The School for Scandal Part 27

SURFACE. Come--come it is not too late yet--but hark! this is probably my Unkle Sir Oliver--retire to that Room--we'll consult further when He's gone.--

LADY SNEERWELL. Well but if HE should find you out to--

SURFACE. O I have no fear of that--Sir Peter will hold his tongue for his own credit sake--and you may depend on't I shall soon Discover Sir Oliver's weak side!--

LADY SNEERWELL. I have no diffidence of your abilities--only be constant to one roguery at a time-- [Exit.]

SURFACE. I will--I will--So 'tis confounded hard after such bad Fortune, to be baited by one's confederate in evil--well at all events my character is so much better than Charles's, that I certainly--hey--what!--this is not Sir Oliver--but old Stanley again!--Plague on't that He should return to teaze me just now-- I shall have Sir Oliver come and find him here--and----

Enter SIR OLIVER

Gad's life, Mr. Stanley--why have you come back to plague me at this time? you must not stay now upon my word!

SIR OLIVER. Sir--I hear your Unkle Oliver is expected here-- and tho' He has been so penurious to you, I'll try what He'll do for me--

SURFACE. Sir! 'tis impossible for you to stay now--so I must beg----come any other time and I promise you you shall be a.s.sisted.

SIR OLIVER. No--Sir Oliver and I must be acquainted--

SURFACE. Zounds Sir then [I] insist on your quitting the-- Room directly--

SIR OLIVER. Nay Sir----

SURFACE. Sir--I insist on't--here William show this Gentleman out.

Since you compel me Sir--not one moment--this is such insolence.

[Going to push him out.]

Enter CHARLES

CHARLES. Heyday! what's the matter now?--what the Devil have you got hold of my little Broker here! Zounds--Brother, don't hurt little Premium. What's the matter--my little Fellow?

SURFACE. So! He has been with you, too, has He--

CHARLES. To be sure He has! Why, 'tis as honest a little---- But sure Joseph you have not been borrowing money too have you?

SURFACE. Borrowing--no!--But, Brother--you know sure we expect Sir Oliver every----

CHARLES. O Gad, that's true--Noll mustn't find the little Broker here to be sure--

SURFACE. Yet Mr. Stanley insists----

CHARLES. Stanley--why his name's Premium--

SURFACE. No no Stanley.

CHARLES. No, no--Premium.

SURFACE. Well no matter which--but----

CHARLES. Aye aye Stanley or Premium, 'tis the same thing as you say--for I suppose He goes by half a hundred Names, besides A. B's at the Coffee-House. [Knock.]

SURFACE. 'Sdeath--here's Sir Oliver at the Door----Now I beg-- Mr. Stanley----

CHARLES. Aye aye and I beg Mr. Premium----

SIR OLIVER. Gentlemen----

SURFACE. Sir, by Heaven you shall go--

CHARLES. Aye out with him certainly----

SIR OLIVER. This violence----

SURFACE. 'Tis your own Fault.

CHARLES. Out with him to be sure.

[Both forcing SIR OLIVER out.]

Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE, LADY TEAZLE, MARIA, and ROWLEY

SIR PETER. My old Friend, Sir Oliver!--hey! what in the name of wonder!--Here are dutiful Nephews!--a.s.sault their Unkle at his first Visit!

LADY TEAZLE. Indeed Sir Oliver 'twas well we came in to rescue you.

ROWLEY. Truly it was--for I perceive Sir Oliver the character of old Stanley was no Protection to you.

SIR OLIVER. Nor of Premium either--the necessities of the former could not extort a shilling from that benevolent Gentleman; and with the other I stood a chance of faring worse than my Ancestors, and being knocked down without being bid for.

SURFACE. Charles!

CHARLES. Joseph!

SURFACE. 'Tis compleat!

CHARLES. Very!

SIR OLIVER. Sir Peter--my Friend and Rowley too--look on that elder Nephew of mine--You know what He has already received from my Bounty and you know also how gladly I would have look'd on half my Fortune as held in trust for him--judge then my Disappointment in discovering him to be dest.i.tute of Truth--Charity--and Grat.i.tude--

SIR PETER. Sir Oliver--I should be more surprized at this Declaration, if I had not myself found him to be selfish-- treacherous and Hypocritical.

LADY TEAZLE. And if the Gentleman pleads not guilty to these pray let him call ME to his Character.

SIR PETER. Then I believe we need add no more--if He knows himself He will consider it as the most perfect Punishment that He is known to the world--

CHARLES. If they talk this way to Honesty--what will they say to ME by and bye!

SIR OLIVER. As for that Prodigal--his Brother there----