The Trouble With Tribbles Part 11

All three. Say, how did you know about Jaymin?

McCoy holds up the fuzzy. It is now slightly bigger.

KIRK.

(continuing) Oh.

MCCOY.

Jim, are you serious about letting these creatures aboard this ship?

KIRK.

I don't see any reason why not. They make nice pets. They're quiet. They're clean. They're...

MCCOY.

There's something about them I don't like. They're too darn innocent.

KIRK.

Well, Bones. You're outvoted by the rest of the crew. But if you .nd any concrete reason why they shouldn't be allowed on the Enterprise, I'll do something about it, all right?

15. AT THE TRADING POST.

Smith is at a store with two other crewmen. Idly, he looks at a display case full of fuzzies. The storekeeper tries to sell him one. Smith declines. The sign on the case shows that the price has already been lowered once.

Smith asks where he got so many. The storekeeper says that he only started out with a few, but that they have had several litters already.

Smith has not noticed that the other men have left without him. A Klingon soldier enters and starts looking around. The Klingon asks the storekeeper about the fuzzies. The storekeeper says that they are selling very well. They are very popular with the men of the Enterprise.

The Klingon says loud enough for Smith to hear that that is because the men of the Enterprise are soft.

Smith answers that remark, and one thing leads to another, and Smith and the Klingon get into an argument The Klingon makes it known that he considers all Earthmen to be little better than weaklings. The Klingon is considering taking Smith apart, but every Klingon soldier is being tailed by at least two Enterprise security men. The Klingon glares at them and leaves.

16. BACK ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE.

Uhura's fuzzy and its offspring have each had a litter of ten. There are now at least 121 fuzzies aboard the Enterprise-actually there are more, because other people have bought fuzzies.

But the beautiful lieutenant10 is a bit dismayed to .nd that she now has about 40 or 50 fuzzies in her possession. She had given away all but four of them and those four have reproduced like little sons of guns.

McCoy notes that the creatures are as.e.xual. They reproduce at will, with an average litter of ten and a gestation period of anywhere from 12 to 24 hours. They have an extremely fast metabolism in many respects, and all food goes to the production of new fuzzies. He warns against feeding them too much.

"You know what you get if you feed a fuzzy?" he asks.11 "A fat fuzzy?" Uhura guesses.

"No. More fuzzies. Lots of little fuzzies. Hundreds of little fuzzies."

"Oh."

"So, stop feeding them." McCoy turns to go. Uhura asks him one more question. "Bones."

He turns back. "Yes?"

"Do you know anyone who wants a fuzzy?"

17. INT. BRIDGE.

The KLINGON COMMANDER calls Kirk to complain about the constant hara.s.sment of his men.

"I don't like having my men tailed."

Kirk doesn't say anything.

"And I don't like stumbling over security guards every time I blow my nose."

Kirk is noncommittal. "Why are you here?" he asks.

"My men are on sh.o.r.e leave," he answers.

Kirk replies quietly, "So are mine."

The Klingon switches off in disgust.

Kirk checks his security guards. So far, no Klingon has come near the grain, although one or two hungry fuzzies have been sighted.

Kirk is too preoccupied to really hear the last. He switches off.

18. TRANSPORT ROOM.

Scott is at the transport console with an a.s.sistant as a group of men are leaving for the trading post. Kirk wanders in and sees him there.

"Mr. Scott. Don't you ever relax?"

"Yes sir, I do."

"Well, then what are you doing at the transport console?"

"Working, sir."

"Well, get someone to relieve you. You're going on sh.o.r.e leave. That's an order."

"Yes, sir but-"

"Mr. Scott," says Kirk. "Force yourself to relax."12 "Yes, sir."

19. INTERIOR OF LOCAL BAR AND GRILL.

Several local people and several crewmen of the Enter-prise. Also several Klingons. Smith, Scott and a few other crewmen are at a table. Some of the Klingons begin making remarks about the Earthmen. Naturally, the Earthmen resent this. Smith, being young and willing, wants to .ght. Scott holds him back-until one of the Klingons calls the Enterprise a sagging old rust bucket.

A .ght breaks out.

The bartender calls security and we CUT TO:.

ACT THREE.

FADE IN:.

20. INT. OF BAR.

Security arrives in force, and breaks up the .ght. Kirk and Spock and McCoy arrive to survey the damage. Also, the Klingon commander arrives. He and Kirk exchange a few heated, but very oh-so-polite words.

The Klingons leave.

Kirk starts to speak to his men and we CUT TO:.

21. INT. OF ENTERPRISE.

Where Kirk .nishes disciplining the men. He con.nes them to quarters or restricts their sh.o.r.e leave, and a.s.signs them to the modern equivalent of K.P. Perhaps Smith is a.s.signed to a.s.sist the mess of.cer.

After they are dismissed, Kirk chides Mr. Scott who has one h.e.l.l of a black eye.

KIRK.

What caused the .ght, Scotty?

SCOTT.

They insulted us.

KIRK.

And you fought over that?

SCOTT.

No, sir. Smith wanted to, but I tried to hold him back.

KIRK.

Why did Smith want to .ght?

SCOTT.

The Klingons called you a- Scott pauses.

KIRK.

This is off the record.

SCOTT.

(relaxing slightly) Well, sir. They said you were an overbearing, tin-plated hero with delusions of G.o.dhood.

KIRK.

And that's when you started the .ght?

SCOTT.

No, sir.

KIRK.

When?

SCOTT.

When they insulted my engines, sir.

Kirk reacts.

KIRK.

Mr. Scott, I'm surprised at you.

(pause) That's all, Scotty.

Scott starts to go.

KIRK.

(continuing) Oh...and Scotty...

He pauses.

KIRK.

(continuing) Remind me not to order you to take sh.o.r.e leave again.

SCOTT.

Yes, sir.

Scott leaves. McCoy reports on the condition of the men. From there the discussion goes into a mention of the fuzzies, which, by now, are showing signs of getting out of control.

MCCOY.

Jim, you've got to do something about these creatures.