The Squire's Daughter - novelonlinefull.com
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But even as he reached out his hard brown hand to take the pale and wasted one that was extended to him, the pendulum swung back once more; the better and n.o.bler feeling came back. The large sad eyes that looked up into his had in them no flash of pride or arrogance. The smile that played over her wan, pale face seemed as richly benevolent as the sunshine of G.o.d. Possibly she knew nothing of the calamity that had overtaken him and his, a calamity that her father might have so wonderfully lightened, and at scarcely any cost to himself, had he been so disposed. But it was not his place to blame the child for what her father had done or left undone.
The soft, thin fingers were enveloped in his big strong palm, and then his eyes filled. A lump came up into his throat and prevented him from speaking. Never in all his life before had he seemed so little master of himself.
Then a low, sweet voice broke the silence, and all his self-possession came back to him.
"I am so glad I have met you."
"Yes?" he questioned.
"I wanted to thank you for saving my life."
He dropped his eyes slowly, and a hot wave swept over him from head to foot.
"Dr. Barrow says if you had not found me when you did I should have died." And she looked at him as if expecting an answer. But he did not reply or even raise his head.
"And you carried me such a long distance, too," she went on, after a pause; "and I heard Dr. Barrow tell the nurse that you bound up my head splendidly."
"You were not much to carry," he said, raising his head suddenly.
"But--but you are less now." And his voice sank almost to a whisper.
"I have grown very thin," she said, with a wan smile. "But the doctor says I shall get all right again with time and patience."
"I hoped you would have got well much sooner," he said, looking timidly into her face. "I have suffered a good deal during your illness."
"You?" she questioned, raising her eyebrows. "Why?"
"Because if I had not been surly and boorish, the accident would not have happened. If you had died, I should never have forgiven myself."
"No, no; it was not your fault at all," she said quickly. "I have thought a good deal about it while I have been ill, and I have learnt some things that I might never have learnt any other way, and I see now that--that----" And she dropped her eyes to hide the moisture that had suddenly gathered. "I see now that it was very wrong of me to speak to you as I did."
"You were reared to command," he said, ready in a moment to champion her cause, "and I ought to have considered that. Besides, it isn't a man's place to be rude to a girl--I beg your pardon, miss, I mean to a----"
"No, no," she interrupted, with a laugh; "don't alter the word, please.
If I feel almost an old woman now, I was only a girl then. How much we may live in a few weeks! Don't you think so?"
"You have found that out, have you?" he questioned. And a troubled look came into his eyes.
"You see, lying in bed, day after day and week after week, gives one time to think----"
"Yes?" he questioned, after a brief pause.
She did not reply for several seconds; then she went on as if there had been no break. "I don't think I ever thought seriously about anything before I was ill. I took everything as it came, and as most things were good, I just enjoyed myself, and there seemed nothing else in the world but just to enjoy one's self----"
"There's not much enjoyment for most people," he said, seeing she hesitated.
"I don't think enjoyment ought to be the end of life," she replied seriously. Then, suddenly raising her eyes, she said--
"Do you ever get perplexed about the future?"
"I never get anything else," he stammered. "I'm all at sea this very moment."
"You? Tell me about it," she said eagerly.
He shrugged his shoulders, and looked along the road toward the village.
Should he tell her? Should he open her eyes to the doings of her own father? Should he point out some of the oppressive conditions under which the poor lived?
For a moment or two there was silence. He felt that her eyes were fixed intently on his face, that she was waiting for him to speak.
"I suppose your father has never told you that we have lost our little farm?" he questioned abruptly, turning his head and looking hard at her at the same time.
"No. How have you lost it? I do not understand."
"Well, it was this way." And he went on to explain the nature of the tenure on which his father leased his farm, but he was careful to avoid any mention of her father's name.
"And you say that in twelve years all the three 'lives' have died?"
"That is unfortunately the case."
"And you have no longer any right to the house you built, nor to the fields you reclaimed from the downs?"
"That is so."
"And the lord of the manor has taken possession?"
"He has let it to another man, who takes possession the day after to-morrow."
"And the lord of the manor puts the rent into his own pocket?"
"Yes."
"And your father has to go out into the world and start afresh?"
"We leave Hillside to-morrow. I'm going to St. Goram now, to see if the little cottage is ready. After to-morrow father starts life afresh, in his old age, having lost everything."
"But wasn't your father very foolish to risk his all on such a chance?
Life is always such an uncertain thing."
"I think he was very foolish; and he thinks so now. But at the time he was very hopeful. He thought the cost of bringing the land under cultivation would be much less than it has proved to be. He hoped, too, that the crops would be much heavier. Then, you see, he was born in the parish, and he wanted to end his days in it--in a little home of his own."
"It seems very hard," she said, with a distant look in her eyes.
"It's terribly hard," he answered; "and made all the harder by the landlord letting the farm over father's head."
"He could have let you remain?"
"Of course he could, if he had been disposed to be generous, or even just."
"I've often heard that Lord St. Goram is a very hard man."