Three Hours after Marriage Part 22

_Foss._ Bless me, whence had she this luxuriant const.i.tution!

_Pos._ Patience, Sir. Perhaps the lady may be married.

_Town._ Tis infamous, Mr. Fossile, to keep her in your house; yet though you turn her out of doors, use her with some humanity; I will take care of the child.

_Clink._ I can find no _Denouement_ of all this conversation. Where is the crime, I pray, of writing a tragedy? I sent it to Drury-Lane house to be acted; and here it is return'd by the wrong gout of the actors.

_Pos._ This incident has somewhat embarra.s.sed us. But what mean you here, madam, by this expression? Your offspring.

_Clink._ My tragedy, the offspring of my brain. One of his majesty's justices of the peace, and not understand the use of the metaphor!

_Pos._ Doctor, you have used much artifice, and many demurrers; but the child must lie at your door at last. Friend, speak plain what thou knowest of this matter.

_Foss._ Let me relate my story. This morning, I married this lady, and brought her from her lodgings, at Mrs. Chambers's, in King-street, Covent-Garden.

_Sail._ Mrs. Chambers! To that place I was directed, where liv'd the maid that put the bantling out to be nurs'd by my wife for her lady; and who she was, 'tis none of our business to enquire.

_Pos._ Dost thou know the name of this maid?

_Sail._ Let me consider----Lutestring.

_Foss._ Sarsnet, thou mean'st.

_Sail._ Sarsnet, that's right.

_Town._ I'll turn her out of my house this moment, Filthy creature!

_Pos._ The evidence is plain. You have cohabitation with the mother, doctor, _currat lex_. And you must keep the child.

_Foss._ Your decree is unjust, Sir, and I'll seek my remedy at law. As I never was espoused, I never had carnal knowledge of any woman; and my wife, Mrs. Susanna Townley, is a pure virgin at this hour for me.

_Pos._ Susanna Townley! Susannah Townley! Look how runs the warrant you drew up this morning.

[_Clerk gives him a paper._

Madam, a word in private with you. [_whispers her_] Doctor, my Lord Chief Justice has some business with this lady.

_Foss._ My Lord Chief Justice business with my wife!

_Pos._ To be plain with you, doctor Fossile, you have for these three hours entertain'd another man's wife. Her husband, lieutenant Bengal, is just returned from the Indies, and this morning took out a warrant from me for an elopement; it will be more for your credit to part with her privately, than to suffer her publickly to be carried off by a tipstaff.

_Foss._ Surprizing have been the events of this day; but this, the strangest of all, settles my future repose. Let her go--I have not dishonoured the bed of lieutenant Bengal--Hark ye friend! Do you follow her with that badge of her infamy.

_Pos._ By your favour, doctor, I never reverse my judgment. The child is yours: for it cannot belong to a man who has been three years absent in the East-Indies. Leave the child.

_Sail._ I find you are out of humour, master. So I'll call to-morrow for his clearings.

[_Sailor lays down the child, and exit with Possum, Clerk, and Townley._]

_Clink._ Uncle, by this day's adventure, every one has got something.

Lieutenant Bengal has got his wife again; you a fine child; and I a plot for a comedy; and I'll this moment set about it.

[_Exit Clinket._

_Foss._ What must be, must be. [_takes up the child._] Fossile, thou didst want posterity: Here behold thou hast it. A wife thou didst not want; thou hast none. But thou art caressing a child that is not thy own. What then? a thousand, and a thousand husbands are doing the same thing this very instant; and the knowledge of truth is desirable, and makes thy case the better, What signifies whether a man beget his child or not? How rediculous is the act itself, said the great emperor Antoninus! I now look upon myself as a Roman citizen; it is better that the father should adopt the child, than that the wife should adopt the father.

[_Exit Fossile._

EPILOGUE.

Spoke by Mrs. OLDFIELD.

_The ancient Epilogue, as criticks write, Was, Clap your hands, excuse us, and good-night.

The modern always was a kind essay To reconcile the audience to the play: More polish'd, we of late have learn'd to fly At parties, treaties, nations, ministry.

Our author more genteelly leaves these brawls To coffee-houses, and to coblers stalls.

His very monsters are of sweet condition, None but the Crocodile's a politician; He reaps the blessings of his double nature, And, Trimmer like, can live on land or water: Yet this same monster should be kindly treated, He lik'd a lady's flesh----but not to eat it._

_As for my other spark, my favourite Mummy, His feats were such, smart youths! as might become ye; Dead as he seem'd, he had sure signs of life; His hieroglyphicks pleas'd the doctor's wife._

_Whom can our well-bred poetess displease?

She writ like quality----with wond'rous ease: All her offence was harmless want of wit; Is that a crime?----ye powers, preserve the pit._

_My doctor too, to give the devil his due, When every creature did his spouse pursue, (Men sound in living, bury'd flesh, dry'd fish,) Was e'en as civil as a wife could wish.

Yet he was somewhat saucy with his viol; What! put young maids to that unnat'ral trial!

So hard a test! why, if you needs will make it, Faith, let us marry first,----and then we'll take it._

_Who could be angry, though like Fossile teaz'd?

Consider, in three hours, the man was eas'd.

How many of you are for life beguil'd, And keep as well the mother, as the child!

None but a Tar could be so tender-hearted, To claim a wife that had been three years parted; Would you do this, my friends?--believe me, never!

When modishly you part----you part for ever._

_Join then your voices, be the play excus'd For once, though no one living is abus'd; To that bright circle that commands our duties, To you superior eighteen-penny beauties, To the lac'd hat and c.o.c.kard of the pit, } To all, in one word, we our cause submit, } Who think good breeding is a-kin to wit._ }

The _Publisher_'s

_Advertis.e.m.e.nt_ to this _Edition_.

The following Key with the Letter annexed, was sent me from my Correspondent in _London_; which came too late to the English Editor, to be printed with that Edition. As the Squabble between _Cibber_ and _Gay_ behind the Scenes of the Theatre-Royal in _Drury-Lane_, at that Time, was very well known; we imagine the reader will not be displeased to have a particular Account of it, now, first added to this _Dublin_ Edition.