The Rejuvenation of Aunt Mary Part 31

"She hasn't but two days more," said Jack meditatively. "Of course-even if she was all chipper-this storm has knocked any picnic endways."

"I am not an ardent upholder of picnics, anyhow," said Mitch.e.l.l. "They require a constant sitting down on the ground and getting up from the ground to which I find our respected aunt very far from being equal.

Burnett mentioned that we should go to the scene on a coach. That also did not meet my approval. Going anywhere on a coach requires a constant getting up on the coach and getting down from the coach to which I also consider the lady unequal. The events of yesterday have left a deep impression on my mind. I-"

"Go on and carve," interrupted Clover, "or else shove me the platter. I'm hungry."

"So'm I," said a voice at the door. A weak voice-but one that showed decision in its tone.

They looked up and saw Burnett, dressed in a pink silk negligee with flowing sleeves.

"I'm ravenous," he exclaimed explanatorily. "I haven't had anything since day before yesterday at breakfast. I didn't know I wanted anything till I smelt it,-then I dressed and came down."

"How sweet you look," said Clover. "The effect of your pajama cuffs and collar where one greedily expects curves and contour is lovely. Where did you find that bath-robe?"

"In the bureau drawer," said Burnett. "It appeared to have been hastily shoved in there some time. I would have thought that it was a woman's something-or-other, only I found one of Jack's cards in the pocket."

They all began to laugh-Clover and Mitch.e.l.l more heartily than the owner of the card.

"Sit down," said Mitch.e.l.l finally with great cordiality. "You may as well sit down while they mess you up some weak tea and wet toast."

"Tea and toast?" cried the one in pink. "I'm good for dinner. _Um Gotteswillen_, what do you suppose I came down for?"

"I wasn't sure," said his friend mildly; "you must admit yourself that your attire is misleading. My book on social etiquette says nothing as to when it is correct to wear a pink silk robe over blue and white striped pajamas. However, there's no denying your presence, and what can't be denied must be supplied, so what will you have?"

"Everything."

Mitch.e.l.l dived into the edibles generally and Burnett's void was provided with fulfillment.

"We were talking about Aunt Mary," Clover said presently. "We were saying that neither you nor she would be up to a coach or down to a picnic for one while."

"Oh, I don't know," said Burnett. "I feel up to pretty nearly anything now that I can eat again. Pa.s.s over the horseradish, will you?"

"You're one thing, my sweet pink friend," said Clover gently, "but Aunt Mary's another. I'm not saying that New York has not had a wonderfully Brown-Sequardesque effect on her, but I am saying that if she is to be raised and lowered frequently, I want to travel with a portable crane."

"Hum, hum, hum!" cried Jack. "May I just ask who did most of the heavy labor of Aunt Mary yesterday?-As the man in the opera sings twenty times with the whole chorus to back him-''Twas I, 'twas I, 'twas I, 'twas I-'"

"Hand over the toast, Clover," said Burnett. "I don't care who it was-it was a success anyhow, for she's upstairs and still alive, and I say she'd enjoy coaching out Riverside way, and-" he choked.

"Slap him anywhere," said Mitch.e.l.l. "On his mouth would be the proper place. Such poor manners,-coming down to a company lunch in another man's bath-robe and then trying to preach and eat dry toast at once."

Burnett gasped and recovered.

"There," said Clover, who had risen to administer the proposed slap, "he's off our minds and we may again pick up Aunt Mary and put her back on."

"We want to send her home in a blaze of glory," said Jack thoughtfully. "I want her to feel that the fun ran straight through."

"That's just what I mean," interposed his particular friend; "we want her to go home on the wings of a giant cracker, so to speak."

"How would it do," said Clover suddenly, "to just make a night of it and take her along? Stock up, stack up, and ho! for it. You all know the kind of a time I mean."

"Clover," said Jack gravely, "does it occur to you that Aunt Mary belongs to me and that I have a personal interest in keeping her alive?"

"Nothing ever occurs to him," said Mitch.e.l.l. "Occasionally an idea bangs up against him inadvertently, and as it splinters a sliver or two penetrate his head-that's all."

"I don't see why the last sliver he felt wasn't to the point," said Burnett, turning the cream jug upside down as he spoke. "I think she'd enjoy it of all things. She enjoys everything so. I'll guarantee that when she gets back home she'll even enjoy the yachting trip. Lots of people are made like that. In the winter I always enjoy yachting, myself. Pa.s.s me the hot bread."

"Burnett," said Mitch.e.l.l warmly, "I wish that you would remember that a collapse invariably follows an inflated market."

"Is it Aunt Mary who is on the market, or myself?"

"You."

"Oh, the rule is reversed in my case-the collapse went first. I'm only inflating up to the usual limit again. Is there any gravy left?"

"No, there isn't," said Clover, looking in the dish, "there isn't much of anything left."

"Let's go to the library," said Mitch.e.l.l, rising abruptly. "It always makes me ill to see goose-stuffing before Thanksgiving. Come on."

"I'm done," said Burnett, springing up and winding his lacey draperies about his manly form. "Come on yourself; and once settled and smoking, let us canva.s.s the question and agree with Clover."

"You know there are nights about town and nights about town," said Clover, as they climbed the staircase. "I do not antic.i.p.ate that Aunt Mary will bring up with a round turn in the police station, as her young relative once did."

"Well, that's some comfort," said Mitch.e.l.l. "I did not feel sure as to just where you did mean her to bring up. You will perhaps allow me to remark that making a night of it with Aunt Mary in tow is a subject that really is provocative of mature reflection. Making a night of it is a frothy sort of a proposition in which our beloved aunty may not beat up to quite the buoyancy of you and me."

As he finished this sage remark they all re-entered the library and grouped themselves around the table of smoking things.

"That's what I say," said Jack. "I think she's much more likely to beat out than to beat up-I must say."

"I'll bet you she doesn't," cried Burnett eagerly. "I'll bet five dollars that she doesn't."

"I declare," said Clover, "what a thing a backer is to be sure. I feel positive that Aunt Mary will go through with it now. I had my doubts before, but never now. Six to five on Aunt Mary for the Three-year-old Stakes."

"The best way is to hit a happy medium," said Mitch.e.l.l thoughtfully, scratching a match for the lighting of his new-rolled cigarette. "I think the wisest thing would be for us just to take Aunt Mary and sally forth and then keep it up until she must be put to bed. What say?"

"Well," said Jack, reflectively, "I don't suppose that taking it that way, it would really be any worse than the other nights-"

"Worse!" cried Clover. "Hear him!-slandering those brilliant occasions, everyone of which is a jewel in the crown of Aunt Mary's bonnet."

"We'll begin by dining out," said Burnett. "I'll give the dinner. One of the souvenir kind of affairs. A white mouse for every man and a canary bird for the lady. We'll have a private room and speeches and I'll get megaphones so we can make her hear without bustin'."

"My dear boy," said Mitch.e.l.l, "where is this private room to be in which the party can converse through megaphones? I had two deaf uncles once who played cribbage with megaphones, but they were influential and the rest of the family were poor. Circ.u.mstances alter cases. I ask again where you can get a private dining-room for the use of five people and four megaphones?"

"I'll see," said Burnett; "I wish," he added irritably, "that you'd wait until I finished before beginning to smash in like that, you knock everything out of my head."

"It'll do you good to have a little something knocked out of you," said Mitch.e.l.l gently. "It may enlarge your premises, give you a spare room somewhere, so to speak. I should think that you'd need some spare room somewhere after such a breakfast."

"I'll tell you what I think;" said Clover. "I think it's a great scheme.

It's a sort of pull-in-and-out, field-gla.s.s species of idea. We can develop it or we can shut it off; in other words, we can parade Aunt Mary or bring her home just when we darn please."