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"Good." I kissed him again as I withdrew my fingers. "Should we grab a shower?"
"Mmhmm. Soon as I can stand."
It took him a few minutes-h.e.l.l, it took me a few minutes too-before he could trust his legs, but eventually we got up and made our way into the bathroom. We stepped into the shower, and I wasn't at all surprised that we focused more on holding each other and kissing lazily than cleaning ourselves off. Cleanliness was secondary to the way Troy seemed to know exactly how to tease my lips and tongue with his own.
He broke the kiss and gazed up at me. "It really is different with you, you know."
"How so?"
"It's...safe."
I swept my tongue across my lips. "I wouldn't call much about this 'safe'."
"Okay, fair point." He wrapped his arms around my waist and drew me closer. "But I can, you know, breathe around you."
"I'm glad." I kissed his forehead. "There's no excuse for anyone treating you so badly you can't breathe around them."
"As if that's stopped them."
"True." I smoothed his ink-black hair, and an uncomfortably heavy feeling pulled at the pit of my stomach. I felt guilty as f.u.c.k for a million different reasons. He was young. He was traumatized. He was the man I'd been a.s.signed to protect.
But with him standing in the shower with me, naked and grinning and looking up at me with those black-lined blue eyes, I still couldn't talk myself out of this. I didn't want to-I wanted him, and to h.e.l.l with the consequences.
Ignoring that guilty, conflicted feeling in my gut, I gathered him in my arms and kissed him. G.o.d, but his kiss negated everything that was wrong with this. He wasn't demanding or overbearing, but he wasn't pa.s.sive either, lazily exploring my mouth like he had all the time in the world to do it and intended to use every minute of it. His hands ran through my short hair, over my arms, over my a.s.s-they roamed everywhere just like mine roamed all over his smooth, firm body.
His lips left mine, and he whispered, "So you said earlier you want me to f.u.c.k you eventually?"
"Ooh, yeah."
He pressed his hand into the small of my back, pulling me against his hardening c.o.c.k. "Why wait?"
My breath caught. "G.o.dd.a.m.n, I forgot how quickly younger guys recover."
He laughed. "You're not exactly old, you know. And besides..." He slid his hand between us. "You're bouncing back pretty quick too."
If I hadn't been before, I was now. His fingertips teased me back to fully erect in no time. I leaned down to kiss his neck and let my hips move on their own, f.u.c.king his hand as he stroked me slowly.
"We should get out of the shower," Troy murmured. "I want to get dirty again."
I would've laughed, but d.a.m.n if his fingers didn't tighten just right to make me groan against his throat. "Good idea." I turned off the water and lifted my head so our eyes met. "You remember how I f.u.c.ked you the first time?"
He shivered. "How could I forget?"
I pressed my lips to his. "That's what I want."
Troy whimpered. "I thought...I thought you wanted it hard enough to hurt."
"We'll get there." I thrust into his fist a little harder as the mere thought of him inside me turned me on even more. "But I love it like that."
"f.u.c.k..."
d.a.m.n the need for lube and condoms, or I'd have had him put me up against the wall and f.u.c.k me right there in the shower. Next time, I promised myself, I wasn't getting into a shower with him without keeping both of those things within reach.
"Let's go back in the bedroom," Troy whispered.
"Good idea."
We dried off enough to keep from dripping water everywhere and hurried back into my bedroom.
Troy didn't waste a second. Before he'd even gotten into bed, he fished a condom out of the drawer.
I grinned. "Eager, are we?"
"You'd better believe it." His eyebrow rose, half-playfully, half actually concerned. "Aren't you?"
"Absolutely."
The concern evaporated from his expression, and he leaned in to kiss me lightly. Then he put on a condom, and as soon as it was in place, I stroked some lube onto it.
I turned around, and he knelt behind me.
"No fingers," I pleaded. "Just f.u.c.k me. Please."
f.u.c.k. He's going to tease me like I did him.
But he pressed against me, and that was definitely not a finger. Holy h.e.l.l. I pushed back, and we both lost our breath when he slid into me. He swore, withdrew, and pushed in again. For G.o.d knew how many strokes, he just pulled out, breached me, and pulled out again, and as much as I wanted every inch of him, that sensation was unbelievable. Almost unbearably intense.
My eyes watered, and I gripped the edge of the mattress as he slowly worked his way deeper. f.u.c.k. I rarely came during a second round, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy the h.e.l.l out of it, and I wouldn't have objected if he'd wanted to do this for hours.
Troy's d.i.c.k felt amazing, sliding all the way inside me. I hadn't been f.u.c.ked in way, way too long, and being f.u.c.ked by him was almost more than I could wrap my head around.
Then he leaned down and wrapped his arm around my waist. His breath rushed past my ear as he said, "This...this feel good?"
"So good," I groaned. "Jesus, Troy..."
He exhaled against my neck and thrust harder, as hard as he could in this position, and then he sank his teeth into my shoulder. Electricity jolted through me from that sharp point of contact, straight down every nerve ending and right to my d.i.c.k, and I dug my fingers into the mattress as he sent me higher and higher with every thrust.
"Oh G.o.d." He groaned against the back of my neck. "I'm gonna come. f.u.c.k, that feels so good." A shudder drove him deeper inside me. "I'm-"
But he didn't come. No, he took a breath, lifted himself up a little, and holy h.e.l.l, he f.u.c.ked me hard.
I clawed at the pillow and the mattress, not sure why I even bothered to hold on to anything. "f.u.c.k, that's amazing."
And just like that, I was over the edge, coming hard and losing my f.u.c.king mind as he kept slamming into me.
I was almost to the point of being too sensitive after two o.r.g.a.s.ms, and right then, Troy thrust all the way inside me and groaned against the back of my neck. Every inch of his skin was hot and sweaty, every muscle trembling as his o.r.g.a.s.m reverberated through him, through me.
He moaned softly, shivered one last time, and collapsed over me, burying his face against my neck. After a moment, he lifted himself up and pulled out, but then sank back down on top of me.
"Just so we're clear," I slurred, "you can do that to me any f.u.c.king time you want."
"Good to know." He kissed right below my hairline. "Might have to take you up on that."
"Whenever you want."
He murmured something, kissed me again, and touched his forehead between my shoulder blades. For a long moment, we didn't move, but finally made ourselves get up to get some tissues. A shower would have to wait-even after we'd cleaned ourselves up and returned to bed, we were both still shaking.
I pulled the sheet up over us and held him close. He rested his head on my shoulder, and we just lay there, holding each other and breathing as the delicious afterglow set in.
And even with that afterglow, and the blissful feeling of being here beside him like this, that knot in the pit of my stomach refused to be ignored.
G.o.ddammit, this was dangerous. It was such a terrible idea. There were so many reasons I had no business with Troy wrapped up in my arms and my sheets, why I shouldn't have known what his kisses or his skin tasted like, but I couldn't have pulled myself away from him right then if I'd wanted to. All I wanted to do was keep him here, behind closed doors and away from anyone who might hurt him. I wanted him to be safe, and I wanted him to be safe with me.
I held him to me as I parted his lips with my tongue.
No one's going to hurt you, I couldn't quite articulate, because they'd have to get through me first.
Chapter Sixteen.
"We should get a shower," he murmured. "We can still make it to biology."
"Good idea." I kissed his forehead. "Why don't you take one, and then I will? Otherwise..." I grinned, and he laughed.
"Yeah, you're probably right." He cupped my face and pressed another long, soft kiss on my lips. "You sure you want me to go first?"
"I don't think my legs will hold me up quite yet."
He winked. "You're welcome."
One more kiss, and then he went into the bathroom. While he showered, my brain went into overdrive. What the f.u.c.k were we doing? In what universe was anything we'd just done a good idea?
Then again, in what universe was Troy even a little bit resistible to me? I knew d.a.m.n well I needed to get away from him, for my own sanity and for his safety, but even being this far away from him, even if I was just in the next room, was enough to start driving me insane. Part of me couldn't stand the idea of letting him out of my sight, leaving him to the wolves even if he was in a safe place surrounded by round-the-clock security and a dog no one in his right mind would cross. Not that this ex-boyfriend of his appeared to be in his right mind.
The other part of me? Yeah. That wasn't protective or altruistic or anything besides selfish, h.o.r.n.y, and way, way too caught up in someone who shouldn't have had me tongue-tied and stumbling like this.
We never should have touched. We definitely shouldn't have kissed. I still had a cut healing on my forehead and two Taser burns that were still tender because of Troy's psychotic ex-boyfriend. The same psychotic ex-boyfriend who I was supposed to be protecting him from, and who I'd probably p.i.s.s off royally if I got involved with Troy. Which I shouldn't for millions of reasons. There was no sane, rational reason why I should let myself even think of getting close to him.
But it didn't need to be sane or rational to be real.
And this was definitely real.
And f.u.c.king insane.
But he still needed a bodyguard, and what I needed was some advice from someone who wasn't in a position to derail my career. And who was geographically far enough away to minimize the risk of an a.s.s-kicking that I probably richly deserved.
I dug my phone out of my pocket and called up Jason.
"Hey, Iskander," he said. "How are things going with that protective detail?"
"Well..." I glanced at the bathroom door, which was still closed.
"Oh s.h.i.t." He exhaled. "What's going on?"
I cleared my throat. "I...it's a long story. But there's something I need to ask about."
"Sure thing."
I gnawed my lip. I'd thought of about a hundred ways I could phrase this without incriminating myself, but I'd learned a long, long time ago that there was only so much "I'm asking for a friend" and "hypothetically speaking..." I could get past Jason before he called me out on my bulls.h.i.t. "This is confidential, right? Off the record?"
"Always. You know that."
"So it turns out there's definitely someone f.u.c.king with the admiral's kid."
"Aw, s.h.i.t."
"Yeah. An ex."
Jason laughed bitterly. "It's always the G.o.dd.a.m.ned exes, isn't it?"
"Right?" I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. "And this one is a real piece of work."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I'm about ninety-five percent sure the kid's got PTSD thanks to this guy. I mean, I know he's got PTSD. And it's most likely because of this f.u.c.ker."
"s.h.i.t, man."
"Seriously. And the kicker is that the ex apparently has that 'if I can't have you, no one can' mentality. Troy so much as looks at another man, he flips his s.h.i.t."
Jason whistled. "f.u.c.k. And we all know those types aren't volatile or anything."
"Exactly. And, um..."
"What's going on?"
"Well, the thing is, I'm supposed to be protecting Troy from this guy. And I..." I cringed inwardly. "I think I might've put myself in the guy's crosshairs."
Jason gave a dry laugh. "The kid got a bit of a crush on you, eh?"
"Uh, well..." I cleared my throat.