Three Comedies Part 51

Svava. But haven't you seen mother? She said she had gone across to see you.

Nordan. Yes, she is coming directly. But look here--suppose you and I go for a good long walk together, instead of talking to your mother or anyone? Along quiet walk? Eh?

Svava. I can't.

Nordan. Why?

Svava. Because I must make an end of all this.

Nordan. What do you mean?

Svava (without answering his question). Uncle--?

Nordan. Yes?

Svava. Does Alfred know this?--Did he know it before?

Nordan. Yes.

Svava. Of course every one knew it except me. Oh, how I wish I could hide myself away from every one! I will, too. I see the real state of things now for the first time. I have been like a child trying to push a mountain away with its two hands--and they have all been standing round, laughing at me, of course. But let me speak to Alfred!

Nordan. To Alfred?

Svava. I behaved so wrongly yesterday. I ought never to have gone into the room--but you gave me no choice when you came to me. I went with you almost unconsciously.

Nordan. I suppose it was thinking of your father--of what I told you about him--that made you--

Svava. I did not understand all at once. But, when I was by myself, it all flashed across me--mother's strange uneasiness--father's threats about leaving the country--all sorts of expressions, and signs--lots and lots of things I had never understood and never even thought twice about! I chased them out of my mind, but back they came!--back and back again! It seemed to paralyse me. And when you took me by the arm and said: "Now you must go in!"--I hardly had strength to think. Everything seemed to be going round and round.

Nordan. Yes, I made a regular mess of it--both on that occasion and the time before.

Svava. No, it was all quite right--quite right! We certainly went a little off the lines, it is true. I must speak to Alfred; the matter must not rest as it is. But, except for that, it was all quite right.

And now I have got to make an end of it all.

Nordan. What do you mean?

Svava. Where is mother?

Nordan. My dear girl, you ought not to try and do anything to-day. I should advise you not to speak to anybody. If you do--well, I don't know what may happen.

Svava. But I know.--Oh, it is no use talking to me like that! You think I am simply a bundle of nerves to-day. And it is quite true--I am. But if you try to thwart me it will only make me worse.

Nordan. I am not trying to thwart you at all. I only--

Svava. Yes, yes, I know.--Where is mother, then? And you must bring Alfred here. I cannot go to him, can I? Or do you think he has too much pride to come, after what happened yesterday? Oh, no, he is not like that! Tell him he must not be proud with one who is so humiliated.

(Bursts into tears.)

Nordan. But do you think you are able for it?

Svava. You don't know how much I can stand! Anyway, I must get done with it all, quickly. It has lasted long enough.

Nordan. Then shall I ask your mother--?

Svava. Yes!--and will you ask Alfred?

Nordan. Presently, yes. And if you should--

Svava. No, there is no "if" about it!

Nordan.--if you should want me, I won't go away till you are "done with it all," as you say. (SVAVA goes up to him and embraces him. He goes out. After a short pause MRS. RIIS comes in.)

Mrs. Riis (going to SVAVA). My child! (Stops.)

Svava. No, mother, I cannot come near you. Besides, I am trembling all over. And you don't understand what it is? It has not dawned upon you that you cannot treat me like this?

Mrs. Riis. Treat you like this, Svava? What do you mean?

Svava. Good heavens, mother!--letting me live here day after day, year after year, without letting me know what I was living with? Allowing me to preach the strictest principles, from a house like ours? What will people say of us, now that everything will be known!

Mrs. Riis. Surely you would not have wished me to tell my child that--

Svava. Not while I was a child. But when I had grown up, yes--under any circ.u.mstances! I ought to have been allowed the choice whether I would live at home under such conditions or not! I ought to have been allowed to know what every one else knew--or what they may get to know at any moment.

Mrs. Riis. I have never looked at it in that light.

Svava. Never looked at it in that light? Mother!

Mrs. Riis. Never!--To shield you and have peace in our home while you were a child, and peace afterwards in your studies, your interests and your pleasures--for you are not like other girls, you know, Svava--to ensure this, I have been almost incredibly careful that no hint of this should come to your ears. I believed that to be my duty. You have no conception what I have stooped to--for your sake, my child.

Svava. But you had no right to do it, mother!

Mrs. Riis. No right?--

Svava. No! To degrade yourself for my sake was to degrade me too.

Mrs. Riis (with emotion). Oh, my G.o.d--!

Svava. I do not reproach you for anything, mother! I would not do that for the world--my dear mother! I am only so infinitely distressed and appalled at the thought of your having to go about carrying such a secret with you! Never able to be your real self with me for a moment!

Always hiding something! And to have to listen to my praises of what so little deserved praise--to see me putting my faith in him, caressing him--oh, mother, mother!

Mrs. Riis. Yes, dear, I felt that myself--many and many a time. But I felt that I dared not tell you. It was wrong--so very wrong! I understand that now! But would you have had me leave him at once, as soon as I knew of it myself?

Svava. I cannot take upon myself to say. You decided that for yourself.

Each one must decide that for herself--according to the measure of her love and her strength. But when the thing went on after I was grown up--! Naturally that was why I made a second mistake. I had been brought up to make mistakes, you see. (RIIS is heard outside the window, humming a tune.)

Mrs. Riis. Good heavens, there he is! (RIIS is seen pa.s.sing the left-hand window. When he reaches the door, however, he stops and, with the words, "Oh, by the bye!" turns back and goes hurriedly out.)

Mrs. Riis. You look quite changed, my child! Svava, you frighten me!

Surely you are not going to--?