The Rephaim: Burn Part 15

She frowns. Her lips part and then slowly form a single word: 'Oh.'

I give her a moment to absorb it.

'Oh,' she says again and lowers herself to the sand. I hesitate, then sit down as well, not too close. She's studying me more intently now, her jumper bunched in her hands. The seagulls keep arguing in the wash. 'Are you still...you?'

'Yes. I'm still me.'

'Not Gabe?' Not the hard-a.r.s.ed, brother-shunning Rephaite?

Maggie swallows. She's holding her breath. G.o.d, she's unsure of me. It sc.r.a.pes me raw to see that shift in her eyes, the tension around her mouth. I think about where all the pieces of me are settling. My past, my regrets. What shape they're taking.

'I'm still working that out.'

She nods, looks away. Why wouldn't she be freaked out at the prospect of me being Gabe? She hasn't heard too many pleasant stories about who I used to be. Maggie unzips her boots. Slips off one, then the other, and stands them in the sand. They slump a little, like soldiers at ease. Then she rolls up her jeans and presents her tanned shins to the sun. 'Okay.'

'That's it?'

A quick nod. Nervous, but resolved. 'I'm okay with whoever you are as long as you're still my friend.'

The idea that she thinks it could've been otherwise brings a sharp jab to my heart. 'Of course I'm still your friend. I wasn't that much of a b.i.t.c.h.'

'That's not what I meant.' She digs her French-polished toenails into the sand. 'I don't know how any of this works. Like, if you remember who you used to be, does that mean the last year doesn't matter? Then my Gaby would be gone.'

I feel a strange tug at the way she called me 'her' Gaby. 'I'm the same person I was an hour ago. And the last year means everything to me.'

She blinks rapidly, bites her lip.

'Something happened between the Sanctuary and the bungalow,' I say. 'And when we came out the other side, Jude and I, we had the pieces we've been missing.' A thought strikes. 'Did anything happen with you guys?'

She shakes her head.

'Nothing with Dani?'

A frown. 'No...although she was a little quiet when we arrived.' She squints against the sun. 'How's Jude coping?'

'We haven't talked about it yet.'

'Why not?'

'Long story.' I look away and we're silent for a moment.

'So, does this mean you remember everything?'

I turn back to her. 'Yeah. And I need to talk to someone about it before my head explodes.'

'You haven't spoken to Ez or Daisy? Or Micah?'

'They don't know yet. I wanted to talk to you first.'

'Oh.' Her face crumples a little, and then she smiles, wipes her eyes. 'Sorry, I didn't expect...I thought maybe... '

I knock my runner against her calf. 'Don't underestimate the impact you've had on me, Margaret Jane.'

Her smile widens and for the first time since arriving back in Pan Beach, I almost fit back in my skin. 'So. What happened with Rafa?'

And just like that, I'm smudged again. 'b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l,' I say, trying for lightness I don't feel. 'Straight in for the kill.'

'You don't want to talk about him?'

'No...Yes. s.h.i.t.' I stretch my neck to one side, try to ease the tension.

'Come on.' She picks up her boots and jumper and helps me to my feet. We climb the steps up to the resort, find a patch of shaded gra.s.s under a clump of palm trees. Maggie crosses her legs and waits, straightens the folded cuffs on her jeans. I take my time pulling my thoughts together. I lean back against a palm tree, find the freighter on the horizon.

I tell her all of it. What happened on the island, that moment in Rafa's room, finding out about Mya, and the fall-out with Rafa and then Jude. She asks questions as I go and when I finish-wrung out-she sits quietly, stares out over the sea while she a.s.sembles it all.

'Rafa told you he loved you?'

She thinks that's the most significant thing? 'Did you miss the part where he hooked up with Mya and then came on to me an hour later?'

'No, and I totally understand why you reacted the way you did, but didn't you go to his room?'

'That's not the point.' The memory feels new, raw. It still stings. 'The Sanctuary was falling apart and I almost died on that island. He took advantage of the fact I wasn't on my game.'

'It sounds to me like something he'd been wanting turned up at his door and he made the most of it.' She holds up her hands. 'Which was selfish and dumb and just plain wrong.'

I run my fingers through the gra.s.s, rip a few blades from the ground. 'Rafa never did anything that wasn't self-serving.' But even as I say it, I know it wasn't true, even back then. It was just easier to believe that after he was gone from the Sanctuary.

'Do you think he meant it...being in love with you?'

'I don't know if he was capable of loving someone.'

Maggie takes a slow breath. 'And what about now?'

I rest my forehead on my knee. Rafa spent a year thinking Jude and I were dead. And then he found me alive, oblivious to who I was and the danger headed my way. He could've walked away. He could've messed with me so much more than he did. But he didn't. He stayed and he kept helping me even when I made decisions that infuriated him. He tried to keep me at arm's length. He made me stronger, tougher. And yesterday, he was willing to die for me.

Maggie reaches out and squeezes my wrist. Behind us, on the other side of the jasmine hedge, someone splashes in the resort pool. Someone else laughs.

'Is it weird, these moments from your old life? Do they feel like your memories or someone else's?'

I take off my shoes and socks while I turn the question over. I press my toes into the cool lawn. 'They all feel like mine, but...I think the last year feels the most "real". Which I guess makes sense.'

'So, everything from when you woke up in the hospital in Melbourne?'

I remember lying helpless on starched sheets, sweating, sobbing, believing Jude was dead. Killed because we were arguing over music when he should have been watching the road.

That darkness ate away at me, hollowed me out even in the fug of pain from a broken leg, two broken ribs, twenty st.i.tches in my neck, bruised spleen and the monstrous lump on my head.

'I've never hurt so bad for so long.' My bones ache again just thinking about it. 'That's what it feels like to heal normally? G.o.d, it's so slow.'

She nods, a wry smile. 'Sucks being human.'

I'm ashamed at how relieved I am to be Rephaim. But at least now I know how I really got those injuries, even if I still don't remember how I got to the hospital. I push that troubling thought away.

'You really need to talk to Jude about all this,' Maggie says. 'It must be the same for him.'

'Maybe not.' I look away. Anger stirs, faint and indignant. 'He definitely had a hand in changing my memories.'

'What makes you think that?'

'I heard him talking to someone. And then I turned into the sister he always wanted.'

'You don't know for sure he did that.' She falters. 'Do you?'

I pull up another patch of gra.s.s, crush the blades between thumb and fingers. 'No,' I concede. 'Not for sure.'

Maggie taps her nail against a tooth, weighing up whether to push the issue. 'Okay, but you have to talk to him. Like, as soon as possible.' She holds out her palm. 'Give me your phone.'

I hesitate but I know she's right. And I really don't have the luxury of a few days to work through this in my own head. We're maybe a day away from a showdown with Gatekeepers. I stretch my neck one way and then the other. 'Fine.' I give her the phone.

'I need to see Mum, so let's make it at the Green Bean.' She taps out a message, glances at me, blows her fringe from her eyes and hits send. 'Good. Now, wait just a second-' My phone buzzes. She checks the screen, smiles. 'Excellent. He's on his way.'

MY BROTHER'S KEEPER Jude beats us there. He's waiting for me at the back of the cafe. Maggie squeezes my hand and goes into the kitchen to find Bryce. The cafe wraps around me as I weave my way towards him: the hiss of the espresso machine, the clatter of plates and cutlery, laughter. Ten steps in and I already feel more backpacker, less warrior.

Jude stands up when I'm two tables away. He's changed into a black muscle shirt and mid-length chino shorts. His eyes drop to my right shoulder and I glance down, see a dark smudge on my t-shirt sleeve. Dirt from the rainforest.

'Trouble?' he asks as I slide into the chair opposite.

'Zarael sent a scout. Immundi.'

'Where is it now?'

'Micah's taken him to the Sanctuary. Exhibit A.'

Jude pauses. 'You went to Micah?'

'No, I ran into him.' The tendons in my neck tighten. He thinks I talked to Micah instead of him-so much for us not going back to who we used to be. 'We saw the Immundi on the street. Thought we should do something about it. I didn't tell him anything.'

Jude sits down, settles a little. 'I've ordered coffee,' he says. 'And friands.'

'You trying to soften me up?'

He checks my mood. 'Can't hurt.'

He still smells of the ocean. I smell like I've been running and wrestling a demon.

'You told Rafa,' I say.

Jude gives an unapologetic shrug. 'He went to your place after we'd both left and Ez told him something was up. You saw what he was like when he found me at the beach. I'm not ready to answer all his questions, so the conversation didn't go well.'

I think about their tense exchange, words whipped away in the wind. The set of Rafa's shoulders when he looked in my direction. At least it wasn't all about me.

'He wants to know what happened last year, why I didn't tell him what was going on. More than that, he wants to know where he stands-where your head's at.' Jude gives a short, sharp, laugh. 'I couldn't tell him that-I don't know.'

I rest my forearms on the table. 'My head's a f.u.c.king mess, Jude, that's where it's at.' I don't say it with anger, just stating a fact.

'You think mine's not?'

'I have no idea.'

'I don't know what it's like for you, but I've got two versions of my life playing over each other. And I know which one I prefer.'

I raise my eyebrows.

'The fake one,' he says, exasperated.

'You didn't seem too disappointed a few days ago when you found out you were a bada.s.s half-angel.'

'Come on, I told you I'd always felt like there was more to my life.' When I don't respond, he lifts his hands in surrender. 'Okay, yeah, I liked that I could use a katana and handle myself in a brawl. But I never wanted to run off and join the Rephaim circus.'

'You've been slipping back into this life so easily-'

'Be fair, Gaby'-and I don't miss the name he keeps using-'we've been under one threat or another since you found me. I've been doing what I have to do to keep us safe. So have you.'

We watch each other for a moment.

'How are you feeling about the Mya situation...now?' I'm not needling him: I'm curious. How does he feel now he understands the significance of her betrayal?

His eyes flit away and his jaw tightens for a second. He lets out his breath. 'I need to work things out with you before I worry about anyone else.' His attention drifts to my right. Maggie's on her way to us, carrying a tray above her shoulder to avoid being b.u.mped.

'Right,' she says brightly when she reaches us. 'I've got an espresso, short macchiato and two raspberry friands.' She sets the macchiato in front of me without asking.

'Bryce put you straight to work?'

Maggie glances over at her mum taking orders at the counter. Bryce is in white linen, her blonde hair pinned back, smiling patiently while a woman with stooped shoulders and gnarled fingers counts out small change. 'I offered.' She measures us. 'How are you two doing?'

'We've been talking for two minutes, give us time,' I say, not looking at Jude.

She moves in closer and drops her voice. 'Dani says the Gatekeepers are coming in a thunderstorm. You know a storm can roll in out of nowhere, right?'

'Malachi's keeping an eye on the forecast,' Jude says, which is news to me. 'We'll have a few hours' notice.'

'Is there a plan yet?' Maggie asks, placing two gla.s.ses of water between us.

Jude glances at me. 'Next on the agenda.'

Maggie tilts her head a fraction, and I see her reframing how she sees him now too. It's no doubt an easier adjustment than the one she needs for me. 'Right then,' she says. 'I'll leave you to it.'

'Oh, hey,' I say. 'Can you put some feelers out for accommodation around town? There's twenty-seven of us here now and they're not all staying at our place.'