The Sky's The Limit Part 23

He antic.i.p.ated her meaning. "It can do it again. You propose to modify my emotion chip in order to simulate Tamarian cognitive processes in my own brain."

"Exactly. You'd be able to communicate with them on their own terms, gain insights we never could otherwise."

"It is an intriguing proposal," he said, though he kept to himself the fact that he found it intimidating as well. "However, it is clearly flawed. Once I were...'reset'...to my normal cognitive mode, I might no longer understand those insights."

"I have considered that, thank you," she replied, biting off the words. "But you'd still have the direct experience, and at least that could help you formulate better a.n.a.logies. When you get right down to it, we all think in a.n.a.logies. We understand our experiences by comparing them to the precedents in our minds. The difference between us and the Tamarians is largely a matter of degree."

Data's unease compelled him to move, so he began pacing as he considered her proposal. In the past, he could have completed a risk-benefit a.n.a.lysis in milliseconds. When he had "paused to think," it had largely been an affectation to rea.s.sure his humanoid listeners that his statements were not offered in haste. These days, he found he needed time to process his emotional reactions and had more difficulty perceiving a clear course of action.

In this case, he found Borges's proposal worth contemplating but was not sure he had faith in her judgment. "My concern," he said at length, "is that we still understand relatively little about the functioning of the emotion chip. I am not sure it would be viable to modify its function and then restore it to its previous state."

"My experts have reviewed its specifications, and I'm confident it could work."

"You cannot know that for sure."

"There's never any certainty," she replied. "But the risk is minor. Captain Dathon was willing to give his life to achieve communication, you know."

"Doctor," Picard interposed, silencing her. "Data...as important as this project is to me, I would not ask you to place yourself at risk for it. And I'm not your commanding officer at the moment. However, I would suggest that you review Doctor Borges's proposal with Commander La Forge and a.s.sess its feasibility. Geordi knows your emotion chip and your other systems as well as any man alive."

"Aside from myself, of course." Data nodded. "Very well. I will discuss it with him." He turned to Borges. "And if I do agree to this proposal, I will request that Commander La Forge be in charge of the actual modifications."

"Of course. We'd be glad to have him on the team." She studied him. "I really believe this can work, Commander. We just have to work together to pull it off." She extended a hand.

He shook it briefly, without enthusiasm. "We shall see, Doctor."

"It sounds," Deanna said, "like there was some tension between you and Doctor Borges."

"She has repeatedly demonstrated an unreasonable hostility toward me," Data replied. "She reacts badly to my attempts to provide information, clarify issues under discussion, or correct oversights and errors in her work. It has proved an impediment to a smooth working relationship between us."

"I see. And why do you suppose that is?"

"Perhaps it is a result of the prejudice I have often encountered from organic beings. However, her att.i.tude seems to have infected the rest of her staff as well."

"You took the a.s.signment despite this personal difficulty."

"Of course, Counselor, or we would not be here. Geordi and I reviewed the doctor's research and found it valid. And he agreed with me that it was important to ensure that Captain Picard's breakthrough with the Tamarians did not go to waste. At the time, I a.s.sumed the doctor would be professional enough to work efficiently with us despite the minor tension I noted at our initial meeting."

Deanna tilted her head. "But the tension wasn't just on her end, was it?"

"No, it was not. I found her hostility somewhat...hurtful. I had done nothing to deserve it."

"Did you ask her what the source of her problem was?"

"I did. She accused me of being condescending and arrogant, of being a 'control freak' and a 'show-off.' " Data sounded confused by that.

"You don't think that was valid?" Deanna asked him.

"I behaved the same way I always have, Counselor-seeking to provide the most accurate information possible for the benefit of all parties."

"Which sometimes meant correcting her mistakes."

"Only in the interest of providing her with more accurate knowledge for the good of the project," Data insisted. It was odd to sense defensiveness in him. "I was trying to help her, and she irrationally responded to it as an attack."

"And how did that make you feel?" It was just as odd to be asking that, the most routine of a counselor's questions, in a session with Data. Deanna was still feeling her way when it came to counseling the newly emotional android. The old strategies she'd devised for him were no longer valid, but she had to guard against the a.s.sumption that he could be treated like any humanoid. There were still differences, most of all the sheer novelty of his emotions.

"Surprised. Confused. Hurt. Irritated. Frustrated."

"Angry?"

"Increasingly so, Counselor."

"Yet when you had your outburst of anger, it was directed at Geordi."

Data fidgeted. "Yes, it was."

"Tell me what happened."

"We had been working on the computations for modifying my emotion chip with Tamarian cognitive parameters. Specifically, we were debating how to modify my self-diagnostic protocols to accommodate a diminished sense of ego ident.i.ty. I had just gained an insight in how to proceed and was attempting to explain it to Geordi."

"Attempting?"

He frowned. "Yes. He was slow to comprehend the ideas I was expressing. To be fair, the computations were very involved. I suppose I could have been more patient with him. But you must understand, Counselor...given the speed at which my mind functions, it can be frustrating to wait for others to catch up. That is something I am still learning to cope with."

"But you weren't coping with it effectively the day this happened."

"I fear not."

"No! No, Geordi, you are not listening. If you simply reverse the polarity of-"

"No, Data, you aren't listening! Modifying the recursive filters like that would never work. It would create a dangerous feedback loop."

"I have already explained how to compensate for that. Why are you fighting me on this, Geordi?"

Data could see Geordi struggling to rein in his anger. He had found that the VISOR over Geordi's eyes did not appreciably hamper his ability to read the man's expressions, perhaps due to their long friendship. "I'm not fighting anything, Data. I just don't like being talked down to, that's all."

That came as a surprise to Data. "You sound like Borges."

"Yeah, well, maybe she has a point, did you think of that? Frankly, ever since you got that emotion chip, you haven't been that easy to get along with. I've tried to be patient, since you're new at this, but-"

"Patient?" Data laughed. "If you had any idea how patient I have had to be to function while surrounded by people who think thousands of times more slowly than I do-"

Geordi thrust a hand in his direction. "There. You see? This is the sort of thing Sofia's talking about. You keep reminding us how much smarter than us you are."

"That is no more true now than it was before I installed the chip."

"But you were never so d.a.m.n smug about it before."

"Why do people keep saying that?" Data shouted, surprised by the fierceness of his outburst. But hearing the accusation from his own best friend, the person he thought would be on his side, was the last blow he could withstand. "All I am trying to do is help people! To share the benefit of my knowledge, just as I always have! And yet every time I have tried to give that help to Borges and her teammates, I have been met with resentment and hostility for my efforts. And now you turn on me as well? Et tu, Geordi?"

"Well, maybe the problem is with you, did you ever think of that? Your positronic brain works so much faster than our lowly human ones, yet that possibility never occurred to you? The reason so many people are calling you a condescending show-off is because you are."

"That is not true! How can you say that? I thought you were my friend!"

His voice had grown louder with each sentence as the buildup of pain, betrayal, and bitterness burst free. With the final word, he smashed his hand down on the console, crumpling it. Geordi took a step back and was holding his hands out in what he no doubt imagined to be a calming gesture. "Just take it easy, Data. Maybe we should take a break, okay?"

"Stop pretending, Geordi! You despise me! You all do! Get out! Get out!" The outburst was as much a warning as anything else. He could feel rage overpowering him, filling him with a need to strike out at something. And his efforts to control it were failing.

"...As Geordi and the others fled, I gave in to the rage and directed it against the contents of the lab itself." Data gave his head a small, uncertain shake. "Afterward, I found I did not feel better. Merely...empty. And extremely guilty," he added, looking up at Deanna. "I could have harmed my best friend."

"But you didn't," she a.s.sured him. "Even when your anger and pain overwhelmed you, you still instinctively chose to direct your anger away from people and toward inanimate objects. And you were so concerned for the safety of others that you requested confinement to quarters before it could even be ordered. And that's why I'm convinced it isn't necessary. You wouldn't hurt any living thing out of anger. It's just not in you."

"But I did harm my friendship with Geordi. He may never trust me again."

"I'm sure you can rebuild that trust. But it will take effort on both your parts. You now know Geordi feels that you've been treating him with less respect than he deserves."

Data shook his head. "I think as highly of Geordi as I ever have. I am simply having difficulty managing my impatience. Under the circ.u.mstances, surely you can see why that impatience is understandable."

"I can," she said. "But you need to see why it's understandable that others would feel slighted by it, whether you intend it that way or not. Accommodation has to go both ways."

He sighed. "I thought that having emotions would make it easier to understand humanity. Instead, it has left me more confused than ever."

"Welcome to the humanoid condition," Deanna said with a smile. "Let me put it this way. You've always been smarter and faster than the rest of us, and you've always liked to give detailed lectures and explanations about the things you know. But when you were emotionless, it was simply a matter-of-fact presentation, and people could see that. So they didn't take it personally. Now, though, they can perceive you as an emotional being. So when you make a point of emphasizing your knowledge and intelligence, or hastening to point out their errors, it's natural for them to sense an emotional motive behind that. To suspect that you enjoy showing them that you know more than they do. It's easy to feel slighted by such a thing, especially when it's an ongoing pattern."

"But no slight is intended, Counselor. Simply a desire for precision. Surely if Geordi can understand that I do not mean any harm by it, then things will be all right."

Deanna took a slow breath. "I'm not sure it'll be that easy, Data. You need to ask yourself-could it be that they're sensing something real? Some emotion in yourself that you haven't recognized?"

He was surprised, hurt. "Surely you do not believe I intend to belittle others."

"No, of course not. But the thing about having emotions is that our conscious intentions are not always the only things that influence our actions. Sometimes we can be hurtful to others without even realizing it."

She leaned forward. "You spoke before of how it irritated you to be interrupted, and how impatient it made you when Borges lectured you on things you already knew."

"That is correct."

"So would you say your pride was hurt? That you felt you were being condescended to?"

"I believe that would be a valid interpretation."

"And you think it was justified for you to react with irritation and impatience in those cases."

"Perhaps I could have handled the emotions better, but yes, I believe I was ent.i.tled to feel them."

"Then what about when the situation is reversed? When you are the one doing the lecturing, the interrupting, the correcting? Isn't it reasonable to expect them to feel the same way?"

"I suppose so," he said after a pause.

"So if you act as though it's justified for you to react that way when they do it to you, but unreasonable for them to do so in the reverse case, doesn't that suggest a double standard? The idea that you're somehow above the restrictions they should be bound by?"

"That is not-" He broke off, frowning, and did not continue. At length, he spoke again. "So what you are saying is that...the emotion chip has made me obnoxious and insensitive." He seemed genuinely concerned at the possibility. "Perhaps it is malfunctioning or innately flawed. Doctor Soong was often regarded as imperious by his colleagues, so perhaps this is reflected in the chip's programming. Or it could have absorbed something from its time in Lore..."

"Data," she said, "I can't speak to the technical side of the matter. That's something you and Geordi will have to explore if you think it's necessary. But I want you to consider the possibility that the problem could be within yourself."

He examined her. "What specific fault do you propose? Some form of incompatibility between my positronic net and the emotion chip?"

She shook her head. "That's not what I mean. From what you've told me, it sounds as though Borges's disapproval, and particularly Geordi's, made you very hurt and angry."

"Correct."

"Often, the things that make us angriest are the things we fear the most. Arrogance and hostility are often compensation for feelings of inadequacy and insecurity." She leaned forward. "All your life, Data, you've believed that you wouldn't be complete until you achieved humanity. And since you weren't human, you've always believed you were less than you should be. Before, that was simply a detached appraisal to you, with no strong value judgment implied. Now, though, you have an emotional context for that feeling of deficiency, and it worries you. It's possible that it's manifesting as an inferiority complex."

Data frowned. "I do not understand, Counselor. How could my beliefs from the time before the emotion chip affect my emotional state now?"

"Emotions aren't separate from cognitive thought, Data. They interact with it closely, and it shapes them as much as they shape it. Your belief in your incompleteness is a lifelong habit." She paused. "Tell me: why did you feel you needed this chip?"

He was surprised at the question. "Because I wished to possess emotion."

"But isn't that a contradictory statement? Doesn't the very existence of the wish suggest that you already had emotion of a sort? True, you didn't have the same kind of pa.s.sion that we humanoids have. But you obviously had preferences, affinities, dislikes, ambitions, regrets. They may not have been human emotions, they may have been subdued and understated, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have qualified as a kind of emotion, if you'd been willing to perceive them in that way. You could have chosen to embrace and develop your own distinctly android emotions-been satisfied with being the unique ent.i.ty that is Data. But instead, you've always thought of being an android as a handicap you had to overcome."

"But it is, Counselor. I do not live among androids. I live among humans and other humanoids. Installing the emotion chip was the only way to overcome my inability to relate to my friends and colleagues in the fullest possible way."

She smiled sadly. "And has it worked the way you thought it would?" He opened his mouth to reply, then closed it, taking her point. "Maybe that's part of the problem. You saw this chip as a solution to your difficulties, but it's just created more. You haven't achieved your longed-for understanding of humanity, and that may be reinforcing your feelings of deficiency.

"Data, perhaps the hostility and arrogance others sense from you is a preemptive defense against the disapproval you expect from them. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy."

He pondered her words for some time. "And...if this hypothesis were correct...what would be the treatment?"

She thought it over. "Maybe the key is to stop looking so hard for external causes and solutions. We're all ultimately responsible for our own actions and choices. Even when we're provoked by others, we still choose how we respond to that provocation. So you need to learn to manage your own emotional state regardless of whatever incitements or judgments you perceive from others.

"If the problem is with your own self-image, then the crucial thing is to make peace with it. If you do that, then nothing from outside can threaten your sense of self."

"And how would I achieve this?"

"By learning to accept yourself on your own terms. Don't worry about whether you're human enough, or emotional enough, or liked enough by others. Don't feel you have to conform to others' expectations. Just try to be the best Data you can be. I know it seems paradoxical to say that the way to be more sensitive to others is to stop worrying about what they think of you. But dwelling on external causes for our emotional states can keep us from recognizing or exercising our own ability to manage them, to calm our own anxiety and find peace. And when we're at peace with ourselves, it's easier to make peace with others."

After a while, Data shook his head. "I am sorry, Counselor, but I am not convinced by your a.n.a.lysis. I believe my problem is simply a matter of control and discipline, or else the result of a technological malfunction." He stood. "However, I appreciate your rea.s.surance that I am not likely to inflict physical harm on anyone, and I will endeavor to be more sensitive to the egos of my colleagues. Thank you for your time, Counselor."

"Data, it won't be that simple. If you're thinking of returning to duty, I wouldn't advise it yet."

"Unfortunately, I am urgently needed on the Tamarian project. Captain Picard is counting on me. And I would appreciate it if you would tell the starbase commander that I am fit to return to duty."

Deanna was reluctant to accede to Data's request. As she saw it, he was in denial. She could understand his reticence to let go of a lifelong priority, to admit that the pursuit of humanity that he had devoted so much effort to might have been a fatuous goal. But she felt it was blinding him.

Moreover, she felt it had been a bad idea to let him return to duty so soon after installing the emotion chip. He was still at a juvenile level of emotional maturity, and while he could learn far faster than most humanoids, he still had a way to go, as his tantrum had shown.

But the pressure to return him to work was too strong. The Federation was counting on this diplomatic breakthrough. Doctor Borges was still determined to work with Data despite their personal clashes, and she had readily accepted his apologies and his promise to be more understanding in the future. And Deanna herself shared the determination he and Geordi felt to ensure the success of the process Captain Picard had started.

So she gave her guarded approval for Data to return to duty, with the proviso that she would remain to monitor him. This also let her work directly on the project after all, and she relished the opportunity. After months counseling her former crewmates, it was refreshing to exercise her skills as a contact specialist again.