Three Wonder Plays Part 14

_King_: To be sure, it must not happen. Why would it happen? But supposing--I only said supposing it did. Would you say would that lad grow too high in himself to go into the kitchen ...it might be only an odd time ...to oblige me ...and dress a dinner the same as he did to-day?

_Dall Glic_: I am sure and certain that he would not. It is the way, it is, with the common sort, the lower orders. He'd be wishful to sit on a chair at his ease and to leave his hand idle till he'd grow to be bulky and wishful for sleep.

_King_: That is a pity, a great pity, and a great loss to the world. A big misfortune he to have got it in his head to take a liking to the girl. I tell you he was a great lad behind the saucepans!

_Dall Glic_: Since he did get it in his head, it is what we have to do now, to make an end of him.

_King_: To gaol him now, and settle up ovens and spits and all sorts in the cell, wouldn't he, to shorten the day, be apt to start cooking?

_Dall Glic_: In my belief he will do nothing at all, but to hold you to the promise you made, and to force you to send away the King of Sorcha.

_King_: To have the misfortune of a cook for a son-in-law, and without the good luck of profiting by what he can do in his trade! That is a hard thing for a father to put up with, let alone a king!

_Dall Glic_: If you will but listen to the advice I have to give....

_King_: I know it without you telling me. You are asking me to make away with the lad! And who knows but the girl might turn on me after, women are so queer, and say I had a right to have asked leave from herself?

_Dall Glic_: There will no one suspect you of doing it, and you to take my plan. Bid them heat the big oven outside on the lawn that is for roasting a bullock in its full bulk.

_King_: Don't be talking of roasted meat! I think I can eat no more for a twelvemonth!

_Dall Glic_: There will be nothing roasted that any person will have occasion to eat. When the oven door will be open, give orders to your bullies and your foot-soldiers to give a tip to him that will push him in. When evening comes, news will go out that he left the meat to burn and made off on his rambles, and no more about him.

_King_: What way can I send orders when I'm near crazed in my wits with the want of rest. A little minute of sleep might soothe and settle my brain.

_(Lies down.)_

_Dall Glic_: The least little word to give leave ...or a sign ...such as to nod the head.

_King_: I give you my word, my head is tired nodding! Be off now and close the door after you and give out that anyone that comes to this side of the house at all in the next half-hour, his neck will be on the block before morning!

_Dall Glic: (Hurriedly.)_ I'm going! I'm going.

_(Goes.)_

_King: (Locking door and drawing window curtains.)_ That you may never come back till I ask you!

_(Lies down and settles himself on pillows.)_ I'll be lying here in my lone listening to the pigeons seeking their meal. "Coo-coo," they're saying, "Coo-coo."

_(Closes eyes.)_

_Nurse: (At door.)_ Who is it locked the door?

_(Shakes it.)_ Who is it is in it? What is going on within? Is it that some bad work is after being done in this place? Hi! Hi! Hi!

_King: (Sitting up.)_ Get away out of that, you torment of a nurse! Be off before I'll have the life of you!

_Nurse_: The Lord be praised, it is the King's own voice! There's time yet!

_King_: There's time, is there? There's time for everyone to give out their chat and their gab, and to do their business and take their ease and have a comfortable life, only the King! The beasts of the field have leave to lay themselves down in the meadow and to stretch their limbs on the green gra.s.s in the heat of the day, without being pestered and plagued and tormented and called to and wakened and worried, till a man is no less than wore out!

_Nurse_: Up or down, I'll say what I have to say, if it cost me my life. It is that I have to tell you of a plot that is made and a plan!

_King_: I won't listen! I heard enough of plots and plans within the last three minutes!

_Nurse_: You didn't hear this one. No one knows of it only myself.

_King_: I was told it by the Dall Glic.

_Nurse_: You were not! I am only after making it out on the moment!

_King_: A plot against the lad of the saucepans?

_Nurse_: That's it! That's it! Open now the door!

_King: (Putting a cushion over each ear and settling himself to sleep.)_ Tell away and welcome!

_(Shuts eyes.)_

_Nurse_: That's right! You're listening. Give heed now. That schemer came a while ago letting on to be the King of Sorcha is no such thing! What do you say?...Maybe you knew it before?

I wonder the Dall Glic not to have seen that for himself with his one eye.... Maybe you don't believe it? Well, I'll tell it out and prove it.

I have got sure word by running messenger that came cross-cutting over the ridge of the hill....

That carrion that came in a coach, pressing to bring away the Princess before nightfall, giving himself out to be some great one, is no other than Taig the Tailor, that should be called Taig the Twister, down from his mother's house from Oughtmana, that stole grand clothes which were left in the mother's charge, he being out at the time cutting cloth and shaping lies, and has himself dressed out in them the way you'd take him to be King! _(King has slumbered peacefully all through.)_ Now, what do you say? Now, will you open the door?

_Queen: (Outside.)_ What call have you to shouting and disturbing the King?

_Nurse_: I have good right and good reason to disturb him!

_Queen_: Go away and let me open the door.

_Nurse_: I will go and welcome now; I have told out my whole story to the King.

_Queen: (Shaking door.)_ Open the door, my dear! It is I myself that is here! _(King looks up, listens, shakes his head and sinks back.)_ Are you there at all, or what is it ails you?

_Nurse_: He is there, and is after conversing with myself.

_Queen: (Shaking again.)_ Let me in, my dear King! Open! Open! Open! unless that the falling sickness is come upon you, or that you are maybe lying dead upon the floor!

_Nurse_: Not a dead in the world.

_Queen_: Go, Nurse, I tell you, bring the smith from the anvil till he will break asunder the lock of the door!

_(King annoyed, waddles to door and opens it suddenly. Queen stumbles in.)_

_King_: What at all has taken place that you come bawling and calling and disturbing my rest?

_Queen_: Oh! Are you sound and well? I was in dread there did something come upon you, when you gave no answer at all.

_King_: Am I bound to answer every call and clamour the same as a hall-porter at the door?