The Trouble With Tribbles Part 9

Yes, sir.

DISSOLVE TO:.

5. INT. TRANSPORT ROOM-UHURA, SULU, AND A FEW OTHER CREW MEMBERS are in the transport room, waiting to be beamed over to the trading post. They are eager to go on sh.o.r.e leave. There is a little bit of small talk. Sulu invites Uhura to accompany him on a window-shopping expedition. They step into the transport booth and are beamed over.

6. MAIN PROMENADE OF THE TRADING POST.

A variety of costumes from many different planets can be seen. Most of the costumes should suggest rough frontier worlds. Perhaps, they can be drawn from stock. The street itself is lined with shops and signs indicating that there are other corridors and other shops. SULU AND UHURA AND PERHAPS ONE OR TWO OTHER CREW MEMBERS materialize.

The other crew members go their way. Sulu and the beautiful lieutenant start walking down the street. They run into KIRK and SPOCK. Spock is still carrying the sample of the quadro-triticale.

Sulu notices the grain. Because he is back on his botany kick, he asks for a sample. Spock gives him the grain. He no longer needs it and it would be illogical to carry it any further.

They exchange pleasantries. Kirk and Spock are on their way to pick up the of.cial mail. Sulu and Uhura wander on and into: 7. INT. OF A TRADING POST SHOP-SULU, UHURA, STOREKEEPER, AND CYRANO DAY JAYMIN4.

The shop is a kind of shop-of-all-planets. All kinds of strange things can be seen on the counters and shelves. Perhaps somebody has cleaned out the prop room and scattered the resulting items around as merchandise.

The crew members of the Enterprise look around, exam-ining items which catch their fancy, but not really in a buying mood.

Cyrano Day Jaymin enters the shop and goes straight to the storekeeper. Perhaps the storekeeper knows him and tries to hide his dismay at seeing him. Perhaps the storekeeper doesn't know Cyrano Day Jaymin, but is familiar with his type.

Cyrano Day Jaymin is a planetary scout. He locates planets for the Federation and is paid by the Federation according to the intrinsic value of each planet he reports. Most planets are gas giants like Jupiter, but still there are a great many Earth-type planets in the galaxy that need locating.

The situation is roughly akin to gold mining in California in 1840. Cyrano's success as a locator is evidenced by the fact that his clothes have an air of well-used shabbiness about them-but they are still .amboyant and colorful. He is a sort of faded swashbuckler.

He immediately corners the storekeeper and tries to unload some of his more precious souvenirs on the man. The storekeeper protests that he is already overstocked with Rigellian Flame Stones, and he doesn't want any more Sirian Glow-Water.

Most of Cyrano's items are rather commonplace things like that, so naturally his success as a salesman seems to match his success as a planetary locator. Cyrano tries to trade some of his souvenirs for supplies, but as the storekeeper sees a dozen "Cyranos" a month, he is understandably nonchalant about Cyrano's merchandise.

Accidentally (on purpose), Cyrano drops something fuzzy on the counter. It is a fuzzy.

Quickly, he stuffs it back into his bag. By this time, Sulu and Uhura are watching, idly amused.

The storekeeper asks him: STOREKEEPER.

(curious) What was that?

JAYMIN.

(nonchalant and matter-of-factly) Nothing. Just a fuzzy.

STOREKEEPER.

A fuzzy? What's a fuzzy?

Jaymin shrugs and pulls the little creature back out of the bag. He puts it on the counter. Immediately it begins purring and throbbing. Perhaps it tries to move. It inches along the counter by .exing its body. (This can be done either by wires, or by an unseen puppeteer. The fuzzy could be a big furry mitten.) STOREKEEPER.

(continuing) What is it?

A good question. It is a golden blob of .uff about the size of a coffee cup, or perhaps a little big bigger. The storekeeper takes it curiously. The creature throbs and purrs in his hand like a hedonistic kitten. It is soft and warm and colored a bright green-gold color. It has no legs and no eyes-just a small soft mouth.

JAYMIN.

What is it? Why it's only the sweetest little creature known to man since the invention of woman.

(con.dingly) In fact, in some ways, it's better. A fuzzy doesn't nag.

UHURA.

(interested in the creature) He's darling. May I hold him...?

She takes the fuzzy from the storekeeper oohing and ahhing over it.

JAYMIN.

(to Uhura) That's the way to hold the little fellow. Stroke him-that's it-and he'll purr for you.

(to Storekeeper) A fuzzy is the only love that money can buy.5 STOREKEEPER.

You selling 'em?

SULU.

(taking the fuzzy from Uhura) It won't bite, will it?

JAYMIN.

(ignoring the storekeeper for the moment) Bite? Of course not! There's a law against transporting harmful animals from one planet to another.

Uhura takes the fuzzy back. She strokes it and it throbs and purrs. It loves being held, and it loves the warmth of the human hand. It moves by .exing its body or by rolling, depending on how fast or how far it wants to go. It is a simple life form with only two senses, a heat detection sense and a food detection sense. (For this scene, the fuzzy can be like a glove, or a beanbag, which is manipulated like a hand puppet by the actor who is holding the creature. The fuzzy is very much like those garish blobs of .uff that you see in novelty stores.) UHURA.

What do you feed it?

JAYMIN.

Ah, feed it? That's the lovely part about the little creatures. They'll eat anything. They're not fussy. They'll eat anything that people will eat.

He tickles the fuzzy in Uhura's hand.

JAYMIN.

(continuing, taking the fuzzy) This little fellow hasn't been fed in a week, and he's not complaining.

(to fuzzy) Are you?

(to Uhura) He's getting skinny, but he's not complaining.

The fuzzy throbs and purrs. Fuzzies never complain.

UHURA.

Shouldn't you feed him?

JAYMIN.

(shaking his head) Why? You know what happens if you feed a fuzzy...?

SULU.

What?

JAYMIN.

You get a fat fuzzy!6 SULU.

Won't he starve?

JAYMIN.

Oh, not for a little while yet...but if you're that worried about the little fellow, here-let me have a little bit of that grain you're holding.7 He takes a few of the stalks of quadro-triticale from Sulu and puts it on the counter. He puts the fuzzy near it. The fuzzy creeps over and starts munching on it. Sulu does not like to lose his grain sample. As Cyrano reaches for more, Sulu pulls back. Jaymin shrugs.

STOREKEEPER.

(eyeing the fuzzy on the counter) Is he clean?

JAYMIN.

(eyeing the storekeeper) He's as clean as you are...

(looks again) Perhaps cleaner.

The storekeeper lets this pa.s.s by. He leans on his counter and looks at the fuzzy closely.

STOREKEEPER.

I wonder if a creature like this has any commercial possibilities...

JAYMIN.

Probably. You might want to sell them...

STOREKEEPER.

No, no. I meant, I wonder if its fur is any good...?

JAYMIN.

(shrugging) Maybe...

STOREKEEPER.

Are these things edible?

He pokes at the fuzzy. Jaymin s.n.a.t.c.hes it up, posses-sively.

JAYMIN.

Sir! You are talking about a member of my family.

UHURA.

(taking the fuzzy) Is this the only one you have? He's darling.

STOREKEEPER.

What'll you take for him, Mister?

JAYMIN.

I couldn't dream of selling him. I couldn't dream of selling any of my fuzzies. I just couldn't bear to...

STOREKEEPER.

How much?

JAYMIN.

Make me an offer.

STOREKEEPER.

A credit for each one.

JAYMIN.

A credit?!! Is that an offer or a joke?

STOREKEEPER.

All right. Two credits.

JAYMIN.

Twice nothing is still nothing.

STOREKEEPER.

Four and that's as high as I'll go.