The Secret City Part 3

"Oh, all right, thanks," Bohun answered, trying unsuccessfully to show that he was not surprised at my friend's choice of words. But Uncle Ivan saw that he had not been successful and his lip trembled. Markovitch was silent and Boris Nicolaievitch sulked. Only once towards the end of the meal Bohun interested me.

"I wonder," he asked me, "whether you know a fellow called Lawrence? He travelled from England with me. A man who's played a lot of football."

"Not Jerry Lawrence, the international!" I said. "Surely he can't have come out here?" Of course it was the same. I was interested and strangely pleased. The thought of Lawrence's square back and cheery smile was extremely agreeable just then.

"Oh! I'm very glad," I answered. "I must get him to come and see me. I knew him pretty well at one time. Where's he to be found?"

Bohun, with an air of rather gentle surprise, as though he could not help thinking it strange that any one should take an interest in Lawrence's movements, told me where he was lodging.

"And I hope you also will find your way to me sometime,"

I added. "It's an out-of-place grimy spot, I'm afraid. You might bring Lawrence round one evening."

Soon after that, feeling that I could do no more towards retrieving an evening definitely lost, I departed. At the last I caught Markovitch's eye. He seemed to be watching for something. A new invention perhaps. He was certainly an unhappy man.

VIII

I was to meet Jerry Lawrence sooner than I had expected. And it was in this way.

Two days after the evening that I have just described I was driven to go and see Vera Michailovna. I was driven, partly by my curiosity, partly by my depression, and partly by my loneliness. This same loneliness was, I believe, at this time beginning to affect us all. I should be considered perhaps to be speaking with exaggeration if I were to borrow the t.i.tle of one of Mrs. Oliphant's old-fashioned and charming novels and to speak of Petrograd as already "A Beleaguered City"--beleaguered, moreover, in very much the same sense as that other old city was. From the very beginning of the war Petrograd was isolated--isolated not by the facts of the war, its geographical position or any of the obvious causes, but simply by the contempt and hatred with which it was regarded. From very old days it was spoken of as a German town. "If you want to know Russia don't go to Petrograd." "Simply a cosmopolitan town like any other." "A smaller Berlin"--and so on, and so on. This sense of outside contempt influenced its own att.i.tude to the world. It was always at war with Moscow. It showed you when you first arrived its Nevski, its ordered squares, its official buildings as though it would say: "I suppose you will take the same view as the rest. If you don't wish to look any deeper here you are. I'm not going to help you."

As the war developed it lost whatever gaiety and humour it had. After the fall of Warsaw the att.i.tude of the Russian people in general became fatalistic. Much nonsense was talked in the foreign press about "Russia coming back again and again." "Russia, the harder she was pressed the harder she resisted," and the ghost of Napoleon retreating from Moscow was presented to every home in Europe; but the plain truth was that, after Warsaw, the temper of the people changed. Things were going wrong once more as they had always gone wrong in Russian history, and as they always would go wrong. Then followed bewilderment. What to do? Whose fault was it all? Shall we blame our blood or our rulers? Our rulers, certainly, as we always, with justice, have blamed them--our blood, too, perhaps. From the fall of Warsaw, in spite of momentary flashes of splendour and courage, the Russians were a blindfolded, naked people, fighting a nation fully armed. Now, Europe was vast continents away, and only Germany, that old Germany whose soul was hateful, whose practical spirit was terribly admirable, was close at hand. The Russian people turned hither and thither, first to its Czar, then to its generals, then to its democratic spirit, then to its idealism--and there was no hope anywhere. They appealed for Liberty. In the autumn of 1916 a great prayer from the whole country went up that the bandage might be taken from its eyes, and soon, lest when the light did at last come the eyes should be so unused to it that they should see nothing. Nicholas had his opportunity--the greatest opportunity perhaps ever offered to man. He refused it. From that moment the easiest way was closed, and only a most perilous rocky path remained.

With every week of that winter of 1916, Petrograd stepped deeper and deeper into the darkness. Its strangeness grew and grew upon me as the days filed through. I wondered whether my illness and the troubles of the preceding year made me see everything at an impossible angle--or it was perhaps my isolated lodging, my crumbling rooms, with the grey expanse of sea and sky in front of them that was responsible. Whatever it was, Petrograd soon came to be to me a place with a most terrible secret life of its own.

There is an old poem of Pushkin's that Alexandre Benois has most marvellously ill.u.s.trated, which has for its theme the rising of the river Neva in November 1824. On that occasion the splendid animal devoured the town, and in Pushkin's poem you feel the devastating power of the beast, and in Benois' pictures you can see it licking its lips as it swallowed down pillars and bridges and streets and squares with poor little fragments of humanity clutching and crying and fruitlessly appealing.

This poem only emphasised for me the suspicion that I had originally had, that the great river and the marshy swamp around it despised contemptuously the buildings that man had raised beside and upon it, and that even the buildings in their turn despised the human beings who thronged them. It could only be some sense of this kind that could make one so repeatedly conscious that one's feet were treading ancient ground.

The town, raised all of a piece by Peter the Great, could claim no ancient history at all; but through every stick and stone that had been laid there stirred the spirit and soul of the ground, so that out of one of the sluggish ca.n.a.ls one might expect at any moment to see the horrid and scaly head of some palaeolithic monster with dead and greedy eyes slowly push its way up that it might gaze at the little black hurrying atoms as they crossed and recrossed the grey bridge. There are many places in Petrograd where life is utterly dead; where some building, half-completed, has fallen into red and green decay; where the water lies still under iridescent sc.u.m and thick clotted reeds seem to stand at bay, concealing in their depths some terrible monster.

At such a spot I have often fancied that the eyes of countless inhabitants of that earlier world are watching me, and that not far away the waters of Neva are gathering, gathering, gathering their mighty momentum for some instant, when, with a great heave and swell, they will toss the whole fabric of brick and mortar from their shoulders, flood the streets and squares, and then sink tranquilly back into great sheets of unruffled waters marked only with reeds and the sharp cry of some travelling bird.

All this may be fantastic enough, I only know that it was sufficiently real to me during that winter of 1916 to be ever at the back of my mind; and I believe that some sense of that kind had in all sober reality something to do with that strange weight of uneasy antic.i.p.ation that we all of us, yes, the most unimaginative amongst us, felt at this time.

Upon this afternoon when I went to pay my call on Vera Michailovna, the real snow began to fall. We had had the false preliminary attempt a fortnight before; now in the quiet persistent determination, the solid soft resilience beneath one's feet, and the patient aquiescence of roofs and bridges and cobbles one knew that the real winter had come. Already, although it was only four o'clock in the afternoon, there was darkness, with the strange almost metallic glow as of the light from an inverted looking-gla.s.s that snow makes upon the air. I had not far to go, but the long stretch of the Ekateringofsky Ca.n.a.l was black and gloomy and desolate, repeating here and there the pale yellow reflection of some lamp, but for the most part dim and dead, with the hulks of barges lying like sleeping monsters on its surface. As I turned into Anglisky Prospect I found stretched like a black dado, far down the street, against the wall, a queue of waiting women. They would be there until the early morning, many of them, and it was possible that then the bread would not be sufficient. And this not from any real lack, but simply from the mistakes of a bungling, peculating Government. No wonder that one's heart was heavy.

I found Vera Michailovna to my relief alone. When Sacha brought me into the room she was doing what I think I had never seen her do before, sitting unoccupied, her eyes staring in front of her, her hands folded on her lap.

"I don't believe that I've ever caught you idle before, Vera Michailovna," I said.

"Oh, I'm glad you've come!" She caught my hand with an eagerness very different from her usual calm, quiet greeting. "Sit down. It's an extraordinary thing. At that very moment I was wishing for you."

"What is it I can do for you?" I asked. "You know that I would do anything for you."

"Yes, I know that you would. But--well. You can't help me because I don't know what's the matter with me."

"That's very unlike you," I said.

"Yes, I know it is--and perhaps that's why I am frightened. It's so vague; and you know I long ago determined that if I couldn't define a trouble and have it there in front of me, so that I could strangle it--why I wouldn't bother about it. But those things are so easy to say."

She got up and began to walk up and down the room. That again was utterly unlike her, and altogether I seemed to be seeing, this afternoon, some quite new Vera Michailovna, some one more intimate, more personal, more appealing. I realised suddenly that she had never before, at any period of our friendship, asked for my help--not even for my sympathy. She was so strong and reliant and independent, cared so little for the opinion of others, and shut down so closely upon herself her private life, that I could not have imagined her asking help from any one. And of the two of us, she was the man, the strong determined soul, the brave and self-reliant character. It seemed to me ludicrous that she should ask for my help. Nevertheless I was greatly touched.

"I would do anything for you," I said.

She turned to me, a splendid figure, her head, with its crown of black hair, lifted, her hands on her hips, her eyes gravely regarding me.

"There are three things," she said, "perhaps all of them nothing.... And yet all of them disturbing. First my husband. He's beginning to drink again."

"Drink?" I said; "where can he get it from?"

"I don't know. I must discover. But it isn't the actual drinking. Every one in our country drinks if he can. Only what has made my husband break his resolve? He was so proud of it. You know how proud he was. And he lies about it. He says he is not drinking. He never used to lie about anything. That was not one of his faults."

"Perhaps his inventions," I suggested.

"Pouf! His inventions! You know better than that, Ivan Andreievitch. No, no. It is something.... He's not himself. Well, then, secondly, there's Nina. The other night did you notice anything?"

"Only that she lost her temper. But she's always doing that."

"No, it's more than that. She's unhappy, and I don't like the life she's leading. Always out at cinematographs and theatres and restaurants, and with a lot of boys who mean no harm, I know--but they're idiotic, they're no good.... Now, when the war's like this and the suffering....

To be always at the cinematograph! But I've lost my authority over her, Ivan Andreievitch. She doesn't care any longer what I say to her. Once, and not so long ago, I meant so much to her. She's changed, she's harder, more careless, more selfish. You know, Ivan Andreievitch, that Nina's simply everything to me. I don't talk about myself, do I? but at least I can say that since--oh, many, many years, she's been the whole world and more than the whole world to me. Our mother and father were killed in a railway accident coming up from Odessa when Nina was very small, and since then Nina's been mine--all mine!"

She said that word with sudden pa.s.sion, flinging it at me with a fierce gesture of her hands. "Do you know what it is to want that something should belong to you, belong entirely to you, and to no one else? I've been too proud to say, but I've wanted that terribly all my life. I haven't had children, although I prayed for them, and perhaps now it is as well. But Nina! She's known she was mine, and, until now, she's loved to know it. But now she's escaping from me, and she knows that too, and is ashamed. I think I could bear anything but that sense that she herself has that she's being wrong--I hate her to be ashamed."

"Perhaps," I suggested, "it's time that she went out into the world now and worked. There are a thousand things that a woman can do."

"No--not Nina. I've spoilt her, perhaps; I don't know. I always liked to feel that she needed my help. I didn't want to make her too self-reliant. That was wrong of me, and I shall be punished for it."

"Speak to her," I said. "She loves you so much that one word from you to her will be enough."

"No," Vera Michailovna said slowly. "It won't be enough now. A year ago, yes. But now she's escaping as fast as she can."

"Perhaps she's in love with some one," I suggested.

"No. I should have seen at once if it had been that. I would rather it were that. I think she would come back to me then. No, I suppose that this had to happen. I was foolish to think that it would not. But it leaves one alone--it--"

She pulled herself up at that, regarding me with sudden shyness, as though she would forbid me to hint that she had shown the slightest emotion, or made in any way an appeal for pity.

I was silent, then I said:

"And the third thing, Vera Michailovna?"

"Uncle Alexei is coming back." That startled me. I felt my heart give one frantic leap.

"Alexei Petrovitch!" I cried. "When? How soon?"