The Young Man's Guide Part 9

A certain husband and wife had difficulties. They both sought advice of a single gentleman, their family physician. For some time there was hope of an amicable adjustment of all grievances; but at length every effort proved vain, and an open quarrel ensued. But what was the surprise of each party to learn by accident, some time afterward, that both of them had sought counsel of the same individual, and yet he had not betrayed the trust.

In a few instances, too, secrets have been confided to husbands, without their communicating them to their wives; and the contrary. This was done, however, by particular request. It is a requisition which, for my own part, I should be very unwilling to make.

SECTION XV. _Fear of Poverty._

The ingenious but sometimes fanciful Dr. Darwin, reckons the fear of poverty as a disease, and goes on to prescribe for it.

The truth is, there is not much _real_ poverty in this country. Our very paupers are rich, for they usually have plenty of wholesome food, and comfortable clothing, and what could a Croesus, with all _his_ riches, have more? Poverty exists much more in imagination than in reality. The _shame of being thought poor_, is a great and fatal weakness, to say the least. It depends, it is true, much upon the fashion.

So long as the phrase 'he is a good man,' means that the person spoken of is rich, we need not wonder that every one wishes to be thought richer than he is. When adulation is sure to follow wealth, and when contempt would be sure to follow many if they were not wealthy; when people are spoken of with deference, and even lauded to the skies because their riches are very great; when this is the case, I say, we need not wonder if men are ashamed to be thought poor. But this is one of the greatest dangers which young people have to encounter in setting out in life. It has brought thousands and hundreds of thousands to pecuniary ruin.

One of the most amiable features of _good_ republican society is this; that men seldom boast of their riches, or disguise their poverty, but speak of both, as of any other matters that are proper for conversation. No man shuns another because he is poor; no man is preferred to another because he is rich. In hundreds and hundreds of instances have men in this country, not worth a shilling, been chosen by the people to take care of their rights and interests, in preference to men who ride in their carriages.

The shame of being thought poor leads to everlasting efforts to _disguise_ one's poverty. The carriage--the domestics--the wine--the spirits--the decanters--the gla.s.s;--all the table apparatus, the horses, the dresses, the dinners, and the parties, must be kept up; not so much because he or she who keeps or gives them has any pleasure arising therefrom, as because not to keep and give them, would give rise to a suspicion of _a want of means_. And thus thousands upon thousands are yearly brought into a state of real poverty, merely by their great anxiety not to be thought poor. Look around you carefully, and see if this is not so.

In how many instances have you seen amiable and industrious families brought to ruin by nothing else but the fear they _should_ be? Resolve, then, from the first, to set this false shame at defiance. When you have done that, effectually, you have laid the corner-stone of mental tranquillity.

There are thousands of families at this very moment, struggling to keep up appearances. They feel that it makes them miserable; but you can no more induce them to change their course, than you can put a stop to the miser's laying up gold.

Farmers accommodate themselves to their condition more easily than merchants, mechanics, and professional men. They live at a greater distance from their neighbors; they can change their style of living without being perceived; they can put away the decanter, change the china for something plain, and the world is none the wiser for it. But the mechanic, the doctor, the attorney, and the trader cannot make the change so quietly and unseen.

Stimulating drink, which is a sort of criterion of the scale of living,--(or scale to the plan,)--a sort of key to the tune;--this is the thing to banish first of all, because all the rest follow; and in a short time, come down to their proper level.

Am I asked, what is a gla.s.s of wine? I answer, _it is every thing_. It creates a demand for all the other unnecessary expenses; it is injurious to health, and must be so. Every bottle of wine that is drank contains a portion of _spirit_, to say nothing of other drugs still more poisonous; and of all friends to the doctors, alcoholic drinks are the greatest. It is nearly the same, however, with strong tea and coffee. But what adds to the folly and wickedness of using these drinks, the parties themselves do not always drink them by _choice_; and hardly ever because they believe they are useful;--but from mere ostentation, or the fear of being thought either _rigid_ or _stingy_.

At this very moment, thousands of families daily use some half a dozen drinks, _besides the best_, because if they drank water only, they might not be regarded as genteel; or might be suspected of poverty. And thus they waste their property and their health.

Poverty frequently arises from the very virtues of the impoverished parties. Not so frequently, I admit, as from vice, folly, and indiscretion; but still very frequently. And as it is according to scripture not to 'despise the poor, _because_ he is poor,' so we ought not to honor the rich merely because he is rich. The true way is to take a fair survey of the character of a man as exhibited in his conduct; and to respect him, or otherwise, according to a due estimate of that character.

Few countries exhibit more of those fatal terminations of life, called suicides, than _this_. Many of these unnatural crimes arise from an unreasonable estimate of the evils of poverty. Their victims, it is true, may be called insane; but their insanity almost always arises from the dread of poverty. Not, indeed, from the dread of the want of means for sustaining life, or even _decent_ living; but from the dread of being thought or known to be poor;--from the dread of what is called falling in the scale of society.[8]

Viewed in its true light, what is there in poverty that can tempt a man to take away his own life? He is the same man that he was before; he has the same body and the same mind. Suppose he can foresee an alteration in his _dress_ or his _diet_, should he kill himself on that account? Are these all the things that a man wishes to live for?

I do not deny that we ought to take care of our means, use them prudently and sparingly, and keep our expenses always within the limits of our income, be that what it may. One of the effectual means of doing this, is to purchase with ready money. On this point, I have already remarked at length, and will only repeat here the injunction of St.

Paul; 'Owe no man any thing;' although the fashion of the whole world should be against you.

Should you regard the advice of this section, the counsels of the next will be of less consequence; for you will have removed one of the strongest inducements to speculation, as well as to overtrading.

[8] I should be sorry to be understood as affirming that a majority of suicidal acts are the result of intemperance;--by no means. My own opinion is, that if there be a single vice more fruitful of this horrid crime than any other, it is gross sensuality. The records of insane hospitals, even in this country will show, that this is not mere conjecture. As it happens, however, that the latter vice is usually accompanied by intemperance in eating and drinking, by gambling, &c., the blame is commonly thrown, not on the princ.i.p.al agent concerned in the crime, but on the accomplices.

SECTION XVI. _On Speculation._

Young men are apt to be fond of _speculation_. This propensity is very early developed--first in the family--and afterwards at the school. By _speculation_, I mean the purchasing of something which you do not want for use, solely with a view to sell it again at a large profit; but on the sale of which there is a hazard.

When purchases of this sort are made with the person's own cash, they are not so unreasonable, but when they are made by one who is deeply indebted to his fellow beings, or with money borrowed for the purpose, it is not a whit better than gambling, let the practice be defended by whom it may: and has been in every country, especially in this, a fruitful source of poverty, misery, and suicide. Grant that this species of gambling has arisen from the facility of obtaining the fict.i.tious means of making the purchase, still it is not the less necessary that I beseech you not to practise it, and if engaged in it already, to disentangle yourself as soon as you can. Your life, while thus engaged, is that of a gamester--call it by what smoother name you may. It is a life of constant anxiety, desire to overreach, and general gloom; enlivened now and then, by a gleam of hope or of success. Even that success is sure to lead to farther adventures; till at last, a thousand to one, that your fate is that of 'the pitcher to the well.'

The great temptation to this, as well as to every other species of gambling, is, the _success of the few_. As young men, who crowd to the army in search of rank and renown, never look into the ditch that holds their slaughtered companions, but have their eye constantly fixed on the commander-in-chief; and as each of them belongs to the _same profession_, and is sure to be conscious that he has equal merit, every one dreams himself the suitable successor of him who is surrounded with _aides-de-camp_, and who moves battalions and columns by his nod;--so with the rising generation of 'speculators.' They see those whom they suppose nature and good laws made to black shoes, or sweep chimneys or streets, rolling in carriages, or sitting in palaces, surrounded by servants or slaves; and they can see no earthly reason why they should not all do the same. They forget the thousands, and tens of thousands, who in making the attempt, have reduced themselves to beggary.

SECTION XVII. _On Lawsuits._

In every situation in life, avoid the law. Man's nature must be changed, perhaps, before lawsuits will entirely cease; and yet it is in the power of most men to avoid them, in a considerable degree.

One excellent rule is, to have as little as possible to do with those who are _fond_ of litigation; and who, upon every slight occasion, talk of an appeal to the law. This may be called a _disease_; and, like many other diseases, it is contagious. Besides, these persons, from their frequent litigations, contract a habit of using the technical terms of the courts, in which they take a pride, and are therefore, as companions, peculiarly disgusting to men of sense. To such beings a lawsuit is a luxury, instead of being regarded as a source of anxiety, and a real scourge. Such men are always of a quarrelsome disposition, and avail themselves of every opportunity to indulge in that which is mischievous to their neighbors.

In thousands of instances, men go to law for the indulgence of mere anger. The Germans are _said_ to bring _spite-actions_ against one another, and to hara.s.s their poorer neighbors from motives of pure revenge. But I hope this is a mistake; for I am unwilling to think so ill of that intelligent nation.

Before you decide to go to law, consider well the _cost_, for if you win your suit and are poorer than you were before, what do you gain by it? You only imbibe a little additional anger against your opponent; you injure him, but at the same time, injure yourself more. Better to put up with the loss of one dollar than of two; to which is to be added, all the loss of time, all the trouble, and all the mortification and anxiety attending a lawsuit. To set an attorney at work to worry and torment another man, and alarm his family as well as himself, while you are sitting quietly at home, is baseness. If a man owe you money which he cannot pay, why add to his distress, without even the _chance_ of benefiting yourself? Thousands have injured themselves by resorting to the law, while very few, indeed, ever bettered their condition by it.

Nearly a million of dollars was once expended in England, during the progress of a single lawsuit. Those who brought the suit expended $444,000 to carry it through; and the opposite party was acquitted, and only sentenced to pay the cost of prosecution, amounting to $318,754.

Another was sustained in court fifty years, at an enormous expense. In Meadville, in Pennsylvania, a petty law case occurred in which the damages recovered were only ten dollars, while the costs of court were one hundred. In one of the New England States, a lawsuit occurred, which could not have cost the parties less than $1,000 each; and yet after all this expense, they mutually agreed to take the matter out of court, and suffer it to end where it was. Probably it was the wisest course they could possibly have taken. It is also stated that a quarrel occurred between two persons in Middlebury, Vermont, a few years since, about _six eggs_, which was carried from one court to another, till it cost the parties $4,000.

I am well acquainted with a gentleman who was once engaged in a lawsuit, (than which none perhaps, was ever more just) where his claim was one to two thousand dollars; but it fell into such a train that a final decision could not have been expected in many months;--perhaps not in years. The gentleman was unwilling to be detained and perplexed with waiting for a trial, and he accordingly paid the whole amount of costs to that time, amounting to $150, went about his business, and believes, to this hour, that it was the wisest course he could have pursued.

A spirit of litigation often disturbs the peace of a whole neighborhood, perpetually, for several generations; and the hostile feeling thus engendered seems to be transmitted, like the color of the eyes or the hair, from father to son. Indeed it not unfrequently happens, that a lawsuit in a neighborhood, a society, or even a church, awakens feelings of discord, which never terminate, but at the death of the parties concerned.

How ought young men, then, to avoid, as they would a pestilence, this fiend-like spirit! How ought they to labor to settle all disputes--should disputes unfortunately arise,--without this tremendous resort! On the strength of much observation,--_not experience_, for I have been saved the pain of learning in that painful school, on this subject,--I do not hesitate to recommend the settlement of such difficulties by arbitration.

One thing however should be remembered. Would you dry up the river of discord, you must first exhaust the fountains and rills which form it.

The moment you indulge one impa.s.sioned or angry feeling against your fellow being, you have taken a step in the high road which leads to litigation, war and murder. Thus it is, as I have already told you, that 'He that hateth his brother is a murderer.'

I have heard a father--for he hath the name of parent, though he little deserved it--gravely contend that there was no such thing as avoiding quarrels and lawsuits. He thought there was one thing, however, which might prevent them, which was to take the litigious individual and 'tar and feather' him without ceremony. How often is it true that mankind little know 'what manner of spirit they are of;' and to how many of us will this striking reproof of the Saviour apply!

Mult.i.tudes of men have been in active business during a long life, and yet avoided every thing in the shape of a lawsuit. 'What man has done, man may do;' in this respect, at the least.

SECTION XVIII. _On Hard Dealing._

Few things are more common among business-doing men, than _hard dealing_; yet few things reflect more dishonor on a Christian community. It seems, in general, to be regarded as morally right,--in defiance of all rules, whether _golden_ or not,--to get as 'good a bargain' in trade, as possible; and this is defended as unavoidable, on account of the _state of society_! But what _produced_ this state of society? Was it not the spirit of avarice? What will change it for the better? Nothing but the renunciation of this spirit, and a willingness to sacrifice, in this respect, for the public welfare.

We are _pagans_ in this matter, in spite of our professions. It would be profitable for us to take lessons on this subject from the Mohammedans. They never have, it is said, but one price for an article; and to ask the meanest shopkeeper to lower his price, is to _insult_ him. Would this were the only point, in which the Christian community are destined yet to learn even from Mohammedans.

To ask one price and take another, or to offer one price and give another, besides being a loss of time, is highly dishonorable to the parties. It is, in fact, a species of lying; and it answers no one advantageous purpose, either to the buyer or seller. I hope that every young man will start in life with a resolution never to be _hard in his dealings_.

'It is an evil which will correct itself;' say those who wish to avail themselves of its present advantages a little longer. But when and where did a general evil correct itself? When or where was an erroneous practice permanently removed, except by a change of public sentiment?

And what has ever produced a change in the public sentiment but the determination of individuals, or their combined action?

While on this topic, I will hazard the a.s.sertion--even at the risk of its being thought misplaced--that great effects are yet to be produced on public opinion, in this country, by a.s.sociations of spirited and intelligent young men. I am not now speaking of a.s.sociations for political purposes, though I am not sure that even these _might_ not be usefully conducted; but of a.s.sociations for mutual improvement, and for the correction and elevation of the public morals. The "Boston Young Men's Society," afford a specimen of what may be done in this way; and numerous a.s.sociations of the kind have sprung up and are springing up in various parts of the country. Judiciously managed, they must inevitably do great good;--though it should not be forgotten that they _may_ also be productive of immense evil.

CHAPTER III.

On Amus.e.m.e.nts and Indulgences.