The Wedding Day Part 17

"We still haven't definitively answered the question," Ben continued. "Can men and women just be friends?"

"I think the key to male-female friendships, like any other relationship, is communication," Sarah said.

"Both people have to openly and honestly discuss what their relationship will mean and establish their boundaries. My friendship with Ben thrived after we acknowledged the frisson of s.e.xual tension between us.

We tried to ignore it at first, but our friendship was beginning to fester, so once we'd openly discussed our feelings for each other and decided that we wanted to remain platonic, we had a new confidence and positivity about our relationship."

"I wonder if your friends' partners have issues with them being friends you. I know it seems petty but I have to admit that I'd be jealous if my boyfriend had a close female friend, especially if she was pretty. I'd constantly wonder if there was anything going on between them," Nicole mused.

"My male friends have never mentioned anything to me about their partners' having issues with our friendship," Sarah replied.

"I've gotten some stern looks from my female friends' partners," Ben smirked.

"I went to dinner at Melissa's house last week and her husband barely said two words to me all night. He was moody and sullen for most of the meal. Oh well, that's his problem, not mine. I know I'm not doing anything wrong, so he has to deal with own insecurity issues."

"What about the inherent differences between men and women? Is it truly possible for us to be friends?" Nicole insisted.

She was finding it difficult to comprehend.

"Come on, Nicole! Welcome to the twenty first century," Sarah said. "The belief that men and women can't be friends is from an archaic era in which women stayed at home and men went out to work and the only way they could get together was for romance."

"Nowadays men and women work together, share sports interests and socialise together. It's inevitable that we become platonic friends," Ben interjected.

"There are so few male-female friendships that it's difficult for even the most liberally minded people to get their heads around it," Sarah continued.

"We have rules for how to act in romantic relationships; flirt, date, get married, have kids and we even have rules for same-s.e.x friendships; boys relate by doing activities together, girls by talking and sharing, but the rules for male-female relationships have yet to be established and accepted."

"I think the media has a lot to answer for," Ben said.

"Hollywood movies perpetuate the fairy-tale notion that romantic love is the only option for men and women."

"Television hasn't helped either," Sarah agreed.

"Almost every time you see a male-female friendship it ends up turning into a romance.

"Chandler and Monica on Friends started off as just friends but they ended up getting married," Nicole chimed in.

"Exactly," Sarah said. "Look at Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal in the movie "When Harry met Sally." They convinced everyone that s.e.x always comes between men and women, thus making true friendship impossible."

"The cultural images are difficult to overcome," Ben said.

"It's no wonder we expect that men and women are always on the road to romance."

"I must say that our conversation has been enlightening," Nicole smiled.

"You two have opened my eyes to how I view men and women. So, what are your top tips for making a male-female friendship work?"

"I think we need another drink," Ben interrupted. "I'm working up a thirst from all this debating. What would you ladies like, same again?"

"Same again, please," they answered in unison.

Nicole turned to Sarah when Ben was out of ear shot.

"Tell me, honestly, Sarah, don't you fancy Ben at all?"

"I used to have a serious crush on him," Sarah admitted.

"I thought he was the s.e.xiest man I'd ever seen when we first met, but he had a girlfriend at the time so we were just friends. They broke up eventually but by then we'd established our friendship and we didn't want to ruin it by taking it any further. We had to overcome a few issues but now we have an incredible relationship."

"What sort of issues?" Nicole asked curiously.

"Well, first and most importantly, you have to decide if the relationship will be romantic or platonic."

"It must be very difficult to distinguish between romantic, s.e.xual and friendly feelings."

"It was difficult at first," Sarah agreed.

"People don't know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite s.e.x, unless they're what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?"

"How did you and Ben overcome your attraction? The reality is that s.e.xual attraction could suddenly enter the equation of your friendship uninvited. It's probably always lurking in the background.

A simple, platonic hug could instantaneously take on a more amorous meaning. You're trying to do a friend-friend thing, but the male-female parts of you get in the way. Unwelcome or not, the attraction must be difficult to ignore at times."

"Sometimes," Sarah agreed, "but neither of us wants to ruin our friendship by becoming romantically involved."

"Who do you think is more dominant in your relationship?" Nicole asked.

"I'd say that it's fairly equal," Sarah replied. "I have quite a strong personality anyway and Ben is very laidback and easy-going so I think we complement each other nicely."

"Are you ever even the tiniest bit jealous when he has a new girlfriend and he talks about how wonderful and amazing she is?" Nicole asked.

"I don't get jealous anymore but I do miss my friend, especially at the start of a new relationship when he's spending all his time with his girlfriend. I love Ben. He's my best friend, nothing more, nothing less."

"Ditto," Ben arrived back with the drinks, just in time to catch the end of their conversation.

"Why can't men and women just be friends? I don't think that marriage is as wonderful and fulfilling as everyone pretends," Sarah said.

"I have a female friend who says that she regrets ever getting married, but she's too bogged down in domestic and family life to get out now."

"How awful for her!" Nicole exclaimed. "I'd hate to be in a loveless marriage."

"Don't get me wrong," Sarah explained. "She loves her husband and her children but she feels like she's lost a big part of herself."

Ben groaned. "I think weve had enough of the deep and meaningful discussions for one night. It's time for us to party!"

Chapter 18.

"When were you planning on telling me?" Evette stormed into the living room where Nicole had pa.s.sed out on the couch. She hadn't gotten home until the early hours of the morning and too much partying and drinking had taken their toll on her.

It had taken her ages to remember the code for the apartment gates and another eternity to figure out how to work the elevator. Her last memory was of Sarah. She insisted that she drink a pint of ice-water and take two aspirin, before waving her off in a taxi.

"What's your problem?" Nicole forced her eyes open and winced as the bright light almost blinded her. Evette glared at her.

"When were you planning on telling me about you and Paul?"

Nicole sat bolt upright and immediately regretted getting up too quickly as the room started to spin and she felt an overwhelming bout of nausea.

"Would you get me some water please?" she asked, without answering her sister's question.

How the h.e.l.l has Evette found out about Paul?

She'd known that there'd be fireworks when she eventually decided to tell her sister, but did they have to have the fireworks now, when her head was pounding like a jack-hammer?

Nicole groaned and tried to gather her wits about her for the inevitable argument that was ahead of her. Evette stormed into the kitchen, poured a gla.s.s of water from the tap and slammed it down on the table in front of Nicole.

"Well?" Evette demanded, with her hand on her hip.

She looked absolutely livid.

"Well, what?" Nicole tried to stall for time.

Her brain was finding it difficult to function under the hazy hangover headache that was brewing behind her eyes. She sipped her water slowly, careful to avoid her sister's gaze.

"When were you planning on telling me about you and Paul?" Evette repeated, enunciating each syllable as if she was talking to an idiot.

"How did you find out?" Nicole asked.

"Please don't answer a question with a question," Evette said in her most condescending tone.

"Does it matter how I found out?"

"Now who's answering a question with a question?" Nicole muttered under her breath.

"You left your mobile phone at home and it kept bleeping, so I decided to check your messages in case it was something urgent and then I saw the texts from Paul."

"Oh," was all Nicole could manage.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on between you two?" Evette persisted.

Nicole groaned and took a deep breath. She decided to tell her sister the whole truth as she didn't have the will or the brain power at that moment to bother lying to her.

"Paul and I are going to try to work through our problems."

Evette's mouth fell open in shock. She turned very pale and then bright beetroot red.

"You're going to work through your problems?" Evette repeated incredulously.

"How can you work throught your problems when the only problem is him?"

"We're going to see a relationship counsellor."

"I don't believe you," was all Evette could manage to say through gritted teeth.

"It's true." Nicole was starting to get worried as her sister looked like she was about to burst a blood vessel with temper.

"How could you?" Evette hissed in disgust.

"This is my business, not yours."

Nicole didn't appreciate her sister's tone and could feel her own temper beginning to rise, in spite of her hangover. She really wasn't in the mood for a blazing row.

"It's not my business!" Evette spat.

"How dare you?! I've sat around here for weeks listening to you crying and moaning about all the problems you had with that t.w.a.t. I helped you pull yourself to together again. I introduced you to my friends and welcomed you into my life.

I gave you a place to stay, a home, when you had nowhere else to go and you have the audacity to say that it is none of my business!

You don't even have the decency to tell me that you're getting back together with him. What were you going to do, sneak around behind my back? I knew there was something going on.

I noticed a change in you and I guessed that you didn't have a business meeting last week. You must think I'm stupid and you clearly don't have any respect for me whatsoever."

"Of course I have respect for you," Nicole interrupted.

"I'll never be able to thank you enough for everything you've done for me since the wedding. I honestly don't know how I would have survived without you but I want to give Paul another chance, Evette. I still love him. Please try to understand."

"How can you do this to yourself, Nicole?" Evette asked in a slightly calmer tone.

"He doesn't deserve you. How will you ever forgive him or trust him again after what he's done?"

"I don't know Ev, but I do know that I want to try to work it out with him. Our relationship will be different this time, I've already promised myself that much. I'm done running around after him and trying to please him. He'll have to earn my trust and forgiveness all over again."

"What made you change your mind so suddenly? It was only a few short weeks ago that you were saying you didn't understand what you ever saw in him and that there was no you way you could even consider giving him another chance."

"I was very angry and emotionally raw then, Ev. I've calmed down a lot over the past few weeks and Dad told me that Paul is genuinely very sorry."

"What the h.e.l.l does Dad have to do with any of this?"

"I had a long conversation with him at my birthday party and he encouraged me to give Paul another chance."

Evette rolled her eyes. "I cannot believe that Dad, of all people, thinks this is a good idea."