The Whale and the Grasshopper Part 16

"Where were they driving to?" said Padna.

"They were driving at breakneck speed to the little thatched chapel on the Hill of Meath, with its marble altar, red-tiled floor, painted Stations of the Cross, and beautiful silver candlesticks, for the Bishop was in the devil of a hurry to marry Queen Maeve to the Crown Prince of Spain, and Matty Morrissey was to play the music for the dancers after the wedding. But, lo and behold! as the carriage rattled along the dark, winding roads, the holy Bishop, Matty, and the driver fell fast asleep, and the horse fell asleep also, but he was a somnambulist and kept galloping away the same as if he was wide-awake, and when he came to the lake, he plunged into its silent waters, carrying with him the occupants of the carriage, and they all sank to its icy depths the same as if they were made of lead, and they were never heard of from that fatal hour to this blessed day."

"And why didn't some one try to recover their bodies and give them a public funeral and christian burial?" said Padna.

"What would be the use? Sure there is no bottom at all to the Lake of Lisnavarna. And you might as well be looking for a Christmas box from the Devil himself as to be looking for any one who gets drowned there," said Micus.

"That's a sad story," said Padna. "But 'tis better to be drowned inself than roasted to death in a forest fire, or worse still, talked to death by your mother-in-law or some of your friends."

"Talk is a deadly instrument of torture," said Micus.

"'Tis indeed," said Padna, "and sometimes as bad as silence, but tell me how the disaster affected Queen Maeve and the Crown Prince."

"Poor Queen Maeve wept so much that she lost her beauty, and the Crown Prince married a farmer's daughter who had a dowry of three stockingsful of sovereigns, thirty-three acres of loamy soil, three cows, and three clucking hens," said Micus.

"'Tis a sad world for some," said Padna. "And 'tis my belief that the best as well as the worst of us don't give a traneen about women once they lose their beauty."

"That's my belief also," said Micus. "Yet only for women there would be no love, and love is the greatest thing in all the world. It is an echo of Heaven's glory, so to speak, and when denied us we don't live at all. Without love we are nothing more nor less than dead men, stalking about from place to place, clutching on to this thing and that thing with the hope that we will be compensated for what we have missed. For what, might I ask, is a dog or a cat or a heap of money itself to a man or woman, when the dark nights come and the frost and snow does be on the ground, and the wind blows down the chimney? And even though we might have plenty f.a.ggots for the fire and plenty food in the cupboard, and more than we want for ourselves, what good is it all, unless we have some one to share it with us? 'Tis by sharing with others that we bring ourselves nearer to G.o.d. And He has given the earth and all it contains to the good and bad alike!"

"And 'tis by sharing with ourselves and being decent to ourselves on all occasions that we acquire wisdom," said Padna.

"Be that as it may, now let me hear about the stranger you met at the Fairy Lake," said Micus.

"Well," said Padna, "as I approached him I up and ses: 'Good night, stranger,' ses I.

"'Good night kindly,' ses he.

"''Tis a fine night, thank G.o.d,' ses I.

"''Tis a glorious night,' ses he. 'But why do you come here to interrupt me, and I enjoying myself without any expense to you?'

"'Oh,' ses I, 'if you didn't interrupt some people, they would never cease doing foolish things, and if you didn't interrupt others they would never make any progress. And if we never asked questions we might be as ignorant as the schoolmasters themselves. 'Tis only by studying others that we can find out how wise or foolish we are ourselves.'

"'That may be, but curiosity is the cause of all trouble,' ses he.

"'Curiosity is a sign of intelligence,' ses I. 'Because only for it we mightn't try and find out what others were doing, and they might steal a march on ourselves, so to speak, by taking advantage of our indifference.'

"'Howsomever,' ses he, 'what is it to you what I am doing? If we were only half as interested in our own affairs, as we are in those of others, 'twould be a good job for us all. Then we might achieve some success, but while we will keep bothering ourselves about others and keep bothering others about ourselves, we can't expect either ourselves or any one else to be happy,' ses he.

"'Well, bedad,' ses I, 'there's something, if not a good deal, in what you say; still and all, if we weren't a source of annoyance to our neighbours, and if our neighbours weren't a source of annoyance to us, we might all die of inanition, and the whole globe might become nothing more or less than a beautiful garden, for the wild animals of the jungle, the birds of the air, and varmints like rats, mice, and c.o.c.kroaches,' ses I.

"'Why, my good sir,' ses he, 'if you could have all your questions answered, you would become too wise, and then you would get so disgusted with yourself and every one else that you might take it into your head to jump from the top of some high cliff into a raging sea and end your life in that way.'

"'If I was going to commit suicide, at all,' ses I, ''tis the way I'd pay some one to put poison in my ear while I would be asleep, and die like the King of Denmark himself.'

"'Your conceit is refreshing! Not alone would you have your name in the paper for being a suicide, but for aiding and abetting in your own murder as well. 'Twould be a clear case of dying by another's hand at your own instigation. But now to your query. You asked me what I was looking at in the lake.'

"'I believe I did,' ses I.

"'Well,' ses he, 'I was looking at the lady in the moon.'

"'The lady in the moon!' ses I.

"'Yes,' ses he, 'the lady in the moon.'

"'Sure, I always thought there was only a man in the moon,' ses I.

"'There's a lady there too, but don't tell any one,' ses he.

"'Are you afraid any one might run away with her?' ses I.

"'Well, I am and I am not,' ses he.

"'When did you discover that there was a lady in the moon?' ses I.

"'Years and years ago when I was a young man of three sixes,' ses he.

"'The Lord save us all!' ses I. 'And you never told the scientists about it?'

"'I did not,' ses he. 'They should have found it out for themselves. There's many a thing that the scientists don't know, and many a thing that the clergy don't know, and many a thing that the very wisest of us don't know, but there is one thing that we all know,' ses he.

"'And what is that?' ses I.

"'Some day we will all be as dead as decency. But nevertheless it doesn't make us treat each other a bit better,' ses he.

"'The uncertainty of everything is the only certainty we have,' ses I. 'And very few of us say anything worth thinking about, and what most of us think is not worth talking about. However, I'd like to know whether the moon was in the east or the west when you discovered the lady that captured your heart.'

"''Twas in this very lake the moon was when I saw my love for the first time, and though some fifty years or more have pa.s.sed since then, she is as beautiful, lithe, lissome, and gay as ever, and she as elegant as Helen of Troy herself,' ses he.

"'I've been looking at the moon all my lifetime,' ses I, 'in pools of water, lakes, rivers, and the sky itself, and the devil a one I ever saw in it at all.'

"'That's not a bit surprising,' ses he. 'Some walk from the cradle to the grave without noticing the beauty of the universe, and what's more, they are never impressed with what's extraordinary, or surprised at the obvious. And when they see the things they have heard so much about, they do be surprised at what they think is the stupidity of the intelligent people, because they have no sense of the beautiful themselves.'

"'G.o.d knows,' ses I, 'there are women enough on the face of the earth without going to look for them in the moon, nevertheless, I'd like to see the lady that's as purty as Helen of Troy, and she more beautiful than all the queens of the world.'

"'Well,' ses he, 'if you want to see the lady of the moon, you must take a hop, step, and a jump forward, and a hop, step, and a jump, backward, then turn on your heel three times, bore a hole in the crown of your hat with the buckhorn handle of your blackthorn, put your face in the hat itself, look through the hole the way you'd look at the stars through a telescope, and you'll see the lady I fell head and heels in love with when I was a lad of three sixes.'

"'Bedad,' ses I, 'that would be a queer thing for me to do. Sure while I'd have my face in the hat, you might run behind me and give me one kick and pitch me headlong into the lake, and I'd be sinking in its icy waters for ever like Matty Morrissey the fiddler, and the holy Bishop of Clonmorna.'

"'G.o.d forgive you for having such an evil mind,' ses he. 'I that never did hurt nor harm to any one in all my born days, but myself.'

"'Well,' ses I, 'a man always makes a fool of himself about women, and he might as well make a fool of himself one way as another, and as I won't be making a precedent by doing something idiotic to please another, I'll bore a hole in my hat, though I'd rather bore one in yours, and try if I can't see the lady.' And as true as I'm telling you, I looked through the hole and saw the lady of the moon for the first time, and then I up and ses to the stranger:

"'What kind of a man are you to remain a bachelor all those long years, and to be coming here night after night, when the moon shows in the sky, wasting your affection on a lady you never opened your lips to?' ses I.

"'I'm the happiest man alive,' ses he. 'Because the woman I love has never wounded or slighted me in any way, and what's more, she never will. She don't want to be going out to b.a.l.l.s and parties at night, and gallivanting with other women's husbands, and she cares as little about the latest fashions as I do myself. And we have never had as much as a single quarrel, and we are the same to each other now as when first we met. I have yet to be disillusioned,' ses he, 'and that's something worth boasting about.'

"'But,' ses I, 'for all you know, the lady of the moon might be in love with the man in the moon.'