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The silence between us replaces the joking and innuendo and I kick myself that I'm the one who screwed up. What do I say? I don't think he's Nate, but I was used to calling him that for weeks.
"Do you trust me?"
"Yes."
"Even though I lied?"
"You were stupid, not malicious."
The silence returns as Will rubs his head. "I'm like them, Fleur."
"Who?"
"Ethan. Shaun."
"You're not!"
"Do you know how many girls I've screwed in the last year?" He meets my eyes, and the shining happiness has gone.
I wince at the word but refuse to break eye contact. "No."
"Neither do I. So I'm worse than the guys who hurt you. I bet they can remember every girl. I can't."
I don't want this conversation, can't think of Will in this way. "Only if you intend to do it again," I say. "Only if you intend to have s.e.x with me and move onto the next girl."
As Will shifts his gaze to the opposite side of the room, my stomach sinks. He can't give me the answer I'd like. Is he unsure? Or is Will coming clean and this is all about s.e.x. "Can I ask you a personal question?" he asks.
"Okay."
"Are you a virgin?"
Stunned, I stare at the side of his head as he refuses to meet my eyes. "You need to ask me that question? Are you worried I won't know what I'm doing?"
"No, but "
"Because I'm nerdy history girl? I don't buy into your cliche, don't you buy into the one around me."
"Right. But you only have s.e.x with guys who love you, right? I remember you said that."
"Will, look at me."
The heavy atmosphere creates a barrier between us. How has this shifted?
"I'll wait." He sits back against the sofa. "I need to wait."
"You don't."
Where has the suggestive guy with his banter gone? He's the man I want. His scent is on my clothes, lips imprinted on my skin from earlier. Will wasn't the only one fantasising at the movies.
"Right. Are you telling me you wouldn't regret having s.e.x with me? Dropping your morals for a guy who screws girls and pushes them to one side? I'll walk away, leave tomorrow, and you'll be left wondering. Stressed." He pauses. "Unhappy."
"No. I trust you."
"f.u.c.k, I'm confused." Will runs his palms down his face. "I can't stop thinking about earlier; and normally, I'd just do this. But "
"But you need to stop thinking and kiss me."
I reach out to him, touching his day's scruff, my face smarting from his rough cheek earlier. I edge in for a kiss and place my lips on his for a second before pulling away to look at him. "I trust you and I know what I'm doing."
Will mutters something under his breath then crashes his mouth on mine. This is all it takes to reignite the burn from before. A shiver trips along my spine as Will's hands delve beneath my shirt, holding my waist as his tongue pushes into my mouth. I climb onto his lap and hold his face; he's not allowed to change his mind and walk away.
I push my hands beneath his clothes too and sc.r.a.pe my nails along his hard abs. The heat sparks into flame, my nipples hardening as I press myself closer. Will's desire matches mine; he wraps my hair around his hand and grips my face to him.
I don't know how, but earlier tonight, Will triggered a l.u.s.t I won't shake until he satisfies it. The physicality of the guy struck me from the first time he stood close to me in the study room. How is that possible? How can somebody affect another person with such intensity, without touching?
Will manages to do this, and now he has touched me I can go only one direction. The morals he's talking about aren't holding me back from letting Will know what I want. Is it so wrong that I do?
Will breaks the kiss and rests his head on the back of the sofa, chest rising and falling rapidly, lips parted. "I thought I told you. No seducing me."
I laugh and kiss him softly again, running my tongue along his bottom lip. He sighs and grips my face to his again. Our barely restrained l.u.s.t grips us in this moment and I don't want to stop. I'm pretty d.a.m.n sure Will doesn't either.
"Jesus, Fleur." Will shifts beneath me, his hard arousal pushing against where I straddle him, and I don't want clothes in the way. "You need to climb off me or I'm going to push this as far as I can."
"Stay," I say, and kiss him again.
Will groans into my mouth and grips my waist. "I know I'm irresistible, but no."
I sit back and push my hands into his hair to hold his head. "Is it me? Is there something wrong with me?"
"No!" I shiver as his fingers trail softly along my belly, the heat between my legs intensifying. "Every time I close my eyes, you're there; I can't shake you."
"Then stay."
Will slides his hands up my side and I wriggle against the ticklishness. "You told me that s.e.x isn't something you do with just anybody. If I wanted, I could tell you I loved you, but you wouldn't believe me. You'd think I was saying it to get what I wanted."
"I wish I'd never told you that!" I say and drop my hands.
"Well, you did." He lifts me from his lap and I frown at him. "I have to go before my d.i.c.k takes over control of the situation."
I'd laugh but I'm p.i.s.sed off, a mess of arousal fighting to control my breathing.
"Will..." I stand and wrap my arms around him, pull him in for a kiss. "Stay. We don't have to do everything."
Just touch me.
His breath speeds against my mouth. "I'm trying to push away those images, Fleur. Don't put them back."
The front door clicks and Anne heads in, alone. She halts in the open doorway and blinks at us. Well, gawks at Will for a few moments before turning a confused look in my direction.
"Hey," says Will with a smile.
"Hey... Will?" replies Anne.
"Yep. Great party the other day."
"Right." Anne nods at me. "You might want to fasten your shirt."
I put my hand to the top of my chest. Bare skin. The b.u.t.tons are unfastened as far as my bra. Which is also unfastened. "Oh!"
Anne's eyes shine in amus.e.m.e.nt. "Anybody want a drink?" she calls as she heads into the kitchen.
"All good. I was leaving." Will smooths my hair and pulls my head closer. "I'll call tomorrow, once I get to Liverpool."
"Right."
He kisses my nose. "Thanks for tonight."
"Right."
I mentally kick myself. Surprised by Anne's arrival, mortified by flashing my underwear at her and disappointed Will is walking away; my brain has decided one word sentences are the way I go.
"You're funny," says Will and grabs my a.s.s. "s.e.xy as h.e.l.l."
Then do something about it.
"Thanks."
As if he couldn't make things worse, Will leaves me with another toe-curling kiss and walks away.
The moment the door slams closed, Anne reappears. "Explain."
I have no idea where to start.
29.
FLEUR.
Will's away for a week, in which time I attempt to suppress how I feel, but the distance only intensifies everything. I lie in bed picturing us in the study room and on the sofa, arousal building as I skip forward in my imagination.
Will is not the man I expected.
What do I think of him now? He's a sweet guy underneath his image, and at odds with the one I've read about. My initial view he's using me is eroded. Will pursued a girl who repeatedly told him to leave her alone, and drew me to him until he became the person who drifted into my mind as I lay in bed at night. When I discovered the lie over who he was I was prepared to never speak to him again. Will refused to let me go.
Then there's the way he's always looked at me, not predatory like the other guys recently, which backs up his words that he cares. Will calls every day and brushes away any doubt with his crazy sense of humour, interspersed with out of the blue complaints that he misses me.
I miss him too, an irrational amount.
In an attempt to switch off and deal with the ache for Will, I throw myself into my dissertation, doubly determined to do well after Shaun's veiled threats and patronising comments.
I've manage to avoid Shaun, but today my luck runs out. I have a cla.s.s in one of the upstairs rooms in the same building as his office and I'm on my way past when his door opens. We both stop and look at each other, a wave of anger sweeping over me as I take in his smug face.
"Fleur. A word please."
I hesitate and glance at Steph.
"I'll be with you in a few minutes."
She c.o.c.ks a brow. "Uh huh."
"No! Not like that." My cheeks heat and I hope to h.e.l.l Shaun doesn't hear the exchange.
Steph leaves, and our lecturer from the cla.s.s pa.s.ses us with a nod to Shaun on the way out. The building entrance door closes. I listen for movement upstairs but the creak of floorboards stopped.
"I'll talk to you here," I say and cross my arms.
"Fine. How's the dissertation going?"
"Almost done."
"Is the paper much different to the work we discussed?"
"I think so."
Shaun gestures to his office. "I really think you need to come inside and discuss this."
"I don't have anything else to discuss with you."
Shaun steps closer and I step back. "Don't you want my help?"
The awareness we're alone in the building edges in. "No."
"I think you may need it." He's close. Too close and I attempt to back up again but I hit the wall.
How did I misjudge this man and become caught up in his spin and clever seduction techniques? "Why?"
"I published a paper last week. An article in American Historical Review to showcase some of my new research."
"Prestigious. Good for you."
"You should read it."