to do. It's the one thing we have in common with the Thylas. We both have a responsibility and I wouldn't turn my back on that. But, you know, I'm only a baby by Sarco standards! Ask me when I'm Rha's age. Ask me in another hundred years.' powerful as if I'd have a chance! We're meant to do this. Maybe it's what we were always meant to do. It's the one thing we have in common with the Thylas. We both have a responsibility and I wouldn't turn my back on that. But, you know, I'm only a baby by Sarco standards! Ask me when I'm Rha's age. Ask me in another hundred years.'
'Sometimes I wish the Sarcos hadn't come to our house that night,' Rhiannah said softly. 'I wish I could be normal again, and not have to spend my whole life out here, hunting those creeps. I wish we'd never moved down from Wynyard. Then this would never have happened. I wish I could go back to Mum and Dad; help them with their veggies and their market stall. I wish it was simple like that. Sometimes I even wish Mum and Dad had been there that night, so they could be Sarcos too. So we wouldn't be so alone. I wish we hadn't been changed. I wish we didn't have to do this. But then I think, if we we don't do it, who will? I still don't think we should unite with the Thylas, though. They're our en' don't do it, who will? I still don't think we should unite with the Thylas, though. They're our en'
Rhiannah stopped and sniffed at the air, just like Perrin had done. But she didn't look in my direction. Instead, she looked to her left, and I saw her mouth the word, 'human'.
The Sarcos froze and talked no more.
I could still hear their hearts beating though. I could hear each one individually and it seemed as though I knew which heart belonged to which of my friends. If indeed they still were my friends.
The heart I heard most loudly deep and full and resonant I believed belonged to Perrin.
And I allowed myself, just for a moment, to enjoy the feeling of hearing his heart and mine. It was as though they were playing some rhythmic music together.
How was it possible, I wondered, to be dead and still have a heartbeat?
Especially since I had never felt more alive.
Perrin's heart quickened as the sound of feet crunching through the undergrowth echoed through the bush. It felt as though the whole world had stopped and was waiting, watching, to see who was making the noise.
Finally there was a voice. A new voice, but one I recognised. 'h.e.l.lo? Is anybody there? It's just me, Ms Hindmarsh!'
My skin p.r.i.c.kled.
I remembered the cold look in her eyes.
I remembered her slow, terrifying walk towards me, her arms outstretched. I remembered the hint of something sinister in her voice when she demanded to see my scars.
I remembered the phone call. 'h.e.l.lo, Vinnie. I was hoping it would be you. Something has happened.' 'h.e.l.lo, Vinnie. I was hoping it would be you. Something has happened.'
Ms Hindmarsh knew about me. And she wasn't scared.
And now she was here here. It wasn't right right that she was here. that she was here.
Ms Hindmarsh wasn't to be trusted. I could smell it.
But I could also smell the terror of the Sarcos fading away. They weren't scared any more. They trusted Ms Hindmarsh.
'Rhiannah, Harriet, Sara? Is that you?' Ms Hindmarsh called out.
'It's us, Ms Hindmarsh!' Rhiannah called back. 'We're just finishing up our bushwalk. We'll be coming back soon!'
'I'm with them, Cynthia. Don't worry!' Perrin added.
Cynthia.
Perrin called Ms Hindmarsh by her first name. They must be friends.
Then I remembered the dark-haired man in Ms Hindmarsh's photo the one who'd reminded me of Perrin. The hair, the pale skin, that knowing look in their eyes.
'Well, that's good, Perrin,' said Ms Hindmarsh as she walked into sight. 'You never know when one of your own might need protecting.'
'Cynthia.' Perrin's voice became tender, and I saw him lope over to Ms Hindmarsh, while the other Sarcos shrank back against the trees. Ms Hindmarsh only had human eyes. She couldn't see them. As he left the others, I heard him hiss something in some strange, foreign language of growls and squeals. Sarco language. I did not understand it, but I looked quickly to Rhiannah and the others and I saw that they were hastily pulling bangles from their backpacks and pushing them onto their wrists.
And that was when I knew.
That's what Perrin had been talking about when he said I had no 'cuff' to control my powers. The bangles were how they controlled it.
I didn't have a bangle. I had no control.
'Why are you out here tonight, Perrin?' asked Ms Hindmarsh. 'I mean, really? You told me you were just patrolling. But there are so many of you. You're not hunting are you? For humans to ... turn.'
'No, of course not,' Perrin said. 'Why would you say that, Cynthia? You know we don't do that. You've told us before that you know what happened with Raphael was just an accident.'
'What happened to Raphael was not just an accident accident,' Ms Hindmarsh snapped. 'You beasts did it. You did it on purpose. Forget it. You're not on my side. You never were. I believed you could help me, for a while ... but now I have someone else. Someone much more powerful than you are. Someone who is going to help me get Raphael back. Properly back. Properly back. The way he used to be.' The way he used to be.'
Vinnie. Ms Hindmarsh must be talking about Vinnie.
'What do you mean?' asked Perrin.
'I have friends in high places now,' said Ms Hindmarsh, a bitter laugh behind the words.
'No,' said Perrin, his voice hard now. 'No, Cynthia. You haven't ...'
'I have powerful friends who are going to get Raphael back. And you are going to help us.'
'Cynthia, think about this. You know how evil '
Perrin was moving towards Ms Hindmarsh, his hands held palm-up. He looked over her shoulder at the other Sarcos hidden in the bush. His expression was unreadable.
'No, Perrin,' she said, holding her hands up in front of her. 'They are not evil. They want to help. They've helped me enormously with the school and they've helped the girls most of them. The ones who deserved it. The ones who didn't, well ... they got what they did did deserve, I suppose. Small sacrifices. For a greater good. They are not evil. They are deserve, I suppose. Small sacrifices. For a greater good. They are not evil. They are benevolent. benevolent. It's you It's you beasts beasts who are evil.' who are evil.'
'But I thought ... you knew we wanted to help you find Raphael. We want it as much as you do.'
Ms Hindmarsh nodded. 'Well, that would suggest that I believe that Raphael is missing. I don't. I know where he is, just as I know what became of those girls that were taken from my school. Ha! Don't look at me like that, Perrin. Like I've sold my soul to the devil.' Ms Hindmarsh paused as if waiting for laughter after her joke. When there was none, she continued. 'Sometimes, sacrifices must be made in the course of higher purpose. Raphael is my purpose. I will have him back, just as soon as Lord is finished. It's better this way. Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me, pretending he was missing, when really he was with you brutes brutes? How it felt knowing he wanted the wildness; that he wanted to be away from me? Perrin, I've known all along where Raphael is. I only pretended I didn't. Lord thought that was best. He needed you to trust me. Ted Lord has been very very helpful to me, Perrin. And he only wanted one small thing in exchange.' helpful to me, Perrin. And he only wanted one small thing in exchange.'
'And what was that?' asked Perrin.
'You.'
Ms Hindmarsh whirled around and called out to the darkness around her, 'They're here! Come and get them! They're here!'
The next few moments were some of the most terrifying of my life.
After Ms Hindmarsh yelled out, the forest exploded in a flurry of yelling, rushing figures, breaking branches and screaming.
Men burst from the trees behind Ms Hindmarsh.