The Ruby Riot Series: Box Set Part 115

31.

RILEY.

"OmifreakinG.o.d, Riley!" Tegan's voice shrieks and I hold the phone away from my ear. "Riley?"

"h.e.l.lo, Tegan."

"You have a kid! How the h.e.l.l did I not know this?"

"n.o.body knew, Tegan."

"I thought we were friends!" I can hear the pout from here.

"Like I said, n.o.body knew."

"Somebody must! You can't have no friends outside of work."

I hold the phone to my ear with a shoulder as I stand in the laundry and fold Josh's school uniform. "I do but my worlds are separate. And I'm sorry I couldn't tell you because of the band and working with you."

"I want to meet him," she announces. "I know loads of people aren't talking to your face about this, but I want to see who he is."

"I didn't think you were a fan of kids."

"Ha! Well, Jem and Ruby's daughter is a toddler with att.i.tude and works as the best contraception ever." She giggles. "Your son, Josh? He's older, isn't he? Past the throwing things and screaming stage?"

"Mostly."

"Come on! Can I come over? I always wondered why you made excuses for me to stay away when I was in London."

I stare at the domesticity around me, at my stained T-shirt and faded leggings. My home is a mess, the cleaner overdue.

"Today?"

"If that's all right?"

I relent and Tegan arrives on my doorstep a couple of hours later with a bag full of sweets for Josh. I've changed into jeans and a loose blue jumper; Tegan's dressed the same, but somehow looks glamorous when I look ordinary.

She greets me with a kiss and a breath-s.n.a.t.c.hing hug. "Oh, Riley, why didn't you tell me?"

For the first time since my secret became public knowledge, tears spring to my eyes. Few people have mentioned Josh to me. One or two girls in the agency asked if the news was true, gushed a little over his photo, and then attempted to chat to me about their offspring. I didn't offer much in return, the awkwardness and maintenance of a professional image at the forefront of my mind.

What's obvious is how much I've blown this out of proportion over the years, but Tegan's recognition of the situation firmly and finally pushes Josh into reality.

"A million reasons, Tegan."

She pulls her mouth into a sympathetic line. "I understand. Where is he?"

Josh sits in the lounge, playing a game on his iPad. He looks up as Tegan walks in then back to his screen. She laughs at his disinterest.

"Hey, Josh."

"Josh, don't be rude. This is my friend, Tegan."

Josh looks at her, then notices the bag of sweets in her hand. He bites his lip and looks over at me.

"Is it okay to give him these?" asks Tegan and holds them up.

"Sure," I say, then add, "Don't eat them all, Joshy. Save some for after lunch."

Tegan sits next to Josh who shifts away from her slightly and studies her with his blue-green eyes. He relaxes into enthusiastic chatter when Tegan asks about his game.

I walk into the kitchen, grip the sink, and look out the window at the grey winter sky. I'm struggling. A hidden part of me is exposed by Josh, but that's only the half of it. Nate continues to consume my thoughts. I can't eat, and wake in the night unable to sleep. Even work doesn't switch me off as much as I hoped. In Nate's company, the world righted itself. Now he's flipped the table and everything fell into the outside world. Here, this house, Tegan and Josh together, unreal and unsettling.

Tegan reappears chewing one of the sweets she brought and grins at me. "I bought my favourites. I love wine gums. Shh!"

I laugh. "Big kid."

"I am not! But I'm married to one. Do you know what he did this time?" I fail to hide my I don't care look. "Sorry, you don't want to know."

I sit and Tegan drags a chair out to sit opposite me. "I take it this is what screwed things up with Nate?"

"Yes, but something inevitably would. I don't think we make a good couple."

"Oh, I think you do." She makes exploding motions in the air. "People say Jax and me are volatile, but it's part of what makes us who we are. Guys like him and Nate need women like us."

I pick up Josh's coloured pencils spread across the table and arrange them in a neat pile. "I actually don't think Nate wants a relationship," I say to the table.

"I dunno. He was with the model for a month, whatever happened there. Then you. Maybe he's looking for somebody?"

"Not me," I say and look up with a weak smile. "Single mum and bane of his life."

"Riley Sawyer and his match." Tegan pops another wine gum in her mouth.

"You're reading too much into this. I screwed up by not telling him."

"Have you spoken to him since?"

"I sent him a message to ask him to meet up."

"Don't tell me, the ignorant b.a.s.t.a.r.d wouldn't?"

"Correct."

Tegan chews thoughtfully. "I'll speak to him."

"No!"

"I b.l.o.o.d.y will. Tell him he's being a douchebag and at least needs to talk. Even if he isn't interested anymore, it's rude."

I give a short laugh. "Tegan, please don't bother. I don't care."

"That's a load of c.r.a.p, Riley." Our eyes meet in challenge for a moment.

"I want to return to normal, Tegan."

She snorts. "Like that's ever going to happen. I want to help you; I care about you."

"Thank you and I appreciate you coming to see me, but really, I'd like to deal with this on my own."

She spies an open packet of chocolate biscuits on the table and takes one. "Do you have friends? I mean other friends you can talk to?"

"A couple of mums from Josh's school and an old school friend. I'm busy."

Tegan chews the biscuit and watches me. "Hiding him must've been exhausting. Why do that?"

I shrug and she shakes her head at me. "You need to live and love, Riley. If Nate's not the guy, I'm sure we'll find you one."

"Tegan, I don't want you to find me anything."

She licks chocolate from her fingers. "True. Love catches up when you don't expect."

I look through the door at the guy who's the centre of my life and who I'll never make less than number one again. "And whoever loves me has to share me with my son," I say quietly.

32.

NATE.

I don't want to see her. I don't want to speak to anybody. If I head out, I'll find myself drunk and in a lot of trouble. I can't control the power of the emotion surging through, set to explode into anger against anybody who comes near me. If I stay away from people long enough, I'll short-circuit myself and burn everything out of my system. Then I return to normal.

Six years.

Six f.u.c.king years since I was this person. Heart betrayed; lied to. Tentative steps outside of my sheltered world, trusting Riley or anybody, are blown apart by her deception.

I can't talk to Riley. I won't talk to her. In my head, I rewind to the hate from before we met again in Newcastle. I have no need to see Riley, or even admit she exists because we can keep away from each other again. Talking to her won't change the situation. She has a kid and she lied. If we do talk, I'll throw harsh words in an attempt to rip into her the way she's torn at me. So I'll keep quiet; and if my silence hurts, that's Riley's problem not mine.

I should never have let my guard down. Life shifted in a different direction when we were in the snow. Those days away tore down a side of myself I'd constructed since Charlotte killed the other Nate; I was with a girl who I finally recognised. We found our mirror image. Twice. And twice we shattered the gla.s.s leaving an ugly, distorted picture of who we are to each other.

A part of me hangs on to the idea of us, and I slap him down. Riley stripped away a layer of my heart and her actions poured acid on the open wound. I tell myself this was quick; a short-lived breath of a relationship, but I'm lying. This relationship started years ago.

No, in a few days, I'll have this out of my system and will move on. There's more than one replacement for Riley out there.

How the h.e.l.l did she hide Josh? n.o.body ever told me she has a kid; and I'm d.a.m.n sure at some point in the past, someone would've mentioned it, at least in pa.s.sing conversation. She's crazy, pretending she isn't a mother, hiding her son because he doesn't suit her career-girl life. Poor kid having a mother incapable of loving anybody, even you.

Yeah, I thought I was screwed up, but this? Weird s.h.i.t.

Riley texted and asked to talk. Is she stressing I'll spill her secret? None of my business, nothing to do with her is my business anymore. She can live her sad life alone. I'm embarra.s.sed we appeared as a couple the day before she screwed me over. Good thing people are used to a revolving door of girls as my style.

My peace doesn't last long; my brother arrives unannounced at the house at the end of my third day enjoying solitude. I hear the door unlock from my position stretched out on the couch. Will appears in the doorway and wrinkles his nose.

"Ugh. Stinks in here. What's happening, Nate?"

"I knew I should've taken my key off you." I turn up the volume on the TV.

"What you watching?"

"Netflix. No idea what anymore."

Will settles into the reclining chair he favours when he hangs out at my place. "This because of Riley?"

Typical Will, straight to the point.

"No, I just want some peace." I look at him pointedly. "Had a rough few weeks. Tired."

"Nothing to do with finding out Riley has a kid? Did you know?"

She told people?

"Not until a couple of days ago. Doesn't matter to me."

"Matters enough to break off your blossoming romance."

I bite my tongue against a different explanation. "Yeah, I'm not getting involved with a chick with kids. If I want any, I'll have my own."

"Need to find someone who wants you first," says Will with a laugh.

"What the f.u.c.k does that mean?"

"Joking. What the h.e.l.l is wrong with you?"

"Riley made me look stupid. Lied to me."

"Lied to everyone it seems, not just you. I wonder if anybody else knew." Will pulls the chair into the recline position and grabs a half-empty bag of corn chips. He throws a chip in the air and catches it in his mouth, and the crunching irritates me. "What's the story with you and her? Why would you never tell me? Until the other night, I believed what you said on tour that it was all her l.u.s.ting after your irresistible self."

I don't confirm or deny anything and s.n.a.t.c.h the bag from him.

"You and her," says Will.