The Three Perils of Man Volume Ii Part 19

"I never saw the money, nor heard of it till yesterday."

When I said this, he looked stedfastly on me as if he had discovered something he saw not before. There was no man on earth could discover truth like Lord William. "Who is this youth's accuser?" said he. They told him it was sleeky Tam.

"I have observed of late," said he, "that that gentleman never searches that he does not find, and never accuses that he does not bring proof. I have caused several to be executed on the evidences raised by him, and have always remarked that he is the only profiter by their being put down. We must move with more caution. Let that wench be brought before me, and stop the execution of Jock's Sandy, whom I ordered to be hanged to-morrow."

My late benevolent master was watching the course of these events with punctuality, and was terribly chagrined when he heard that his neighbour Jock's Sandy was reprieved. He was almost beside himself; but, having great influence with the holy brethren, he persuaded them to retain Kell under their jurisdiction, and not give her up to Lord William. In the course of his scrutiny he had likewise discovered some of his gold pieces on her, and had doomed her to destruction with the rest; yet, at the same time, he told the holy fathers to be lenient, and altogether to overlook that fault, which had originated from the first, and that was one to which youth was liable. He conjured them not to give her up to William the Severe, who would infallibly doom her to an ignominous death. If she had deserved that, he said, it was much better that she should die privately, in which case he would pay seventy merks annually to the church for the securing of her soul. He was frightened for the meeting of so many criminals before Lord William, wicked as we were; and so high was the influence of the convent, of which this was a branch, that the brethren refused to give up the offender to Lord William's officers.

After my first examination was over, I was thrust into a dungeon beside Jock's Sandy, who had been cast to die for stealing the ox which I myself slew; and, when we began to converse freely together, what a tissue of deceit was unraveled! He asked me if I knew any thing about that ox for which he was to lose his life! I said I knew very well about the ox, for I had killed him myself: "And what a great fool you were,"

said I, "to incur so much danger for the sake of a nout's hide and a pair of horns, for these you certainly did steal."

The man was perfectly amazed when I told him all the truth, and promised to procure me as much fat flesh as I could eat every day, if I would tell the truth of the story to Lord William. I catched at the offer, for I had suffered so much in my stomach of late, that I would have done far more than he required of me for such an advantage. Indeed I would have done any thing, or said any thing in the world, that I might once more enjoy my beloved mess. He proved as good as his word, for before night the keeper brought me a whole ap.r.o.n full of bits and sc.r.a.ps of the fattest meat that I ever saw,--beef, mutton, and pork. There were some square pieces of perfect, pure white fat, that I sliced down like cheese! They were from the flanks of fat beeves, the briskets of wedders, and the ribs of fatted hogs; and I could not but admire the want of good taste among the gentles who had left these savoury bits to their slaves and prisoners. I was so delighted that I could not sleep by night, but always awakened from my straw and fell a-munching. I wish we saw such a feast again; but, indeed I saw nothing, for our house was in utter darkness; but it was a good meat-house, and I could have been content to have lived in it all my life.

In a few days I was once more carried above ground for examination, where I told the whole truth boldly, but was not believed. No one would give credit to the tale, that I had slain one of my master's fattest oxen for the sake of good cheer; such a thing, they said, would never come into a stripling's head, and I had been suborned to my evidence by my fellow prisoner. Lord William asked if there was any proof remaining that I could produce in support of my a.s.sertion? I said I had a part of the beef remaining, well salted up in a barrel below ground, and covered with a moss divot; and that I had likewise some hid for fresh meat in some cold well springs, and I would shew them these if they liked. I was sent with a guard, and shewed them the remains of my ox; and when this was reported to Lord William, he called me a rogue and a glutton, and caused them to tie a rope about my neck and lead me through the streets of the town naked, lashing me with a whip all the way. He then bade me make off with myself, for if I was found within twenty miles of that place where I stood, he would cause me to be hewed in pieces.

My late master was taken up, and examined face to face with those he had accused; but how he contrived to elude justice I never knew: ten years after, one informed me that the dame Kelly had accused him before Lord William of having seduced her, and that in the most disgraceful way, and then of forcing me into the situation in which I was caught, for a screen to his own guilt and shame. For all that, it seems poor Kell was returned to the convent, and never more heard of, and sleeky Tam possesses both his own and his neighbour's farm at this day.

I had begun to think that ill deeds throve best; but I now conceived that I had paid very dearly indeed for my late pleasures of feasting and love, being almost flayed alive. I cried bitterly as I fled, and cursed Lord William and his raggam.u.f.fians that had scourged me, and vowed to myself, if I lived to be a man, that I would be revenged on them. I likewise cursed my deceitful master, but I did not curse poor Kell; indeed I found that it was for her I wept most bitterly, thinking myself the cause of all her shame and suffering.

I fled next into a country called Galloway, a place which some of you may have heard of by chance; but I found it the worst meat country, and the worst country altogether, that I had ever seen. I lived there for a number of years, leading a sort of vagabond life, but quite an honourable one. I learned naturally among them to be a great thief, and an acute liar; but I never stole any thing but fat flesh, nor do I account any thing else worthy of running the risk for--from that no danger ever could, or ever shall debar me. I care not much what sort it be, provided it be juicy, and a layer of white next the bone. I wonder whether men's flesh is likest to beef, or mutton, or venison?

"I wish ye wadna always turn your green een on me that gate when you speak about your fat flesh," said Gibbie. "I a.s.sure you, mine is neither like beef, nor mutton, nor venison; and, what is more, you shall never taste it. I appeal to you all, masters and friends, if this man has not fairly fallen through his tale."

"I suppose it must be very like veal, then," continued Tam; "and if so, I have seen a joint of cold veal very excellent meat, more especially that adjoining the white gristly part; with a little salt, a man can eat a great deal of that without being any thing the worse."

"My masters, I do protest against these carnivorous looks of the story-teller," rejoined Gibbie; "they make ane feel so queerly. It is as if he were tearing my flesh quick from the banes with his teeth. And I call you to note that he has sticked a story, which, from the beginning, is no story."

"Stay till it be done, an you please," said Tam; "the best of my tale is yet to come; and any man may be allowed a breathing s.p.a.ce and a little refreshment."

At Castle-Fern I fell in with an old man called the Gorb, an itinerant fencer, who travelled the country teaching the art of the sword. To him I attached myself, somewhat against his will; for I saw that, though he was not everywhere a welcome guest, he was nevertheless a privileged one, and always admitted. He was six feet high, with a beard that hung to his middle, and his frame was entirely composed of bones and sinews.

The feats that he described to me of warrior prowess first raised in me a desire to learn his n.o.ble art; and as soon as I began to manifest a partiality for his profession, he began to attach himself to me, but in a manner so ungracious, that if I had not been a being quite desperate, I never could have borne it. We moved on from place to place; the young men of the country a.s.sembled in parties, as we pa.s.sed, to attend his lessons; and at night we had free-quarters wherever we went; that is, the Gorb was a free man,--but many pointed inuendos were thrown out against my introduction as an additional burden. These people had better have let the matter pa.s.s over, for he did not fail to pay them back with interest in bitter and sarcastic retorts. On some of these occasions he gave me a terrible character of the country and its inhabitants.

"You are come, poor man, to sojourn in the worst country under the cope of heaven," said he, "into a place where there is no faith, no honour, no money, and very little meat."

"What do they live on in general?" said I.

"On some wretched roots, pulse, and black corn," said he; "some lean unhealthy fish, and still more lean and sapless cattle."

"I like the country a great deal the worse," said I. "Is the flesh here so very lean?"

"Why ask?" said he; "have you not witnessed it?"

"No, I am very sorry I have not," said I. "I supposed it had been lent in this country. As for their faith or honour I care not a pin. Their money is of little avail to me; but I hate to stay in a country where there is no meat: and how they can transact business without money is beyond my comprehension."

"They have none, however," said he, "nor was there ever any in this country. They transact all their business on a thing called credit, which commonly attaches itself to a man for a number of years, sometimes for a long, and sometimes a very short term. This enables him to cheat his neighbours for a time, and all his exertions tend only to this, namely, how many he can take in, and to what amount; and when he has gone as far as this ideal quality of his can carry him, he takes to the bent, and leaves them all in the lurch. This is the exact state of this blessed country called Galloway, and will be its state as long as it continues to exist. The only rational hope concerning it is, that, as it is a sort of b.u.t.t-end of the creation, it will perhaps sink in the ocean, and mankind will be rid of it."

He then took a hearty fiendish laugh at the conceit of the country being sunk, and went on.--

"After all, I cannot help being amazed at the rascally crew. Do not you see how suspicion and distrust are stamped on every countenance? Every man makes a bargain with apparent reluctance, and with a dread that his neighbour is going to cheat him; and he is never mistaken. Such is the country, and such are the people to whom you have now come, and such must they ever continue to remain. It is in their nature to be so, and they cannot be otherwise. Here am I, their master and benefactor, who have spent my life in teaching them the n.o.blest of all sciences, without which they could not have defended their country. I have taught every chief in the country, and every one of their va.s.sals, and how am I requited? Ill-clothed, worse fed, and not a bodle in my purse. All my recompense is the freedom of living a life of fatigue and wretchedness."

"I will not stay another night in the country of such a parcel of rogues," said I.

"You are wrong," answered he: "It is the best country you can be in. You have nothing to lose, and you may gain much. Experience is a man's greatest riches; and of that you will gain abundance. You will here learn hourly how to oppose cunning to cunning; and I will teach you the n.o.ble art of opposing masterly skill to brutal force, until you may haply be established as my a.s.sistant and successor."

"I would rather dispense with the honour," said I: "You are too lean for me to think of being your successor. Were you a fat full-fed man, I would not say what I might do to attain the distinction; but I have made up my mind to one thing, which is, always to have my meat, honestly if I can, but at all events to have it."

"You are so far right in your principle," said he: "For when we consider of it, a man can have very little more than his meat in this world, for all the struggling and strife there is in it. But since you set so high a value on good living, I can, if I please, a.s.sist you to it; for, poor and wretched as I appear, and as I am, I have a right to call for and command the best in every house. I could likewise take their clothes, for money they have none; but it would be like tearing the hearts out of the dogs,--so I content myself with the meanest fare, rather than humble myself to ask ought of them."

"You are an extraordinary man," said I: "But when I look at you, I cannot conceive this privilege of yours to exist in aught but in theory."

"You shall see," said he. "What sort of meat would you prefer?"

"Fat flesh at all times and all seasons," said I: "There is nothing like that. Whether it be the flesh of bullock, hog, or wedder, the fattest is always the best."

"What a kite! What a raven! What a dog!" exclaimed he: "Well, you shall have it, if it were but to kill you of a surfeit."

We were lying in a barn when this discourse occurred, and I could not but wonder what the old fellow would do. It was customary for us to take our breakfast at the place where we lodged, and if I might judge from our supper, the place where we then were gave no prospect of very rich fare.

The breakfast was produced; a quant.i.ty of black brochen and lentiles.

The master of defence wist not how to break the ice by introducing a refusal of the proffered meal! but he considered himself as pledged to me, and his haughty spirit would not succ.u.mb. His looks were particularly embarra.s.sed and amusing, and I saw that he would gladly have been free of his engagement, as he began a long palaver of general remarks. I kept up my good hopes, and gave him always an expecting look now and then, to make him hold to his resolution. The people of the house paid little attention to his harangue, till at length he concluded with these words:

"Such being the case, and such the state of the country, I am obliged now to claim all my rights, privileges, and dues from every va.s.sal of my lord of Galloway, as well as from every subject of our liege lord the king, whose commission I bear. Goodman Latchie, I accept no more of black croudy and lentiles for breakfast: I claim, order, and command the best that is in this house. In place of that hog's meat, let us have a rasher on the coals, if you so please."

"The muckle fiend be atween your teeth, then, to choak you wi' the first bite!" said the goodwife.

"Farmer Latchie, I contend not with women," said the man of the sword: "Are you aware of my rights, or do you know and dispute them?"

"I consider yours as merely a nominal right," said he, "which no man is bound to fulfil, because no man does it. All my lord's va.s.sals treat you with common fare. Why should I do more?"

With that a raw-boned young man stepped forward, with a black beard and a ruffian look. He was the farmer's eldest son, and his name was John.

"What is all this din about," said he: "Let me speak, will ye, Master Gorb? Either take that which is set before you, or go away without it. I say that."

"You say that? Do you, sir?" said my master.

"Yes; sure I do," said he: "I says that, and I'll say it again too, to be sure I will."

"Then there is my gage, sir. Do you know to what you have subjected yourself?" said my master, pulling out his sword, and laying it on the board: "You have given the king's ordained swordsman the denial; you must fight him, or find one on the instant to do it for you. If he kills you, he is ent.i.tled to take off your head and send it to the king; and if you kill him, you lose your head, and all the goods and chattels of your house are to be confiscate. Rescue or no rescue? Draw, craven! or yield me up the keys of your pantry, your chest, and your sunken cellar, you dog."

"I does nae see the sense o' that, Master Gorb," said John, with a countenance right sorely altered: "that a man maunna say his awn's his awn, or what's his father's is his father's, but that he maun tak up sword and swordsman. I does nae fear thee. It's no to say that I fears thee; but I winna be bullied intil aught; and I just tells thee, that I'll neither fight thee nor suffer thee to get a sc.r.a.p o' aught better than is set afore thee; and gang and seek thy mends. Now I says that."

"Thou art a craven and a nincomp.o.o.p," said my master, with the highest indignation; "and I lift my pledge, and will report thee to thy betters."

"Do if thou mayest," cried old Latchie, running to an armour chest, and taking from thence a sword and buckler. "Disgrace of my house! To give the challenge, and then to flinch. Have with thee, Bellwether! I will give you to know, that old masons are the best barrowmen."