The Real Folktale Blues Part 1

The Real Folktale Blues.

Beyond Ever After.

By Random Jordan.

Act I.

"My, what great magic you have."

One.

A Charming Beginning.

"Once Upon My Time! She's here!" A mouse by the door squeaked.

"She is here." A maid, carrying a tray of fruit, seconded.

"She has come, sire." A faithful dark-haired wolf-servant elaborated to the Tsar.

"Good. S-"

"Sire, the fool has arrived." A circlet-clad figure, crouched next to a silver throne in the center of the room, interrupted.

"I heard the first time, you Faerie Follies!" The Tsar exclaimed after standing up from his throne. His face was red with anger, and his hands clenched while he looked around the gem and silver studded chamber room, daring anyone to speak again.

"Now, send her in right away. I have waited long enough." The chestnut haired Tsar decreed, before gracefully and extravagantly sitting upon his seat of honor.

The ma.s.sive pearl lined doors poured open with creaks and squeals filling up the throne room. But only two poorly dressed Guards stood in the doorway as it opened fully, both of them covering what little shame they had left with their hands.

The Tsar sat straight up from leaning back into his throne. He looked around at the rest of his subjects in the room with his eyebrows lowering in suspicion. Everyone else followed suit, gazing about each other, as if someone amongst them knew what was going on.

Not a single one of them knew. But I did.

"You've no need to look like a dolt on my account, Charming." I spoke just before I dropped from the rafters high above his throne. My cloak and hood fluttered before settling with gentle ripples around my body when I hit the ground, crouched.

I was used to not being noticed until I wanted to be. The moment I spoke, every last pair of eyes in that room was gazing at me like I was the court jester putting on a show.

The circlet wearing servant, who had been crouched next to the Tsar's throne, jumped back when she saw me standing up from my crouch right behind her. This left me to stand next to the silver throne and its owner, alone. I smiled down at him through the shadow of my blood-red hood.

"Always with the dramatic entrances, sweetheart. But be a good girl and use my t.i.tle." Charming spoke down to me, despite the smile adorning his lips.

Charming has and will always be the type that was condescending with cla.s.s. It was his trademark; his whole capital was crafted around it.

"You know me and t.i.tles, sweetheart. I prefer names, especially your name. It is so... very..." I spun my hand in the air as though it would help bring the word to my lips faster, "... Charming."

I also prefer sarcasm; it makes swallowing my words easier when they are drenched in it. I politely caressed the arm of Charming's metal throne with my gloved fingers before pa.s.sing down the stairs.

My cloak waved about almost ominously with the way every subject in the room was looking toward me. Fear was an easily recognizable condition for someone in my line of work. One servant even nearly dropped a tray he was holding due to his shaking limbs. It was like they all expected me to bring out a couple axes and start chopping everyone in the room down.

I ignored it though. I couldn't help but smile at the two guards stripped down to their skins, quaking so severely you could see past their fingers if you looked in just the right way. Apparently Charming didn't care to send them away.

"Always the firecracker, R-" He stopped, just as a hatchet with a ruby handle slid from my fingers to twirl and embed into his silver throne not more than two finger widths from his face. Despite at least forty people staring at me, not one of them saw more than crimson blurs of the cloak pushing out of my way and the hatchet tumbling through the air when I had half-turned to throw it.

"What did I just tell you, Charming? I prefer names, use them." I grinned at him under the shadow of my hood.

I didn't like to threaten, unless necessary, but for Charming it was always necessary.

"Always so s.p.u.n.ky you are; I love it. Very well..." He paused; I rolled my eyes.

"It is Gnidori, Charming. I exposed your entire wife-collecting operation and you still don't bother to remember at least my first or last name?" I frowned while explaining to him what he forgot.

There was no reason I had to show him any kind of tact. He wasn't ruler over me, and he knew as much as I did, that I could take his life and walk out without so much as a scratch on me. I could call Charming whatever I wanted, but at the very least he wasn't a total fool.

If he couldn't take it though, then I had no problem leaving. I wasn't the one who had asked for a meeting. I had nothing to lose by leaving him be. In fact I probably had something to gain; not having to see him again.

Charming lilted down the same small steps I had, smiling at me the whole time. He clearly decided to ignore my comment about his wife-collecting operation. It was probably a touchy subject for him.

"Gnidori! Ah yes, with the silent G, wasn't it? I do think your t.i.tle is certainly more suiting to you. You do still wear the hood, after all."

The elaborately dressed Tsar returned to my front after prancing about me in admiration to find my cloak and hood covering me from head to toe. He placed one tan finger upon both of his lips and gazed at me with a slightly tilted head.

His finger fell away after a few silent moments. I could hear ambient chatter from servants all about as he leaned in toward me. He was hardly a few inches away, and certainly able to see my full face under the crimson hood.

"Why do you still wear it?" The former prince asked me as if my entire life was riding upon the answer.

"My grandmamma gave it to me. Don't you ever keep important things with you?" I asked with an unseen tilt of my head. "Oh right, I forgot, the only thing important to you, is you. Maybe you should try caring about something other than your precious jewels sometime."

Choruses of gasps from the various servants around the room made me smile even wider. I wondered how many of them thought I had meant the sparkly kind of jewels like on his throne and how many caught that I was talking about the ones he kept closer to himself.

No one talked to a Tsar like I did. That was exactly why I would do it.

"Always the sharp tongue you have, my darling." He pestered me, despite standing inches away from where I could place an axe blade through his heart before anyone in the room could blink twice. He was tempting me; I knew it. He loved trying to bait me and manipulate me, even if it would end in his injury. But I knew better.

"Goodbye, Charming." I said while spinning around on a single heel and starting to carry myself far away from that dark-haired Tsar. He was lucky he even got a goodbye. I wasn't in the mood to put up with his talk, let alone his word and mind games and I knew this would be the best way to just move things along.

"Wait, Gnidori! I called you here because she is back." He started with a yell over everyone else chattering, but when he got to *she' it was barely above a whisper. That b.a.s.t.a.r.d knew exactly what would hook me.

I swung around, my cloak following behind me. The shadow my hood cast hid the expression of disgust on my face. I, Gnidori Hodder, actually wanted and needed something from the man formerly known as Prince Charming.

I could have died a sad, sad person at that moment.

The worst of it was that Charming knew I was interested. The smug smirk on his tanned face explained it all.

The tall, dark and handsome Tsar strode the distance between us with far too much pride gleaming from every movement of his gait. He knew how to milk a moment for all it had. And I hated him for that.

"For once, I have your complete attention. It is amazing what a simple p.r.o.noun could do. I did not even have to say who she was." He said grinning, with his perfectly aligned and sparkling white teeth being clearly visible. That was Charming's most dangerous weapon, sparkling teeth; many women had succ.u.mbed to that smile over the years.

My hand quickly found a way back to the ruby handle of one of my hatchets underneath my cloak. There was only ever one *she' when talking to me, in the context Charming had just used. Gabbi Fowld was her name. I had been pursuing her even before I became a bounty hunter, even before her death.

"Talk fast, Charming. I really don't have all day to play with you. A few minutes are bad enough in your presence." I groaned the moment the words left my lips.

I said one of his favorite words.

Kill me now.

"Too bad, my darling. I was hoping a day of play would be the price for the information on..." he smiled a wicked grin, "...her."

"If..." I began dragging the word out, "the information is worth it, you'll get a reward. You are really going to have to step it up though, Charming. Right now, anything coming from you is worth less than a normal, not-magic bean to me."

And here befell the problem of getting anything worthwhile from someone who already possessed all the lovers, riches, and luxuries any person could ever want. They never wanted money in compensation for anything.

No, they always wanted something much worse, much more menacing, and fatally more annoying. The very thing I avoided the most.

"One favor." He said, holding up a single digit. "Give me that, and you have your precious information, sweetheart. And I guarantee you, it is rather good stuff." I cringed at the word *favor', even harder than I did at the word *sweetheart'. I knew no matter how many times I told him not use either of those words, it would be useless.

Charming did what Charming wanted.

"Fine." I filled that one word with every bit of malice I currently possessed. If there was one thing I knew, it was how to turn that word into *I hate you' without saying it. "One; and I can say no to anything you ask of me till it is the right favor, but only if the information is even worth it, Charming. Now spill it."

Receiving any kind of information on my eternal bounty head, Gabbi, was rare enough to warrant the use of... a favor. Still, that didn't make me feel any less like wanting to throw an axe into Charming's face to wipe that devious smirk off his lips for good.

"Wonderful, well then..." The b.a.s.t.a.r.d paused, and for dramatic effect, just to irk me further. He loved his drama. He had to. Someone that doesn't like drama would avoid marrying three different women at the same time, and not telling any of them about each other.

You don't marry more than one woman unless you are m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic, a con artist, or a polygamist. And although Charming certainly covered those first two, he forgot to tell his wives that he was also the last one.

"She is back." He said this as if he was revealing some doom-filled prophecy that no one had ever known about before. Obviously, she was back, I wouldn't have been asking him for information on someone who was still dead. I simply eyed him with a raised eyebrow, not that he could see it anyway. But I was quite sure he felt my stare. He stuttered to continue.

"B-but... more importantly I have received news that she retrieved some little girl with brown hair from the Empty Kingdom. She was pa.s.sing along the Pixie trail in my territory, dragging along the poor person by their hair." He explained as a twinge of hate became apparent at the corner of his lips. I had to hand it to Charming, as much of a womanizer as he may have been, he knew how to treat anyone physically, and wouldn't let anyone in his kingdom get away with spousal abuse of any kind. So I could see the hurt in his eyes over my bounty head treating some poor person, regardless of gender, with such disdain.

"They were heading to Blue's domain. Some of my men came across her on the trail. Only one of them survived, and from what I hear, it wasn't a pleasant situation. And R... Gnidori?" He paused; an intensely serious expression crossed his face, which both surprised and alarmed me. He was never serious about anything other than s.e.x. I couldn't fathom what could cause him to tense up so severely. But whatever it was, it wouldn't be good for me.

"The brown-haired darling she has..." He had more dramatic pause, which was to be expected. I didn't need to be having anyone work me up so much. I began to tense up myself from the stupid suspense. "... It's your charge"

I didn't move.

I took a good few seconds to process exactly what I heard.

The information was being led through the scenic route of my mind. I was glad that time he hadn't gone on to continue talking. Not that it would have mattered. I wouldn't have heard any of it and he certainly wanted to save the most shocking piece of information for last. It was a good thing he couldn't see my face, he would have enjoyed that too much. And he was already amused enough today at my expense.

"Former Charge." I finally managed to mumble after a good minute of complete silence. Not a single person in the chamber seemed to move. Or at least I just hadn't noticed them. For all I knew, before I had spoken again there could have been a parade running through the room and it wouldn't have registered in my memory. I shifted a few steps; enough to show that I still had a functioning body.

I hadn't seen my former charge in a couple of months by now. And it had been because of her that I even knew of Charming in the first place. She wasn't just my former charge. She was the same girl I had rescued from being wedded to Charming, on her wedding day no less. So it was obvious why he had such a vested interest in her, even now.

"You have one..." I cringed, I had to; I really do hate them. "...Favor from me now. Don't go asking for something insane, especially by your standards."

What was I saying? Of course Charming would try to get away with something I had no intention of doing for him. That was just who he was.

"Very well..." He paused and stepped closer to me, waving at one of his servants off to the side. Here it comes; whatever ridiculous thing he was going to want. He had always been about instant gratification. "Then I would like you to strip for me."

"Goodbye, Charming." I was already turned around and walking toward the doors that suggested he was over-compensating for something, before his name even left my lips. I had to hand it to him; he managed to go almost an entire conversation without asking me to do something s.e.xual.

He was so close to making it to the end too.

So close!

"I was serious about a favor now!" He yelled with urgency, filling the room with his perfect ba.s.so voice that was supposed to make princesses weak at the knees. Good thing I was no princess.

"If you are going to Blue's domain, I would like you to pick up something for me." He explained while I just sighed. I didn't stop walking away till the dark-haired, circlet-clad servant stepped into my path holding a pillow. The axe I had thrown earlier was rested on it, along with a small parchment wrapped around the handle.

I s.n.a.t.c.hed up the axe and glanced over my shoulder, "You know I can't go into his domain. Why ask me?"

His face grew grim, and he lowered it, which surprised me. "Because at the very least, I know I can trust you'll get the job done. Just like how you did with your charges."

"Fine. I'll be your courier. There goes your favor, Charming. Hope you made it a good one." I shook my head and turned away again. I wasn't stupid. There was no way the former b.a.s.t.a.r.d prince would just waste a favor on me picking up mundane junk. There was more to it he wouldn't tell me, even if I stuck around for the rest of the day, which I had no intention of doing.

I could feel the smirk emanating from him once more, as if I had actually just agreed to strip for him. I had almost considered taking that instead of the courier job. But my pride just wouldn't let me, and he didn't deserve it.

But what people deserve and what people get are almost always different. Charming was proof of that.

"The place where you need to take the package is on the parchment. You'll enjoy the delivery, I am sure."

He laughed and I just kept walking right past the naked guards, with my jaw locked to keep from running back up to him and forcing him to tell me exactly what the fey he was getting me into.

I had more than enough to deal with on my plate now. My former charge, my bounty head, some crazy package delivery, into a territory I wasn't even supposed to enter. If only every visit with Charming was this much fun.

Oh wait... it usually was.

"Happy ever after, Red." Charming called to me.

"I don't believe in happy endings, Charming." I replied coldly as I reached past the large doors.

"Neither do I, darling. Neither do I." He laughed till I heard the chamber doors close again.

I was gone from his palace as quickly as I had trudged into it, but not quickly enough.

That Charming b.a.s.t.a.r.d of a Tsar.

He would be the death of me someday.