The Wallypug in London Part 4

"But what does it all mean, Putchy?" I inquired. "What are they doing here at all?"

"Why, you see, sir!" said Mrs. Putchy, "Mr. Doctor-in-Law found that A. Fish, Esq., was attracting a good deal of attention out of doors, and he thought that it would be a capital idea to have a kind of show here and charge sixpence admission to see him; and if there's been one, I'm sure there's been a hundred people up here this afternoon.

The remarks they've been making too, and the questions they've been asking. Why, one old lady, sir, wanted to know how much you paid A.

Fish, Esq., a week, and if I was _quite_ sure that you gave him enough to eat. They've broken three chairs too, and that little Venetian gla.s.s vase that stood on the bracket in the corner. And just now I caught some little boys tearing pictures out of one of those ill.u.s.trated books you brought home last week."

Here was a pretty state of affairs. The strangers had by this time left A. Fish, Esq., and had collected around the poor Wallypug, who had been waiting in his wet clothing in the hall, and I was obliged to politely but firmly insist upon them at once leaving the house, telling them that their money would be returned at the door.

"I should think so, indeed," said one angry-looking stout lady. "Why, the whole thing is a fraud and you ought to be thoroughly ashamed of yourself. Talking fish indeed! I don't believe he's a fish at all--at any rate, not what I call a 'fish,'" and she flounced down the stairs only to return a moment or two afterwards to say, "I thought you said that we were to have our money back."

"So you are, madam," I replied.

"Well, why don't you see that we get it then? That man downstairs refuses to give me any money. The whole thing is a swindle. But I don't mean to be defrauded in this way, I can tell you."

I went downstairs and told the Doctor-in-Law that he must at once return everyone their money, and this after a great deal of grumbling he did, while the Commissionaire and the page boy tore down the posters outside the door at my request.

I explained to the Doctor-in-Law that this sort of thing must not occur again, and made him promise that he would never again use my rooms as a place in which to hold a show.

I really felt rather annoyed about it, for I could not imagine whatever the neighbours would think of me for permitting such a scene to take place in my rooms, but it evidently was useless now to say anything more about it.

The next morning, despite the wetting which the Wallypug had received at the Round Pond, his thoughts still ran upon boating, and nothing would satisfy his Majesty but that he should go for a row. I suggested Richmond as the best place to start from, and so we drove over Hammersmith Bridge and across Barnes Common.

Arrived at Richmond we had no difficulty in securing a nice boat.

"I'll row for one," said his Majesty.

"And I for another," said the Rhymester.

"Very well then," I replied. "Perhaps the Doctor-in-Law will steer, and so we will manage very nicely."

Quite a large crowd had collected to see us start, and perhaps that is what made the Wallypug so nervous; as it was, as soon as we pushed off, his Majesty fell backwards with his feet sticking up above the seat, while the Rhymester stuck one oar deep down into the water and pulled it with all his might, while the other flourished about in the air.

[Ill.u.s.tration: HIS MAJESTY FELL BACKWARDS]

The Doctor-in-Law's idea of steering consisted in pulling first one string and then the other, and so we did not get along very well just at first.

When the Wallypug had picked himself up from the bottom of the boat, however, and the Rhymester and he made another attempt, I think we should have got along fairly well if the Doctor-in-Law, in trying to get out of the way of a pa.s.sing boat, had not steered us into the bank, where we stuck fast in the mud till someone on the footpath very kindly pushed us off again. After that I thought it best to take the oars myself, and his Majesty steered under my direction. In this way we managed to get a little way past Teddington Lock by luncheon time, and having found an _eyot_ with no one on it we went ash.o.r.e and unpacked the hamper of good things which we had brought with us.

It was a beautiful day, and I think that we all enjoyed the picnic immensely. I know that I did for one, and so, I think, did his Majesty, for after the meal he laid aside his crown and royal robes and made himself comfortable on the gra.s.s under the trees, and looked thoroughly happy with a big cigar in his mouth.

[Ill.u.s.tration: HIS MAJESTY ENJOYS HIMSELF]

A. Fish, Esq., busied himself in preparing notes for his lecture on the "Perhapness of the Improbable," and the Doctor-in-Law, having piled all the cushions in the boat at one end, threw himself upon them and read the newspaper.

In this way the afternoon pa.s.sed very comfortably, and the Rhymester, after scribbling upon several pieces of paper, came and read to me a poem which had been inspired by our beautiful surroundings; he called it

SOUL YEARNINGS.

The water's as wet as wet can be, And the trees, and the gra.s.s, are green, While the little birds sing and the fishes swim; 'Tis a most delightful scene.

It makes me yearn for I don't know what, To come from I don't know where, And take me away to the thingummybob And the what-you-may-call-'ems there;

and he told me that beautiful scenery always affected him in that way.

[Ill.u.s.tration: AN UNFORTUNATE VOLLEY]

It was now time for us to be thinking about getting back, especially as I should have to do all of the rowing. So we got into the boat again, and I rowed back as far as Twickenham, where we stopped at Eel-pie Island to have some tea. While we were waiting for it to be prepared, we began a game of tennis, but were obliged to leave off, as an unfortunate volley of the Doctor-in-Law's caught the Wallypug on the nose, and so his Majesty declined to play any more.

We persuaded him to join us at cricket, though, having found some stumps and a bat and ball in an outhouse on the Island, and got on very well for some time till, at a shout of "out, leg before wicket,"

the Wallypug (who had caught the ball very nicely on his shin) fell forward on to the Doctor-in-Law, crushing his hat well over his eyes, and ruffling his temper considerably.

[Ill.u.s.tration: "OUT"]

In fact, I was very glad that tea was announced just then, for I feared that there was going to be a bother, and, as it was, the Doctor-in-Law kept scowling at his Majesty very fiercely.

"I shall make him pay for it," declared the little man, and, during tea, which we had at wicker tables by the river's edge, he was busy making out an account, which later he handed with great solemnity to the Wallypug. His Majesty apparently could not understand it, and pa.s.sed it on to me. On examination, I found it to be worded as follows:

HIS MAJESTY THE WALLYPUG OF WHY, In account with THE DOCTOR-IN-LAW.

To damage of one hat, 0 7 6 " Physical injury, 0 2 0 " Moral deterioration, 15 6 9 --------- 22 17 8 " 3 per cent. discount for cash, 3 6 2 --------- 26 4 11

"What do you mean by moral deterioration?" demanded the Wallypug.

"Oh, I don't know. Same as other people do, I suppose," said the Doctor-in-Law. "It's always charged now, I believe. I read something about it in the papers this afternoon."

"But the addition is all wrong," I expostulated.

"No, it isn't," replied the Doctor-in-Law, rudely s.n.a.t.c.hing the doc.u.ment from me and putting it into his pocket-book, "and if it is, it's nothing to do with you. I shall charge it in our expenses, which the people of Why have undertaken to pay, so there." And the avaricious little fellow ran off to the boat, which we afterwards found he had been letting out on hire to small boys at a penny a head.

The return journey was accomplished without any remarkable incidents, and on reaching home I found a very pressing invitation from Girlie's mother for the whole party to attend her "At Home" the next day.

It appears that this lady had called upon me while we were out, and Mrs. Putchy had told her of the Wallypug's arrival.

His Majesty was good enough to say that he should be delighted to accept, and so I wrote off at once to say that she might expect us.

CHAPTER IV

LOST

We had a terrible fright the next morning, for the poor dear Wallypug got lost, and for some time we could not imagine what had become of him.

It happened in this way: directly after breakfast his Majesty said that he should like to go for a walk and look at the shops.

"I'm not going," declared the Doctor-in-Law. "I have some _very_ important letters to write."

We all looked up in surprise, for we did not know that the Doctor-in-Law had any other acquaintances in London.