The Taking Part 16

"You said to me, 'All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance.'"

"Did I really?" he asked. If there wasn't mockery in his voice, it brimmed in his eyes.

"It didn't entirely flow out of what you said before it," she remembered, "but I attributed any incoherence to the gin, and didn't immediately recognize the quote."

"I wasn't necessarily quoting, dear lady. Perhaps I am from time to time capable of saying something wise all of my own."

She wouldn't let him slip out of it as easily as that. "The following line in Eliot is 'All our ignorance brings us nearer to death.'"

"Well, that certainly resonates with the situation."

"Harry Corrigan, my father, you-all quoting Eliot. How are you connected with them? What's going on here?"

Derek's smug, sardonic grin was identical to Render's. "Neil, your lovely wife seems to have cast her lot with conspiracy nuts-the black-helicopter crowd."

"You spoke those words," Neil confirmed. "I remember."

"Be careful, Neil. Paranoia can be contagious. You better grab your own bottle of gin and inoculate yourself."

"If you think someone's out to get you, and someone is is out to get you," Molly said, "it's not paranoia. It's reality." out to get you," Molly said, "it's not paranoia. It's reality."

Pointing at the ceiling, indicating the leviathan that they could sense without seeing, feel without hearing, Derek said, "That is reality, Molly, hanging over all our heads. All of us dead, a whole world dead, and no escaping it, nothing to be settled except the hour when the ax falls on the last of us." is reality, Molly, hanging over all our heads. All of us dead, a whole world dead, and no escaping it, nothing to be settled except the hour when the ax falls on the last of us."

She saw in Derek Sawtelle no fear, no despair, not even the sweet melancholy that he had touted as the ideal retreat from sharper emotions. Instead, in his suddenly feverish eyes and in the points of his Cheshire-Cat smile, she saw triumph, which made no sense at all, but which was apparent nonetheless and unmistakable.

"Now, dear Molly, stop thrashing about for meaning in silly conspiracy theories, and grab what pleasure can be had. The drinks are on the house."

Frustrated, confused about so much but not about Derek's barely veiled hostility and lies, Molly turned away from him. She pushed a few steps through the milling crowd before she realized that she didn't know where to go or what to do next.

She seemed to have no option but to wait for death and embrace it when it came.

29.

NEIL TOOK HER BY THE ARM AND LED HER TO an empty booth along the north wall of the tavern.

She refused to sit. "We're running out of time."

"I hear the clock."

"We've got to do something, get ready."

"All right. But what? How?"

She said, "Maybe the bank is the best idea. Secure the place. Hunker down. At least go out fighting."

"Then we'll go there now, with the rest of them."

"That's just it. The rest of them. They were all dead...in the mirror. Do they die at the bank? Is that where they get...torn apart like that?"

She shook her head. She looked around the tavern. She could see the barely checked panic in people who, minutes ago, had been talking strategy, tactics, and the possibility of survival. Now they believed the mirror. They expected to die horribly, and soon.

"I'm scared," she said. "I've been handling this pretty well so far...but I'm starting to lose it."

Neil put his arms around her. He always knew when to say nothing.

Molly trembled against him. She listened to his heart. Steady Neil.

When her heart had begun to time itself to his slower beat, he guided her into the booth and sat across from her.

This table had no candles, and she was grateful for the shadows. She didn't want anyone but Neil to see her tears. She prided herself on her toughness, her resilience.

Maybe honest pride didn't matter anymore, but for reasons she couldn't put into words, she thought it mattered more than ever.

Neil said, "Before we can figure out what to do, maybe we've got to ask ourselves what we know. know."

"Less and less."

With irony, he repeated the Eliot quote: "'All our knowledge brings us nearer to our ignorance.'"

The booth benches featured open s.p.a.ce under the seats. Molly tucked her legs back-and thought of the missing doll.

In the brief darkness between the loss of public power and the lighting of the candles, the doll could have crawled into this booth, under her seat. Eyeless but all-seeing. Tongueless mouth filled with the breathless silence of a stalking predator.

She resisted the urge to scramble out of the booth and search under it with a flashlight. To do so would be to succ.u.mb to the most childish of fears, after which she would find it more difficult to summon the courage to face the real and more serious terrors that surely were coming.

It was just a doll. And if she should feel a small hand on her ankle, it would be only the hand of a doll, no matter how demonically animated, just the hand of a doll.

She wiped at her damp cheeks. "Are they really taking our world from us?"

"The evidence says so."

"Or is that just the way we're reading the evidence?"

"I don't see how else to interpret it."

"Neither do I. That thing in the janitor's closet..." She shuddered.

She could still feel the airborne t.i.tan overhead, and now when she turned her attention to the ceiling, she could sense the vessel's movement, too, as it progressed southward through the storm. She seemed to be increasingly sensitized to it.

"But fast-track terraforming is Derek's theory," she said, "and I don't trust him."

"What is it with Derek?" Neil asked. "Why did he act like that with you?"

"I don't know."

"You said maybe Render wasn't only only Render." Render."

"And I still don't know what I mean by that."

"Is Derek really Derek but not only only Derek?" Derek?"

"For sure, there's something something wrong with him." wrong with him."

Rubbing the nape of his neck with one hand, he said, "I'm back to the alien-parasite movies."

"Then why haven't they burrowed into all of us? Why aren't we all controlled?"

"Maybe we will be soon."

She shook her head. "Life isn't science fiction."

"Submarines, nuclear weapons, television, computers, satellite communications, organ transplants-it was all the stuff of science fiction before it was reality. And the biggest sci-fi theme of all is alien contact."

"But with the power to change a world-why the psychological warfare? They could just crush us like ants, which they seem to be doing anyway, in the cities if not here."

"You mean the doll, the mirror."

"And Harry Corrigan, and this T. S. Eliot weirdness. If they can replace our entire environment with theirs, scour away human civilization in days or weeks, eradicate it more efficiently than a seven-continent nuclear war, they wouldn't bother to screw with our minds like this."

Remembering the doll as it had stared at the ceiling just before it mutilated itself, Molly glanced up again and wondered if increased sensitivity to the storm-sailing leviathan would open her mind to its influence. Perhaps, eventually robbed of her free will, she would mimic the doll and gouge out her eyes.

"We aren't already dead because they have some sort of use for us," she suddenly realized.

"What use?"

"I can imagine several...."

"So can I," he said.

"None of them good."

"Remember the movie The Matrix The Matrix?"

"Forget movies. That's the way they want us to think, that's how we're being guided guided to think. But this is nothing like any movie ever made." to think. But this is nothing like any movie ever made."

She watched Vince Hoyt talking animatedly to a man she didn't know. Unwanted, into her mind came an image from the mirror: the coach with the top of his skull gone.

"Maybe they don't have a use for all of us," she said, "but certainly for some of us. We've been targeted, not for death but for manipulation. That stuff with the doll and the bar mirror-everyone saw it, but maybe it was only meant to influence you and me."

"Maybe only you," he said. "Derek came to you. Render came to you. Harry Corrigan came to you. None of them to me."

Molly rebelled at the thought that their individual destinies might differ radically, and that therefore their paths must sooner or later diverge. "I don't know what it means, but it means something something that we were the only ones not reflected in that mirror." that we were the only ones not reflected in that mirror."

"Not the only ones," he corrected. "The kids weren't there, either."

The six children now stood together near the booth in which they had previously been seated. If earlier they had exhibited some spirit of adventure, it had given way entirely to fear. They appeared to be ready to bolt at the slightest provocation.

Acting on instinct and with natural purpose, the dogs gravitated where they were needed most. While six canines still roamed the room, three-a golden retriever, a German shepherd, and a black-and-tan mutt with the build of a boxer but with the s.h.a.ggy face of a Scottish terrier-had gathered around the children to soothe troubled hearts as dogs have always done, and no doubt to defend their young charges against any threat.

Watching the kids and the dogs, Molly again felt enlightenment teasing her from just beyond the open fields of conscious thought, a shapeless shape moving in the shadowy woods of the subconscious, both enticing and disturbing.

"Besides the children," she asked Neil, "who else didn't cast a reflection in the mirror?"

"I don't know. It all happened so fast, there wasn't time for a head count. Maybe a couple others. Or maybe just the eight of us-you, me, the kids."

The soundless throbbing in the bones, the blood, the lymph, pulses sympathetic to the rhythms of the magnetic engines powering the behemoth overhead, began to subside.

She sensed the great weight and the malevolent shadow pa.s.sing off them as the vast ship moved south, and to avoid despondency, she dared not think about the hordes of inhuman creatures that must be aboard it and the cruel irresistible power it represented.

Throughout the tavern, candle flames swelled brighter, as if their light had been oppressed in much the way that the tides of the seas are managed by the phases of the moon.

Molly's mind seemed to function more quickly and clearly, too. She perceived purpose where before she had seen nothing but mists of confusion.

Working it out step by step, she said to Neil, "What is Render, my father?"

"What do you mean?"

"What one word defines the essence of him?"

"Psychopath," Neil said.

"That's a distraction from the truth."

"Murderer," he said.

"More specifically?"

"Murderer...of children."

As Neil spoke, a dog came to their table-the German shepherd that had stood with the group of kids. It stared intently at Molly.

She sat up straighter in the booth as her immediate future, previously all murk and mystery, began to clarify. "Yes-Render's a child murderer. And what am I?"

"To me-everything," he said. "To the world-a writer."

"I love you," she said, "and what we've had together. It doesn't get better. But if this is the last night of the world, if I've no more living left to define myself, then I'm defined forever by the best and worst things I've ever done."

Frowning, Neil followed half a step behind in her series of conclusions. "The best...you saved the lives of those school kids."

"He murders children. Once...I saved a few."

With an anxious whine, the German shepherd drew her attention.